🐈
» Forums » Coffee Break » Crazy Job Postings Part II
Page options
pandoraharper
Community Member

Crazy Job Postings Part II

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

 

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
AndreaG
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

781 REPLIES 781


@Joseph C wrote:

Pandora,

 

Got it. Thanks.

 

Valeria asked me to send the link in a PM.  But as I advised her, this new format doesn't seem to give me an option to do so.

 

Joe


 Wait...Were you unable to send her a PM, or were you simply unable to send a link in a PM to her? Did you get any kind of error message?

 

Because those are two seperate issues.

Unable to send her or anyone a PM.  As said, clicking on the envelope icon in the Community just liosts PMs received and sent - no option to send a new one.

Joseph M. C. ,P.C., CPA/ABV


@Joseph C wrote:

Unable to send her or anyone a PM.  As said, clicking on the envelope icon in the Community just liosts PMs received and sent - no option to send a new one.


 Joe,

 

Click on a person's photo. You can send a message then.

 

"Certa bonum certamen"

Ravi,

 

Thanks.  That worked.

 

Interesting new tidbit:

 

The Send To address in PMs now shows the full user name for the recipient.

 

This gets worse and worse.

 

Joe

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joseph M. C. ,P.C., CPA/ABV


@Joseph C wrote:

Ravi,

 

Thanks.  That worked.

 

Interesting new tidbit:

 

Joe

 

 


 You are welcome, Joe.Smiley Happy

 

"Certa bonum certamen"
pandoraharper
Community Member

Came across what looks like a freelancer job post. PM related, US company at first glance, not much hiring history, but they are only a year old.  Looks like the client gave someone off-shore hiring permissions, and said persons native tongue is not English.

 

The first sentence alone is a grammatical minefield. Nobody worth their salt in the US is going to touch this. The rest is so awkard to read it's almost blinding.

 

Note to clients: If you really want to give an independent contractor hiring permissions, make sure their English is fluent.

michael_skaggs
Community Member

Found a crazy one earlier today...

 

They wanted a native English speaker (American only) to record some documents, and required a home studio setup. So far so good.

 

The scope of work was to have each sentence in each document recorded as a separate file. With the details they had listed, a conservative estimate would be between 45,000 and 75,000 words total, split into roughly 15,000 files. A lot of work, but still doable.

 

Now for the kicker. They were very adamant that it be done in just a few days, and it had to be done for their stated budget or under.

 

That budget? $75...

 

Doing some quick math here, let's say one minute to record, clean/trim, and save each file (which is pretty much impossible). That's 250 hours worth of work, which would take approximately 32 days working 8 hours per day. Breaking it into an hourly rate would be 30 cents per hour.

 

Now that the numbers are staring me in the face, would this be something I could report as "asking for free work"?

re: "Now that the numbers are staring me in the face, would this be something I could report as 'asking for free work'?"

 

I wouldn't report it.

 

You're smart enough to NOT take the job.

 

Might as well let one of your competitors tie up their time doing the job while you use your time more profitably.

 

I am generally of the opinion that it is better for clients who "don't get it" to try low-ball rates a few times and learn from their failures.


@Preston H wrote:

 

I am generally of the opinion that it is better for clients who "don't get it" to try low-ball rates a few times and learn from their failures.


 Given the scope of work, this isn't even a low-ball offer. This is, "say, that's a nice 2018 cadillac. I'll give you a thousand bucks for it." 

Ugh. I saw that one. What really SHOCKED me is that they had anyone working at that rate to begin with!! 

 

What made it worse is that they seem to be at least somewhat aware of what the job actually entails. It's bad enough when ignorant people lowball that badly. But someone who actually knows what they're asking? What a tool. 


@Randy S wrote:

Ugh. I saw that one. What really SHOCKED me is that they had anyone working at that rate to begin with!! 

 

What made it worse is that they seem to be at least somewhat aware of what the job actually entails. It's bad enough when ignorant people lowball that badly. But someone who actually knows what they're asking? What a tool. 


 The sad thing is, it's not just that one posting. I noticed others (completed jobs, even) where they wanted someone to develop a large, complex website...for $100. I'm not sure I want to know what the end result looks like.

pandoraharper
Community Member

Even in my sub-category (Project Management) I see a lot of newbie clients who are looking for off-shore South Asian PM's. These are Digital Agency clients, and they learn the hard, hard way that getting an experienced, PM with DA experience for $8 an hour is unlikely to the nth degree.

 

They eventually learn, though.

 

renata101
Community Member

"This particular task should take no more than 1.5  hours."

 

 

Screen Shot 2017-10-09 at 3.49.29 PM.png

 

And they have another job that's due in 2 weeks:



Screen Shot 2017-10-09 at 3.55.38 PM.png

zoomconcepts
Community Member

1000k+ invites... amazing.

theio
Community Member

I think I got a winner here but, unfortunately, it's forbidden to post screenshots here. Most likely it was just a joke but there was a job posting about "custom male enlargement device" which was invented by genius wh created a prototype from things he gathered at home. "It's basically a rope and some weights".


@Anatoly S wrote:

I think I got a winner here but, unfortunately, it's forbidden to post screenshots here. Most likely it was just a joke but there was a job posting about "custom male enlargement device" which was invented by genius wh created a prototype from things he gathered at home. "It's basically a rope and some weights".


 "joke" job posts are not allowed.

 

And since your NOT new, I hope you reported it.


 "joke" job posts are not allowed.

 

And since your NOT new, I hope you reported it.


 What limits someone from posting joke jobs?  Every other posting seems like a joke.  Nothing limits "clients" from posting absolute waste of time junk jobs.  Upwork needs to do a better job of limiting jun posts.  Protect the providers, not the "possible" clients.  Upwork has nothing to gain from these low priced junk jobs.


@Joe M wrote:

 "joke" job posts are not allowed.

 

And since your NOT new, I hope you reported it.


 What limits someone from posting joke jobs?  Every other posting seems like a joke.  Nothing limits "clients" from posting absolute waste of time junk jobs.  Upwork needs to do a better job of limiting jun posts.  Protect the providers, not the "possible" clients.  Upwork has nothing to gain from these low priced junk jobs.


 Hi Joe, are you new to the forums?

vdubeau
Community Member

Saw this on another site (job post was not from the US).

     "I want to change my itunes store to USA, But i dont have usa credit card".

 

I guess they want to find some kind soul to let them use their credit card.

"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are."
Buckaroo Banzai
lysis10
Community Member


@Vince D wrote:

Saw this on another site (job post was not from the US).

     "I want to change my itunes store to USA, But i dont have usa credit card".

 

I guess they want to find some kind soul to let them use their credit card.


 lol it's an epidemic. 


@Vince D wrote:

Saw this on another site (job post was not from the US).

     "I want to change my itunes store to USA, But i dont have usa credit card".

 

I guess they want to find some kind soul to let them use their credit card.


Or a way to achieve this without having a US credit card. I managed to open a US iTunes account (that I don't use) and I don't have a US credit card. I don't remember, I used my PayPal account I think. I'm not sure.

-----------
"Where darkness shines like dazzling light"   —William Ashbless
renata101
Community Member

"Narrator needed to cope with an animation of company website."

 

I wish more clients could be this honest about their jobs.


samjames2017
Community Member

Client requests 3D work for $80 fixed, and demands "100% satisfaction guarantee", "money back guarantee" and "unlimited revisions".

 

Yeah, right.


@Sam J wrote:

Client requests 3D work for $80 fixed, and demands "100% satisfaction guarantee", "money back guarantee" and "unlimited revisions".

 

Yeah, right.


 Wow. Some clients have a big set of cojones. I suppost they should get a point for honesty though.

I love these. 

"DON'T APPLY IF YOU DON'T OFFER UNLIMITED REVISIONS"

 

yeah, buddy, because I was totally planning to

cartrellgeneral
Community Member

This client wants:

  • you available FULL TIME but is only going to pay you for 15-20 hours
  • Must be a "yes" man
  • Must be good with egotistical millionaires

They have a hire rate of 20%.

 

I just visualize a headache from the start.

@Catherine M wrote:
<snip>
You are great with handling all types of people that may range from egotistical, multi-millionaire yacht owners to angry mechanics wanting to get paid yesterday (there words not mine)

That alone would make me run away fast. If there is one kind of "customer" I can stand the LEAST, it's the "entitled" ones.

 

Also, Catherine, please beware that copy/pasting content from a job post is not allowed.

 

Which, as most of us agree, makes trying to get the point across to the readers here way more fun..heh.

Thanks for the tip. I will change the parts copy and pasted. It's been a while on here for me.

ON another site i use you can actually ask questions about the job offered.Makes for hilarious comments most of the times - espacially on jobs like proofreading at editing a 10k word book for 10$, designing a website from scratch for 20$ etc. It would make a great addition to the UPwork site if that would be allowed...Woman LOL

" The bond with a true dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth will ever be "

re: "It would make a great addition to the UPwork site if that would be allowed... Makes for hilarious comments most of the times..."

 

You are correct: If it was Upwork's goal was to entertain freelancers who were browsing the website's job listings, it would indeed make a great addition.


But because Upwork's goal is to earn money by providing clients with a way to hire freelancers, this is not a feature that they are going to implement. On balance, these questions don't benefit the clients, but end up simply being annoying and a distraction.

 

Freelancers already have the ability to ask questions - when they submit a proposal to the job.


@Preston H wrote:

 


Freelancers already have the ability to ask questions - when they submit a proposal to the job.


That sounds really nice, but it's not a universal experience of every freelancer on the platform, especially those in occupations where there's a lot of competition. 

 

Whether or not you have an opportunity to have your questions answered really depends on your specialty. Jobs in my area are often hired within an hour of posting and there may be up to 50 applicants. The ability to ask questions that will be answered is often non-existent. The only time I get them answered is when I've made the correct "educated guesses" about what the client wants or needs in terms of the experience I have to offer. 

I have just received this from a "potential"  client/farmer. I replied to a job post, asked questions and got a demand for a free test to which I objected for obvious Upwork reasons:

 

"For future reference, If an employer asks you to do a test. Normally just do it. Reporting a posting does not get you a job. It actually has no effect what so ever, because I can explain that it is a test and I have the corrected document (just as up work has you do tests, I have you do a test). I was able to review about 10 documents and choose the correct person for the job in less than an hour so again you reporting a posting has no effect what so ever."

 

 

ETA:  Is this what actually happens?  A freelancer objects because free work is against the rules and regs - but Upwork tells the client, this is OK?

 

The number of words involved was about 400 -  in my book this represents about $16.00 - which I agree is peanuts unless your account is about to be set to private.


@Nichola L wrote:

I have just received this from a "potential"  client/farmer. I replied to a job post, asked questions and got a demand for a free test to which I objected for obvious Upwork reasons:

 

"For future reference, If an employer asks you to do a test. Normally just do it. Reporting a posting does not get you a job. It actually has no effect what so ever, because I can explain that it is a test and I have the corrected document (just as up work has you do tests, I have you do a test). I was able to review about 10 documents and choose the correct person for the job in less than an hour so again you reporting a posting has no effect what so ever."

 


 I smell BS. This has been stated over and over again as a clear violation of Upwork TOS. If what they said were true ("has no effect what so ever" (sic)), they wouldn't be putting so much effort into justifying themselves. 

I've confronted scammers on and off Upwork several times, and they almost always do the same thing: a variation of, "Well, we ARE legit, and what we asked is legit, and other people are now benefitting and you didn't trust us so you suck." 

Scammers are a lot like children in that sense. The closer you are to the truth, the more ardently they defend their position. My guess is, they're on their way out. 


@Randy S wrote:


 I smell BS. This has been stated over and over again as a clear violation of Upwork TOS. If what they said were true ("has no effect what so ever" (sic)), they wouldn't be putting so much effort into justifying themselves. 

I've confronted scammers on and off Upwork several times, and they almost always do the same thing: a variation of, "Well, we ARE legit, and what we asked is legit, and other people are now benefitting and you didn't trust us so you suck." 

Scammers are a lot like children in that sense. The closer you are to the truth, the more ardently they defend their position. My guess is, they're on their way out. 


Although my experience leads me to believe that you are mistaken, my optimism leads me to say: "Randy, from your mouth to God's ear!"


@Renata S wrote:

Jobs in my area are often hired within an hour of posting

 

<snip>


Wow. I mean REALLY. Wow. An hour! It takes my clients days, even weeks, to hire. I think I am in the wrong profession, heh.


@Pandora H wrote:

@Renata S wrote:

Jobs in my area are often hired within an hour of posting

 

<snip>


Wow. I mean REALLY. Wow. An hour! It takes my clients days, even weeks, to hire. I think I am in the wrong profession, heh.


I think we're definitely working from a different time frame reference. 

The big thing about jobs that get hired in under 60 minutes is that they're usually due yesterday.  


@Renata S wrote:

I think we're definitely working from a different time frame reference. 


The big thing about jobs that get hired in under 60 minutes is that they're usually due yesterday.  


I see. Very different from the long term gigs. I really don't know if I could withstand the difficulties with short term gigs. They seem very frought with peril.

r2streu
Community Member

Oh my gosh, they're back!!!!

 

7,000 sentences recorded by a professional, each one saved as a separate file. 

 

$40. Non-negotiable. 

 

For reference, if we assume ten words a sentence on average, that's 70,000 words, which is about 6.5 hours of audio. Edited. And Split into separate files. This is easily ten hours of work, minimum. 

OK, got one.  Auto corrected, most likely.

 

If you know about Body Sharing Past or Body Sugaring Past, there's an awesome job waiting for you.


@Joe M wrote:

OK, got one.  Auto corrected, most likely.

 

If you know about Body Sharing Past or Body Sugaring Past, there's an awesome job waiting for you.


 I don't think I want to know, and am not going to look it up, heh.

Latest Articles
Learning Paths