Crazy Job Postings Part II

[pandoraharper]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[voiceovervandeen]

There was a corker last week for voiceover artists, the audition script included a clause whereby you signed over all rights to the client to electronically duplicate your voice & use/sell it however they wished.

It was posted under the guise of helping the client "with their robotics project".

I flagged it & with the help of a fellow booth junkie & upworker who's one of the big VO guys on youtube warning people

:-     "Do not read that audition script!",      the "offer" was quickly taken down, unfortunately not before several people had applied for it though 😞

[prestonhunter]

Garry:

Are you saying that you don't think a person should be able to sell the rights to use their recorded voice samples in an electronically duplicated way?

You would probably not like "The Congress" starring Robin Wright.

[voiceovervandeen]

> Are you saying that you don't think a person should be able to sell the rights to use their recorded voice samples in an electronically duplicated way?

Preston,

No, selling/licensing the rights to use your voice is completely fine, & you enter into a contract to be compensated accordingly, just as Robin’s character was in the film.

The circumstances of last weeks offer were vastly different. The posting was designed to hoodwink any unwary auditioning freelancer into handing over any rights to their voice FOC, and allowing the client to "use it for any purpose". The client set out to achieve this by having the freelancer record themselves saying the "contract waiver clause", as an integral part of the requested audition script.

[numbsain]

I was once hired to play every note, bleat, screech, squeal, lip trill,
smear, multiphonic, split note, pedal tone and about a hundred other
strange effects on the trumpet to be used as samples for a band called
Rythm & Noise. Then i did the same on didgeridoo, mellophone, and a few
other instruments. I didn't care what they did with it are you telling me I
should have? Cared i mean?

I wasn't gonna use those noises anyway. Might as well share them. I figured
I was doing a good deed for some trumpet-screech-starved teenage degenerate
in some mosh pit somewhere. Maybe even save his miserable, tormented life
by expressing his angst in a double high-G splat. I'm a regular
fippalanthropist! Haha! ahem! (That would be funny to a brass player.)

[voiceovervandeen]

Hi Ray,

Yep that's it, you were hired, & you entered into it knowingly.

See my reply to Preston above which goes into more detail & explains why I would imagine UpWork quickly took it down after we flagged it.

The poster had deliberately placed the contract waiver clause to be read as part of his audition script, so he wouldn't have even had to hire anyone to have use of their voice, the audition submission including the waiver would be all he would have needed to sell/use/pass on to the voice duplication company.

As a former string player I'm affraid your brass joke escaped me, maybe I was asleep as I never got as many bars rest 😉  I did once get told that I could drink like a brass player, I took that as a great compliment!!

[weinreich]

I saw this and had to share it. I assume it was autocorrect gone wrong. The posting included a sentence similar to:

"I'm pooping for someone to help me produce my first EP!"

Hopefully it was autocorrect!!!

[prestonhunter]

Yet another instance of getting tripped up by autocorrect!

[ravi_iitian]

People seem to have applied for this job.

[colettelewis]

---

Ravindra B wrote:

People seem to have applied for this job.

---

____________________________

Ravindra, Coffee Break would fall apart without you! 

[ravi_iitian]

Cheers, Nichola!

[sofinabeel]

This community is POPPING! Looks like I'm not the only one frustrated by insane-sounding jobs (that people are actually applying for)! 

I'm so happy to see Upwork is not just everyone running high tides submitting proposals! So glad I came across the Upwork community. 

Embrace the noob, fellas. I'm on a coffee break!

[colettelewis]

And another client with wildly urnealistic expectations.

The client wants  an entry level freelancer who is bi- or multi-lingual (French, German, English), an expert proofreader, an illustrator, and a book typesetter with Indesign.This skillful paragon has to start their proposal with "I am real" so that the client can be sure of not being spammed (cough). 

All this for the princely sum of $10 - $25

[colettelewis]

Entry level aircraft enthusiasts. Someone is looking for a beginner to  apply their skilled air hazard knowledge in analysis, report writing and lecturing. 

Reminder to self: Never fly to or from Nepal ... 

[reinierb]

---

Nichola L wrote:

Entry level aircraft enthusiasts. Someone is looking for a beginner to  apply their skilled air hazard knowledge in analysis, report writing and lecturing. 

Reminder to self: Never fly to or from Nepal ... 

---

This reminds me of the guy who once claimed to be in charge of maintaining the airframes of the RAF's heavy aircraft. If memory serves, he only had one year of post high-school eduaction in something or other from a community college.  Amazingly, though, the RAF's heavy aircraft have not yet not started falling from the sky...

[jaycrutcher]

Maybe he spent that year at Hogwarts? Wingardium Leviosa!

[colettelewis]

---

Jarrad C wrote:

Maybe he spent that year at Hogwarts? Wingardium Leviosa!

---

__________________________

Lol - 

[prestonhunter]

Hope springs eternal.

As a client, I have often said that it would be awesome if I could actually find miraculous freelancers like these clients hope to find, who will do the work for the rates these clients hope to pay.

I would not hesitate to take advantage of that.

But that isn't the real world.

For a client who hopes to do this:

The problem is not that it is "unethical."

The problem is that it is not possible.

[shefen]

Haven't seen one like this in a while,

"We require a Facebook+Instagram Clone ... The Functionalities and View should exactly be same"

No budget given, looking for an Expert.

Project Length: less than a month

[marc_compte]

Right now, "I ran Google speed test and it says my site is slow due to unnecessary JS and CSS. Fix it for 16€ and do it real quick. " And asking for an expert.

That's about all the info there is. But hey, you must be an expert able to do it real quick for peanuts money and with no information about how big the site is. Simple job.

[mslane]

Saw one a few days ago that was basically looking for someone to do their kid's homework because the child was just "too lazy." But they didn't want it overdone with A-level work, a B would be fine.  

My own kid recommended that I do his homework once. I laughed and laughed. Then I took away his video games and laughed some more. 

[46f4f9a4]

I saw someone the other day who wanted a voice actor/social media manager to catch his girlfriend cheating on him. Basically, wanted someone to pretend to be a hot guy and catfish his girlfriend to see if she'd reply. He advertised $200 an hour, but that felt like dirty money

[AndreaG · Accepted solution]

Hi all,

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.