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Pandora's avatar
Pandora H Community Member

Crazy Job Postings Part II

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

 

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

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Andrea's avatar
Andrea G Community Manager

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea

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Aleksandr's avatar
Aleksandr S Community Member


Richard W wrote:

"Build/Create anything online that makes me a profit"

 

That gives me an idea for a job post: "Make me $200. Budget $100."

 


I regularly see such jobs too: "implement a profitable forex strategy for $50".

If I had one, why would I share it with anyone?

Nedra's avatar
Nedra W Community Member

Of all the academic fraud postings I've seen, this one takes the cake. A student is looking for someone to write a paper about an ethics case study, using ethical theories and arguments.

 

I have a great idea for a case study about a student who pays someone else to write a paper for them...

Aleksandar's avatar
Aleksandar D Community Manager

Hi Nedra,

 

You can use this flag option found on each job post or message anytime you’d like to report a violation.

 

Thank you.

~ Aleksandar
Upwork
Nedra's avatar
Nedra W Community Member

Believe me, I did report it right away. I just thought it was so egregious I had to share. 🙂

Rochelle's avatar
Rochelle T Community Member

This one def tops the most crazy I've ever seen. Really hope he wasn't successful.

 

**Edited for community guidelines**

Suzi's avatar
Suzi E Community Member

Gee Rochelle, I just can't figure out why you're not more compassionate toward this poor victimized guy. Sheesh! **Edited for Community Guidelines**

Sergio's avatar
Sergio S Community Member

I can't believe the one I've just seen. They have 10 conference videos in X language. They want a video editor who understands X language and also Y and Z languages to create subtitled versions for Y and Z. This means 20 videos (each video almost 30 min). Transcriptions for the original in X are not provided and you need to actually be a translator too. They want this completed in one week. Budget is a 2-figure number! Yeahhh, right! Be my guest, bro Cat LOL One can be a polyglot and a video editor, sure, but all this unrealistic deadline and payment is just too much! I have seen lots of people asking for the sun and the moon in Upwork but this one just got me astonished.

Suzi's avatar
Suzi E Community Member

Hey, with the economy collapsing/collapsed, they fantasize that we are so desperate we're willing to be **Edited for Community Guidelines**. They're just showing you WHO they are.

 

So pathetic that it's not even funny any more.

 

Suzi

Mikko's avatar
Mikko R Community Member

Sergio, now you're confusing the client.

 

"What? Don't all video editors speak AT LEAST 10 languages?"

 

😄

Renata's avatar
Renata S Community Member

Composers, start your ovens!

Someone Down Under wants a freelancer to write and record a parody song of the Madonna song Like a Prayer on the theme of "sourdough bread.”

 

It seems like you'd need a miracle to get the meter to work.

Ray's avatar
Ray C Community Member

Shoot me the link I can do this!
Renata's avatar
Renata S Community Member


Ray C wrote:
Shoot me the link I can do this!

I'm PMing you as we speak, Ray. There are less than five applicants and none of the invited freelancers seem to be responding. 

Did I mention that they want you to perform it too? 

Preston's avatar
Preston H Community Member

re: "...on the theme of sourdough bread. It seems like you'd need a miracle to get the meter to work."

 

The meters are quite reliable. I don't know why you would be worried about them not working.

Screen Shot 2020-12-06 at 7.57.40 AM.png

 

Screen Shot 2020-12-06 at 7.57.29 AM.png

Ray's avatar
Ray C Community Member

Seriously I write parody lyrics for all kinds of songs.

Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow,

Sung to the tune of "Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow."

 

Oh, the pressure is getting stronger,

Can't hold it too much longer.

If I can't find any place to go

Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow,

 

Oh, the question right now is whether...

I can keep my knees together...

Till I find someplace to go...

Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow.

 

Well I guess I drank too much beer...

So just stop by the side of the road.

Or I might have to go right here;

my bladder's about to explode

 

I can feel myself start to weaken

I think I might be leakin'

I need to find a place to go...

Yellow Snow,  Yellow Snow,  Yellow Snow.

Nedra's avatar
Nedra W Community Member

You have quite a talent, Ray. Be sure to use it for good and not evil.

Ray's avatar
Ray C Community Member

Oops too late! Haha, thanks, Nedra

Suzi's avatar
Suzi E Community Member

Thanks for the laughs!

Renata's avatar
Renata S Community Member

Some of the more recent seasonal offerings (beyond the usual barrage of requests for ethics essays with 24-hour deadines) are particularly cockle warming (because I must admit, I've always found client specs for design projects really funny): 

 

A company is looking for someone to create "Chrismukkah" illustrations (by which they mean Christmas and Hannukah hybrid designs). One of the images they're looking for is something they call a "Jewish Santa" who's decked out in a blue suit rather than a red one and has peyos (those curls Jewish men have behind their ears). Another design they have requested is something called "Ho Ho Ho - Oy Oy Oy," in which Jewish Santa and a standard red-and-white-suited Santa are hugging. 

These illustrations are to have a "very 'now' vibe that encompasses the charm and magic of the holidays" while simultaneously drawing "inspiration from mid-century modern products and motifs." 

So that's like a retro now vibe? 

 

Renata's avatar
Renata S Community Member

And then there are those jobs that just scream "take me!" 

Edit 75K word poorly German translated romance novel. One week turnaround. The fixed rate works out to about 0.6 cents per word. 

 

 

 

Suzi's avatar
Suzi E Community Member

Gee, Renata, why are you being so greedy! LOL...I wonder if the person who wrote the job description also did the "poorly German translated romance novel". I suspect so.

Renata's avatar
Renata S Community Member


Suzi E wrote:

Gee, Renata, why are you being so greedy! LOL...I wonder if the person who wrote the job description also did the "poorly German translated romance novel". I suspect so.


So greedy? If you've ever had the thrill of working with particularly crappy translation, you'll understand the romance will likely be over by page 3 (if it ever does in fact get started). 

I couldn't decide whether "poorly German translated" meant translated poorly into German or translated poorly by a German into some as yet undetermined language. It's possible you might spend the first day simply trying to decipher the remit. And by the second day, it might occur to you that you don't actually speak the language it was poorly translated into. 

Suzi's avatar
Suzi E Community Member

Thanks so much for the giant belly laughs. I just got home from a root canal...so it was just in time!

 

................................."poorly German translated" meant translated poorly into German or translated poorly by a German into some as yet undetermined language

 

Yes it is a quandary to figure out. I was also confused by the possibilities. It makes it even harder to eagerly apply. I'm sure there will be hundreds of applicants, and you'll have to put in a very competitive bid. Maybe .001 cent an hour would do the job.

 

Suzi

Renata's avatar
Renata S Community Member


Suzi E wrote:

Thanks so much for the giant belly laughs. I just got home from a root canal...so it was just in time!

 

................................."poorly German translated" meant translated poorly into German or translated poorly by a German into some as yet undetermined language

 

Yes it is a quandary to figure out. I was also confused by the possibilities. It makes it even harder to eagerly apply. I'm sure there will be hundreds of applicants, and you'll have to put in a very competitive bid. Maybe .001 cent an hour would do the job.

 

Suzi


Suzi,

I wish you a speedy recovery. I know people say laughter is the best medicine. But seriously, if you've had a root canal, take whatever pain medication they gave you. 

Suzi's avatar
Suzi E Community Member

I don't think they gave me enough so I'm seeking solace here!

Muhammad's avatar
Muhammad F Community Member

"Write 2500 words in the budget of $5 and get 5-star ratings. The budget is tight so don't apply if you don't accept the payment. But a 5-star rating is a must if you can complete the job without plagiarism."

 

Now you can decide if the client was buying writing services or bargaining work with 5-star ratings and some coins 😄