Crazy Job Postings Part II

[pandoraharper]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[resultsassoc]

Joseph C,

From the other side of the table, a TS invited a flower arranger to my engineering job.

[jmccpa]

"In need of a quick and sexy financial projection for a new start-up business."

Then I looked at the Job Poster's history - average hourly rate $1.10! Over 700 hours!

Can't do sexy for $1.10.

Joe

[martina_plaschka]

that's understood. Sexy is at least 4 USD per hour. 

[colettelewis]

---

@Bill H wrote:

Joseph C,

From the other side of the table, a TS invited a flower arranger to my engineering job.

---

 __________________________________

Was this the job?

Beijing 70th anniversaryhttps://thenanfang.com/commemorating-end-wwii-beijing-city-wide-flower-arrangements/

[nahidrajbd]

I get 2-3 invitation to make their wikipedia page. But the funny thing is they do not know why wikipedia should have their name. They do not know what they did to be as notable, they just got $5-$10 on account and wanted to be famous with the help of wikipedia.

[jcullinan]

Invitation to a job that has been open for 2 months and hired 23 people after sending almost 1200 invites:

"ONLY Bids at $1 per 500 words will be considered."

I'm pretty sure I've flagged this one before, but the exact same post is still actively soliciting.

[lindaland]

This is the short version of a recent invite:

"you must edit my work to the utmost quality.

-Work experience with established publishers is an advantage.

-$10 for 10K words."

[jmlaidlaw]

Received an invitation this morning to "ghostwrite" a book. The usual stipulations that I must do in-depth research, that the English be perfect (clear from the posting that the client would be quite hard-pressed to recognize even minimally passable English, let alone to titer for "perfect" English!), that I format it for Kindle, that it be a minimum length of yada-yada-yada...  All for $250. Standard-issue nonsense.

The client also stipulated that it is a near-necessity that I have "personal experience" with the proposed topic:  procrastination.

Obvious query... Why is the client intent on hiring procrastinators? (Well, never mind. I haven't yet gotten 'round to responding.)

[timsmith99]

I received an Upwork automated email for a mouse study. The client needs to figure out how many mice they should use for their project, among other things. I guess Upwork thinks I'm a mouse expert now

[prestonhunter]

re: "I guess Upwork thinks I'm a mouse expert now"

Aren't you though?

[AveryO]

Hi Timothy, 

I'm sorry if this inconvenienced you in any way. Was this job sent through the job digest/job recommendation email? 

[jmlaidlaw]

@ Avery -- Maybe Timothy S. simply felt trapped. Or maybe the job was too cheesy for his taste.

[timsmith99]

Avery,

Please understand my post was not a complaint. I frequently receive automated emails from Upwork not related to the services I currently offer to my Upwork clients. This one made me laugh harder than some of the previous recommendations, so I thought I would share with others who may find it amusing.

It is my understanding the nature of this thread is to post crazy jobs for entertainment purposes, not to file formal complaints.

Thanks for all you do!

Tim

[jcullinan]

---

@Timothy S wrote:

Avery,

Please understand my post was not a complaint. I frequently receive automated emails from Upwork not related to the services I currently offer to my Upwork clients. This one made me laugh harder than some of the previous recommendations, so I thought I would share with others who may find it amusing.

It is my understanding the nature of this thread is to post crazy jobs for entertainment purposes, not to file formal complaints.

---

Don't you know that everything is very serious here, at all times?

Laughter is, well, frowned upon.

Snark? Never.

And don't even start with sarcasm - just a hint is enough for you to be escorted towards the door...

[pandoraharper]

---

@Timothy S wrote:

It is my understanding the nature of this thread is to post crazy jobs for entertainment purposes, not to file formal complaints.

---

 That is correct. Carry on 🙂

[AveryO]

Hi Timothy, and everyone!

I completely understand the nature of this thread. But if there's a way for us to improve on things, based on the reports we receive from the Community, and the posts on the two "Crazy Job Postings" thread, our team will definitely forward this to the appropriate teams so that it can be reviewed, tweaked, and improved on. 

Avery

[martina_plaschka]

the poor mice...

[pandoraharper]

If that job showed up in my feed, I'd save it and keep it for "observation". At some point, hopefully, these clients will do the one thing that will get them zapped.

[pandoraharper]

You think you have seen it all, and then.....

Disclaimer: Got a tip about this job. I'd never see anything this unique in my own feed.

A non-verified payment client is looking for a musician to create a rather long music segment. The details are pretty specific, so I'm going to have to dance around a little.

First, the main sound needs to be from mans best friend. It's for a soundbox. I have no idea what that is, and hopefully, neither does anyone else, heh.

The song should be inspired by the Man from Memphis. Yehaw.

And finally, they are asking for work samples. TSK!

[pandoraharper]

An Enterprise client is looking for PM's. The surprising..and actually really awesome thing about this job post is that the very first line tells all bidders that the fixed price amount is a placeholder, and the client wants bidders to bid a fair price. Job details are complete, well written, and detailed.

If I could give this job post kudos, I would.

If ONLY all the PM job posts I see on Upwork were this good. <sighs>

[alice_m_uk]

I saw a proofreading job about a week ago that didn't have a lot of detail, just that the text was quite short, but was very personal, and the proofreader had to be comfortable with adult themes. 

I applied, I was actually super curious about it as it wasn't a novel or an article, and although I didn't get the job, I did get an interview in which the text was sent to me. Turned out the client was a sugar daddy who was looking for a second sugar baby, and the text was some kind of personal ad. It was pretty long, actually, so maybe it was for a website profile. And the text was pretty detailed on the expectations of the sugar baby, acts she should be willing to do and all. 

Not low paid, and the client seemed nice, it just made me laugh. 

[moutcom]

Hi folks,

today i found one 

A non-verified payment client (self described as a BIG IT company in Ixxxx (no, not from IDAHO)) is looking for a Lxxxx sys-admin expert level, to assist in 

Upgrade ****** ******* kernel version 4.4 to 4.16 x

Skills Needed: 
- Strong knowledge of xxxxx, xxxxxx, xxxxx

Deliverables:
- xxxxx kernel 4.16.x 

You now may call it a mistake, or a Crazy Job Posting ...

But for me its simply the Hilbert Job Posting -infinity as it finest ^^

[jr-translation]

Expert Level

Language : English to German language translation
Word Count: 2500 words approx
Rates : USD 0.03 Per Target word (Maximum)

[martina_plaschka]

not worth the waste of two perfectly fine little connects, though....

[alice_m_uk]

There's a job posting up right now, for editing a Word document, in which the poster has put how the last freelancer she hired managed to 'screw it up' and it has to be redone. She has actually put the freelancer's name in the posting. 

I was curious and looked up the Freelancer in question to see what she had written in his feedback, she gave him a 3.8 out for 5 and said he made 'some mistakes', but it 'wasn't disastrous, it was fine'. Which seems a bit contrary to her being angry enough to personally name and shame him in her posting. 

(I flagged it, since I did remember reading you can't put personal accusations in job postings). 

[JoanneP]

Hi Alice,

Thank you for flagging the said job post. Our team will be investigating on it and take the appropriate measures. 

[colettelewis]

Yes, I flagged this one too. Unprofessional client who shouldn't even be allowed on the site. Even more unprofessional because if the freelancer really "screwed up" then the public feedback should have reflected this. I bet the private feedback told a different story. If it didn't, and is consistent with the public feedback, then although not the greatest,  the freelancer certainly did not deserve to be named and defamed in public. 

[alice_m_uk]

I have seen it has been removed since posting, which is great. That's the thing, if the freelancer did a bad job, that sucks, give them bad public feedback so people can see it and move on. Why would the new person you're hiring even care about that? I would just be super wary working for someone who could potentially badmouth me to random people on the site. 

[melaniekhenson]

Sorry, posted in error. 🙂

[moonraker]

I spotted one earlier for 200 (1,000 word) articles at $300. So $1.50/article of 1,000 words. 

That in itself was nothing unusual, just another cheap client that we are all so used to, except... They had it listed under 'expert' level, that they were willing to pay higher rates.

[alice_m_uk]

There's a US-based client currently looking for for a full-time editor/proofreader for a whopping "under $5 an hour". By the way, along with editing and proofreading, you'll also be managing spreadsheets, communicating with other contractors, and transferring docs. Don't all of you apply at once.

[prestonhunter]

re: "There's a US-based client currently looking for for a full-time editor/proofreader for a whopping 'under $5 an hour'. By the way, along with editing and proofreading, you'll also be managing spreadsheets, communicating with other contractors, and transferring docs. Don't all of you apply at once."

If a client can really find somebody who can ably do all this for under $5/hour, they would be crazy not to work with that freelancer.

[alice_m_uk]

Double-post but had to, there's currently a job post with the title: 

"N***** Narratives" (my censoring, don't like to use the word) 

Apparently it's an editing job for a movie based on the book "When I Was a Slave: Memoirs from the Slave Narrative Collection". I can't get onto the full job post to see why they've used that name, because there's no way anyone is getting away with naming their movie that. 

[jr-translation]

Is anyone looking for a polyglot proofreader?

"Looking for an agent who'll do some applying work for me!
So I am someone who likes to proofread in the following languages: Dutch, English, German and some easy French."

[versailles]

---

@Jennifer R wrote:

and some easy French."

---

I'm now wondering how you proofread easy French and how it's different from proofreading regular French. And what's the easy version of French?

[prestonhunter]

re: "And what's the easy version of French?"

Eet eez when you speak lik zis. You can airdair bread een Paris wiv Easy French.

[versailles]

---

@Preston H wrote:

re: "And what's the easy version of French?"

Eet eez when you speak lik zis. You can airdair bread een Paris wiv Easy French.

---

 You sound like a French person trying to speak English Preston 🙂

[martina_plaschka]

the easy version of French is when you don't know French...

[alice_m_uk]

There's currently someone looking for 25 proofreaders to proofread their book, 'Erotic Guest House Romance: Black Woman Millionaire Escapes Domestic Violence Using Her White Construction Man Team Leader'. It's 249 pages and you'll get a whopping $5. However, you have to download the book from Amazon (it's free) and since they pretty much just say to send them a screenshot of the last page when you're done, and nothing about how they want to see any changes, I'm wondering if they're just trying to trick Amazon into thinking their book is more popular than it really is. 

[jr-translation]

I just got an invitation:

####Please send me offers for 100 words translation and which language#####

##### We will take the best lowest offer so think twice before making the offer #####