I was always a talker. But I noticed that I speak less now. I don’t know when it happened or why it happened. It’s not a phase of sadness. Nothing happened as such. It just happened gradually, you know. From a person who won't shut up. I became a person who would hardly talk. And the strange part is that I am fine with this change. It’s not like I don’t like this version of myself. But it’s strange, right?
Maybe, I won’t admit it. But time has quietened me down. So many things have happened in life. So many people have come and gone. So many relations have gone bad. So many tears. So many fights. So many memories. Earlier, no matter what happened, I would just speak it out. If I was hurting, I would talk to someone about why I was so upset. If something good happened, I won’t stop talking about it to everyone I came across. I would even talk about the nothingness in life or gossip about others. But slowly, I started keeping things within. It was like instead of reflecting out my thoughts like a mirror, I started to absorb them like a sponge. Maybe, I don’t want to bother anyone. Or maybe, I don’t trust anyone anymore. I don’t know. It’s so, so rare when I open up to someone about something and just take it all out. Mostly, it’s small talk and tell me why you called. It’s no more like two people sitting and talking their hearts out. Should I blame others? Should I blame myself?
I would rather blame myself. It’s me who has chosen this quietness over the noise. I feel better watching a series or movie. I enjoy listening to music and reading a book. I like being alone and doing nothing. I somehow have made this my comfort zone. Talking to people seems like an effort. And something really has to excite me to talk to someone. In fact, a part of me gets happy when a proposed conversation does not happen. It’s like, thank God. Is something wrong with me? I don’t know. But is there peace in this? Yes, definitely. I feel more content in my heart. There is less mess now. But will I open up to anyone again? I think I will when my soul whispers “Go! Talk! This is your human.”
~Melting Words.
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