Crazy Job Postings

[#1]

Hi all,

We have closed this thread due to its size. Please feel free to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs here.

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

[#2]

This one is first in my feed today,

i need someone to to pick up my tires and mail them for me

Category:  "Back-End Development"

Skills and Expertise:  "moving car tires"

[#3]

Clearly for a rear-wheel drive.

[#4]

I saw some sort of copywriting job where they wanted the work to have only 3-4% plagiarism. 

Every other job I have seen in the past mentioning plagiarism wants none. Standards are slipping.

[#5]

"I need you to hack into the amazon employee network for me, we have this thing we call attendance points, and if we get 6 or more points we will get terminated and honestly I like my job at amazon and I'm not ready to get terminated yet I have 7.5 right now, I would like you to reduce it to 0"

How about showing up to work in time? 

People think that hacking is like in the tv, you push two button and all is right...but 1) its illegal 2) amazon is one of the largest tech company with insane amount of security services and protection....

[#6]

2) amazon is one of the largest tech company with insane amount of security services and protection....

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Wired and Reveal (Center for Investigative Reporting) partnered up to do a piece on Amazon's extremely horrible security and data protection (apart from their cloud hosting stuff - that was entirely separate).

[#7]

Today's favorite: 

Got an invite: Develop a question bank for a popular information security certification, in the job description it is stated that two free samples need to be submitted.

JD:

" *******The first step is to send TWO sample questions*******, this will help us to understand if you have the right skills, and to understand if you want to do it or not. If accepted these can form part of your first 50 submitted questions."

I have applied to state: 

Thanks for the invite, I would be happy to develop the 2 sample questions for 80 USD, but I'm not going to submit them for free as part of my application. This is against the ToS of Upwork, and also my professional principles. If you hire me for the 2 questions for 80 USD, that is great, and after you are happy with it, we can discuss the SoW and the price of the full question bank.

Client:

So basically We are currently expanding our offerings for the professional IT certification market. Packt has a history of publishing high-quality instructional books, for people taking certifications, but the audience also needs other resources, such as practice questions and exams. We are now building out a question bank that will be used in various ways to help IT professionals prepare for an exam. You have to send 2-3 sample question for review if they were cleared we will go to next step i.e., for writing 50 questions

Me:
Yes, that is what I said, I'm not going to write 2-3 samples (at least one hour of work) for free....

happy to do it for the 80 USD that you have posted for the fixed price, then discuss the cost of writing the 50 questions.

Client:
Look buddy without sample question how would I know your work I am hiring you for the first time so It is important for me

Send me atleast 2 sample

Me:
Look buddy, I got clients paying 1xx USD/hr..., you see my profile, my creds...you invited me...

good luck..

and instantly disabled the client and withdraw the application....

[#8]

OMG Attila!!!

That was a rush. It was like watching a chase scene in a suspense movie.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I hate it when clients believe they are entitled to free stuff.

You rock brother!!! 🤘🤘🤘

[#9]

He sent 24 invites, if everyone falls to this, he has got his free question bank....Just flagged it.

[#10]

Lol, replying to those 'free sample' invites really is one of life's little pleasures.

[#11]

The golden contract of today.  I have seen the client putting out the same advert asking for consulting/ support for a specific security tool, so I have applied for the job and was hired without any interaction/interview. This was on the 10th of May.

I let the screenshot speak for itself (shortcut, the client immediately paused the contract saying input needed, after 1 week, I have asked if there is any news, and if there is no update by Friday I'll close the contract, the client blocked me on Upwork messenger, so I have closed the contract).

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

[#12]

Today's favorite:

hi there, i want to stalk and view an Instagram account but it is privated. do you think u can hack it and give me access to all the photos, and access to view the privated account ?

the link to the privated profile that i want u to give me viewing access to is: *removed insta account*

if possible i would like to see screenshots of all the posts that is available when u have accessed the privated account.

How about not being a freak, and respecting others' privacy by don't ask for illegal activity on a freelancer platform? Upwork should have a huge banner/pop-up warning users not to post jobs that are against laws and regulations, also I would immediately refer such job posters to the Feds for investigation/tracking. These are not scammers just stupid persons thinking 1) this is something simple 2) they are at an illegal "hacker for hire" website.....

[#13]

Today:

Just want to back my own money. A person Whose name is Manish who cheated on me and take my  5000 rupees . I just want my money back and nothing else.

While I feel sorry for the poor fella, I really don't know what this sort of guy is thinking, what will happen? Rocky Balboa will apply to the job, and collect the money himself? Kevin Mitnick will use his social engineering skills to talk the money back?

[#14]

We repairing cars fast

Content Writing

Posted 1 hour ago

Worldwide

Works feom home im the my mechanical idustry alone

So if  you've got a car in need of repair anywhere in the world, be sure to send it as an attachment on Upwork.

[#15]

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Ramon B wrote:

We repairing cars fast

Content Writing

Posted 1 hour ago

Worldwide

Works feom home im the my mechanical idustry alone

So if  you've got a car in need of repair anywhere in the world, be sure to send it as an attachment on Upwork.

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Darn, the upload isn't working and support isn't answering. All while the car is rusting away in my garage! Bad bad customer service all around. 

[#16]

Hi Razvan.

       So I’m currently in a bad spot right know and it’s not my fault. I also didn’t do anything to deserve what is happen to me.  I have 2 bench warrants and they wanna put me in jail for something I didn’t do. I need these  to go away as fast as possible. I know I’m asking a lot but my hole future is riding on this. If I’m caught I’ll be locked up for a month or more.  But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

              Second I have a child custody battle that I need one of 2 things. I need my court order changed. Or I need access to all my ex wife’s still cell numbers emails whatever you can get me in.  

  But my warrants are most important.

Remark: for me this is very annoying and disturbing to see so much illegal activity requested, when I try to help legitimate companies to get secure, be compliant....Upwork allowing such job posts making itself looks life a sh*tshow

[#17]

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Attila H wrote:

Hi Razvan.

       So I’m currently in a bad spot right know and it’s not my fault. I also didn’t do anything to deserve what is happen to me.  I have 2 bench warrants and they wanna put me in jail for something I didn’t do. I need these  to go away as fast as possible. I know I’m asking a lot but my hole future is riding on this. If I’m caught I’ll be locked up for a month or more.  But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

              Second I have a child custody battle that I need one of 2 things. I need my court order changed. Or I need access to all my ex wife’s still cell numbers emails whatever you can get me in.  

  But my warrants are most important.

Remark: for me this is very annoying and disturbing to see so much illegal activity requested, when I try to help legitimate companies to get secure, be compliant....Upwork allowing such job posts making itself looks life a sh*tshow

---

But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

No, of course not. Maybe criminal-ish at most? Precious!

[#18]

I love this one, it is not crazy stupid, but still unusual. If I would in logistics, I would love the challange.

Logistic way fresh fish from Venezuela to Poland

Hello,  I need to transport fresh fish from Venezuela (any airport) to Poland, Warsaw. For me the best way would be rent a air container (like in attachment) full fill it by fish with ice, and send by air cargo. Delivery fish to the Venezuelan airport is on me, same receiving from the airport in Warsaw is on me. I need transport minimum once a week.  Pleas find the best way for my fish.

[#19]

I can't find words:

Please read entire document...
I'm looking for a well versed Azure solutions architect that has experience assessing an Azure tenant for data governance, DLP, and a security assessment. This person needs to be able to document what steps are needed to complete a step by step assessment of the environment to confirm they are using best practices.

Best practices includes networking, landing zone design, security and governance.

Looking to build a long-term partner that I can work with on future projects.

Requirements:
-Someone who is good with assessing Azure environments.
-Someone who has at least 500 hours on UpWork
-Someone has a 5-star rating.
-Someone who takes pride in their work.
-Someone who speaks English well.

Here's what you need to do next:
-  Please reply with examples of your previous work. If I like your previous work I will reply and give you more details.

********* IMPORTANT when you reply start by typing the code words: Honey Badger


This way I know you took the time to read the complete description instead of just replying to all new submissions as many people do.

The job posting sounds reasonable, and normal, seems like the client has got experience...right? But he wants all of these above for 50 USD. This job aka creating a detailed, step-by-step description on how to implement certain security solutions is at least 8-12 hours even for experienced professionals, simply just by the fact that you have to create the document itself (take screenshots, type it in, etc)...

[#20]

Ok ok, we get it, he's a freeloader. 

The question is, did you type Honey Badger?

[#21]

Today's favorite:

A project catalog enquiry:

***Client Name*** 12:06 PM
HY

The client is reaching out about the following project:

You will get PCI-DSS compliance consulting by a senior certified security consultant

**Edited for Community Guidelines**  12:08 PM
Hi

How can I help you?

***Client Name*** 12:10 PM
yes

**Edited for Community Guidelines** 12:13 PM
ok, yes, you need help. what is that you need?

The most fulfilling conversation with a client ever ...

[#22]

Spotted the deal of the day - pay $1, receive a five-star review! Bargain.

[#23]

Possibly the weirdest/most horrible post I've come across so far... Some guy from Switzerland wants to pay an Asian woman (yes, that is specified) $4 - $10/hour to 'research feederism' - he wants to pay her a pittance to gain weight and become obese. Interviewing one person so far, hopefully it's someone trolling him. Urgh.

[#24]

i got Indian guy wanted me to make a full pen test and vulnerability assessment for his website just for 20$ for all the job lol

[#25]

Tinder replier, I need somebody to talk with the girls

Fixed-price - Expert - Est. Budget: $20 - Posted 9 minutes ago

I want somebody with really good skills on talking with girls online, to talk instead of me on Tinder, Every time I have a successful date and meet that person, regardless the outcome, I will give you 20 usd

What could possibly go wrong?

[#26]

There's currently a job post up that's just 'I need your nudes' - the flagging system is also temporarily unavailable, as a fun coincedence. 

Specifically, they would like 60-70 nudes, and would like one nude as a sample.