Solved: Crazy Job Postings Part II - Page 13

pandoraharper · ‎09-01-2017

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

AndreaG · ‎02-14-2022

Hi all,

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

~Andrea

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jr-translation · ‎07-04-2018

Job description for an expert level translator:

"I am looking for a long-term reliable and cheap German translator."

madamep · ‎07-05-2018

I saw a good one too but even though I've been on the platform for a few months, it still does not make me laugh 😞

"Hello,
I have many books (fiction and non fiction) I would like to be record for xxx.
Besides, I produce at least 4-5 new books each month, so plenty of works.
For now, I have 25 books who need records in English, French, Spanish and Italian.
Let me know which languages you speak and please send me some samples of your work.
My books have between 11-23 k words.
Here's my budget:
11-15k words = $20
15k-20k words = $25
20-25k words = $30"

It is sad isn't it ?

pandoraharper · ‎07-06-2018

@Isabelle P wrote:
I saw a good one too but even though I've been on the platform for a few months, it still does not make me laugh 😞

Thanks for posting. And knowing that your somewhat new to the Forums, welcome!

Finally, please be aware that Forum rules prohibit us from posting copy from a job post. Also, we can't post anything that will help "identify" it, and thereby be searched for.

You can paraphrase, and that is where some of the fun comes in here. We have to "creatively" come up with ways to explain why a job is crazy.

To clarify: These are the community rules, which we are all expected to follow. You should be up to date with these: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Community-Basics/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/259905

resultsassoc · ‎07-08-2018

I just contributed to the craziness. I posted a job today already discussed with the freelancer. On another board I can post "As discussed." Not on Upwork.

"Deep Beta Read:

I am stuck and need a new set of experienced eyes to look at an unfinished 70K-word manuscript, mystery novel. Invitation only. Fixed price $XXX. No rush. For freelancer XXXX only. Says I still need more words. There, I satisfied the all-powerful logarithm."

wendy_writes · ‎07-08-2018

Bill, Private Invites can be logged "As discussed"; clients and I do it on a consistent basis. All you need is a title of sorts - i.e. website; review book; logo, etc.

emiguelina · ‎07-10-2018

What do you guys think of these? I saw at least two job posts about VA to engage in several dating sites, not sure if she is to pose as the client himself (not sure), the first one is to get him dates, this one was fixed (every date is xxx dollars). The second one was hourly, this guy said he was looking for a wife, the rest was the same thing, the VA should engage in conversations, it was no clear, or at least to me, if the VA should impersonate him or just state that she is his VA and proceed to interview the suitable applicants.

I didn't know what to do, flag or not, I decided not to flag it and mention it here.

colettelewis · ‎07-10-2018

IMO the jobs are inappropriate and I would flag them. Whether Upwork thinks they are is another matter.

When it comes to a choice between money and moral judgement, money usually wins . . .

emiguelina · ‎07-10-2018

@Nichola L wrote:
When it comes to a choice between money and moral judgement, money usually wins . . .

That is sooo true, I'll flag them next time, and I will let Upwork decide, I can't manage to find them. BTW: I did not apply to any of them (it was a moral thing).

liliath_p · ‎07-10-2018

A client has paid $29.99 to feature their job post: "translate 2700 words for $27".

Really? I honestly don't understand this way of thinking.

prestonhunter · ‎07-10-2018

I wonder if the cheapskate accidentally clicked the button to have the job "featured," which requires paying for the privilege... Interesting indeed.

But if Upwork collects a placement fee...

And the client actually finds somebody to do the work...

And a freelancer is happy to take on this contract...

Then I suppose all parties a happy (excluding possibly the readers of the final product).

colettelewis · ‎07-10-2018

@Preston H wrote:
I wonder if the cheapskate accidentally clicked the button to have the job "featured," which requires paying for the privilege... Interesting indeed.

But if Upwork collects a placement fee...
And the client actually finds somebody to do the work...
And a freelancer is happy to take on this contract...

Then I suppose all parties a happy (excluding possibly the readers of the final product).

_____________________________

What will happen is that some new freelancer will fall for it, and the client will merely complain and ask for a refund - and keep the work. (The final product, sadly, is out of our hands.)

jcullinan · ‎07-25-2018

"We are seeking the next big talent --a designer with the creativity of Picasso, the innovation of Steve Jobs and the people skills of Gandhi."

This client has sent almost 100 invitations and only received 10-15 applications. Gee. Wonder why.

martina_plaschka · ‎08-22-2018

what he will get is the looks of Picasso, the colorful dressing style of Steve Jobs and the cooking skills of Ghandi....

khurram4m · ‎07-25-2018

Design and develop a website like GoDaddy (frontend and backend both)

Budget: $400

5-10 proposals

Posted few minutes ago (Payment Confirmed : $8K spent )

I am not sure if he is serious 🙂

ravi_iitian · ‎07-25-2018

"Payment 100 USD & 500 USD in token value."?

"Certa bonum certamen"

renata101 · ‎07-26-2018

@Khurram J wrote:
Design and develop a website like GoDaddy (frontend and backend both)

Budget: $400

5-10 proposals

Posted few minutes ago (Payment Confirmed : $8K spent )

I am not sure if he is serious 🙂

What makes you doubt the client's seriousness? Is it that the project is insane or that having delusions this big in no way interferes with the client's ability to post them?

You may have noticed there's no "sanity flagging option" on this platform.

colettelewis · ‎07-26-2018

@Renata S wrote:

You may have noticed there's no "sanity flagging option" on this platform.

_____________________________________

Lol - that one's a keeper!

In my job feed now there is someone looking for money, so maybe Upwork would be up for this. The client is looking for a producer to fund his film - I am sure a lot of FLs have $180k readies - + the wherewithal to pay UW its fees.

reinierb · ‎07-28-2018

Saw a job posting yesterday in which the client wanted 10 travel guides, with each guide being at least 60 (sixty) pages long, with 70 (seventy) pages being preferable. The budget? $50/guide, and don't try to negotiate a better price, because this will eliminate you from the running.

versailles · ‎07-28-2018

@Reinier B wrote:
Saw a job posting yesterday in which the client wanted 10 travel guides, with each guide being at least 60 (sixty) pages long, with 70 (seventy) pages being preferable. The budget? $50/guide, and don't try to negotiate a better price, because this will eliminate you from the running.

As always in those cases, I would so love to see the final product 🙂

-----------
"Where darkness shines like dazzling light" —William Ashbless

colettelewis · ‎07-28-2018

@Rene K wrote:
@Reinier B wrote:
Saw a job posting yesterday in which the client wanted 10 travel guides, with each guide being at least 60 (sixty) pages long, with 70 (seventy) pages being preferable. The budget? $50/guide, and don't try to negotiate a better price, because this will eliminate you from the running.
As always in those cases, I would so love to see the final product 🙂

__________________________

And would one want to take the tour? ...

prestonhunter · ‎07-28-2018

re: "As always in those cases, I would so love to see the final product"

If you do the right Google search, you can probably see the final product. Because that's probably where this client's "new" travel guides are going to come from.

jr-translation · ‎08-13-2018

An ebook about "How your life changes with a health lifestyle", and the social, and body benefits. the text should have more than 4000 words,

"The copyright must be my name, and is there plagiarism, the writer gets punished for it. "

This client offers $25.

colettelewis · ‎08-13-2018

And another one - expert ($$$) writer wanted for a giveaway Australian travel brochure - but minimum pay ("because I can't afford very much") - but the reward is that it will look great on your CV. Of course!

jr-translation · ‎08-13-2018

Translating articles:

"They are not very urgent and the translator could translate them in their spare time."

Is there such a thing as spare time for freelancers?

digiphics · ‎08-14-2018

I was hired to remake a logo for a financial company, job ran smooth and paid well. Later I was notified that the logo I remade was stolen from another graphic designer who some how found out I created the new logo and messaged me. So I researched the logo and found out that in fact the logo was taken from a vector warehouse for $1.49. So I looked at the "designers" website and found not one, but around 20 logos that were either rip-offs from other companies or free vectors. Not really a crazy job posting, the way everything went down was crazy and yes, I created an original one off logo for this client after the fact.

alice_m_uk · ‎08-17-2018

@Jennifer R wrote:
Translating articles:
"They are not very urgent and the translator could translate them in their spare time."

Is there such a thing as spare time for freelancers?

I also like the idea that the client thinks when you have spare time from your translating job, you'll be super eager to spend it doing more translating.

martina_plaschka · ‎08-17-2018

that is really funny!

I also have learned to become extra caution when the client says: really easy translation, nothing special. Most likely the text contains a lot of code that you have to be real careful not to mess up when translating around it....

colettelewis · ‎08-21-2018

Not only a crazy job post, but a worrying one. A client is looking for an "immigration lawyer" to help them stay in Europe - preference for Spain or France - and most inappropriately - they also suggest marriage. An immigration lawyer (with an account on Upwork) to arrange an illegal marriage?

martina_plaschka · ‎08-21-2018

I hope you flagged it for being inappropriate for upwork...

colettelewis · ‎08-21-2018

@Martina P wrote:
I hope you flagged it for being inappropriate for upwork...

_________________________

I did - but looking at the client's jobs, I see he or she is probably a farmer, and has made UW a few dollars, so I doubt if anything will be done about it.

ETA: I see the client is looking to hire 13 freelancers - Is this to check them out for marriage?

alice_m_uk · ‎08-22-2018

@Nichola L wrote:
@Martina P wrote:
I hope you flagged it for being inappropriate for upwork...
_________________________
I did - but looking at the client's jobs, I see he or she is probably a farmer, and has made UW a few dollars, so I doubt if anything will be done about it.

ETA: I see the client is looking to hire 13 freelancers - Is this to check them out for marriage?

Better to have 13 fraud marriages, odds are at least one of them will stick.

numbsain · ‎08-25-2018

@Jennifer R wrote:
An ebook about "How your life changes with a health lifestyle", and the social, and body benefits. the text should have more than 4000 words,
"The copyright must be my name, and is there plagiarism, the writer gets punished for it. "

This client offers $25.

Whomever took that job would desrve to be punished, plagiarism or no.

martina_plaschka · ‎08-25-2018

@Ray C wrote:
@Jennifer R wrote:
An ebook about "How your life changes with a health lifestyle", and the social, and body benefits. the text should have more than 4000 words,
"The copyright must be my name, and is there plagiarism, the writer gets punished for it. "

This client offers $25.
Whomever took that job would desrve to be punished, plagiarism or no.

whoever took that job is already being punished.....

alice_m_uk · ‎08-22-2018

I'm noticing more clients who just don't seem to get how the entry /intermediate /expert levels work. I'm regularly seeing people who seem to take 'expert' as simply meaning 'I want the best of the best but that in no way correlates to how much I'm prepared to pay'. I saw one recently for a client who wanted a proofreader, apparently at expert level, but was only willing to pay $10 per 10,000 words.

anamariacuesta · ‎08-24-2018

"Proofread 15348 words Google translated from English to Spanih for $6"

Why Upwork, why?

But that's not the worst part - the job has applicants

martina_plaschka · ‎08-24-2018

sad, just sad...

resultsassoc · ‎08-24-2018

In my job feed today: "I need a proposal for sex trafficking in (Name of City)." You can't make this stuff up.

martina_plaschka · ‎08-24-2018

@Bill H wrote:
In my job feed today: "I need a proposal for sex trafficking in (Name of City)." You can't make this stuff up.

oh no, this is quite shocking... and stupid, pretty pretty stupid...

colettelewis · ‎08-24-2018

@Bill H wrote:
In my job feed today: "I need a proposal for sex trafficking in (Name of City)." You can't make this stuff up.

___________________________________

The Upwork police seem to be seriously asleep on their feet. Don't they pick up on words like "sex" and "trafficking"? Bill, I guess this job was not confined to the USA? Were there any proposals and has it been assigned?
Or perhaps Upwork is branching out into different industries . . .

resultsassoc · ‎08-24-2018

Nichola, not sure if you were part of elance when a discussion arose among the maggotry of the possibility of emance, an online dating platform. I saw the major problem as the rating scheme. Just think about it - professionalism, five stars? God, I hope not.