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pandoraharper
Member

Crazy Job Postings Part II

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

 

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
andregutierrez22
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

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787 REPLIES 787

Hahahaha sorry for creeping in on an old post, but I’m new on the platform and I’m already dealing with the stuff you’re mentioning. It really helps to read about the experiences others have had; it makes me feel like I still live in the real world on those days when I see posts about ghostwriting a book on foreign policy for 12$ and I’m wondering if I’ve been transported to an ulterior reality. Or if there’s a hidden camera somewhere 🤣
zoomconcepts
Member

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

 

I facepalmed. 

 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)


@Bojana D wrote:

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

 

I facepalmed. 

 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)


 Yes, these are always a special joy, especially since there might be 1 in the pile of 99 they send me that could potentially be useful and I don't want to miss it. Unfortunately, I missed one the other day that looked like it might have at least been worth responding to because client looked like a good contact. Even though the job might not have been a good fit, it looks like he might potentially have others that could be a better fit.

I find it hard to pinpoint what the specific talents of the Talent Specialists might be. If my assumptions are correct, I think there might be a not-particularly-bright Artificial Intelligence component attached to what the "Talent Specialists" distribute. I see a lot of stuff about machine learning applications in my work, and I think this could be similar to the "hybrid intelligence" systems I see people proposing. So in this case, I think the "Talent Specialist" might  actually be a system where an AI sorts the jobs and compares them to known freelancers based on keywords and then sends them to the "specialist" humans who review them. This is supposed to be a way making certain types of tasks more efficient.  

On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing. 

Or it could be a hybrid of both. 

 


@Renata S wrote:

@Bojana D wrote:

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

 

I facepalmed. 

 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)


 Yes, these are always a special joy, especially since there might be 1 in the pile of 99 they send me that could potentially be useful and I don't want to miss it. Unfortunately, I missed one the other day that looked like it might have at least been worth responding to because client looked like a good contact. Even though the job might not have been a good fit, it looks like he might potentially have others that could be a better fit.

I find it hard to pinpoint what the specific talents of the Talent Specialists might be. If my assumptions are correct, I think there might be a not-particularly-bright Artificial Intelligence component attached to what the "Talent Specialists" distribute.  I see a lot of stuff about machine learning applications in my work, and I think this might is similar to the "hybrid intelligence" systems I see people proposing. So in this case, I think the "Talent Specialist" is actually a system where an AI sorts the jobs and compares them to known freelancers based on keywords and then sends them to the "specialist" humans who review them. This is supposed to be a way making certain types of tasks, like for instance scheduling, more efficient.  

On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing. 

Or it could be a hybrid of both. 

 


RE; On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing.

 

I am going with the above.  


@Reinier B wrote:

 

RE; On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing.

 

I am going with the above.  


 
Actually, it might sound like science fiction, but there are a few companies that have been developing this sort of stuff. This one is called "Julie Desk." It's funny, but systems like this (especially when they don't work well) really emphasize things that humans are especially good at --- handling complex information that requires discernment and critical thinking. I don't fully support this type of approach because I don't like the idea of removing any more jobs from the available pool of work. The idea that's generally used to justify development of these kinds of systems is that they're removing mundane and repetitious tasks from people's work lives, but I suspect somewhere down the line it's more about hiring fewer people to handle a higher volume of work. At least that's what I can see as a potential for companies implementing them. 

I guess we could argue whether computers are measurably worse at this than untrained humans. The offers I receive have me wondering whether the mistakes I notice are actually too crazy to be normal human ones  -- although, granted, this is an incredibly hard thing to gauge. I was once invited to interview for a job as the director of an online law school. I think I helped a lawyer out with two of her blog posts at one point, but personally, I think it's a bit of a stretch for me to apply to be the director using this experience as a qualification. Maybe I should be flattered. At least they're offering me really high-level unsuitable suggestions. 


https://techcrunch.com/2017/06/01/julie-desk-an-ai-virtual-assistant-that-helps-you-schedule-meeting...

 


RE; On the other hand, it could be that the Talent Specialists are just a lot of people who haven't been trained properly, don't have any specific HR knowledge, and are completely in the dark about what they're supposed to be doing.

 

I am going with the above.  


I think this might be the most likely scenario, but after having probed the JSS issue in some depth, I'm no longer so sure things on this platform are governed by straightforward thinkers. 

People are always talking about the wonders made possible by innovative thinking. I like the idea of condicting a thought experiment to explore just how far a "hybrid unintelligence" could really take us. I used to work in a large, convoluted organization, so I know the potential is beyond even our wildest imagnings. But then again, the fallout from innovative management approaches in large organizations also fuels things like Dilbert cartoons. I guess you can't have one without the other.   


@Bojana D wrote:

All-in-one Branding, Communications and Marketing Solution, looking to hire experts. Fixed price budget $50. 

 

I facepalmed. 

 

(this was an invite, sent to me by a Talent Specialist btw - double joy)


 Oh my goodness. Double the facepalm! Oh and, nice to see you in the forums again, Bojana.

 Pandora H wrote:

 Oh my goodness. Double the facepalm! Oh and, nice to see you in the forums again, Bojana.


 

Thanks 🙂 I'm around, just doing more lurking than writing these days.

 

 

And today's jewel, not for the reasons you expect it to land here. Direct quote from the job description:

 

"I am looking for a logo designer to put on t shirts and coffee mug."

 

I'm mildly concerned.

Yes, the "Talent Specialist" invites/referrals are almost always worth some serious laughs!

Yes, what is it they don't understand about a freelancer who is an expert???

 


Suzi E wrote:

Yes, what is it they don't understand about a freelancer who is an expert???


All clients  want "expert" for the lowest prices - of course they do and they try it on, and what is more they will get it (sort of) because despite the hike in the price for various services, it is not going to make any difference to the wannabe freelancers who wager their last cents on getting a job on Upwork (but who will not stay the course). It's a sort of challenge that has nothing to do with the  lasting, expert services that come at a price from genuine freelancers.  

Thank you for the giggle. I once did a survey of previous clients (an informal thing) and what I discovered was that they wanted $3000 worth of services for $300 or less.

 

pandoraharper
Member

Perhaps these Talent Specialists are CS team members who got promoted. Take that any way you wish. <wink>

 

Moving right along to series of job posts (same client every time), that I am just SICK of seeing.

 

Client is a NY company involved in merchent processing for a BIG Pharma brand that has been posting the same job for months now. In recent weeks, the number of new posts about the same job has skyrocketed.

 

I have NO IDEA why they can't seem to hire anyone for this position. They pay well, it sounds like a gig with a lot of opportunity, and they have good reviews. If any client who ends up in my feed needs help from Upwork Recruiters, it's THIS client. (and hence, why I combined two topics into this post).

 

More then once I've been tempted to bid casually to one of these jobs, and ask them what the deal is. But that's not my place, so meh!

 

Edit: Clarity

 

 

 

pandoraharper
Member

Wow, just wow.

My job feed is filtered to show only US jobs, but occasionally, something slips through.

Found this UK listing today, and wow, interesting AND crazy.

UK business (appearing to be quite the large company to boot), has several jobs open related to translating a BUNCH of "adult" <cough> dating sites into different languages. Now I have no issue with this, and understand this is quite the booming business in recent years (adult dating sites, as apposed to social dating sites).


None of the job posts have content that would violate the Upwork TOS, and in general the job descriptions are quite good. So, interesting client and business. Pay rate seems decent, though I didn't bother to convert to USD.

But the crazy part is that they use Basecamp. Now, I know a lot of clients use it, and for some TINY businesses, that's ok. But if you have more then 3 employees/team members and hire remote freelancers, Basecamp is bottom of the barrel. Lacking in a bunch of features including advanced data security (my number one pet peeve about PM tools), I would not recommend Basecamp to any business. Certain individuals, maybe.

No wonder a lot of the BIG PM tools have built-in tools to migrate task data from Basecamp...AND Asana, which Upwork says is a hot skill this quarter. I used to recommend Asana, but haven't for a long time.

:facepalm


@Pandora H wrote:

Wow, just wow.

My job feed is filtered to show only US jobs, but occasionally, something slips through.

Found this UK listing today, and wow, interesting AND crazy.

UK business (appearing to be quite the large company to boot), has several jobs open related to translating a BUNCH of "adult" <cough> dating sites into different languages. Now I have no issue with this, and understand this is quite the booming business in recent years (adult dating sites, as apposed to social dating sites).


None of the job posts have content that would violate the Upwork TOS, and in general the job descriptions are quite good. So, interesting client and business. Pay rate seems decent, though I didn't bother to convert to USD.

But the crazy part is that they use Basecamp. Now, I know a lot of clients use it, and for some TINY businesses, that's ok. But if you have more then 3 employees/team members and hire remote freelancers, Basecamp is bottom of the barrel. Lacking in a bunch of features including advanced data security (my number one pet peeve about PM tools), I would not recommend Basecamp to any business. Certain individuals, maybe.

No wonder a lot of the BIG PM tools have built-in tools to migrate task data from Basecamp...AND Asana, which Upwork says is a hot skill this quarter. I used to recommend Asana, but haven't for a long time.

:facepalm


 I hate Basecamp.

 

Ugh.


@Kat C wrote:



 I hate Basecamp.

 

Ugh.


 Thank you!

renata101
Member

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 

saw the same one...could only shake my head.

" The bond with a true dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth will ever be "

Well this is just short of making a website telepathic. For a whopping $200.

 

"Automatically Update Weebly Website with Content from Email or SMS.

 

We have a Weebly website and want to be able to automatically update content on it's pages directly from emails that we generate."

 

 

 

as i am a programmer I know It is possible  why do you think it is not a possible?


@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 


 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

 

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages Smiley Tongue

 

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .


@Nichola L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 


 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

 

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages Smiley Tongue

 

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .


I don't EVEN want to ask.  But to clarify the koozie thing, it's a US term for can covers (that insulate, and/or can be used for marketing (logos, etc).

 

And koozie is a hack on the older, and not much used anymore word cozy, which in product terms referred mostly to teapot covers and occassionaly to cup covers (usually teacups). The picture I posted of a teapot cozy is actually like 5 years old. Most folks under 35 years old have probably never heard of a teapot cover.


@Nichola L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 


 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

 

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages Smiley Tongue

 

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .


Was that on the US/UK What's the Difference test? According to Wikipedia and the BBC, "Winkie" (proper noun) was  an award-winning carrier pigeon, who could also have been quite cozy in the koozie. But I believe you're referring to that other thing (as in Wee Willie), aren't you?  Cat Wink


@Renata S wrote:

@Nichola L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 


 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

 

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages Smiley Tongue

 

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .


Was that on the US/UK What's the Difference test? According to Wikipedia and the BBC, "Winkie" (proper noun) was also a carrier pigeon, who could also have been quite cozy in the koozie. But I believe you're referring to that other thing (as in Wee Willy), aren't you?  Cat Wink


 😉


@Nichola L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

@Nichola L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

I just saw one for a "heavy editing proofreader." Possibly only the proofreaders will catch that one. 


 That was probably the same one who was looking for a vast proofreader!

 

ETA: Oops, sorry, I have been asleep at this party - go back a few pages Smiley Tongue

 

PS: In UK English a winky means something else entirely and a koozie could be a winky warmer (also UK) - I'm going back to sleep . . .


Was that on the US/UK What's the Difference test? According to Wikipedia and the BBC, "Winkie" (proper noun) was also a carrier pigeon, who could also have been quite cozy in the koozie. But I believe you're referring to that other thing (as in Wee Willy), aren't you?  Cat Wink


 😉


 Oh lawd, save me now. <cough> I admit it. For once in my life, my mind was in the gutter.

Job: Re-write some old romance novels - approximately 8000 - 9000 words long. ALL words in the story to be rewritten, so that no sentence is the same (changing only one or two words not good enough). 

 

Budget: $20

"Certa bonum certamen"


@Ravindra B wrote:

Job: Re-write some old romance novels - approximately 8000 - 9000 words long. ALL words in the story to be rewritten, so that no sentence is the same (changing only one or two words not good enough). 

 

Budget: $20


Uh, rewrite all words in the story? Does it say what the difference is between that and writing a new one?  

I wonder if these guys from MIT might be able to develop the romance novel version of the SciGen Automatic Paper Generator. Apparently, they got some of the papers they generated with this published. I think the same principal would probably work for romance novels. 
https://pdos.csail.mit.edu/archive/scigen/

renata101
Member

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.


@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.


 You are joking, right? Please say your joking!

 

(I bet she isn't. Romance genres have changed (and gone in some crazy directions) in recent years).

 

Note: I do not read this genre, but I do pay attention to the Fiction industry in general.


@Pandora H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.


 You are joking, right? Please say your joking!

 

(I bet she isn't. Romance genres have changed (and gone in some crazy directions) in recent years).

 

Note: I do not read this genre, but I do pay attention to the Fiction industry in general.


I'm pretty sure this is what I saw, although I was slugging down copious amounts of espresso this morning. 

Do you think I could make something like this up? 

Actually, I can understand the need for alternatives to bestseller offerings like "50 Shades" in certain spiritual/religious communities. I think it might be that the e-book niches are getting much more refined, although I haven't yet seen a posting for Amish werewolf or vampire fiction. 


 


@Renata S wrote:

@Pandora H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.


 You are joking, right? Please say your joking!

 

(I bet she isn't. Romance genres have changed (and gone in some crazy directions) in recent years).

 

Note: I do not read this genre, but I do pay attention to the Fiction industry in general.


I'm pretty sure this is what I saw, although I was slugging down copious amounts of espresso this morning. 

Do you think I could make something like this up? 

Actually, I can understand the need for alternatives to bestseller offerings like "50 Shades" in certain spiritual/religious communities. I think it might be that the e-book niches are getting much more refined, although I haven't yet seen a posting for Amish werewolf or vampire fiction. 


 No, I did not think you made this up. I was just like wow, seriously? Not to mention, Amish culture is very anti-anything that does not fall into their own little religious corner. Which is incredibly conservative, when compared to mainstream American culture.

 

So, needless to say, Amish people are not going to even read this sort of material. For that matter, I doubt Christans would either, for similiar reasons. So who in the heck is the target audience for this sort of niche, I wonder.


@Pandora H wrote:

 


 No, I did not think you made this up. I was just like wow, seriously? Not to mention, Amish culture is very anti-anything that does not fall into their own little religious corner. Which is incredibly conservative, when compared to mainstream American culture.

 

So, needless to say, Amish people are not going to even read this sort of material. For that matter, I doubt Christans would either, for similiar reasons. So who in the heck is the target audience for this sort of niche, I wonder.


 I'm not sure who the target audience for Amish romance would be other than Amish people, but it's possible that it might have broader appeal than anyone would assume. It might have some sort of cross-over appeal for groups that have similar values about marriage. Maybe if you have an Amish author, then this might appeal to Amish readers (although I really wonder if sitting around reading romance novels is something that's particularly encouraged by this community). Or it might even appeal to non-Amish readers who are looking for something a little different, like an exploration of a different culture. It's hard to know. Maybe it's just in an early experimental stage. It just caught my eye because I never would have imagined a niche like that existing.

 

One of my best friends is ex-Amish. (She is featured on the PBS series about leaving the Amish.) In addition, I was raised in an area where there are many Amish and Mennonite families. I happen to be fairly familiar with the culture -- about as familiar as a non-Amish can be, without being married to an ex-Amish or being a scholar.

 

The Amish are discouraged from reading fiction of any sort. Romance books would be considerd to be a waste of time.

 

Amish romance novels are definitely a "thing," however. The target audience is an older group of females who are looking for "Little House on the Prairie"-style books with a dash more adult content, but definitely rated no more than PG. The typical request is for "sweet Amish romance writing."

OK, this is my new favorite thread today. 

 

1) Janean, that show was amazing. I have a bit of an interest in folks who leave exclusive relgious communities (I'm from PA so I get the whole Amish and Mennonite thing, and I live in Brooklyn and have friends who are ex-Hasidic), so I watched it entirely rapt. 

 

2) Renata, now I'm really hoping that the Talent Specialists are Cylons. 


@Melissa T wrote:

OK, this is my new favorite thread today. 

 

1) Janean, that show was amazing. I have a bit of an interest in folks who leave exclusive relgious communities (I'm from PA so I get the whole Amish and Mennonite thing, and I live in Brooklyn and have friends who are ex-Hasidic), so I watched it entirely rapt. 

 

2) Renata, now I'm really hoping that the Talent Specialists are Cylons. 


1) I'm intrigued by it too, since seeing the series. I'm in Montreal and there's a Hasidic community here that lives in an area of town that's now gone trendoid. So a bit of a weird cultural collision is happening there. Although I have met a Hasic grandmother who's an absolute hoot, I don't know that much about the community. When you encounter anyone from that community, they don't really interact. I once rescued some little kid's ball when it rolled into the middle of the street because I had a feeling he'd run after it. He was about 3, maybe. and I just told him to stay where he was while I ran to get it in the middle of the street. His mom, who saw the whole thing, didn't say one word to me. 

 

2) Melissa, I can't tell you how I know that, but when I started to think about how random the stuff I'm getting is, the hybrid unintelligence theory completely took hold of my brain. Those referrals are way too insane to be the result of any sort of normal unassisted human unintelligence. 


@Renata S wrote:

1) I'm intrigued by it too, since seeing the series. I'm in Montreal and there's a Hasidic community here that lives in an area of town that's now gone trendoid. So a bit of a weird cultural collision is happening there. Although I have met a Hasic grandmother who's an absolute hoot, I don't know that much about the community. When you encounter anyone from that community, they don't really interact. I once rescued some little kid's ball when it rolled into the middle of the street because I had a feeling he'd run after it. He was about 3, maybe. and I just told him to stay where he was while I ran to get it in the middle of the street. His mom, who saw the whole thing, didn't say one word to me. 

2) Melissa, I can't tell you how I know that, but when I started to think about how random the stuff I'm getting is, the hybrid unintelligence theory completely took hold of my brain. Those referrals are way too insane to be the result of any sort of normal unassisted human unintelligence. 


I spent last weekend in Montreal! I hadn't been there before. Spent a lot of time in Plateau Mont Royal (and climbed all the stairs to the Chalet at the top of the hill), but definitely went through Mile End and felt the Jewish influences there... and the hipster ones. Ate at Beautys, which was great. I have similar experiences to your young boy/ball/silent mom scenario all the time in Brooklyn. A lot of it is the insular nature of a community which is taught that everyone else is "other", that they themselves are "other", and it's a bit of an oil and water situation where the 2 entities can be in the same space, but never mix. Back to Montreal for a moment: I absolutely adored the Citeé Mémoire I got to see projected at the Palais de Justice. I really love how the city embraces public art. To that end, the El Mac piece painted on a bldg on rue de Bellechase called La Mère Créatrice is stunning. I made a special excursion to see it because I adore his work. I was lucky enough to eat at Robin Square (they introduced me to pouding choômeur which I'd never tried before and put a sparkler in it for my birthday, which was adorable), Au Pied de Cochon, and Au Festin de Babette which were all wonderful and made me truly appreciate Montreal as a food city. 

 

My husband is working on some AI stuff and it's fascinating. Every time I think I'm comfortable with technology he tells me some new thing he's doing and I get completely freaked out all over again! 


@Melissa T wrote:

I really love how the city embraces public art. To that end, the El Mac piece painted on a bldg on rue de Bellechase called La Mère Créatrice is stunning. I made a special excursion to see it because I adore his work. I was lucky enough to eat at Robin Square (they introduced me to pouding choômeur which I'd never tried before and put a sparkler in it for my birthday, which was adorable), Au Pied de Cochon, and Au Festin de Babette which were all wonderful and made me truly appreciate Montreal as a food city. 

 

My husband is working on some AI stuff and it's fascinating. Every time I think I'm comfortable with technology he tells me some new thing he's doing and I get completely freaked out all over again! 


Too funny. I could have run you over on my bike if a Montreal road crew hadn't run it over a few weeks ago. I live about two blocks from La Mère Créatrice -- it just floors me when I walk by it. Such an amazing piece. I'm glad you had such a good time here. It's a city with a really amazing vibe. But really horrific winters. (Maybe that accounts for the vibe -- we're all just so pleasantly surprised to still be alive).

The AI stuff is just freaky. Although there are so many potentially cool things you can produce with all of these new techniques. I edit for someone who does a lot of whacky medical applications. I like it that he's out there figuring all this stuff out.  

Ahhh, Renata, I wish I'd known, I would have insisted (like a typical American) that we meet up for coffee or whatnot. We were in your hood on Sunday when it was raining like mad. Totally worth it to see El Mac's work, though. We stuffed ourselves at Poutine Centrale. 


@Melissa T wrote:

Ahhh, Renata, I wish I'd known, I would have insisted (like a typical American) that we meet up for coffee or whatnot. We were in your hood on Sunday when it was raining like mad. Totally worth it to see El Mac's work, though. We stuffed ourselves at Poutine Centrale. 


I think you'd just pass for a typical Montrealer for insisting on coffee. I might not have been able to make it though. First my phone/Internet went (turned out to be a bad jack), then I was busy bailing. I live in a building that's probably circa 1900. I'm not sure if it was the rain but my bathtub started filling of its own accord. 

 

 

That rain was impressively constant. I hope you got your flood sorted. 

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