Crazy Job Postings Part II

[Sergio S]

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Tiffany S wrote:

Sounds like maybe you haven't used Upwork as a client. It's not unusual to start a job as a public posting then change it.

No, I haven't used as a client, I didn't know it was possible to change it that way. So I was wondering why Upwork had sent that one to me by e-mail as I was a good match for it while I was deprived of applying. What you say makes perfect sense.

[Vesna M]

It's not really a crazy job post but I need some place to vent. It's past midnight and I got an invite. I'm about to answer when my toddler is having a bad dream. Five minutes later I'm back at pc from coziness of my bed and trying to answer to something I don't quite follow. So I'm explaining this in q, and there are four q, and I was hoping just to respond with super short sentence to that invite, but I kept on writing about how I need clarification about this job post. Once I clicked send I'm informed that something is wrong. Job is closed. And it was opened just an hour ago.

On the other side, other jobs I apply to or get invited are open for ages and client never  respond/hires anyone.  I'm so ughhhh now.

[Victor P]

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Vesna

That's a great name!
Actually in the ukrainian language it means the Spring (that pleasant season of the year when birds are chirping and flowers are blooming).
I have no idea if pronunciation is the same though.

[Vesna M]

Well, thanks  Victor. You are correct. It means spring.

[Lisa T]

You want crazy job postings, do you? I keep a document of them, for future laughs. Here's a sampling:

"We have a logo that needs some tweaking (too many comments that it resembles male private parts)."

"Needed: The BEST Game Artist in the World!" Pays $10-$15 per hour

"Dinosaurs. Draw them for me."

"I need a drawing of a unicorn riding a wheelie on motorcycle out of a large explosion for a t-shirt. The Unicorn -Should have strong eyes with a awesome flowing mane that takes your breath away."

"I currently live in the United States and I am 28 years old. I mismanaged my money this week and do not have a credit card. I need someone on here to lend me $20, and then next week when my job pays me I will send you $40.

This means that you will make a $20 profit just for lending me the money for a week."

Someone actually tried to borrow money on Upwork.

[Camiel V]

That last one probably is a freelancer . But seriously, I have a couple
too:

"Need a translator for a legal document EN-NL. Translator must have
certification, be able to get the translation appostilized and to be
legally valid in the Netherlands and Belgium, so I need two versions. Dutch
and Flemish. The doc contains 200 words, my budget is $5,-"

"Calling all PhD grads in Sociology to review student answers. A review
must contain 300 words at least, not included repeating the question. We
pay 50 cents per answer. We expect you to provide at least 50 answers per
week, working at least 8 hours."

"Need personal assistent, your job mainly is to advise me on how to handle
my frustrations on current clients and how to stay diplomatic. As we are a
start up, you'll be paid in assets, which will grow in value in the future.
Please do not apply if you're looking for a quick buck."

"Need someone who can convince 10 people to devote their lives to
Jezus. $10 for
each person that has provenly purchased a bible after talking to you"

[Lisa T]

Ha! Those are really crazy.

[Ray C]

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Lisa T wrote:

Ha! Those are really crazy.

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One of my favorites was a logo design job. Client wants his logo to be a 2 story house with a big front yard and a big tree in the middle. Way in the top branches of the tree there should be a koala bear and in his hand is a kiwi fruit with a bite taken out of it and you need to see the little black seeds so you know it's a kiwi. It'll be about a half inch wide on the corner of a business card.

I asked him if he was handing out a free microscope with each card.

When i was working at an agency I had an AE come into my office with a client. He hands me a picture, hard copy photo, of a building he wanted to advertise on. The picture was taken from his car window as he was driving by. He says "Hey ray can you put this up on the screen and show me what the building looks like from the other side of the street?" 
He thought I could rotate 3-dimensional objects in a 2-dimensional photograph!
I held the picture up and rotated it in my hand about 30 degrees.

[Juan C]

Machines are learning English directly "from da streets" and they can't wait to graduate from beta mode before posting jobs.  Can't say no more yo... cos the rules... if you know what I'm sayin.

[Roberto S]

At first it may seem like every job posting on the translation/writing field. But this is not.

Not only the client is willing to pay 1$ for 1000 words proofread (if you are not in the field, this is 1/10th of the lowest rate in the lowest linguistic combination). But they sent out 13000 invites too. And in another job posting they sent out 16000. Obviously they hired like 30 people per post.
Basically they are exploiting Upwork flaws to leave 2-3 job postings open and they keep using those, so their 94% hiring rate won't ever go down.

**Edited for community guidelines**