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And the award for client with the most unrealistic expectations goes to...

Community Guru
Luce N Member Since: Oct 9, 2016
11 of 16

Hummm... I had not seen all the answers to this post, I prefer to delete mine.

Community Guru
Preston H Member Since: Nov 24, 2014
12 of 16

A lot of this veers into the realm of fantasy.

 

Thinking about it objectively:

I will admit that that IT WOULD BE VERY COOL if some of these ideas could actually work.

 

What if I could write a short script outlining my science fiction epic... and then pay somebody on Upwork $20 to create a complete, high-quality CGI-generated film of that?

 

How awesome would that be?

 

Or what if I could jot down my notes about my industry-killing app, and get that made for $30 on Upwork?

 

Cool!

 

But it's impossible.

It can't be done using Upwork. Not with experts. Not with desperate newbies from some far-off land where houses cost five dollars. Not with any kind of freelancer. And it can't be done on any other platform.

 

There are a LOT of ways to save some serious money using Upwork. But at a certain point, clients are really wasting their time, and the only thing they could possibly hope to obtain from some of their ridiculous job postings is unusable drivel.

Community Guru
Scott B Member Since: Nov 20, 2015
13 of 16

One just popped today which I got a huge kick out of for many reasons. "Bid low to show us how good you are" and writing "tips" are a few of my favorites. Thought I'd share:

---------------------

 

 

GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY: 
If you are very experienced and looking for 180-200 hrs a month job for 10+ month
====
NO companies NO salesmen NO unreal picture of woman profile...
ONLY professional developers
======

Please answer (we verify):

1. How many years have you worked in companies (not as a freelancer)
2. Grade your Android expertise (1-10 best)
3. Grade your iOS expertise (1-10 best)
4. List top 2-4 apps that YOU build from scratch and that the owner will verify it
5. Can you work 50 hours a week?
6. Grade your design expertise (1-10 best)
7. What else do you want to tell us about you?
8. Grade your Firebase expertise (1-10 best)
9. Are you working alone from home or working with an agency or representing a company?

=================
Bid low to show us how good you are 
We recommend: $3 to $7 per hrs for this 180-200 hrs a month job
=========
IMPORTANT: we pay attention to details and you must write properly: 
> Start sentences with a capital letter
> Refer to yourself as "I" with a capital letter
> Leave a space AFTER the "." or "," and not before
> No capital letters in the middle of the sentence

Community Guru
Preston H Member Since: Nov 24, 2014
14 of 16

I thought the "No Women" part was funny.

I hope that no woman would want to apply to work for those people.

Community Guru
Scott B Member Since: Nov 20, 2015
15 of 16

Preston H wrote:

I thought the "No Women" part was funny.

I hope that no woman would want to apply to work for those people.


That was funny but it was no fake pictures of women to be fair (as opposed to no women which would not be funny). No it doesn't belong in a post at all, but we've all seen the profiles that the poster is referring to. 

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16 of 16
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> No capital letters in the middle of the sentence

What if the sentence is "I will not work for this Client because his post is silly." ??

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