Covid 19 and Writers

[jokerette]

I had the best contract! Fiction, my favorite. A client truly delighted with my work - they raved over it.

And then, the unthinkable. My daughter caught Covid, wound up on a ventilator. As you might imagine, this put a spoke in my wheel. I tried so very hard, but my daughter was getting steadily worse. Hospital calling day and night. I did alert the client: it was only fair for them to know I might not get my work done on time.

From here it gets very fuzzy indeed. I heard that the client believed I'd invented a story to push back the due date - I wrote and said no, honest to God here's her name, the hospital name.

By the way this happened exactly a week ago, been wanting to drop by here, you've all been so kind before. But I've been unable. Because the day after I posted (privately) the hospital name and my DD's name, two things happened: I got fired, and exactly half an hour later my daughter passed from a heart attack due to Covid 19.

I don't know what the point of this is, or if there is indeed a point. I guess one should be careful what one shares with a client, even those that seem the kindest. I'm not going to pretend to understand all that's happened, and it truly doesn't matter at this point. I'm making it minute by minute, have even had two outstanding invitations. 🙂 I'm not sure I'm going to be able to work as I usually do, but circumstances here suck so needs be. 

Covid 19 sucks and for the love of the power above, please get your shots. I had Moderna.

[AveryO]

Cat, 

I am truly devastated to hear the news about your daughter. While I cannot offer anything tangible, I am sending virtual hugs and light to you. 

I hope you'll see better days, Cat. You can come here anytime if you need to talk to anyone or if you have Upwork-related concerns. 

Hang in there!

[jokerette]

Thank you so very much. Helps more than you know - losing a child is such an 'alone' thing.

[astepanov83]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

I was in a similar situation. It was summer 2017, my daughter caught a bacterial infection, which isn't commonly spread. She was 2 at that time. This probably was a poorly washed fruit, or my mother-in-law gave her fresh milk, that we told her not to give it to her a hundred times. It's not important. So her kidneys failed and she fell into a coma. She was on dialisys. We had to move from one hospital to another several times, because they couldn't offer medical treatment we needed. At some point a doctor told us that it's unlikely she will survive.

These were the most horrible days of my life. But the seemingly fragile and weak little child turned out to be much stronger than everybody thought. The path to the recovery was long, but she made it, and now nothing reminds of those days: she's absolutely healthy, except a couple of small scars from surgeries, and she still takes pills.

When this all happened, I just opened up Upwork and wrote every client, that I'm pausing all my work for an indefinite period. I didn't care what they would reply to me. Maybe they were too dependant on me, maybe it was not so easy to find a replacement. They all said it's alright, take your time, come back when you can. I had 3 or 4 clients at that time.They all were nice, and I really appreciated this. I quickly was able to return back to work, because when it all cooled down a little bit, and we understood that there was no threat to her life anymore, I had to fill my head with something else, while she was in the hospital, and we were only allowed for two visits per day for half an hour each.

Your client turned out to be a jerk. But there are many others understanding clients, who don't think that everybody wants to cheat them.

I really feel sad for everything that has happened with you recently.

[colettelewis]

Cat,

Sincere condolences for the loss of your daughter. This must be a terrible time for you.

I agree with Aleksandr about your client, and he or she owes you more than an apology. I just hope you will find some consolation in your work and with nicer people.

(There are no words for people like your client, or for the tragedies that COVID-19 has inflicted on the world. Like you, I hope everyone who is able to obtain it gets vaccinated, which is likely to be a yearly event.) 

[lopezdp]

Im so sorry to hear your loss; having two daughters I can feel your pain. So much so I dont even know how you even have the strength to post about it publicly. I would be so devastated, all I would be able to do is sit quietly alone in my room ignoring the world around me, probably to my own detriment. This post hits home for me and I am trully sorry for your loss and hope you can recover from it. I probably would care very little about my UpWork score in that situation, if at all.

Ive come across some interesting clients on this platform that's for sure. I agree with the poster above me on this thread. There really are no words to describe this client at all.

[jokerette]

I am sort of broken so I needed to hear that it wasn't just my bad for being late, you know? I can't think, to tell you the truth. Had an interview Friday morning, got through it - but I fully know if the poor guy hires me, I have NO control over the wailing. I get triggered and that's it.

I'm going to have to mention something, I suppose, but I do NOT want to lose this contract too. And I really don't blame people for not wanting to hire such as me. Imagine, hiring some boob in my shape. I can and do still work, but - the occasional screaming outbursts. What would you do? Would you say something first?

[mwiggenhorn]

Spoiler

First of all, I cannot imagine the loss of a child.  God bless you and your family.  Prayers for those of you left behind.

Your old client was an a**h***e.  I commend you for continuing to work but do give yourself some time to heal.  I would let my new client know upfront what happened and that you are still recovering.  Believe me, you need some time for acceptance and if they aren't willing to give you that,  you don't need them.

I don't know if you journal but if not, this might be the time to start.  I don't normally, but journalling has helped me through some really terrible times in the past.

[a_lipsey · Accepted solution]

---

Cat L wrote:

I am sort of broken so I needed to hear that it wasn't just my bad for being late, you know? I can't think, to tell you the truth. Had an interview Friday morning, got through it - but I fully know if the poor guy hires me, I have NO control over the wailing. I get triggered and that's it.

I'm going to have to mention something, I suppose, but I do NOT want to lose this contract too. And I really don't blame people for not wanting to hire such as me. Imagine, hiring some boob in my shape. I can and do still work, but - the occasional screaming outbursts. What would you do? Would you say something first?

---

You're not a boob. You are a grieving mother who still has to work. Do your best. If you feel yourself starting to get triggered, excuse yourself from the call or whatever. Set a plan in place for what you will do when you feel you need a break. 

It's okay to need breaks to grieve. Try not to overwork yourself or overcommit during this time. Your productivity will likely be half of what it normally is so only plan to be able to get that much done (if that). 

Be conservative when giving committed due dates so you have plenty of time to get it done. I don't think you need to mention it to clients. I would just make plans on your end to give yourself extra lead time to finish things. In a perfect world of course you could tell them and they'd understand, but not many really will. They will feel bad for you, but it is business and they need to get their projects done. I'm speaking from the place of a disabled freelancer who deals with triggers and uncertainty in health daily. Hopefully some of my "tricks" can help you. 

Sorry again for your loss. 

[jokerette]

You disabled also? I wish I'd thought of your 'little tricks' before, honestly.

Thanks for the kind words. You've given me much to think about.

[martina_plaschka]

---

Cat L wrote:

I am sort of broken so I needed to hear that it wasn't just my bad for being late, you know? I can't think, to tell you the truth. Had an interview Friday morning, got through it - but I fully know if the poor guy hires me, I have NO control over the wailing. I get triggered and that's it.

I'm going to have to mention something, I suppose, but I do NOT want to lose this contract too. And I really don't blame people for not wanting to hire such as me. Imagine, hiring some boob in my shape. I can and do still work, but - the occasional screaming outbursts. What would you do? Would you say something first?

---

No, don't say something first. This is a private matter. You might be able to work and have a distraction for a little while. You might break down and scream and cry. The client will never notice any of this. 

[jokerette]

I'm seriously lucky to have belonged to Elance, then UpWork. You hear nightmares about such platforms and then - you find one, and a BIG one, with forums and people like you.

By nature we work alone: it is an invaluable aid to reach out and know someone will be there with really good advice. White light to all of you because I'm honestly lost, I don't know what I'm doing, and that last client shocked me to silence. You would think that with a beast like Covid in the world, we'd treat each other better, with gentleness and kindness. Take care of our neighbors, our co-workers. I try and do my best as do you guys. It's not going to make vaccines work better or heal our sick, but it comforts the soul and on days like today? That's worth its weight in gold so thank you, again. All of you.

[a_lipsey]

---

Cat L wrote:

I'm seriously lucky to have belonged to Elance, then UpWork. You hear nightmares about such platforms and then - you find one, and a BIG one, with forums and people like you.

By nature we work alone: it is an invaluable aid to reach out and know someone will be there with really good advice. White light to all of you because I'm honestly lost, I don't know what I'm doing, and that last client shocked me to silence. You would think that with a beast like Covid in the world, we'd treat each other better, with gentleness and kindness. Take care of our neighbors, our co-workers. I try and do my best as do you guys. It's not going to make vaccines work better or heal our sick, but it comforts the soul and on days like today? That's worth its weight in gold so thank you, again. All of you.

---

It would be nice if we could treat each other like humans, right? Humans who are all subject to normal human fallibility: bad health, bad days, fluctuating memory capacity, strengths and weaknesses? 

It's actually part of my vetting process that I make sure the client sees me as another human being. 

You're human. And you're a grieving human. The people who matter will allow you that and understand, because we all grieve at one point or another. Clients who can't give you your humanity? Not worth it. 

[petra_r]

Oh Cat, I can't even begin to imagine... and am so terribly sorry. 

I wish you strength and send a virtual hug your way.

[marlalbe]

I'm so sorry you lost your daughter to covid.  What a horrible ordeal and I am truly sorry for your loss.

I work in the medical field admin area so I never saw patients; but my job is to read their note and code it for the billing dept and I saw so many terrible cases and was so sad to have to read about them.  

Hang in there and know that there is someone out there keeping you in their thoughts and sending you positive vibes.

[wendy_writes]

Cat, all the love and understanding in the world won't come close to filling the gaping hole in your life but venting does help.  And we're here for that. 

Amanda's words are wise ... I know her and can attest to the fact her words are grounded in scientific research and reality along with understanding and compassion.

[m_terrazas]

Cat, my condolences on your loss.
I think it's good that you want to keep working, but give yourself time to grieve. It is necessary.
A very strong kiss and you already know that you can come to rant, cry or laugh for a while when you can't take it anymore.

[martina_plaschka]

I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing can or will ever make that better, but an awful client experience can make it even worse. If that is possible. 

I wish you a lot of strength. If you ever want to talk privately, pm me please.