Crazy Job Postings Part II

[#1]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[#2]

This pinpoints the problems with the way Upwork allows clients to hold freelancers hostage for their ratings.

Once a customer understands how much they can harm a freelancer with a low rating, it's Katie bar the door! It becomes a game of how much can I screw the freelancer for some lousy pay...because the system makes the freelancer desperate to get good ratings.

And, unfortunately, the freelancer has no protection. If you make the mistake of working for one of these scammers (and some can very convincingly appear to be sane), your Job Success Score is negatively skewed LONG TERM!

Suzi

[#3]

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Suzi E wrote:

This pinpoints the problems with the way Upwork allows clients to hold freelancers hostage for their ratings.

Once a customer understands how much they can harm a freelancer with a low rating, it's Katie bar the door! It becomes a game of how much can I screw the freelancer for some lousy pay...because the system makes the freelancer desperate to get good ratings.

And, unfortunately, the freelancer has no protection. If you make the mistake of working for one of these scammers (and some can very convincingly appear to be sane), your Job Success Score is negatively skewed LONG TERM!

Suzi

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Wrong: Freelancers just have to start to read and apply the ToS. Report these clients and your problem is solved.

[#4]

Been there. Done That. Even with the proof of such manipulation in writing from the client, I got no help from Upwork. I stand by my statement. Unfortunately, that was my experience.

Suzi

[#5]

Jennifer, Those bullet points you listed are not applicable because they hardly ever threaten to give you bad feedback. They just keep asking for more and more, telling you you did it wrong when they are asking for the impossible, or scope creeping, or just milking you for more work then you agreed to do. And the other examples are either to protect the client or examples that never happen. I'm afraid Suzi is right and you are WRONG!

I too have tried contacting support when this happens and they say "it's best if you try to work it out with your client." They can't do anything to help. It's a client-centric system. And since it doesn't matter to the client if we give them a bad review they can blackmail us. And you can have 2 years of rave reviews and thrilled clients and then one of these people does this and your score drops three points overnight and takes years to recover from it. it is putting the needs of the service provider last. And treating seasoned professionals with stellar track records the same as a beginner or a disreputable freelancer.

[#6]

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Ray C wrote:

Jennifer, Those bullet points you listed are not applicable because they hardly ever threaten to give you bad feedback. They just keep asking for more and more, telling you you did it wrong when they are asking for the impossible, or scope creeping, or just milking you for more work then you agreed to do. And the other examples are either to protect the client or examples that never happen. I'm afraid Suzi is right and you are WRONG!

I too have tried contacting support when this happens and they say "it's best if you try to work it out with your client." They can't do anything to help. It's a client-centric system. And since it doesn't matter to the client if we give them a bad review they can blackmail us. And you can have 2 years of rave reviews and thrilled clients and then one of these people does this and your score drops three points overnight and takes years to recover from it. it is putting the needs of the service provider last. And treating seasoned professionals with stellar track records the same as a beginner or a disreputable freelancer.

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Lets see:

Attempting to or actually manipulating or misusing the feedback system, including by: ... offering services for the sole purpose of obtaining positive feedback of any kind;

It is a ToS violation if a freelancer offeres to work for close to nothing just to get a positiv feedback. In theory every freelancer sending a proposal for a job that promisses that includes 5* guaranteed violates the ToS and should be suspended.

Same goes for clients:

Requesting or demanding free services, including requesting Freelancers to submit work as part of the proposal process for very little or no money or posting contests in which Freelancers submit work with no or very little pay, and only the winning submission is paid the full amount;

I am afraid you did not read the ToS as thoroughly as you should have. Maybe you want to re-read them before your account gets suspended FNR.

[#7]

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Suzi E wrote:

This pinpoints the problems with the way Upwork allows clients to hold freelancers hostage for their ratings...

Suzi

Oh Suzi! Truer words have never been spoken! that was a real killer for me for my first couple years here. Although it rarely happens to me anymore but I still get one every now and then. I think the best way to handle it is just to tell them "Listen I'm really sorry, I would love to do this 39th revision for you but I was just diagnosed with non-non non non Hutchinson's Lymphoma and one of the symptoms is "inability to freelance." Keep the money, I gotta go waste away in some ICU for the remainder of my life." And hope they take pity on you.  

[#8]

SO FUNNY! Thanks for the laugh. LOL in fact. After all, the hostage should be able to work it out with the kidnapper. You're such a weakling! When it's a violation of Terms Of Service, it's not my job to "educate" the client. They just move on and pull the same number on the next freelancer. 

When you tell a client that their "offer" is a violation of Terms Of Service, you certainly will not get the job. 

Unfortunately, it ends up with the professional freelancers taking only 1 out of every 10 jobs offered. Upwork actually gets less business by using this "pro-client" approach. I'm darned picky about whom I will work with.

It makes for a very toxic work situation for any new freelancer, no matter how many years of expertise they have.

Then, of course, if you don't work with these types of "clients", your stats look bad! 

I just wish there were a way to prevent these kinds of predators from preying on freelancers in a system skewed against them. That's the positive change I can't figure out how to bring about at Upwork.

Suzi

[#9]

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Suzi E wrote:

You're such a weakling!

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If you're being held hostage by a client for anything, then you are the weakling, honestly.  Too weak to stand up to a client and/or walk away instead of letting them bully you. Too weak to walk away the moment a client exhibits this behavior and still work for them. Too weak to have confidence in your own ability to choose better clients and vet better in the future.   You've pinpointed the problem perfectly - the issue is freelancers who let clients bat them around. You have the power. You can walk away. Sure, there will be consequences, but do you want to be a hostage to a client or do you want the control over your business?

[#10]

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Muhammad F wrote:

"Write 2500 words and get 5-star ratings. The budget is tight so don't apply if you don't accept the payment. But a 5-star rating is a must if you can complete the job without plagiarism."

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Muhammad,

You can flag that post as a violation of the Upwork ToS. Clients aren't supposed to bargain with freelancers using promises of high ratings. 

[#11]

Yes, I am already doing that but Upwork takes a few days to process things, and until that time they have already hired someone for the work.

[#12]

There was a corker last week for voiceover artists, the audition script included a clause whereby you signed over all rights to the client to electronically duplicate your voice & use/sell it however they wished.

It was posted under the guise of helping the client "with their robotics project".

I flagged it & with the help of a fellow booth junkie & upworker who's one of the big VO guys on youtube warning people

:-     "Do not read that audition script!",      the "offer" was quickly taken down, unfortunately not before several people had applied for it though 😞

[#13]

Garry:

Are you saying that you don't think a person should be able to sell the rights to use their recorded voice samples in an electronically duplicated way?

You would probably not like "The Congress" starring Robin Wright.

[#14]

> Are you saying that you don't think a person should be able to sell the rights to use their recorded voice samples in an electronically duplicated way?

Preston,

No, selling/licensing the rights to use your voice is completely fine, & you enter into a contract to be compensated accordingly, just as Robin’s character was in the film.

The circumstances of last weeks offer were vastly different. The posting was designed to hoodwink any unwary auditioning freelancer into handing over any rights to their voice FOC, and allowing the client to "use it for any purpose". The client set out to achieve this by having the freelancer record themselves saying the "contract waiver clause", as an integral part of the requested audition script.

[#15]

I was once hired to play every note, bleat, screech, squeal, lip trill,
smear, multiphonic, split note, pedal tone and about a hundred other
strange effects on the trumpet to be used as samples for a band called
Rythm & Noise. Then i did the same on didgeridoo, mellophone, and a few
other instruments. I didn't care what they did with it are you telling me I
should have? Cared i mean?

I wasn't gonna use those noises anyway. Might as well share them. I figured
I was doing a good deed for some trumpet-screech-starved teenage degenerate
in some mosh pit somewhere. Maybe even save his miserable, tormented life
by expressing his angst in a double high-G splat. I'm a regular
fippalanthropist! Haha! ahem! (That would be funny to a brass player.)

[#16]

Hi Ray,

Yep that's it, you were hired, & you entered into it knowingly.

See my reply to Preston above which goes into more detail & explains why I would imagine UpWork quickly took it down after we flagged it.

The poster had deliberately placed the contract waiver clause to be read as part of his audition script, so he wouldn't have even had to hire anyone to have use of their voice, the audition submission including the waiver would be all he would have needed to sell/use/pass on to the voice duplication company.

As a former string player I'm affraid your brass joke escaped me, maybe I was asleep as I never got as many bars rest 😉  I did once get told that I could drink like a brass player, I took that as a great compliment!!

[#17]

I saw this and had to share it. I assume it was autocorrect gone wrong. The posting included a sentence similar to:

"I'm pooping for someone to help me produce my first EP!"

Hopefully it was autocorrect!!!

[#18]

Yet another instance of getting tripped up by autocorrect!

[#19]

People seem to have applied for this job.

[#20]

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Ravindra B wrote:

People seem to have applied for this job.

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____________________________

Ravindra, Coffee Break would fall apart without you! 

[#21]

Cheers, Nichola!

[#22]

This community is POPPING! Looks like I'm not the only one frustrated by insane-sounding jobs (that people are actually applying for)! 

I'm so happy to see Upwork is not just everyone running high tides submitting proposals! So glad I came across the Upwork community. 

Embrace the noob, fellas. I'm on a coffee break!

[#23]

And another client with wildly urnealistic expectations.

The client wants  an entry level freelancer who is bi- or multi-lingual (French, German, English), an expert proofreader, an illustrator, and a book typesetter with Indesign.This skillful paragon has to start their proposal with "I am real" so that the client can be sure of not being spammed (cough). 

All this for the princely sum of $10 - $25

[#24]

Entry level aircraft enthusiasts. Someone is looking for a beginner to  apply their skilled air hazard knowledge in analysis, report writing and lecturing. 

Reminder to self: Never fly to or from Nepal ... 

[#25]

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Nichola L wrote:

Entry level aircraft enthusiasts. Someone is looking for a beginner to  apply their skilled air hazard knowledge in analysis, report writing and lecturing. 

Reminder to self: Never fly to or from Nepal ... 

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This reminds me of the guy who once claimed to be in charge of maintaining the airframes of the RAF's heavy aircraft. If memory serves, he only had one year of post high-school eduaction in something or other from a community college.  Amazingly, though, the RAF's heavy aircraft have not yet not started falling from the sky...

[#26]

Maybe he spent that year at Hogwarts? Wingardium Leviosa!