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pandoraharper
Community Member

Crazy Job Postings Part II

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

 

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
AndreaG
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

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781 REPLIES 781


@Camiel V wrote:
Honestly not even that crazy:
11.000 characters is about a 1000 words,

1000 words in 6 hours means 150 words/hour

1000 words for 30 bucks means 3 cent per word, meaning that a lot of
starting translators would be happy about that price on upwork.

However, I have seen those in which characters is changed for words:

"Need a translator for 30.000 words, done by tomorrow.

Please send us your master degree diploma in Dutch language or English
language studies, certification as a translator, portfolio and references
that can confirm 3 years of experience in the translation field.

As we are a start up we can't afford agency prices, so we'll pay the fee
listed above plus $0,01 per word in stocks."

Budget 50 bucks... (meaning less than 0,005 per word)

 darn, you are right, I read 10000 words, not 10000 characters.... 

imedium
Community Member

I saw a job post asking for experienced video editor, more that 1000 hours to do  app video animation for  a fixed price job 5$ 🙂

re: "I saw a job post asking for experienced video editor, more that 1000 hours to do  app video animation for  a fixed price job 5$"

 

Samti:

For clients, specifying dollar amounts for fixed-price projects can be a bit awkward and confusing. Ofcourse if this client actually intends to pay $5.00, that's kind of crazy, and certainly not realistic. But many times when we see $5.00 for a fixed-price job posting, that dollar amount is only a placeholder. It doesn't necessarily mean that's what the client is planning to pay.

That's true.

When you post a job, you have to put some amount there and 5$ is minimum.

So I guess quite many are just putting it there.

But yes, some do expect ridiculous amounts of work for 5$.

I know an enterprise client who always puts that 5$ and mention it is a placeholder.

They have spent almost 1 million and have not paid just 5 $ to anyone.

khurram4m
Community Member

Posted few minutes ago

A client wants to recreate this  travel  website  "TheEliteTravel.Club"
copy text,data,images design everything but reproduce it in wordpress
Budget $10   
Proposals so far: 5-10

And it is not just a placeholder the client has spent $200 in a single $3/hr job and then $227 in 15 fixed price jobs 

Good going .........

martina_plaschka
Community Member

Found a good one, a few minutes ago, in translation:

Person wants to hire freelancers to write their profile and get them jobs. Must get them 5 jobs. 

Was gone a minute after I flagged it.......................

alice_m_uk
Community Member

A French-based company is currently looking for a 'Top-Tier English Article Writer', a full-time position for a cool $500 a month. You only have to put in 5-7 hours a day Mon-Fri, so you'll be netting, what, between $3.5-5 an hour. But the hours are flexible, so, worth it I guess. 


@Alice M wrote:

A French-based company is currently looking for a 'Top-Tier English Article Writer', a full-time position for a cool $500 a month. You only have to put in 5-7 hours a day Mon-Fri, so you'll be netting, what, between $3.5-5 an hour. But the hours are flexible, so, worth it I guess. 

Um, no. You have to get them to promise you
• 5 stars
• Possible future work
• Good karma
• that it's a great opportunity to have your work seen on the internet!

Then it's a good job. Don't they want you to submit the first 1000 pages of the job as a sample with your bid OR YOU WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED AS A CANDIDATE FOR AWARDING THIS OPPORTUNITY even? Wow they must think we're humans!!!!


 


@Ray C wrote:

@Alice M wrote:

A French-based company is currently looking for a 'Top-Tier English Article Writer', a full-time position for a cool $500 a month. You only have to put in 5-7 hours a day Mon-Fri, so you'll be netting, what, between $3.5-5 an hour. But the hours are flexible, so, worth it I guess. 

Um, no. You have to get them to promise you
• 5 stars
• Possible future work
• Good karma
• that it's a great opportunity to have your work seen on the internet!

Then it's a good job. Don't they want you to submit the first 1000 pages of the job as a sample with your bid OR YOU WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED AS A CANDIDATE FOR AWARDING THIS OPPORTUNITY even? Wow they must think we're humans!!!!


 


 You also won't be considered unless you write 'purple monkey dishwasher' in your application. 

martina_plaschka
Community Member

This is priceless!

Why it landed in my job feed (translation) I don't know, but person wants a contract to be checked for any clause that might the venue allow to back out of the event he is planning. He gets a lot of backlash for his events. His event is wrestling, and it involves little people, and he just can't for the life of him understand why little people should not be allowed to wrestle!

I have seen lately many jobs posts by digital marketing / social media marketing agencies looking for a digital marketing / social media marketing expert to handle their own digital marketing / social media marketing.

(Not meaning the ones who look to hire to work for their clients)

May not be funny, but I feel sorry for their clients.

 

And yes, I am a professional dog trainer myself (among other things) and yes, my own dog is behaving like the craziest border collie in the world time to time, but still...

Just some background info for all the non-linguist:

There are three forms of compound words:

  • the closed form, in which the words are melded together, such as firefly, secondhand, softball, crosstown, redhead, keyboard, makeup, notebook;
  • the hyphenated form, such as daughter-in-law, master-at-arms, over-the-counter, six-pack, six-year-old, mass-produced; and
  • the open form, such as post office, real estate, middle class, full moon, half sister, attorney general.

And here is clients request:

for example: found word ¨carpet¨ you will have to find an image for ¨car¨ and another for ¨pet¨.


@Jennifer R wrote:

Just some background info for all the non-linguist:

There are three forms of compound words:

  • the closed form, in which the words are melded together, such as firefly, secondhand, softball, crosstown, redhead, keyboard, makeup, notebook;
  • the hyphenated form, such as daughter-in-law, master-at-arms, over-the-counter, six-pack, six-year-old, mass-produced; and
  • the open form, such as post office, real estate, middle class, full moon, half sister, attorney general.

And here is clients request:

for example: found word ¨carpet¨ you will have to find an image for ¨car¨ and another for ¨pet¨.


 It's not just a translation job, it's an all out attack on the English language!


@Martina P wrote:

@Jennifer R wrote:

Just some background info for all the non-linguist:

There are three forms of compound words:

  • the closed form, in which the words are melded together, such as firefly, secondhand, softball, crosstown, redhead, keyboard, makeup, notebook;
  • the hyphenated form, such as daughter-in-law, master-at-arms, over-the-counter, six-pack, six-year-old, mass-produced; and
  • the open form, such as post office, real estate, middle class, full moon, half sister, attorney general.

And here is clients request:

for example: found word ¨carpet¨ you will have to find an image for ¨car¨ and another for ¨pet¨.


 It's not just a translation job, it's an all out attack on the English language!


 It was ment for German. It remind me somehow of "Onepressure-deepness" a translation I once found in a technical document.

We are an Upwork translation agency ... In addition to the Upwork 20% fee, we charge a 15% agency fee.

 

So all you have to do is increase your rate end everything is fine...

Find an image for Mans and one for Laughter.

I can't stop laughing... Cat LOL

 

I've just read one saying "Please don't give me a price until you know the details. Don't ask me for a budget just give me a price." The funniest part is that the client don't give us absolutely any information, let alone "details" in the job post.

Oh that one kills me!

St. Graphis Designus needed for graphic design project!

Skill level: EXPERT Budget: $5

"I need a beginning level graphic designer to do some earth shattering
super-ninja award winning graphic design for me. Need ASAP! Please include
total price and relevant samples. Details will be awarded to the knighted
victor after the jousting at the royal coronation reception. DO NOT WASTE
MY TIME UNLESS YOU HAVE DONE THIS EXACT JOB OVER 500 TIMES!!!!

Question: Breifly describe why you are better suited to do this particular
job than any other person on the planet

My answer: I have a masters degree in "Doing This Particular Job", and i
was the only person in the class. I then went on to a 4 year internship in
which i did this job over and over again.

Question: What challenging part of this project will take the most time?

My answer: probably getting paid.

Question: Do you have any questions about the job description?

My answer: Can't think of any you've pretty much covered everything. Next
time you hear from me the job will be in your in box.

Question: Do you have any suggestions to make this job run smoothly?

My answer: Yes but it doesn't concern you. It involves me digging way down
into the deepest penetrailia of my soul and dredging up some profoundly
painful experiences from my past, doing battle with these demons and then
performing a cleansing ritual to free myself of all earthly constraints
thus achieving a state of perfect smoothness.

Thank you for mucho laughso!

...and you can bet that the client will be furious when you don't do the job for cheeeeeeeeeeap! ...and exactly like they want it even though they have told you several different and contradictory things that they want.

 

Thank you for the Thanksgiving laugh.

Contradictory instructions?! Manna from heaven! I would kill for contradictory instructions because that would narrow the parameters from infinite to 2! I'd have a 50% chance of getting it right! I only have to do the job twice! This is what's known as an Upworker's Holiday. Don't get me all excited talking about "contradictory instructions!" Gee whiz I'm gonna go play in the lawn sprinkler now!

fkose1993
Community Member

A client was trying to hire somone by posting a job on Upwork, to bid & send proposal for jobs on Upwork so he could work on extra projects (basically trying to buy connects). I wonder if someone bids on that job on client's behalf, would that be counted as providing free service? Or is it just a polite way to tell him to bid for himself?

I'm actually a doing almost that same gig expect i bid on the job, do the
job and then someone pays me...upwork.

 Someone in Germany is looking for a talented video editor to cut highlights of a keynote speech into a powerful video trailer. The client suggests 1-2 powerful quotes should be incorporated, along with “zoom-ins and maybe hiphop-like jingle/music” to make the speech look “super interesting and fun, so people click the link and watch the video.” 

 

Sample quote, which the client suggests could be presented with powerful, 3d effect: “This will change Pest Control forever." 


@Renata S wrote:

[ ...] 

This will change Pest Control forever." 

___________________________________

Lol! With backing music:  deadant, deadant,  deadantdeadantdeadant ... set to the Pink Panther theme tune. 

Blocked Czech composer requires a minute of modern accordion (full copyright included). Client would like a one-minute squeezebox score for something "upbeat", like for instance, Janne Rättyä’s tune from the original motion picture soundtrack of “The Killing of a Sacred Deer.”

 

If you’re not familiar with this one, here it is (although inclusion of this sample causes me to wonder what, in fact, the client might consider "downbeat"):

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V40IFuNrEy0&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR3wIBAYHdvuk0c6Sd-BOQ0bafCkHb5UV...

 

martina_plaschka
Community Member

So, a Polish university is looking for Philipinos (only) to study German there. No German knowledge required. They guarantee an internship after 4 months. Hey, what could go wrong?


@Martina P wrote:

So, a Polish university is looking for Philipinos (only) to study German there. No German knowledge required. They guarantee an internship after 4 months. Hey, what could go wrong?


 Not sure why this is crazy. Maybe they have a project with a language school and want to try something with locals.


@Jennifer R wrote:

@Martina P wrote:

So, a Polish university is looking for Philipinos (only) to study German there. No German knowledge required. They guarantee an internship after 4 months. Hey, what could go wrong?


 Not sure why this is crazy. Maybe they have a project with a language school and want to try something with locals.


 _______________________

 

I think it is distinctly dodgy and should be flagged. I know a woman from the Philippines who was caught in just this way, only it was to go to Canada. Her passport was removed and she was forced to work for next to nothing. Others were forced into prostitution. She managed to escape and the person responsible eventually went to prison. 


@Nichola L wrote:

@Jennifer R wrote:

@Martina P wrote:

So, a Polish university is looking for Philipinos (only) to study German there. No German knowledge required. They guarantee an internship after 4 months. Hey, what could go wrong?


 Not sure why this is crazy. Maybe they have a project with a language school and want to try something with locals.


 _______________________

 

I think it is distinctly dodgy and should be flagged. I know a woman from the Philippines who was caught in just this way, only it was to go to Canada. Her passport was removed and she was forced to work for next to nothing. Others were forced into prostitution. She managed to escape and the person responsible eventually went to prison. 


 I understood the post as if the studies should happen on the Philippines since there is also a language school looking for German teachers and examiner who want to work there.

 

I looked up the job Martina mentioned and flagged it. The attached document contains no contact information and any online search is fruitless.

alice_m_uk
Community Member

Just posted as "Research Paper: Sociology"

 

"8-10 page paper, double spaced, include 8 recent scholarly resources, APA format, title and reference page. (No plagiarism!)

The topic is an aspect of the changing family that interests you and I previously chose the topic of single mothers in a precious paper so I'd like to stick with that topic. The paper should discuss how the processes of difference, power, and discrimination shape the family structure, life, and issues. 

I will happily except B work- does not need to be perfect."

 

I've already flagged it, but they're not even trying to cover themselves here. I like how they're saying they're happy to accept B work as it doesn't need to be perfect, instead of the more obvious "if this was a stellar essay, my professor would immediately know it wasn't me". 

 


@Alice M wrote:

Just posted as "Research Paper: Sociology"

 

"8-10 page paper, double spaced, include 8 recent scholarly resources, APA format, title and reference page. (No plagiarism!)

The topic is an aspect of the changing family that interests you and I previously chose the topic of single mothers in a precious paper so I'd like to stick with that topic. The paper should discuss how the processes of difference, power, and discrimination shape the family structure, life, and issues. 

I will happily except B work- does not need to be perfect."

 

I've already flagged it, but they're not even trying to cover themselves here. I like how they're saying they're happy to accept B work as it doesn't need to be perfect, instead of the more obvious "if this was a stellar essay, my professor would immediately know it wasn't me". 

 


Honest, relaxed, realistic (not to mention creative and I would suspect "hard-working") thought criminals who can't stand plagiarism and endeavor to hand your paper in on time? That seems like just what the world needs.  

Other than the "I'm-taking-full-academic-credit for-your-work" thing, it sounds like it might have paid decently as well.  

Someone in Australia wants their 35,000-word book copy edited, proof read and "reparaphrased".

A translation job:

 

"We have a X words in A, B and C languages in trados software. We need back in 24 hrs."

 

No idea if they want to pay someone just to send a file back and forth, but it is on expert level.

I bet they want to pan a penny a word too!

 

Suzi

It has gone now but I distinctly remember it wasn't paid well. 


@Renata S wrote:

@Alice M wrote:

Just posted as "Research Paper: Sociology"

 

"8-10 page paper, double spaced, include 8 recent scholarly resources, APA format, title and reference page. (No plagiarism!)

The topic is an aspect of the changing family that interests you and I previously chose the topic of single mothers in a precious paper so I'd like to stick with that topic. The paper should discuss how the processes of difference, power, and discrimination shape the family structure, life, and issues. 

I will happily except B work- does not need to be perfect."

 

I've already flagged it, but they're not even trying to cover themselves here. I like how they're saying they're happy to accept B work as it doesn't need to be perfect, instead of the more obvious "if this was a stellar essay, my professor would immediately know it wasn't me". 

 


Honest, relaxed, realistic (not to mention creative and I would suspect "hard-working") thought criminals who can't stand plagiarism and endeavor to hand your paper in on time? That seems like just what the world needs.  

Other than the "I'm-taking-full-academic-credit for-your-work" thing, it sounds like it might have paid decently as well.  


 

I hope his/her university does use style detection software 😄

An invite from a Talent Specialist:

Title:

Language A - language B translation

Job discription:
Looking for a translation from language B to language A

Needed a translator into language C from language B and D.

 

That is not a job for an invitation but needs to be flagged for unclear. There might be a reason why freelancer do not apply to some jobs.

 

Someone is looking for a freelancer to collect 500 hours worth of audio of wind gusts (but not blowing or howing wind, and it can't include any human voices). Previous jobs by the same client have included 500 hours of yelling. 


@Renata S wrote:

Someone is looking for a freelancer to collect 500 hours worth of audio of wind gusts (but not blowing or howing wind, and it can't include any human voices). Previous jobs by the same client have included 500 hours of yelling. 


Ooh, I should tell my ex about this!

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