Crazy Job Postings

[AndreaG]

Hi all,

We have closed this thread due to its size. Please feel free to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs here.

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

[martina_plaschka]

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Attila H wrote:

Hi Razvan.

       So I’m currently in a bad spot right know and it’s not my fault. I also didn’t do anything to deserve what is happen to me.  I have 2 bench warrants and they wanna put me in jail for something I didn’t do. I need these  to go away as fast as possible. I know I’m asking a lot but my hole future is riding on this. If I’m caught I’ll be locked up for a month or more.  But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

              Second I have a child custody battle that I need one of 2 things. I need my court order changed. Or I need access to all my ex wife’s still cell numbers emails whatever you can get me in.  

  But my warrants are most important.

Remark: for me this is very annoying and disturbing to see so much illegal activity requested, when I try to help legitimate companies to get secure, be compliant....Upwork allowing such job posts making itself looks life a sh*tshow

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But none of my crimes are criminal crimes.  

No, of course not. Maybe criminal-ish at most? Precious!

[cyber_sec007]

I love this one, it is not crazy stupid, but still unusual. If I would in logistics, I would love the challange.

Logistic way fresh fish from Venezuela to Poland

Hello,  I need to transport fresh fish from Venezuela (any airport) to Poland, Warsaw. For me the best way would be rent a air container (like in attachment) full fill it by fish with ice, and send by air cargo. Delivery fish to the Venezuelan airport is on me, same receiving from the airport in Warsaw is on me. I need transport minimum once a week.  Pleas find the best way for my fish.

[cyber_sec007]

I can't find words:

Please read entire document...
I'm looking for a well versed Azure solutions architect that has experience assessing an Azure tenant for data governance, DLP, and a security assessment. This person needs to be able to document what steps are needed to complete a step by step assessment of the environment to confirm they are using best practices.

Best practices includes networking, landing zone design, security and governance.

Looking to build a long-term partner that I can work with on future projects.

Requirements:
-Someone who is good with assessing Azure environments.
-Someone who has at least 500 hours on UpWork
-Someone has a 5-star rating.
-Someone who takes pride in their work.
-Someone who speaks English well.

Here's what you need to do next:
-  Please reply with examples of your previous work. If I like your previous work I will reply and give you more details.

********* IMPORTANT when you reply start by typing the code words: Honey Badger


This way I know you took the time to read the complete description instead of just replying to all new submissions as many people do.

The job posting sounds reasonable, and normal, seems like the client has got experience...right? But he wants all of these above for 50 USD. This job aka creating a detailed, step-by-step description on how to implement certain security solutions is at least 8-12 hours even for experienced professionals, simply just by the fact that you have to create the document itself (take screenshots, type it in, etc)...

[paywell]

Ok ok, we get it, he's a freeloader. 

The question is, did you type Honey Badger?

[cyber_sec007]

Today's favorite:

A project catalog enquiry:

***Client Name*** 12:06 PM
HY

The client is reaching out about the following project:

You will get PCI-DSS compliance consulting by a senior certified security consultant

**Edited for Community Guidelines**  12:08 PM
Hi

How can I help you?

***Client Name*** 12:10 PM
yes

**Edited for Community Guidelines** 12:13 PM
ok, yes, you need help. what is that you need?

The most fulfilling conversation with a client ever ...

[sullivanliz]

Spotted the deal of the day - pay $1, receive a five-star review! Bargain.

[sullivanliz]

Possibly the weirdest/most horrible post I've come across so far... Some guy from Switzerland wants to pay an Asian woman (yes, that is specified) $4 - $10/hour to 'research feederism' - he wants to pay her a pittance to gain weight and become obese. Interviewing one person so far, hopefully it's someone trolling him. Urgh.

[0c8032db]

i got Indian guy wanted me to make a full pen test and vulnerability assessment for his website just for 20$ for all the job lol

[battershall-ramo]

Tinder replier, I need somebody to talk with the girls

Fixed-price - Expert - Est. Budget: $20 - Posted 9 minutes ago

I want somebody with really good skills on talking with girls online, to talk instead of me on Tinder, Every time I have a successful date and meet that person, regardless the outcome, I will give you 20 usd

What could possibly go wrong?

[alice_m_uk]

There's currently a job post up that's just 'I need your nudes' - the flagging system is also temporarily unavailable, as a fun coincedence. 

Specifically, they would like 60-70 nudes, and would like one nude as a sample. 

[NikolaS]

Hi Laura,

Thank you for reaching out to us and bringing this to our attention. Could you please click on my name and send me a PM with more information about the job post you are referring to? I will be sure to look into your report and escalate it accordingly.

[alice_m_uk]

I've sent you a PM. 

[paywell]

I wanted to jokingly ask "with the sample or the whole of 70 pics?"

But I kept myself back, since this would be wildly inaproppriate. 

[9fe872eb]

There is a currently posted job whose complete description contains nothing at all except a definition/description of what Microsoft Excel is (Excel is a spreadsheet program... blah blah).

The job poster has received 20 to 50 proposals and is currently interviewing 3 people, for something I guess. The job title is just "Excel".

[iaabraham]

Because the Part I & II threads have been closed, and I'm really annoyed about the invite I just received, starting a new one...

**edited for Community Guidelines**

[prestonhunter]

How did the interview go?

[iaabraham]

Haha, if I was trollish enough, I would have accepted the interview. Just reported and posted here.

[esadr]

As far as I know, you are not allowed to upload screenshots of posted jobs here, so I expect this one to disappear due to Community guidelines.

I saw a job posting yesterday that I'll paraphrase:

Title: I need a passive income generator made from scratch.

I won't respond to anyone who doesn't have a clear idea that they can prove with numbers. You will get paid by me to generate income for me.

The idea can be anything, as long as it makes sense and generates money.

The client is not new on Upwork, he has posted about 100 jobs and spent over $20k so far. He currently has between 5-10 job applications and is interviewing 3 candidates.

I would really like to know if anyone would be willing to sell a passive income idea for a portion of the profits - when they can do everything themselves and keep all the profits. 

If there is someone, feel free to contact me. 😎

[prestonhunter]

Hope springs eternal.

[esadr]

Perhaps you can move to Guatemala.

[iaabraham]

Yeah usually I wouldn't post the screenshot but really, this one doesn't contain identifying information. There are countless Deepaks around.

[renata101]

Hey Isabelle,

I'm guessing your location might be putting an extra spin on that particular "invitation." From the way my friend described her travels, India can be an challenging experience if you're female (I know other parts of SE Asia certainly were). It sounds like someone's looking for an arrangement that goes a little beyond the scope of your average contract. Actually, it sounds like it could put a whole new spin on "scope creep."

[iaabraham]

Definitely 😆 and I would say it's more than challenging to be here as a female; sometimes it's simply unbearable. I just wonder where people find the audacity to post such nonsense.

[paywell]

The job post link / name was censored due to community guidelines. 

Was somebody looking for a female companion to travel through India?

I watched a YT channel called K&N and they went to a celebration, which seemed quite risky for women (the video is about "HOLI in Vrindavan").

But I'm just guessing, maybe they were totally fine? I know people who traveled through India and said only good things about the kind Indian people.

[9fe872eb]

There is currently a job post up with a "request" to hack a bank account in Iran and transfer money to another account. People have sent proposals.

[renata101]

Hi Amit,

I guess that's funny in an dark, ironic sort of way, but the job souds illegal and you should have flagged it.

[9fe872eb]

It's been some time, Renata, and I don't remember exactly, but this might have been somewhat around the time when Upwork's flagging system was known to be broken/ineffectual and writing about it in the community might have stood a better chance of drawing the Staff's attention to it and for action to be taken as required. Along with the lulz, that is, at a rather moronic looking attempt at crime.

[paywell]

I have recently seen a post, not from a new client, which required: 

Getting access to a remote computer and deleting files (or E-Mails), so that nobody, not even a professional can recover them.

Sounds legit!

[melaniekhenson]

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Amit S wrote:

There is currently a job post up with a "request" to hack a bank account in Iran and transfer money to another account. People have sent proposals.

---

😳

[elisa_b]

A foreign company wanted to "buy" an existing landline phone number of a private citizen's home, in order to place it on its website to improve trustworthiness among customers.

Funny thing, the company wanted to set up a pre-recorded audio message informing callers there was no way to speak to a real agent - people needed to contact the company via email instead!

[paywell]

Here's another great deal:

**edited for Community Guidelines**

Divide $30 USD by the amount of clicks, copy-pastes and mouse swooshes, required to "plan" 238 posts for a month.

Plus 4 times a week, you have to copy-paste content into 3 accounts by hand.

Something tells me, that "plan" has been misplaced with "work your mouse off" in this client's dictionary.

[paywell]

And another one, coming from one of those honest to God companies, which simply want to lend a hand to their clients in order to make their testimony look better:

**edited for Community Guidelines**

For all those naysayers out there: all feedback is legit, and not a script written by the client, how did you get that idea? That's conspiracy theory talk!

[elisa_b]

This is one of my all-time favourite job descriptions, which I am paraphrasing to avoid (?) censorship:

I already wrote a job description. Why do you have questions?

That was it. By the time I saw it, 5+ people already applied 😂

[renata101]

As we all know, all the really good editors can read minds. 🙃

[25005175]

Just found this thread. Here's a doozy that I saved on November 13, 2022.

In short:  **edited for Community Guidelines** Even better, the job post specified that the gas station must rely on future technologies. For $100.

Another (August 2, 2022):  🤣 **edited for Community Guidelines** (I actually interviewed for this - the client wanted to generate all of this in Unreal Engine.

June 7, 2022 - **edited for Community Guidelines** $1200. Expert. Photo of ceiling vent in question was included.

[25005175]

This is just one of many by the same company. Usually the price is $5,000.

$10000
**edited for Community Guidelines**

Of the dozens that I've seen, this is the first where they slip and admit to requesting free consulting work via the interview process.

[25005175]

From Australia: **edited for Community Guidelines** (italics mine)

Because as we all know, cosmic entities that swirl around all of us are best sold online and imported from China.

[developerbv]

Now that's what I call next level R&D in Data Mining.

**edited for Community Guidelines**

<<Information needed
Data Mining
**edited for Community Guidelines**

[25005175]

I once saw one in which the guy claimed his family had hired hackers to monitor all of his devices. He wanted to reverse monitor the hackers.

[grimesr]

Just to lighten your day. Maybe a few extra people asked to submit a proposal.