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pandoraharper
Community Member

Crazy Job Postings Part II

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

 

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
AndreaG
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

781 REPLIES 781

Part of me kind of wants to create a job post which is just non-sense and see what kind of people and offers you get.


@Thijmen Z wrote:

Part of me kind of wants to create a job post which is just non-sense and see what kind of people and offers you get.


 that would be great fun....

Thijmen Z., brilliantly wrote: Part of me kind of wants to create a job post which is just non-sense and see what kind of people and offers you get.


Oh Do it Thijmen! Think of the fun we'll have! In fact do a whole series of spoof job posts!

A website for 13¢,

Papua New Guinea native needed to translate 12,000,000,000 words from Swahili to Inuit for .000000001¢ per word, in 20 minutes!, safe cracking experience a plus!

WWF slap-down champion writer wanted to ghostwrite the memoirs of my 3 year old son.

Need a Serial Bomber Designer to make an animated 20 minute video to put on my business card.

Create an app for hacking into election databas
es. No pay but 5 stars! —Ask for Donald.

Porn Star needed for feature length art film. Must be willing to sign NDA —Ask for Donald.

The possibilities are mindless!!!! 


 

Update: I did this.

All of the responses were serious. I made a job which offered 0.005$ per word and I STILL got serious replies!


@Thijmen Z wrote:
Update: I did this.

All of the responses were serious. I made a job which offered 0.005$ per word and I STILL got serious replies!


 Don't we all love it when a freelancer brags about how he violated the ToU. Well done.

Hi Thijmen,

 

Please note that posting job/s without the intent to hire is not allowed by Upwork ToS and is also damaging to the integrity of our marketplace, because it leads to a very frustrating experience for freelancers. Please close the job you've posted. Thank you.

~ Vladimir
Upwork

Hi, 

 

Of course.  

My sincere apologies. I did not mean to harm anyone and I was only curious. 

 

Thank you. 

-Thijmen 


@Thijmen Z wrote:
Update: I did this.

All of the responses were serious. I made a job which offered 0.005$ per word and I STILL got serious replies!


 _______________________

I'm surprised your account has not been suspended. What is a joke for you, is not for some freelancers for whom connects are extremely precious. I think if you close the job, those connects get returned. 


@Thijmen Z wrote:
Update: I did this.

All of the responses were serious. I made a job which offered 0.005$ per word and I STILL got serious replies!


My hero! But you should never have done it, but you didn't know that so you are forgiven. what kind of freelancers applied? tell us the details! Were they 12 year olds trying to get their first gig? Were they able to form intelligible sentences. Are they allergic to livable wages? What's the deal?

The thing is it should have been stopped by the platform because of the absurdly low price. rather than coming down on you for wanting to know why we are competing with these lo-ballers Upwork should use the information you learned to improve the forum, We, the freelancers who charge reasonable prices are already struggling with having to compete with these people and that is the real problem in my view. Lo-ballers do much more to sully the platform for the professionals like us than one test job does. 


@Tiffany S wrote:

I saw one this morning that said "60 blog posts for only $50!" as if the selling point was how low the budget was. 


It kind of screams "You can work for me almost free of charge!"  

There are deninitely some strange blog gigs out there. I had someone send me an invitation for a ghostwriting job for an higher education blog. I just wrote them a note explaining why I wasn't even going to consider it (other than the absolutely horrible compensation).  In principal, it seems to contradict what universities are constantly trying to drill into students with respect to crediting other people's writing. 

Someone offering 3$/hour and you have to write 2 articles per hour for 15 hours per week.

Oh, btw, the articles must be 1500 words 🙂

sivavranagaro
Community Member

This is by far the most bizarre criteria I have ever seen:

"You need to have a father."

____________
Don't correct my grammar!


@Vesna M wrote:

This is by far the most bizarre criteria I have ever seen:

"You need to have a father."


I hope it was a mistake or an odd translation.

Otherwise, could this mean there are freelancer clones on this platform that we don't know about? Cat Surprised I suspect the Talent Specialist might be a cyborg (part human, part computer), but this means things could be getting even more interesting.

Actually, it goes "You must have a father".

 

Plus second point something about real emotions involved. 

____________
Don't correct my grammar!


@Vesna M wrote:

This is by far the most bizarre criteria I have ever seen:

"You need to have a father."

I think he meant "you need to have a future" which disqualifies me right off. Or maybe he meant you need to have a father because otherwise you will soon be homeless taking jobs like this.


 

pandoraharper
Community Member

So what exactly is the job for, re: You must have a father


@Pandora H wrote:

So what exactly is the job for, re: You must have a father


 Must be a member of a Roman Catholic parish?


@Janean L wrote:

@Pandora H wrote:

So what exactly is the job for, re: You must have a father


 Must be a member of a Roman Catholic parish?


 Ooh I don't want to know what the position er, i mean, what the job, uh, that is, what the assignment is!


@Pandora H wrote:

So what exactly is the job for, re: You must have a father



Story that conveys the loss of a loved one. 

____________
Don't correct my grammar!

oh, dear. I really hope the client does not upgrade to: must have a dead father.....

renata101
Community Member

All I can see is one that says you need to have a basic understanding of Lube Oils and a webcam. No, wait. Those ar actually two separate posts. There is someone looking for a Lube Oil specialist though. 


@Renata S wrote:

All I can see is one that says you need to have a basic understanding of Lube Oils and a webcam. 

______________________________________________________________

 

Not... Even... 

 

Yeah, we get these in video editing and design too.  No surprise. Usually read the first paragraph or two and then ignore.

Today there was one that took the trophy. (Now in my words- A job request for a video editor.

Compile the videos products and make ready for publishing: combine narration and clip together; add images and movement; select royalty-free music; add popup text bullets, and; create an outro.

Search for images on Internet, or specifically from Amazon

 

 

This got me rolling on the floor: 

Budget maximum is ...ready for this??? 

$400 dollars for 100 videos, maximum. The post's author showed off his math expertise by revealing it being $4 per video! And he will accept lower-priced offers! (Imagine that!) There is a preference for the lower offers.

 

Perhaps this may get me to apply: There is a possibility of future work. (Imagine my excitement!)

 

The questions are priceless too-

Would you be interested in completing a 1 time paid sample for $5 to showcase your skills?

Do you have any questions?

 

This request was looking for $$$ Expert Level.  I marked it inappropriate and checked the 'asking for free work' box.  Really? With my expertise I would 'make' about 84 cents and hour.  Esentially free work.

 

There needs to be a new category, rather than one, two or three dollar signs, how about a cent sign?


@James S wrote:
<snip>

 

<snip>

 

This request was looking for $$$ Expert Level.  I marked it inappropriate and checked the 'asking for free work' box.  Really? With my expertise I would 'make' about 84 cents and hour.  Esentially free work.

 

There needs to be a new category, rather than one, two or three dollar signs, how about a cent sign?


 Hi James,

 

Thanks for sharing! I see your new, and it's always nice to see new faces in the forums.

 

However, before you get into further trouble with our Community Forum Moderators, let me be the first to tell you that copy/pasting information (ANY AT ALL) info from a job post is a Forum Violation. That's why I  "quoted" your take on the job, which is fine. This forum thread is fun because to post in it, you have to come up with creative ways to show why a job post is bad, without actually copy/pasting anything.

 

Also, jobs that offer a paid test (even cheap ones) are legit. Nothing wrong with this job, except that it's a crazy lowball client and they probably are only attracting bottom-of-the-barrel freelancers.

 

So that is not a "free work job.

Actually I am not new to Upwork/Elance.  Been on this since 2013. Normally do not comment much, just doing my work but when that job proposal showed up I had to say something.

Yeah, I do not pay the monthly fee for the service now because I am busy with local clients, previous Elance clients past the two-year mark and a few from this site.

I do pay for the Upwork. Over $250 in fees since April.

Thanks for the heads-up on the copy/paste of job posts. I took note and will slap my hand and go to bed without dessert.


@James S wrote:

Actually I am not new to Upwork/Elance.  Been on this since 2013. Normally do not comment

 

<snip>

 

Thanks for the heads-up on the copy/paste of job posts. I took note and will slap my hand and go to bed without dessert.


 My mistake! Well then, welcome to the Forums! Heh.


@Janean L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

All I can see is one that says you need to have a basic understanding of Lube Oils and a webcam. 

______________________________________________________________

 

Not... Even... 

 


Come on, conceivably that could have been some Jiffy Lube marketing insider looking for a YouTube review and you know it.

The lube job is actually quite well paid. Someone from a factory in Kuwait is looking for a lead generator.  

However, someone in Bangladesh is actually looking for an article/review writer for the other stuff. And that one doesn't seem to require a webcam.

 

Also, someone in the design & branding area is looking for a "koozie" (can cover -- I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a beer or oil can koozie) based on a retro engine oil can design. They've provide a cool inspirational picture of something called Nourse Friction Free Motor Oil. And yes, as you might have imagined, it does have a rather robust-looking Viking on it. 


@Renata S wrote:

Also, someone in the design & branding area is looking for a "koozie" (can cover -- I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a beer or oil can koozie) based on a retro engine oil can design. They've provide a cool inspirational picture of something called Nourse Friction Free Motor Oil. And yes, as you might have imagined, it does have a rather robust-looking Viking on it. 


 I thought of Jiffy too! Not sure if you read it, but yesterday I posted about a job I saw where there was a very serious request for a freelancer to work for 6 hours a day whilst their webcam was turned on, and Google Hangouts was running.  I did not get a WIFF of anything hinky, but that's incredibly stupid. Not naughty though! heh.

 

You had me at "koozie". I'm going to have to Google that. And ah..did you mean "Norse Friction Free Motor Oil?" If so, I can well imagine the image of a blonde, beefy man, holding a huge hammer.

 

Update: Ah, i see that Koozie is just another stupid word for can cozies. Now THIS is a cozy...

 

garden_party_knitted_tea_cosy.jpg

 

Finally a reason to post a pic in a thread that sees very little color.


@Pandora H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Also, someone in the design & branding area is looking for a "koozie" (can cover -- I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a beer or oil can koozie) based on a retro engine oil can design. They've provide a cool inspirational picture of something called Nourse Friction Free Motor Oil. And yes, as you might have imagined, it does have a rather robust-looking Viking on it. 


 I thought of Jiffy too! Not sure if you read it, but yesterday I posted about a job I saw where there was a very serious request for a freelancer to work for 6 hours a day whilst their webcam was turned on, and Google Hangouts was running.  I did not get a WIFF of anything hinky, but that's incredibly stupid. Not naughty though! heh.

I might just go for that this week, but I doubt they would. It would be like six hours of me reading, digitally red-pencilling, and looking at dictionaries. Okay, occasionally I do swear about something. But it's definitely not like six hours of vaccuuming or anything.

 

You had me at "koozie". I'm going to have to Google that. And ah..did you mean "Norse Friction Free Motor Oil?" If so, I can well imagine the image of a blonde, beefy man, holding a huge hammer.

That's the term that was used, and it actually does say "Nourse Friction Free Motor Oil" on the can in the photo. I'm not sure why they would use that spelling. And also "Homogenized and Reinforced." I don't know if the Nourse logo man is blonde (it's a black, white and green label -- probably a cheaper printing option in those days -- and his hair is partially obscured by the horned helmet). You're right about the hammer though. And he's got legs like a Marvel Comics hero.

 

Update: Ah, i see that Koozie is just another stupid word for can cozies. Now THIS is a cozy...

 

garden_party_knitted_tea_cosy.jpg

 

Finally a reason to post a pic in a thread that sees very little color.


 Wow. Definitely the real deal. That looks like it's handmade. 


@Renata S wrote:

 

garden_party_knitted_tea_cosy.jpg

 

Finally a reason to post a pic in a thread that sees very little color.


 Wow. Definitely the real deal. That looks like it's handmade. 


Yes, it is. Not sure how old this is, but this is a niche market. Artisans on sites like Etsy make these and sell em. I picked this one because it's just so over-the-top.

 


@Pandora H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

 

Finally a reason to post a pic in a thread that sees very little color.


 Wow. Definitely the real deal. That looks like it's handmade. 


Yes, it is. Not sure how old this is, but this is a niche market. Artisans on sites like Etsy make these and sell em. I picked this one because it's just so over-the-top.

 


I can feel myself tangenting already (I just finished a particularly challenging job)... Also from Etsy, I think this would be a particularly stunning look for game programmers. But maybe it sort of fits the thread since making these seems like it would be a crazy fun job. It looks like they're knitted and felted. So the artisan is really skilled at both. 

etsy pixie hat.jpgetsy pixie hat 2.jpg


@Renata S wrote:

@Janean L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

All I can see is one that says you need to have a basic understanding of Lube Oils and a webcam. 

______________________________________________________________

 

Not... Even... 

 


Come on, conceivably that could have been some Jiffy Lube marketing insider looking for a YouTube review and you know it.

___________________________________________

 

Sorry -- Should have added a winkie emoji or the word "joke" after that comment. Yeah -- I knew it was almost certainly Jiffy Lube or the like. But couldn't resist. Blame it on the ambiguity of the printed word, as opposed to in-person presentation. (You needed to see my broad double-take face.)


@Janean L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

@Janean L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

All I can see is one that says you need to have a basic understanding of Lube Oils and a webcam. 

______________________________________________________________

 

Not... Even... 

 


Come on, conceivably that could have been some Jiffy Lube marketing insider looking for a YouTube review and you know it.

___________________________________________

 

Sorry -- Should have added a winkie emoji or the word "joke" after that comment. Yeah -- I knew it was almost certainly Jiffy Lube or the like. But couldn't resist. Blame it on the ambiguity of the printed word, as opposed to in-person presentation. (You needed to see my broad double-take face.)


I think we're both going to have to get the hang of the winkie thing or we're going to have to keep stopping to explain our jokes. I was totally joking in that direction when I saw the first two postings. 


Janean L wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

All I can see is one that says you need to have a basic understanding of Lube Oils and a webcam. 

______________________________________________________________

 

Not... Even... 

That must be the non-friction story!


 

renata101
Community Member

I found one for “small German proofreading.” It doesn’t say whether it’s about checking the fine print, or whether you have to be small and German to accomplish the task (possibly the text is in an attic or a crawl space somewhere in the Ukraine). It is also reported that the sentences sound strange in translation. Most things do.

renata101
Community Member

"I want to write a memoir but I don’t have the time or the skills to begin."

 

If all that adds up to posting it on a freelance site, it seems that the little indicator light is not working as it should. 

weinreich
Community Member

An ad agency is looking for someone to write a tagline for their agency. And they value the importance of a well-written tagline so much that they're willing to pay $5 for it.

 

Does not inspire confidence!


@Nedra W wrote:

An ad agency is looking for someone to write a tagline for their agency. And they value the importance of a well-written tagline so much that they're willing to pay $5 for it.

 

Does not inspire confidence!


I guess they're trying to get a per word rate. 

 


@Nedra W wrote:

An ad agency is looking for someone to write a tagline for their agency. And they value the importance of a well-written tagline so much that they're willing to pay $5 for it.

 

Does not inspire confidence!


I'd bet this is the sort of Agency who still belives that ordering "spun article content" is better then ordering "unique article content".

 

And yes, those sort of agencies ARE out there, even in 2017. Shame!


@Nedra W wrote:

An ad agency is looking for someone to write a tagline for their agency. And they value the importance of a well-written tagline so much that they're willing to pay $5 for it.

 

Does not inspire confidence!


 Plus...if you're an ad agency and you have to outsource your tagline...?

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