Crazy Job Postings Part II

[pandoraharper]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[renata101]

Pandora. I've just discovered Useless Knowledge. Okay, I've always known about that, but I mean the Useless Knowledge - U.S. Presence in Antarctica thread. Thanks for posting all your research about McMurdo Station. I had to add something about a penguin research during the Scott Antarctic Expedition because it fit so well with the overall tone of the thread.  

[renata101]

I just saw a posting for 25,000 words of proofreading for $25 with a 24-hour turnaround. Are we allowed to report things like that? 

Update: It looks like two people were hired for this. And it's a first-time gig for both. Nasty.

[pandoraharper]

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@Renata S wrote:

I just saw a posting for 25,000 words of proofreading for $25 with a 24-hour turnaround. Are we allowed to report things like that? 

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 Jeez. I'd be tempted to report it on Principle alone!

[renata101]

This is not a job that's crazy because of the job description. It's the client feedback. Apparently, this client has hired 26 people and spent $5K, yet there is only evidence of 1 freelancer leaving feedback and the person has a 0 star rating. I didn't think it was even possible to have a 0 star rating. And none of the jobs they've completed are showing up on the client page.

Curiouser and curiouser. 

Is this an Elance migration? 

[pandoraharper]

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@Renata S wrote:

This is not a job that's crazy because of the job description. It's the client feedback. Apparently, this client has hired 26 people and spent $5K, yet there is only evidence of 1 freelancer leaving feedback and the person has a 0 star rating. I didn't think it was even possible to have a 0 star rating. And none of the jobs they've completed are showing up on the client page.

Curiouser and curiouser. 

Is this an Elance migration? 

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Wow, that does seem weird. That might be an Elance client (I've seen those, but it's been MONTHS and I don't QUITE recall what their job history looked like).

How long have they been on Upwork? (that would be the last line of text on the middle right of the Job Page under all their other stats)

If, by some random chance, they are really new then maybe that would explain it. Or, any number of odd things could be going on.

Unknown if they are involved in any chicanary.

[renata101]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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How long have they been on Upwork? (that would be the last line of text on the middle right of the Job Page under all their other stats)

If, by some random chance, they are really new then maybe that would explain it. Or, any number of odd things could be going on.

Unknown if they are involved in any chicanary.

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 They've been around since July 2010. I don't know how it's possible to have zero stars based on 1 review. Can we even leave 0 star reviews? 

[mwiggenhorn]

I never look at clients - can you flag them???

[renata101]

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@Mary W wrote:

I never look at clients - can you flag them???

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Do you mean so someone can find them and check it out? The thing is, it's not really evident that they've done anything wrong. The posting was for a acadmic medical article. Not particularly well paid, but it's from a country where you wouldn't necessarily expect that. Maybe the client deals with a weird or delicate kind of medical topic.

Can I ask a moderator to take a look? I'd try customer service but that takes weeks and weeks.  

[zoomconcepts]

There's a job in the design & creative category titled Golden Shower. 

I mean the job seems legit, someone wants to do a word swap with a particular font. But imagine how impressive it would look in your project history.

[renata101]

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@Bojana D wrote:

There's a job in the design & creative category titled Golden Shower. 

I mean the job seems legit, someone wants to do a word swap with a particular font. But imagine how impressive it would look in your project history.

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True, but you might end up becoming the Golden Shower specialist as a result of having this experience on your profile. Usually you get more of anything you've done before. 

[pandoraharper]

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@Bojana D wrote:

There's a job in the design & creative category titled Golden Shower. 

I mean the job seems legit, someone wants to do a word swap with a particular font. But imagine how impressive it would look in your project history.

---

If the client is a U.S client, then it's fair to assume the job MIGHT be about what some of us are thinking. If they are NOT U.S, then perhaps it's about something else.

On this note, if I am not mistaken, a client who runs some sort of "adult" company can post on Upwork, they just have to avoid various "adult terms". right?

If I'm wrong, please spank me with a wet noodle. (see what I did there?) heh.

[mtngigi]

For Photoshop work - plus they're asking for a free sample.

'Nuff said.

[colettelewis]

In my job feed today:

Somebody wants a videographer for a climate conference - and not only that the freelancer must live in or near Zhuhai, Guangdong . . .

Please could someone tell me quickly how to become a videographer - I really, really need this job - climate is OK - but do you think I can lie about my location?

[renata101]

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@Nichola L wrote:

In my job feed today:

Somebody wants a videographer for a climate conference - and not only that the freelancer must live in or near Zhuhai, Guangdong . . .

Please could someone tell me quickly how to become a videographer - I really, really need this job - climate is OK - but do you think I can lie about my location?

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Yes,Nichola,  there are actually some simple, low-cost technical supports for appearing as if you are somewhere else in the Internet universe. However, faking the actual footage of a specific event might require significantly more creativity. If you need a sound person, let me know.

I also might have some friends you can appear to be staying with in Guandong. 

[pandoraharper]

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@Nichola L wrote:

In my job feed today:

Somebody wants a videographer for a climate conference - and not only that the freelancer must live in or near Zhuhai, Guangdong . . .

Please could someone tell me quickly how to become a videographer - I really, really need this job - climate is OK - but do you think I can lie about my location?

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 Do you not filter out non-US Jobs? Just curious. (I do, but still get a couple of UK/AU/NZ jobs a week).

[colettelewis]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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 Do you not filter out non-US Jobs? Just curious. (I do, but still get a couple of UK/AU/NZ jobs a week).

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 No I don't - because I live in France!  (but not in China) 😉

[pandoraharper]

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@Nichola L wrote:

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@Pandora H wrote:

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 Do you not filter out non-US Jobs? Just curious. (I do, but still get a couple of UK/AU/NZ jobs a week).

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 No I don't - because I live in France!  (but not in China) 😉

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 ARG! Sorry Nichola.  My brain knows your in France, but I guess my fingers did not, yesterday.

[colettelewis]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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@Nichola L wrote:

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@Pandora H wrote:

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 Do you not filter out non-US Jobs? Just curious. (I do, but still get a couple of UK/AU/NZ jobs a week).

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 No I don't - because I live in France!  (but not in China) 😉

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 ARG! Sorry Nichola.  My brain knows your in France, but I guess my fingers did not, yesterday.

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 🙂

[renata101]

I see Crazy Jobs is still going strong. 

I'm offering up my latest roundup of "Jobs for Creative People." 

For $50, an Australian workwear chain is looking for a jingle. I can totally picture videos of Aussie construction workers dancing around in steel-toed boots and Stanfield’s tank tops -- this could possibly also draw an unintended fan base and even generate an unexpected new market for Australian workwear worldwide. 

For $35, a Germany company is looking for a tune that conveys the a host of positive vibes / feel-good sentiments including (but possibly not limited to) uplifting / affectionate / yoga feeling / meditation /fun / personal growth / relaxed / couples in love.

Although they want people to get that loving/yoga feeling, they do stress that they definitely do want anything erotic, alluding to a sexual lifestyle or anything sleazy (note: we're still talking about a jingle -- just the yoga music).  So possibly anything verging on hot yoga might be out of line. 
 

Finally,  in the Humor Writing category, a Saudi Arabian company is looking for some comic writing for something they call “the fear journal.” I notice they pay $3 as an average hourly wage which is scary in and of itself, so they're definitely providing you with some inspirational material to get you started. 

[pandoraharper]

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@Renata S wrote:

 Finally,  in the Humor Writing category, a Saudi Arabian company is looking for some comic writing for something they call “the fear journal.” I notice they pay $3 as an average hourly wage which is scary in and of itself, so they're definitely providing you with some inspirational material to get you started. 

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 LOL. **bleep** it, I was drinking coffee when I read this.

[versailles]

"I need help translating 3 pages of english content to english."

They don't pay that much.

[renata101]

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@Rene K wrote:

"I need help translating 3 pages of english content to english."

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You laugh? Some days I translate English to English for native English speakers. 

[martina_plaschka]

well, translating English to English is not really that hard, so the low pay is quite ok....

[petra_r]

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@Martina P wrote:

well, translating English to English is not really that hard, so the low pay is quite ok....

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 Have you tried? (UK EN to US EN or vice versa?)

[renata101]

Proofread a 70 000 word thriller for $100 (35.7 cents a page). 

"Quick final proofread of my already proofread  novel to catch obvious typos or formatting issues only."
Yes, that is what proofreading means.

It's like they're trying to make it sound as if this should somehow be faster than normal proofreading.

Could it be that you get to skip the non-obvious typos and formatting issues on this one and just do the obvious ones? 

You will be asked the following questions when submitting a proposal:
1. How quickly can you complete this? 
Depends on how many non-obvious errors I get to skip per page. 

[ravi_iitian]

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@Renata S wrote:

Proofread a 70 000 word thriller for $100 (35.7 cents a page). 

"Quick final proofread of my already proofread  novel to catch obvious typos or formatting issues only."
Yes, that is what proofreading means.

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 Where is this client from?

[renata101]

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@Ravindra B wrote:

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 Where is this client from?

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 The US. I can't find it again. Maybe someone flagged it as "free work."

Is it possible to do eight 250-word pages per hour to make it $3 per hour? I don't do easy reading stuff and it's I don't usually do anything that's strictly proofreading, so I'm not sure how fast  people who proofread things like airport thrillers can go. That would be about 2000 words per hour. 

[sivavranagaro]

Invites sent to me entitled to someone else. Instant nervous break down. 

[renata101]

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@Vesna M wrote:

Invites sent to me entitled to someone else. Instant nervous break down. 

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You get used to this. I mainly get stuff that's not even in my field.  

[tlsanders]

More interaction than posting, but still crazy...

I submitted a proposal on a ghostwriting gig, complete with a list (by description, not title, obviously) of books I have ghostwritten and books I have written under my own name/pen names. 

I also included links to two published books on Amazon where the authors had credited me in the acknowledgments.

The full response I received was "Have you ghostwritten any book?"

I'd decided I didn't want to work with the client at this point, but responded pointing them back to the list and asking whether there was something more specific they were looking for just in case there had been some kind of glitch or oversight.

They responded that the question was "small talks," and whether or not they already knew the answer was beside the point. Then (apparently I'd wounded their ego or something) launched into a recitation of how much money they've spent on Upwork and how many freelancers they'd hired (neither was a match for their stats).

[renata101]

This from a German company, who bill themselves as a “data driven publisher.” Their high tech take on all things literary is described as follows:  “We've developed an algorithm that can predict bestsellers by analyzing reading patterns.”

Their approach is to track and analyze the reading behavior of readers, and as they put it, “the best performing novels with bestseller potential get published by us.” They don’t say whether or not the novels themselves are computer generated. 

[sivavranagaro]

I hate phrase "data driven". 

[renata101]

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@Vesna M wrote:

I hate phrase "data driven". 

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Yeah, me too. I think it's one of those contemporary buzz terms that really sounds meaningful and profound but actually isn't. It usually just means something like "we actually looked at some information" or "we read something," neither of which sounds quite as sexy.   

[renata101]

Is it a full moon soon? The offerings are bountiful today:

Wanted: Criminal Law Attorney with an Overactive Imagination

and  

Survivalist Proofreader and Fact Checker (oops, looks they hired for this one already!)

and

Someone needs a freelancer to answer 3 questions about money laundering (actually, it looks like there's some other shady stuff happening with this one -- sent the ticket to CS***).

***Note: Actually, the third one is not shady for the reasons I was originally imagining. When I looked at it more closely, it appeared to be an academic integrity violation. When I looked at the client page more closely, I found that this client had a string of projects that contained academic integrity violations. When I followed the links around to the profile page of an FL who appears to have made 20K, mainly on projects of this kind, and then followed the links to his clients, I found a string of client pages with repeated projects with academic integrity violations. I sent in tickets about a bunch of them, but does UpWork really do a lot with this information? I know that there is supposedly policy on this, but what really happens when it gets flagged?

---Follow-up note: Ironically, yesterday I got an invite from client who's new to the board to write a "critical analysis." Anyone else want to flag or report this one, or any of the others, for extra emphasis? I think CS is struggling with the concept. 

[colettelewis]

Here's a job for all of us - anyone can apply - looks don't count. Someone is looking for "models". You can earn up to $1500 a week. Just imagine - you work from home and you can help your family and buy a car, or pay the mortgage. And get this; you will be on over 1000 sites with 15 million viewers a day.

So we all know what kind of job this is!

(Not a naughty or suggestive word in the whole job offer, so I bet it stays up.)

ETA: For "project type", the client has written "not sure" - lol!

[prestonhunter]

re: "Someone needs a freelancer to answer 3 questions about money laundering"

The new Netflix series "Ozark" provides an excellent primer on the subject.

If the client watches this, she may not need to hire a freelancer on Upwork.

[renata101]

I get the distinct impression this client would rather hire a freelancer to watch it for him and take notes.

[prestonhunter]

I learned a LOT about money laundering while watching the fictional drama "Ozark."

But a LOT of people end up dead. One of my main take-away lessons was: Don't get involved in money-laundering.

[renata101]

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@Preston H wrote:

I learned a LOT about money laundering while watching the fictional drama "Ozark."

But a LOT of people end up dead. One of my main take-away lessons was: Don't get involved in money-laundering.

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 So I should send a note to the talent specialists not to refer you on this one? 🙂

[pandoraharper]

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@Nichola L wrote:

Here's a job for all of us - anyone can apply - looks don't count. Someone is looking for "models". You can earn up to $1500 a week. Just imagine - you work from home and you can help your family and buy a car, or pay the mortgage. And get this; you will be on over 1000 sites with 15 million viewers a day.

So we all know what kind of job this is!

(Not a naughty or suggestive word in the whole job offer, so I bet it stays up.)

ETA: For "project type", the client has written "not sure" - lol!

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 Were the words "webcam ambassador" anywhere in that job post. I've seen some posts that did, and since the rest of the details were squaky clean but vague I figured the worst.