Crazy Job Postings Part II

[#1]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[#2]

---

---

 Maybe it's a placeholder. Upwork should give this as an option. Really, Upwork, please.... ????

---

 It was stated in the job description. The client wanted to make sure the bidders understood they would not get paid more than $25 per each book they wrote. 

[#3]

---

@Liliath P wrote:

---

---

 Maybe it's a placeholder. Upwork should give this as an option. Really, Upwork, please.... ????

---

 It was stated in the job description. The client wanted to make sure the bidders understood they would not get paid more than $25 per each book they wrote. 

---

 _______________

I just hate to think who is being "educated" by these books. Future Upwork freelancers perhaps?

[#4]

Business Plan, Executive Summary and Financial Model projections for Snail Farm in Republic of Georgia

mmmmm, snails. 

[#5]

---

@Mark K wrote:

Business Plan, Executive Summary and Financial Model projections for Snail Farm in Republic of Georgia

mmmmm, snails. 

---

 Lots of people make very decent money from raising / breeding snails. When did you last order Escargot in a French restaurant?

There are also very pricy aquarium snails...

[#6]

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

Who subcontracts this kind of work to an Indian translation agency?

[#7]

1) Elephantine Yoga -- 10 poses for $40

"Make a comic strip of stretchy the elephant doing Sun A salutation poses. Please note that I have images of the elephant doing all of the poses."

Artwork will include the elephant doing both the downward and upward dog, in addition to eight other poses.

2) I always like the ones that seem to suggest a story:  Someone is looking for an audio restoration expert to "improve the wedding singer as much as possible."

[#8]

Not exactly "crazy", but I just saw a job posting with a vague title and details of just "Details TBA".So I responded with my quickest ever proposal, consisting of just "Proposal TBA". 

[#9]

Heh :), I do have two funny posts I saved recently for this topic.

0.18$ per photo. Cutting the background and change size. Between 350-500 images.

Sure, in most cases is easy to cut the background, but there are many cases where it takes more time just for 18 cents. Poor freelancer, throwing at him 18 cents 😞

And the other one. Convert 1.000 images into Illustrations. If you do a good job, we want 200k+ more images to be convert.

🙂

[#10]

I don't know whether to laught or be disgusted: a job to create flyers because the client wants to **Edited for Community Guidelines**" He also wants "to send it as an email campaign."

[#11]

Hi Katherine,

I wasn't able to find the job you are referring to so it may have already been removed but could you please send me a link if you still have it? I'd like to double check.

[#12]

1) "Hello, Im looking for an amazing proof reader which is online most of the day working hours. Usually my projects are small, and I need them fast."

This seems to suggest an on-demand service. I think it's called Grammarly. 

2) 

NB: I HAVE RESERVATION FOR THE USE OF 'I' .... KINDLY DO NOT APPLY IF YOU CANNOT FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

Commence your application with : FLUME to ascertain you actually read the requirements.

[#13]

Today: mid west client looking for onsite cook, maid and house manager

Client Status: New, Payment unverified. No use of the "LOCAL" job feature. 

[#14]

From an Upworks Talent Specialist:

"If you have 6 months - 2 years of experience within Accounts Payable Clerk, Sales Representative or other job categories this is a perfect project!"

I have been a CPA for more than 40 years and my Profile Hourly Rate is $177.00. 

What a waste of Upwork money using this Talent Specialist and my time to read his invitation.

[#15]

---

@Joseph C wrote:

From an Upworks Talent Specialist:

"If you have 6 months - 2 years of experience within Accounts Payable Clerk, Sales Representative or other job categories this is a perfect project!"

I have been a CPA for more than 40 years and my Profile Hourly Rate is $177.00. 

What a waste of Upwork money using this Talent Specialist and my time to read his invitation.

---

UGGGGGHHHHH.

Please also post this on the Talent Specialist thread: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Update-on-Talent-Specialists-Program/m-p/464994#M24727

Maybe someday the UW powers that be will see that this not the exception but the norm. 

[#16]

I removed myself from the TS program.  I don't feel that I'm missing out on anything except a few weekly giggles.

[#17]

Joseph C,

From the other side of the table, a TS invited a flower arranger to my engineering job.

[#18]

"In need of a quick and sexy financial projection for a new start-up business."

Then I looked at the Job Poster's history - average hourly rate $1.10! Over 700 hours!

Can't do sexy for $1.10.

Joe

[#19]

that's understood. Sexy is at least 4 USD per hour. 

[#20]

---

@Bill H wrote:

Joseph C,

From the other side of the table, a TS invited a flower arranger to my engineering job.

---

 __________________________________

Was this the job?

Beijing 70th anniversaryhttps://thenanfang.com/commemorating-end-wwii-beijing-city-wide-flower-arrangements/

[#21]

I get 2-3 invitation to make their wikipedia page. But the funny thing is they do not know why wikipedia should have their name. They do not know what they did to be as notable, they just got $5-$10 on account and wanted to be famous with the help of wikipedia.

[#22]

Invitation to a job that has been open for 2 months and hired 23 people after sending almost 1200 invites:

"ONLY Bids at $1 per 500 words will be considered."

I'm pretty sure I've flagged this one before, but the exact same post is still actively soliciting.

[#23]

This is the short version of a recent invite:

"you must edit my work to the utmost quality.

-Work experience with established publishers is an advantage.

-$10 for 10K words."

[#24]

Received an invitation this morning to "ghostwrite" a book. The usual stipulations that I must do in-depth research, that the English be perfect (clear from the posting that the client would be quite hard-pressed to recognize even minimally passable English, let alone to titer for "perfect" English!), that I format it for Kindle, that it be a minimum length of yada-yada-yada...  All for $250. Standard-issue nonsense.

The client also stipulated that it is a near-necessity that I have "personal experience" with the proposed topic:  procrastination.

Obvious query... Why is the client intent on hiring procrastinators? (Well, never mind. I haven't yet gotten 'round to responding.)

[#25]

I received an Upwork automated email for a mouse study. The client needs to figure out how many mice they should use for their project, among other things. I guess Upwork thinks I'm a mouse expert now

[#26]

re: "I guess Upwork thinks I'm a mouse expert now"

Aren't you though?