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pandoraharper
Community Member

Crazy Job Postings Part II

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

 

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
AndreaG
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

781 REPLIES 781


@Vesna M wrote:

Client has his payment method verified, actually he posted a featured job.

It's some really simple infographic. He invited 11 people. Four are in interview.

He had 3 job posts earlier and hired no one. 

 

Questions he added are:

  1. Can you share any infographic examples similar to what we are looking for?
  2. Do you have any questions about the job description?
  3. What part of this project most appeals to you?
  4. What questions do you have about the project?
  5. Why did you apply to this particular job?

I was going to apply, but nah.. it looks like someone came here to play a role of a client, and not really needing a job done. And it's not so rare.

Some of you may ask what's crazy ... well, questions. Questions are total absurd for what kind of job this is.


 Vesna, I think this is more a sign of a new client. The questions are pretty prominent in the job post page for clients and it's not immediately obvious that they're optional. When I was a new client I used them a lot too. Question 2-5 in this list you gave are the template questions suggested by Upwork, which is why you probably see them a lot. Question 1 looks like they wrote it themselves.

 

I'd also note that answers to these questions are the first thing clients see in the list of proposals (if they didn't use screening questions, it's the first couple lines of your proposal). So if they are there, you should answer them seriously (or at least, in a way the client will pay attention to).

 

Of course you can still skip them 🙂 But I think writing off the client as not serious is probably not accurate. If anything, I'd say it's the opposite - the client is including all the things Upwork tells them  they should for a good job post.


@Jennifer D wrote:


 But I think writing off the client as not serious is probably not accurate. If anything, I'd say it's the opposite - the client is including all the things Upwork tells them  they should for a good job post.


However, a week and five interviews later (for a really simple task) s/he hasn't hired anyone (that would be fourth job since s/he came here in July), and I doubt all four times s/he was unable to find a good match in skills quality and/or price. I dunno, I just don't think people who take carelessly others people time can be serious. All the applicants had to pass through the questions and probably have tried their best. To no avail.

____________
Don't correct my grammar!

Vesna, yeah this particular one does sound like a time waster unfortunately 😞

Wrong place.

renata101
Community Member

"I am looking for a FILIPINO individual freelancers who could do editing and proofreading with our incoming Japanese - English project."


@Renata S wrote:

"I am looking for a FILIPINO individual freelancers who could do editing and proofreading with our incoming Japanese - English project."


 Japanese are expensive. 

-----------
"Where darkness shines like dazzling light"   —William Ashbless
pandoraharper
Community Member

This is a reminder about the content that is allowed (and not allowed) in the UW Forums.

 

Screenshots of jobs - not allowed.

Verbatim copy/paste of the job title or description - Not allowed.

 

And yea, I know this bites.

 

renata101
Community Member

No Einstein? No problem!

"The book is a very clear account of Einstein's special relativity and we have a very special requirement: the reviewer must be a person who knows basics of high.school physics and tried to understand Einstein's theory without success." 

 


@Renata S wrote:

No Einstein? No problem!

"The book is a very clear account of Einstein's special relativity and we have a very special requirement: the reviewer must be a person who knows basics of high.school physics and tried to understand Einstein's theory without success." 

 


 So... they want someone who doesn't understand Einstein's theory to write (?) a book about Einstein's theory? *facepalm*

Maybe as a demo how an average person perceives theory of relativity. It could be a fun for physicists. Robot LOL

____________
Don't correct my grammar!

From what I hear, Einstein was no rocket surgeon.

well, lots of people that fit that description!

renata101
Community Member

 

Zut alors! Batroc!

 

"[W]e need someone whose French is utterly unassailable. (I am wondering if such a person exists.)"

Unassailable French - or any language for that matter - lol! I pity the freelancer who got that job!


@Renata S wrote:

 

Zut alors! Batroc!

 

"[W]e need someone whose French is utterly unassailable. (I am wondering if such a person exists.)"


 "I only speak two langages - English and Bad English!" -Corbin Dallas

I was just approached by a guy asking for comission-based work, but he will only be able to pay me (provided that I make any sales) on "31st of February". That due date is mentioned three times  across his message.

re: "I was just approached by a guy asking for comission-based work, but he will only be able to pay me (provided that I make any sales) on "31st of February". That due date is mentioned three times  across his message."

 

That's a good one.

 

Personally, my response to a commission-only job would be the same even if the job poster said "he will pay me $5000 no matter what as soon as I submit the book."

 

Thanks but no thanks. If I want to work for free, I can volunteer at a local church, charity, school. I'm not interested in anybody's commission-only work scheme. Which is something that is FINE for people who like to do that kind of work, but it is something that is banned on Upwork.

ofc I reported him, and he also has an Upwork spending record worth $1.  For that $1 job his chosen freelancer left a quite favorable feedback. Very smelly as it screams "I took him off the platform!"

well, that's the exact date you will get payment!

ipuisane
Community Member

I am into freelancing only 2 weeks, no jobs yet, but had some funny moments. Most memorable was one offer where was detalized explained about Virtual Assistant job, what kind of information must be searched. Looked legit, no traces of something hidden under it. After we start to chat and HR person sent me the link about other specific conditions, there were things like that need to be in a revealing outfit during working hours, such as see-through tops, bikini, lingerie. Secretary in lingerie while searching specific articles and copy/paste them to the MS Word. If I am good, then after a week boss will give me clients skype ID and I will do the administrative tasks in the same manner to him/them...

AveryO
Community Manager
Community Manager

We're sorry for this experience, Ilze. If you haven't already, please send the client's job post link to me via a private message so that I can report this to the team.


~ Avery
Upwork


@Ilze P wrote:

<snip>

 After we start to chat and HR person sent me the link about other specific conditions, there were things like that need to be in a revealing outfit during working hours, such as see-through tops, bikini, lingerie. Secretary in lingerie while searching specific articles and copy/paste them to the MS Word. If I am good, then after a week boss will give me clients skype ID and I will do the administrative tasks in the same manner to him/them...


 Like Avery said, that kind of client behavior (sexual harrasement being amoung them) that is not allowed here. If you every come across anything like this, flag it and move on. (that means report them, btw).

 

If a job requires you to be visible via your webcam, it might be scammy. There are very few legit reasons for being visible via webcam, and clients do not usually request this. I've been here 7 years and have only had 2 clients that wanted to video teleconference during meetings. Both were legit, and I had no problem doing this.

 

If you come across a job that says you have to be on your webcam, look at the clients job history, feedback, etc. 

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

 

Just one example of how "clients" use the JSS score system to get free work done - others just threaten to give a bad score if no reduction................

liliath_p
Community Member

Here's a good one:

 

Client needs 7k-10k word long educational books and the budget is $25 per book.

 

LOL

 


@Liliath P wrote:

Here's a good one:

 

Client needs 7k-10k word long educational books and the budget is $25 per book.

 

LOL

 


 Maybe it's a placeholder. Upwork should give this as an option. Really, Upwork, please.... ????

____________
Don't correct my grammar!



 Maybe it's a placeholder. Upwork should give this as an option. Really, Upwork, please.... ????


 It was stated in the job description. The client wanted to make sure the bidders understood they would not get paid more than $25 per each book they wrote. 


@Liliath P wrote:


 Maybe it's a placeholder. Upwork should give this as an option. Really, Upwork, please.... ????


 It was stated in the job description. The client wanted to make sure the bidders understood they would not get paid more than $25 per each book they wrote. 


 _______________

I just hate to think who is being "educated" by these books. Future Upwork freelancers perhaps?

financemark
Community Member

Business Plan, Executive Summary and Financial Model projections for Snail Farm in Republic of Georgia

 

mmmmm, snails. 


@Mark K wrote:

Business Plan, Executive Summary and Financial Model projections for Snail Farm in Republic of Georgia

 

mmmmm, snails. 


 Lots of people make very decent money from raising / breeding snails. When did you last order Escargot in a French restaurant?

 

There are also very pricy aquarium snails...

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

 

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

Who subcontracts this kind of work to an Indian translation agency?

-----------
"Where darkness shines like dazzling light"   —William Ashbless
renata101
Community Member

1) Elephantine Yoga -- 10 poses for $40

"Make a comic strip of stretchy the elephant doing Sun A salutation poses. Please note that I have images of the elephant doing all of the poses."

Artwork will include the elephant doing both the downward and upward dog, in addition to eight other poses.

 

2) I always like the ones that seem to suggest a story:  Someone is looking for an audio restoration expert to "improve the wedding singer as much as possible."

Not exactly "crazy", but I just saw a job posting with a vague title and details of just "Details TBA".So I responded with my quickest ever proposal, consisting of just "Proposal TBA". Smiley Happy

mcluc
Community Member

Heh :), I do have two funny posts I saved recently for this topic.

 

0.18$ per photo. Cutting the background and change size. Between 350-500 images.

 

Sure, in most cases is easy to cut the background, but there are many cases where it takes more time just for 18 cents. Poor freelancer, throwing at him 18 cents 😞

 

And the other one. Convert 1.000 images into Illustrations. If you do a good job, we want 200k+ more images to be convert.

 

🙂

 

I don't know whether to laught or be disgusted: a job to create flyers because the client wants to **Edited for Community Guidelines**" He also wants "to send it as an email campaign."

 

 

Hi Katherine,

 

I wasn't able to find the job you are referring to so it may have already been removed but could you please send me a link if you still have it? I'd like to double check.

~ Valeria
Upwork
renata101
Community Member

1) "Hello, Im looking for an amazing proof reader which is online most of the day working hours. Usually my projects are small, and I need them fast."

 

This seems to suggest an on-demand service. I think it's called Grammarly. 

2) 

NB: I HAVE RESERVATION FOR THE USE OF 'I' .... KINDLY DO NOT APPLY IF YOU CANNOT FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

Commence your application with : FLUME to ascertain you actually read the requirements.

pandoraharper
Community Member

Today: mid west client looking for onsite cook, maid and house manager

 

Client Status: New, Payment unverified. No use of the "LOCAL" job feature. 

 

From an Upworks Talent Specialist:

 

"If you have 6 months - 2 years of experience within Accounts Payable Clerk, Sales Representative or other job categories this is a perfect project!"

 

I have been a CPA for more than 40 years and my Profile Hourly Rate is $177.00. 

 

What a waste of Upwork money using this Talent Specialist and my time to read his invitation.

Joseph M. C. ,P.C., CPA/ABV
jcullinan
Community Member


@Joseph C wrote:

From an Upworks Talent Specialist:

 

"If you have 6 months - 2 years of experience within Accounts Payable Clerk, Sales Representative or other job categories this is a perfect project!"

 

I have been a CPA for more than 40 years and my Profile Hourly Rate is $177.00. 

 

What a waste of Upwork money using this Talent Specialist and my time to read his invitation.


UGGGGGHHHHH.

 

Please also post this on the Talent Specialist thread: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Update-on-Talent-Specialists-Program/m-p/464994#M24727

 

Maybe someday the UW powers that be will see that this not the exception but the norm. 

I removed myself from the TS program.  I don't feel that I'm missing out on anything except a few weekly giggles.

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