Crazy Job Postings Part II

[#1]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[#2]

This one sounds interesting, here is an extract:

"THIS IS A SIDE PROJECT FOR AN EXPERIENCED DEVELOPER.

DO NOT QUIT YOUR DAY JOB.

DO NOT APPLY IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A PAID JOB" 

[#3]

Someone was looking for a virtual assistant and...

"YOU MUST ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS IN ORDER TO BE CONSIDERED AS A CANDIDATE
1) AGE
2) MALE OR FEMALE 
3) MARRIED OR SINGLE

4) IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR A GIRLFRIEND"

Plus:
"START 2 $ PER HOUR"

[#4]

These questions are easy to answer.

1) AGE

Is just a number.

2) MALE OR FEMALE

Yes.

3) MARRIED OR SINGLE

Yes.

4) IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR A GIRLFRIEND

For $2 per hour, you can be either.

[#5]

---

@Anneli K wrote:

Someone was looking for a virtual assistant and...

"YOU MUST ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS IN ORDER TO BE CONSIDERED AS A CANDIDATE
1) AGE
2) MALE OR FEMALE 
3) MARRIED OR SINGLE

4) IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR A GIRLFRIEND"

Plus:
"START 2 $ PER HOUR"

---

 A lot of webcamming involved in the position?

[#6]

To me it's just totally crazy when they ask for 15 min. of animation Pixar style and then say "We need to keep the cost as low as possible because we are poor. Fixed price $10, take it or leave it." Do people have the slightest idea how much a second of animation costs? Let alone Pixar level!

No wonder why they end up not hiring anyone or being frustrated clients.

[#7]

Surely you wouldn't deprive a poor person of custom-made Pixar-quality animation clips? Have you no compassion?

[#8]

Honestly the most funny one I've seen was a person who wanted me to look for 2 blogs that each reached more then 2 milion people living in Monaco.

Monaco (a small nation-state in southern Europee) has about 30.000 inhabitants...

[#9]

yes. Your task would have been to reach out to the millions of monacoans (is this a word?) ...

btw I am missing my gal Petra. German girl, where are you? Loved the pics of your cats, though...

[#10]

---

@Martina P wrote:

btw I am missing my gal Petra. German girl, where are you? Loved the pics of your cats, though...

---

 I'm here, not so (very) far from Monaco 🙂 (in the overall scheme of things) surrounded by cats and Murphy the dog. And my fishies.

I Mainly ignore crazy job posts and concentrate on my mission to never have to look at the job feed again instead 😄

[#11]

good stragety, for sure. I did realize recently that you are my competition. I am doomed.  

[#12]

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@Martina P wrote:

good stragety, for sure. I did realize recently that you are my competition. I am doomed.  

---

 I am not (your competition) and you are not (doomed)

I don't apply for the jobs you do (I hardly ever apply at all) and you are doing very well anyway. Good for you!

[#13]

regarding "competition"...

One needs to consider the numbers and the realities of freelancing via Upwork...

A really successful freelancer is likely to be busy with work, and won't have time to apply to many new jobs.

Even if two freelancers occupy an identical niche in terms of the services and quality that they provide...

There are only so many jobs any freelancer can do. And there are many clients posting many jobs.

[#14]

---

@Petra R wrote:

---

@Martina P wrote:

good stragety, for sure. I did realize recently that you are my competition. I am doomed.  

---

 I am not (your competition) and you are not (doomed)

I don't apply for the jobs you do (I hardly ever apply at all) and you are doing very well anyway. Good for you!

---

 Nor am I. Just keep going Martina. There is more than enough work for all of us.

[#15]

Haha something like that, I had to reach out to every living Monagask
(that's the word 😉 ) about 70 times each

[#16]

---

@Camiel V wrote:
Haha something like that, I had to reach out to every living Monagask
(that's the word 😉 ) about 70 times each

---

 ______________________

Umm - it's actually Monégasque, which is what the people who were born there are called (very few) - the non-Monégasques are the ones who merely reside there (some permanently) and they are called

Monacoians. (Not to be confused with the Japanese monacoin!)

[#17]

Some easy work for a change:

Translating short stories:

"You are allowed to use a tool like google translate. We do not expect literary masterpieces but readable German texts."

$10 per story

[#18]

re: "We do not expect literary masterpieces"

I guess that's a nicer, more polite way of saying: "We don't actually care if what you give us is garbage."

[#19]

Gotta love this.

The client asks for a complicated firewall VPN setup. Of course, he needs experts. His generous 35 dollars offer to finish this 'easy' job on a firewall would barely be enough for a Windows 7 installation by some 17 year old kid in Serbia.

And on top of everything, client (who doesn't now how to configure the firewall) already knows how much time is needed for a skilled Engineer to finish this (an Engineer who knows nothing about the client's network topology, number of devices, existing issues from a poor prior network design etc).

My advice: run away from clients like this. Because, at the end, not only you will have to finish the 'easy' job on the firewall, but you will most likely also have to fix and re-design his entire network at the end. All that for 35 dollars. 

Sounds like a bargain. Or maybe not?

[#20]

Writing a proposal for this job will take ages since the only information is

"Please add your previous experience"

[#21]

"We are looking for a native french writer who can create product descriptions that makes sense to German people buying on Amazon."

[#22]

Did any other writers receive one of the 250 invites to write for the website that sells "used underwear" complete with racy photos that's obviously a not-so-cleverly disquised porn site? Kudos to Upwork for removing it, yet not before this client has spent well over $50,000. 

[#23]

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@Lisa B wrote:

Did any other writers receive one of the 250 invites to write for the website that sells "used underwear" complete with racy photos that's obviously a not-so-cleverly disquised porn site? Kudos to Upwork for removing it, yet not before this client has spent well over $50,000. 

---

 I did not! I am quite outraged, too!

[#24]

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@Lisa B wrote:

Did any other writers receive one of the 250 invites to write for the website that sells "used underwear" complete with racy photos that's obviously a not-so-cleverly disquised porn site? Kudos to Upwork for removing it, yet not before this client has spent well over $50,000. 

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 _____________________________

This has to win the crazy job post award since it started!  But Lisa, I hope you reported it. 

[#25]

Yes, I went to report it, but somebody else beat me to it and the job post was already removed. The site was so gross that I almost lost my lunch!  They asked for website help, and only posted the link without stating what their "business" is upfront.  

[#26]

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@Lisa B wrote:

Yes, I went to report it, but somebody else beat me to it and the job post was already removed. The site was so gross that I almost lost my lunch!  They asked for website help, and only posted the link without stating what their "business" is upfront.  

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 _______________________

The client's account should be removed. I know that this will not happen. This is where Upwork falls down. It cares so much about dodgy clients who bring some money to the table, that it doesn't see the irreparable harm this type of client can do to the site in the long-term.