Solved: Crazy Job Postings Part II - Page 13

pandoraharper · ‎09-01-2017

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

AndreaG · ‎02-14-2022

Hi all,

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

~Andrea

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versailles · ‎10-10-2017

@Vince D wrote:
Saw this on another site (job post was not from the US).
"I want to change my itunes store to USA, But i dont have usa credit card".

I guess they want to find some kind soul to let them use their credit card.

Or a way to achieve this without having a US credit card. I managed to open a US iTunes account (that I don't use) and I don't have a US credit card. I don't remember, I used my PayPal account I think. I'm not sure.

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"Where darkness shines like dazzling light" —William Ashbless

renata101 · ‎10-10-2017

"Narrator needed to cope with an animation of company website."

I wish more clients could be this honest about their jobs.

samjames2017 · ‎10-11-2017

Client requests 3D work for $80 fixed, and demands "100% satisfaction guarantee", "money back guarantee" and "unlimited revisions".

Yeah, right.

pandoraharper · ‎10-11-2017

@Sam J wrote:
Client requests 3D work for $80 fixed, and demands "100% satisfaction guarantee", "money back guarantee" and "unlimited revisions".

Yeah, right.

Wow. Some clients have a big set of cojones. I suppost they should get a point for honesty though.

zoomconcepts · ‎10-11-2017

I love these.

"DON'T APPLY IF YOU DON'T OFFER UNLIMITED REVISIONS"

yeah, buddy, because I was totally planning to

cartrellgeneral · ‎10-11-2017

This client wants:

you available FULL TIME but is only going to pay you for 15-20 hours
Must be a "yes" man
Must be good with egotistical millionaires

They have a hire rate of 20%.

I just visualize a headache from the start.

pandoraharper · ‎10-11-2017

@Catherine M wrote:
<snip>
You are great with handling all types of people that may range from egotistical, multi-millionaire yacht owners to angry mechanics wanting to get paid yesterday (there words not mine)

That alone would make me run away fast. If there is one kind of "customer" I can stand the LEAST, it's the "entitled" ones.

Also, Catherine, please beware that copy/pasting content from a job post is not allowed.

Which, as most of us agree, makes trying to get the point across to the readers here way more fun..heh.

cartrellgeneral · ‎10-12-2017

Thanks for the tip. I will change the parts copy and pasted. It's been a while on here for me.

jutta_beinker · ‎10-13-2017

ON another site i use you can actually ask questions about the job offered.Makes for hilarious comments most of the times - espacially on jobs like proofreading at editing a 10k word book for 10$, designing a website from scratch for 20$ etc. It would make a great addition to the UPwork site if that would be allowed...

" The bond with a true dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth will ever be "

prestonhunter · ‎10-13-2017

re: "It would make a great addition to the UPwork site if that would be allowed... Makes for hilarious comments most of the times..."

You are correct: If it was Upwork's goal was to entertain freelancers who were browsing the website's job listings, it would indeed make a great addition.

But because Upwork's goal is to earn money by providing clients with a way to hire freelancers, this is not a feature that they are going to implement. On balance, these questions don't benefit the clients, but end up simply being annoying and a distraction.

Freelancers already have the ability to ask questions - when they submit a proposal to the job.

renata101 · ‎10-13-2017

@Preston H wrote:

Freelancers already have the ability to ask questions - when they submit a proposal to the job.

That sounds really nice, but it's not a universal experience of every freelancer on the platform, especially those in occupations where there's a lot of competition.

Whether or not you have an opportunity to have your questions answered really depends on your specialty. Jobs in my area are often hired within an hour of posting and there may be up to 50 applicants. The ability to ask questions that will be answered is often non-existent. The only time I get them answered is when I've made the correct "educated guesses" about what the client wants or needs in terms of the experience I have to offer.

colettelewis · ‎10-14-2017

I have just received this from a "potential" client/farmer. I replied to a job post, asked questions and got a demand for a free test to which I objected for obvious Upwork reasons:

"For future reference, If an employer asks you to do a test. Normally just do it. Reporting a posting does not get you a job. It actually has no effect what so ever, because I can explain that it is a test and I have the corrected document (just as up work has you do tests, I have you do a test). I was able to review about 10 documents and choose the correct person for the job in less than an hour so again you reporting a posting has no effect what so ever."

ETA: Is this what actually happens? A freelancer objects because free work is against the rules and regs - but Upwork tells the client, this is OK?

The number of words involved was about 400 - in my book this represents about $16.00 - which I agree is peanuts unless your account is about to be set to private.

r2streu · ‎10-15-2017

@Nichola L wrote:
I have just received this from a "potential" client/farmer. I replied to a job post, asked questions and got a demand for a free test to which I objected for obvious Upwork reasons:

"For future reference, If an employer asks you to do a test. Normally just do it. Reporting a posting does not get you a job. It actually has no effect what so ever, because I can explain that it is a test and I have the corrected document (just as up work has you do tests, I have you do a test). I was able to review about 10 documents and choose the correct person for the job in less than an hour so again you reporting a posting has no effect what so ever."

I smell BS. This has been stated over and over again as a clear violation of Upwork TOS. If what they said were true ("has no effect what so ever" (sic)), they wouldn't be putting so much effort into justifying themselves.

I've confronted scammers on and off Upwork several times, and they almost always do the same thing: a variation of, "Well, we ARE legit, and what we asked is legit, and other people are now benefitting and you didn't trust us so you suck."

Scammers are a lot like children in that sense. The closer you are to the truth, the more ardently they defend their position. My guess is, they're on their way out.

jmlaidlaw · ‎10-15-2017

@Randy S wrote:

I smell BS. This has been stated over and over again as a clear violation of Upwork TOS. If what they said were true ("has no effect what so ever" (sic)), they wouldn't be putting so much effort into justifying themselves.

I've confronted scammers on and off Upwork several times, and they almost always do the same thing: a variation of, "Well, we ARE legit, and what we asked is legit, and other people are now benefitting and you didn't trust us so you suck."

Scammers are a lot like children in that sense. The closer you are to the truth, the more ardently they defend their position. My guess is, they're on their way out.

Although my experience leads me to believe that you are mistaken, my optimism leads me to say: "Randy, from your mouth to God's ear!"

pandoraharper · ‎10-14-2017

@Renata S wrote:
Jobs in my area are often hired within an hour of posting

<snip>

Wow. I mean REALLY. Wow. An hour! It takes my clients days, even weeks, to hire. I think I am in the wrong profession, heh.

renata101 · ‎10-15-2017

@Pandora H wrote:
@Renata S wrote:
Jobs in my area are often hired within an hour of posting

<snip>
Wow. I mean REALLY. Wow. An hour! It takes my clients days, even weeks, to hire. I think I am in the wrong profession, heh.

I think we're definitely working from a different time frame reference.

The big thing about jobs that get hired in under 60 minutes is that they're usually due yesterday.

pandoraharper · ‎10-15-2017

@Renata S wrote:
I think we're definitely working from a different time frame reference.

The big thing about jobs that get hired in under 60 minutes is that they're usually due yesterday.

I see. Very different from the long term gigs. I really don't know if I could withstand the difficulties with short term gigs. They seem very frought with peril.

r2streu · ‎10-18-2017

Oh my gosh, they're back!!!!

7,000 sentences recorded by a professional, each one saved as a separate file.

$40. Non-negotiable.

For reference, if we assume ten words a sentence on average, that's 70,000 words, which is about 6.5 hours of audio. Edited. And Split into separate files. This is easily ten hours of work, minimum.

slimboteam · ‎10-18-2017

OK, got one. Auto corrected, most likely.

If you know about Body Sharing Past or Body Sugaring Past, there's an awesome job waiting for you.

pandoraharper · ‎10-20-2017

@Joe M wrote:
OK, got one. Auto corrected, most likely.

If you know about Body Sharing Past or Body Sugaring Past, there's an awesome job waiting for you.

I don't think I want to know, and am not going to look it up, heh.

renata101 · ‎10-20-2017

I do love the Fridays postings.

Fabulous news! Christmas right is around the corner for the rest of us, but if you’re a designer, apparently it’s already arrived! Several clients are looking for the following seasonal designs.

Someone in the US is looking for also an “ugly Christmas sweater concept” for a t-shirt.

Someone in Morocco is looking for a designer who is also a Game of Thrones fan to create

"Ugly Christmas Sweatshirts” ideas in their own style.

Someone in Germany is looking for an “ugly Christmas pattern design” for a sweatshirt. The design should also include an elephant and perhaps the construction of the city's suspension railway. According to the client “It's not easy to describe what I want. Let's chat if you can imagine to do the work.”

No, I really can't imagine that, but I still want to chat just to hear you explain that concept.

And finally, someone in the UK is looking for 6 illustrations in a classic, traditional, "'schmaltzy' Christmas card style.” The idea is the illustrations will depict a 50's style traditional dinner scene but the turkey will be replaced with alternative Christmas dinners from around the world.

“Alternative Christmas dinners”? I know there’s Chinese takeout, but what do you do for the other 5?

jmlaidlaw · ‎10-20-2017

In Japan, Christmas is celebrated with Kentucky Fried Chicken and some special kind of cake (strawberry...?)

renata101 · ‎10-20-2017

@Janean L wrote:
In Japan, Christmas is celebrated with Kentucky Fried Chicken and some special kind of cake (strawberry...?)

I think it's like strawberry shortcake. Or maybe something a little fancier?

Okay, so far we've got 2 alternative Christmas meals--one from Japan, and the Chinese takeout is supposed to be what a lot of Jewish North Americans go for... Can we come up with 4 for the "schmaltzy" Christmas table scene?

We've got the Jews and the Buddhists covered. I can check with the guy from the Sri Lankan corner store what the Hindu alternative Christmas meal is. That leaves the Muslim alternative Christmas meal, the Sikh alternative Christmas meal... and I guess there's one more left.

Did anyone do a religious studies major?

pandoraharper · ‎10-20-2017

@Renata S wrote:
@Janean L wrote:
In Japan, Christmas is celebrated with Kentucky Fried Chicken and some special kind of cake (strawberry...?)
I think it's like strawberry shortcake. Or maybe something a little fancier?

Okay, so far we've got 2 alternative Christmas meals--one from Japan, and the Chinese takeout is supposed to be what a lot of Jewish North Americans go for... Can we come up with 4 for the "schmaltzy" Christmas table scene?

We've got the Jews and the Buddhists covered. I can check with the guy from the Sri Lankan corner store what the Hindu alternative Christmas meal is. That leaves the Muslim alternative Christmas meal, the Sikh alternative Christmas meal... and I guess there's one more left.

Did anyone do a religious studies major?

I vote for Europe - German, Polish, Swiss, or Austrian. (They all share some aspect of food culture already, and it's ALL just MADE for Xmas, imho).

anna_guryeva · ‎10-21-2017

A book about an absolutely new and unique theory of what love is. 33000 words. A top quality translation from English into Russian, German, Arabic etc. needed with the format kept, as the client is not going to waste his time to prepare the book for publishing.

$90 per language.

Plus, the same freelancer has to write 15 articles based on the book content and post them to 20+ websites he/she finds (as the client only has a half of the list). I wonder whether this is also included into the generous $90, but I'm too lazy to apply and ask.

One freelancer is already hired!