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pandoraharper
Member

Crazy Job Postings Part II

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

 

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
andregutierrez22
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

787 REPLIES 787


@Janean L wrote:

One of my best friends is ex-Amish. (She is featured on the PBS series about leaving the Amish.) In addition, I was raised in an area where there are many Amish and Mennonite families. I happen to be fairly familiar with the culture -- about as familiar as a non-Amish can be, without being married to an ex-Amish or being a scholar.

 

The Amish are discouraged from reading fiction of any sort. Romance books would be considerd to be a waste of time.

 

Amish romance novels are definitely a "thing," however. The target audience is an older group of females who are looking for "Little House on the Prairie"-style books with a dash more adult content, but definitely rated no more than PG. The typical request is for "sweet Amish romance writing."


Wow many thanks for sharing that. I actually thought Amish would be really ANTI-fiction across the board, but apparently I was mistaken (or outdated, heh).

 

I totally get your "Little House on the Prairie" reference, as I grew up reading those. And little else, because orthadox - think uber conservative, right wing Quiverfull families. was my life until I was 13. Most certainly, that degree of "realism" might be why this genre has gained traction in recent years.

 

I've read up on the Amish, and watched some documenteries (maybe I've seen the one you mentioned, even). Some parts of their lifestyle are fascinating and quite contemporary, and others are still firmly rooted in the 14th century, mores the pity.


@Pandora H wrote:


Wow many thanks for sharing that. I actually thought Amish would be really ANTI-fiction across the board, but apparently I was mistaken (or outdated, heh).

 __

 

___Pandora --The Amish ARE mostly anti-fiction. The "sweet Amish romance novels" are written by those outside the community. Note especially that Amish children go to school only through the 8th grade. My friend graduated from Smith College, but only because of her own exceptional nature, intelligence, and perseverance. She also did this as an "Ada Comstock Scholar" (older matriculant), and did not earn her degree until she was in her fourth decade of life.  The Amish themselves most definitely do NOT produce authors.

________________________________________________________________________________________

 


@Janean L wrote:

One of my best friends is ex-Amish. (She is featured on the PBS series about leaving the Amish.) In addition, I was raised in an area where there are many Amish and Mennonite families. I happen to be fairly familiar with the culture -- about as familiar as a non-Amish can be, without being married to an ex-Amish or being a scholar.

 

The Amish are discouraged from reading fiction of any sort. Romance books would be considerd to be a waste of time.

 

Amish romance novels are definitely a "thing," however. The target audience is an older group of females who are looking for "Little House on the Prairie"-style books with a dash more adult content, but definitely rated no more than PG. The typical request is for "sweet Amish romance writing."


I saw this series, and I had to watch the whole thing back to back because I couldn't wrap my head around what it would be like to be exiled from your home community for essentially wanting to explore the outside world.

Thanks for clearing up the niche publishing mystery. I was wondering if it was something along those lines.


a completely unrelated addition to the Amish discussion: had a client who wanted proofreading of a number of German translations to determine the best translater. I got 4 files, named by the name of the translater. One was named Enus, and I told him, sorry, but Enus's file in in English, not translated. 

He then advised me that Enus was the original text, and meant EnglishUS version. 

And I thought, well, it might be an Amish name?

But then, how would Enus have written the text anyways....so, ash on my head, as we say here, this one is on me!


@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.


 OMG, I could do so much with this right now.

 

Just. So. Much.

 

But I'm worried it might not be forum TOS-compliant.

 

Oh we could just have a field day playing the "Add a Sentence" game with this idea.


@Melanie H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.


 OMG, I could do so much with this right now.

 

Just. So. Much.

 

But I'm worried it might not be forum TOS-compliant.

 

Oh we could just have a field day playing the "Add a Sentence" game with this idea.


 We had quite a field day with that one ๐Ÿ™‚


@Pandora H wrote:

@Melanie H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of the "Christian and Amish romance genre"? I didn't realize this was a niche in niche publishing.


 OMG, I could do so much with this right now.

 

Just. So. Much.

 

But I'm worried it might not be forum TOS-compliant.

 

Oh we could just have a field day playing the "Add a Sentence" game with this idea.


 We had quite a field day with that one ๐Ÿ™‚


 Going back to reread! Smiley LOL

jcullinan
Member

So there's a job posted asking a freelancer to replace the fonts in bank statements so the client can cut and paste the content, because they don't have the font the bank uses. Either this is the laziest client ever or they're trying to clumsily forge bank documents.


@Jess C wrote:

So there's a job posted asking a freelancer to replace the fonts in bank statements so the client can cut and paste the content, because they don't have the font the bank uses. Either this is the laziest client ever or they're trying to clumsily forge bank documents.


Whoa. I mean, just whoa. Who takes jobs like that? Oh, wait.  


@Jess C wrote:

So there's a job posted asking a freelancer to replace the fonts in bank statements so the client can cut and paste the content, because they don't have the font the bank uses. Either this is the laziest client ever or they're trying to clumsily forge bank documents.


 I would not touch that one for all the gold in...uh..anywhere.


@Pandora H wrote:

 

 I would not touch that one for all the gold in...uh..anywhere.


 

Interesting Au tidbit: I recently saw a documentary that showed potential future mining of gold from bamboo forests because their roots go so deep that they reach gold in the soil... so their leaves have teensy gold specks. It would take a whole lot of bamboo to get a decent amount of gold, but I thought that was fascinating. 


@Melissa T wrote:

@Pandora H wrote:

 

 I would not touch that one for all the gold in...uh..anywhere.


 

Interesting Au tidbit: I recently saw a documentary that showed potential future mining of gold from bamboo forests because their roots go so deep that they reach gold in the soil... so their leaves have teensy gold specks. It would take a whole lot of bamboo to get a decent amount of gold, but I thought that was fascinating. 


Gosh. don't tell that to the many US Corp's who seem bent on destroying any speck of green on the planet

 

And uh, on a totally related note, I saw a short documentary about someone in the US who has figured out a way to harvest gold from human waste. (and it was more gold then you describe above, oddly enough),


@Pandora H wrote:

@Melissa T wrote:

@Pandora H wrote:

 

 I would not touch that one for all the gold in...uh..anywhere.


 

Interesting Au tidbit: I recently saw a documentary that showed potential future mining of gold from bamboo forests because their roots go so deep that they reach gold in the soil... so their leaves have teensy gold specks. It would take a whole lot of bamboo to get a decent amount of gold, but I thought that was fascinating. 


Gosh. don't tell that to the many US Corp's who seem bent on destroying any speck of green on the planet

 

And uh, on a totally related note, I saw a short documentary about someone in the US who has figured out a way to harvest gold from human waste. (and it was more gold then you describe above, oddly enough),


 This all sounds like some kind of weird technological fairy tale. 

Pandora, I saw that one, too!! 


@Melissa T wrote:

Pandora, I saw that one, too!! 


Did you see a teaser for that before hand? I did (I think this was Netflix, btw), and went "no fracking way!"

Pandora, you and I have simliar taste in Netflix. LOL Do you also like British period dramas? 


@Melissa T wrote:

Pandora, you and I have simliar taste in Netflix. LOL Do you also like British period dramas? 


@Melissa: A little off topic Smiley Very Happy but I get the sense you'd probably like QI with Stephen Fry. I think it's still available on Netflix.

I adore Mr. Fry and will search for it forthwith. 

 

Hooey! (that was a good one)


@Melissa T wrote:

Pandora, you and I have simliar taste in Netflix. LOL Do you also like British period dramas? 


LOL. I am not sure, actually. I certainly like SOME british comedy. If you mean things like herm...Crime things aka Jack the Ripper period, then my reaction would be meh. Seen a few of those shows and was not super entertained.

I'm actually REALLY hard to impress. Not mainstream at all, and am pretty eclectic in my tastes...I mean seriously, what the hell was I watching that included something about that gold thing we discusesd earlier today, heh.

Heck, I like a Bolloywood movie now and again, but usually get a headache because of the high pitch of the singing/music about half-way in.

Finally, because I was out of work (and some other personal issues), my Netflix account is on hold. I am however, thinking of re-opening it so I can watch on my computer, and stop paying for an online game I haven't had much time to play.

So if you want to recommend, over to this thread (cause you never know who might be lurking!) Heh:  https://community.upwork.com/t5/Coffee-Break/Netflix-Central-What-are-you-watching/m-p/246064/highli...


How desperate can people be?

 

Proposals: 20 to 50

 

Desperate_lined.png

"Certa bonum certamen"
pandoraharper
Member

Updated: For giggles

 

Maybe we should re-name this thread to be something along the lines of:

 

Tangent Lovers Unite!

 

Just today we have had all these topics addressed in at least 3 posts each:

  • Amish People -  (many posts)
  • Ultra-Conservative Religions - several posts
  • Documentaries - a few posts
  • Gold Digging - 4 posts
  • Romantic Fiction Industry - several posts
  • Montreal - several posts
  • Cylons/AI - 6? posts

LOL which makes think I should make a re-cap post like this once a week in this thread. Might be insightful over the long term.

 

 


@Pandora H wrote:

Updated: For giggles

 

Maybe we should re-name this thread to be something along the lines of:

 

Tangent Lovers Unite!

 

Just today we have had all these topics addressed in at least 3 posts each:

  • Amish People -  (many posts)
  • Ultra-Conservative Religions - several posts
  • Documentaries - a few posts
  • Gold Digging - 4 posts
  • Romantic Fiction Industry - several posts
  • Montreal - several posts
  • Cylons/AI - 6? posts

LOL which makes think I should make a re-cap post like this once a week in this thread. Might be insightful over the long term.

 

 


Just a small correction (sorry, occupational hazard): the Cylons/AI is not actually an Artificial intelligence. It's a Hybrid UnIntelligence, so should be abbreviated HUI (and would therefore be pronounced "hooey," as in "Scotty, the hooey seems to be acting up again today.").

that one was not so much crazy, I found it rather sweet: the guy needed a translation for a short letter that he wanted to hand to a neighbour, name unknown, he was offering to take care of their lot/ garden in exchange for having a place to store his boat.

I really hope he got it!

a weird one: client wanted to pay USD 40 for suggesting things to do on a 3 day trip in Salzburg, Austria. hmmmmm.... why not pick up a travel guide for much less?

renata101
Member

Hi, Pandora. I'm going to make an attempt to stay on track and stick to the topic.

 

I just saw this one. The first line of the job description is as follows:

I will try and give some detail without giving away too much.

 

Oh, please, I do love a contract that unfolds like a mystery novel. 

 

 

Also seen in passing: 

 

Technology firm (network, security, software) wants a musical jingle. A dental clinic specializing in orthodontics is also looking for a jingle. And if you are a jingle writer who specializes in Hindi, Urdu or Tagalog, there are curently jobs available. 

 

 


@Renata S wrote:

Hi, Pandora. I'm going to make an attempt to stay on track and stick to the topic.

 

I just saw this one. The first line of the job description is as follows:

I will try and give some detail without giving away too much.

 

Oh, please, I do love a contract that unfolds like a mystery novel. 

 

 

Also seen in passing: 

 

Technology firm (network, security, software) wants a musical jingle. A dental clinic specializing in orthodontics is also looking for a jingle. And if you are a jingle writer who specializes in Hindi, Urdu or Tagalog, there are curently jobs available. 

 

 


Mystery novel! LOL good one. Whats with all the music jingle jobs today? And on that note, Renata, I have no idea what you do, because your profile is private.

 

And, staying on topic - Thanks...but heck, if we want to go of on tangents, that's fine too, heh. The old Crazy Jobs thread was a little boring sometimes.


@Pandora H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Hi, Pandora. I'm going to make an attempt to stay on track and stick to the topic.

 

I just saw this one. The first line of the job description is as follows:

I will try and give some detail without giving away too much.

 

Oh, please, I do love a contract that unfolds like a mystery novel. 

 

 

Also seen in passing: 

 

Technology firm (network, security, software) wants a musical jingle. A dental clinic specializing in orthodontics is also looking for a jingle. And if you are a jingle writer who specializes in Hindi, Urdu or Tagalog, there are curently jobs available. 

 

 


Mystery novel! LOL good one. Whats with all the music jingle jobs today? And on that note, Renata, I have no idea what you do, because your profile is private.

 

And, staying on topic - Thanks...but heck, if we want to go of on tangents, that's fine too, heh. The old Crazy Jobs thread was a little boring sometimes.


The IT jingle job showed up in my job feed. I've stopped asking why things like that happen (might be my keywords or theirs). It made me curious about what other opportunities might exist for jingle writers since I'm just sitting around waiting for instructions from a client. As for me, I mainly copyedit IT and acadmic stuff. I don't mind doing other types of work, but I don't know if I tend to get pigeon-holed because people see the words "academic" and "technical" and quietly freak out if it's a fiction contract. Also, there's whole a lot of competition for editing jobs, so these days, people are asking for very specific qualifications. I miss the Wild West days of ODesk when you could apply for just about anything and sometimes even get some things you didn't expect to land.  


@Renata S wrote:

@Pandora H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Hi, Pandora. I'm going to make an attempt to stay on track and stick to the topic.

 

I just saw this one. The first line of the job description is as follows:

I will try and give some detail without giving away too much.

 

Oh, please, I do love a contract that unfolds like a mystery novel. 

 

 

Also seen in passing: 

 

Technology firm (network, security, software) wants a musical jingle. A dental clinic specializing in orthodontics is also looking for a jingle. And if you are a jingle writer who specializes in Hindi, Urdu or Tagalog, there are curently jobs available. 

 

 


Mystery novel! LOL good one. Whats with all the music jingle jobs today? And on that note, Renata, I have no idea what you do, because your profile is private.

 

And, staying on topic - Thanks...but heck, if we want to go of on tangents, that's fine too, heh. The old Crazy Jobs thread was a little boring sometimes.


The IT jingle job showed up in my job feed. I've stopped asking why things like that happen (might be my keywords or theirs). It made me curious about what other opportunities might exist for jingle writers since I'm just sitting around waiting for instructions from a client. As for me, I mainly copyedit IT and acadmic stuff. I don't mind doing other types of work, but I don't know if I tend to get pigeon-holed because people see the words "academic" and "technical" and quietly freak out if it's a fiction contract. Also, there's whole a lot of competition for editing jobs, so these days, people are asking for very specific qualifications. I miss the Wild West days of ODesk when you could apply for just about anything and sometimes even get some things you didn't expect to land.  


 You are in a tough niche!

pandoraharper
Member

Google Hangouts, Skype, and Webcams, oh my!

 

Got a new Digital Agency VA job in my feed a little while ago. It's a big job post, but during my initial scan I saw Google Hangouts (but in this context, no reason for alarm). They want to conduct the Interview over Skype, which is normal for this kind of client.

 

Not normal, and downright WTF: They want the winning freelancer to run Google Hangouts for 6 hours a day (sorta spcific schedule), with the freelancers webcam running the entire time.

 

Pay Rate: crappy. they hire a lot of 3rd world country members, and pay them peanuts.

 

Between the lines: they want someone for 6 hours each day, at probably $6.00 an hour, while the freelancer runs something really intrusive on their end, to prove they are actually at their computer. Client has MAJOR trust issues.

 

I''m seriously tempted to bid and say "yo, thats what the Upwork Time Tracker does. Do you want help hiring for this position? I'd love to give you some advice."

jcullinan
Member

Fresh in the listings is an "artist" looking for someone to design their portfolio to present to a certain late night talkshow host whose name vaguely rhymes with Reebin Mold-hair.

 

Yeah, right, dude. In ya dreams.


@Jess C wrote:

Fresh in the listings is an "artist" looking for someone to design their portfolio to present to a certain late night talkshow host whose name vaguely rhymes with Reebin Mold-hair.

 

Yeah, right, dude. In ya dreams.


I think that one deserves some extra special marks for the virtuosity of the rhyming effort.  


@Renata S wrote:

@Jess C wrote:

Fresh in the listings is an "artist" looking for someone to design their portfolio to present to a certain late night talkshow host whose name vaguely rhymes with Reebin Mold-hair.

 

Yeah, right, dude. In ya dreams.


I think that one deserves some extra special marks for the virtuosity of the rhyming effort.  


That was all me. ๐Ÿ™‚ The job title contains the actual name... the chutzpah of some people!


@Jess C wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

@Jess C wrote:

Fresh in the listings is an "artist" looking for someone to design their portfolio to present to a certain late night talkshow host whose name vaguely rhymes with Reebin Mold-hair.

 

Yeah, right, dude. In ya dreams.


I think that one deserves some extra special marks for the virtuosity of the rhyming effort.  


That was all me. ๐Ÿ™‚ The job title contains the actual name... the chutzpah of some people!


 I totally meant you. I find the forum messages are far more entertaining as a result of people trying to figure out what they can and can't say. I think we should have the "best of" people not saying stuff as a forum post. It makes me feel like I'm at a [denomination I'm not sure I can mention] Bible camp some days. [steer manure. Am I allowed to say Bible? I know I get shut down for politically recognizable stuff.] 

I saw one this morning that said "60 blog posts for only $50!" as if the selling point was how low the budget was. 


@Tiffany S wrote:

I saw one this morning that said "60 blog posts for only $50!" as if the selling point was how low the budget was. 


Are you sure they weren't yet another confused freelancer posting as a client? Those are always fun, especially when other confused freelancers actually submit proposals!


@Jess C wrote:

Are you sure they weren't yet another confused freelancer posting as a client? Those are always fun, especially when other confused freelancers actually submit proposals!



I saw something new from a Digital Agency today, that made me go huh?  The first line of the job description contained this: Hello, <freelancer name>

 

Oddly, the client has been around a while, so either someone new is handling their recruitment (and they are a freelancer working for said client), or the usual poster pressed the wrong button (should have been a private job).

 


@Pandora H wrote:

I saw something new from a Digital Agency today, that made me go huh?  The first line of the job description contained this: Hello, <freelancer name>

Oddly, the client has been around a while, so either someone new is handling their recruitment (and they are a freelancer working for said client), or the usual poster pressed the wrong button (should have been a private job).


I've even received invites like this. "2 Poster layouts and a flyer for Carlo". Was tempted to put NOT CARLO as reason for declining it.


@Bojana D wrote:


I've even received invites like this. "2 Poster layouts and a flyer for Carlo". Was tempted to put NOT CARLO as reason for declining it.


Oh my goodness. That is just insane! I'd have been very tempted to not only decline, but write a message to the client saying:

 

It appears your recruiter (or perhaps you) are new to Upwork. If you are interested in getting the services of an Experienced Upwork Recruiter, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for your time.

 

Regards,

NOT Carlo

 

And yes, in RL I actually have sent back 2 messages somewhat like that that. And got an interview request out of one of them. I declined the job after learning more about the business, which was an industry I had 0 interest in (Finance). <yawn>

 

I mean really, what are they going to do, report our message as spam? (maybe they can do that,  but I doubt THESE clients would bother)


@Pandora H wrote:

I saw something new from a Digital Agency today, that made me go huh?  The first line of the job description contained this: Hello, <freelancer name>

 

Oddly, the client has been around a while, so either someone new is handling their recruitment (and they are a freelancer working for said client), or the usual poster pressed the wrong button (should have been a private job).


This happens all. the. time. And there's no way to report them effectively. I saw one once that included the client's website admin login information - url, username, and password - in a public job post addressed to a particular freelancer.


@Jess C wrote:

@Pandora H wrote:

I saw something new from a Digital Agency today, that made me go huh?  The first line of the job description contained this: Hello, <freelancer name>

 

Oddly, the client has been around a while, so either someone new is handling their recruitment (and they are a freelancer working for said client), or the usual poster pressed the wrong button (should have been a private job).


This happens all. the. time. And there's no way to report them effectively. I saw one once that included the client's website admin login information - url, username, and password - in a public job post addressed to a particular freelancer.


 Jeez, why not take the same info and post it on a Billboard in NYC Times Square.


@Jess C wrote:

@Tiffany S wrote:

I saw one this morning that said "60 blog posts for only $50!" as if the selling point was how low the budget was. 


Are you sure they weren't yet another confused freelancer posting as a client? Those are always fun, especially when other confused freelancers actually submit proposals!


 Nope, I've seen that before, but this seems to be this client's pitch. I saw another one this morning looking for legal blog posts in Spanish ("100 posts for only $100!")

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