Crazy Job Postings

[#1]

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

Here's something I saw tonight:

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

One word: Sheesh!

[#2]

No, don't go crazy Rockefeller, you shouldn't be splashing such phenomenal sums around...

The $25 budget is just a random number, obviously it won't be even remotely to that number,

[#3]

You will be asked to answer the following questions when applying:

1. Please despicable me about your Wordpress experience / expertise.

[#4]

Seriously, should I flag the job posted by this 'client' as inappropriate? 31 open jobs since October with 0% hired and payment method not verified?

[#5]

John,

Regarding the client whose profile shows they have posted 35 jobs, but have hired zero people thus far, and currently have 31 open jobs...

Obviously experienced and knowledgeable contractors such as ourselves here on the community forum are wise enough to NOT apply to a job with such a "client."

Some newbies might, though.

But oDesk has made recent announcements about cleaning up their client lists and removing people like this. I believe them. Obviously this is detrimental to the site, and I think that oDesk really is working on new back-end algorithms to help them locate and suspend the accounts of people who post jobs but don't hire.

[#6]

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@Preston H wrote:

Obviously experienced and knowledgeable contractors such as ourselves here on the community forum are wise enough to NOT apply to a job with such a "client."

Some newbies might, though.

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 So you would think, but as of now, there are 64 applicants for the last job posted by the 'client' in question, and of the most recent 8 applicants, 4 have 1458, 350, 539, and 197 hours at oDesk. Are they the sort who send spam applications to every posted job then? Regardless, something like this could be the basis of a client 'Job Success' score--too many open jobs with no hires should have negative consequences for clients.

[#7]

66 applicants now--the 2 latest have 4871 and 747 hours between them!

I thought I would be proactive and flag the job as inappropriate, but none of the choices are appropriate. It isn't SPAM unless posting jobs and never hiring is a form of SPAM. It isn't phishing/fraud either, although it *is* fraud in the sense that the 'client' probably has no intention of hiring anyone. If I did apply, maybe I'll get a request for free work or work outside oDesk, but I'm not applying just to report the job.

[#8]

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@John K wrote:

You will be asked to answer the following questions when applying:

1. Please despicable me about your Wordpress experience / expertise.

---

I was right in the middle of sipping a cup of tea when I read that.  My keyboard thanks you. 

[#9]

I know people are desperate for work now, but still...

TRYING TO GET PREGNANT? Volunteers & Paid Fixed Price - Est. Budget: $5

[#10]

@Ramon - I think that's the worst one I've seen on this thread. Were there any applicants?

[#11]

I cheated a little 

It was actually about people who would blog about their attempts to get pregnant; people prepared to share the most intimate moments of their lives with complete strangers for the pricely sum of $5.

[#12]

"Write a book

Fixed price - Est. budget $1000

write a book about haryy potter"

To compound the silliness it's filed under "academic writing"...

[#13]

Design a simple but professional looking wordpress site with multimedia contents. The site emphasizes on video sharing and blogging.

You will be offered an hourly rate of $3.00.

The shortest time and lowest rate will get the job.

I guess the client wasn't aware that $3.00/hr is the oDesk minimum. 

Here's his hiring record: $2.73/hr AVG HOURLY RATE PAID

526 Hours

He even requires this (English level): Fluent - Has complete command of this language with perfect grammar

As a US citizen I'm ashamed this individual lives in the US.

[#14]

5  Page Essay in regards to a software company. 4 questions to research and needs to be complete in 48 hours .025c per word.

What is interesting on this he has quite a few jobs and they are all essay papers which makes me think the guy is a student having someone else do his work

Some of the completed jobs

Pre-Calc Math Problems to be Solved

Consumer Behavior Paper

Paper on Nelson Mandela

Art History Paper

[#15]

If someone's going to hire others to do course work, the least they can do is not wait until the last minute. 

[#16]

Yeah, I can write a book on this subject..

I know a man from my grandparents' village.. He is very hairy and he is also a potter...

I guess I have to write about this Hairy Potter.. 

$1000.. that's a good money though

[#17]

OMG. I'm not looking for work, but today I wondered if one of my job search terms would still work after the new Catagory update.

And, on the very first page results for that term, I see that some random client in Canada (an established one, with a great hourly pay even) has copied, verbatim, a job description one of my clients used for an open job this week.

It's a big job description, and my client spent hours writing and editing the silly thing. Clients, please, don't steal other clients job descriptions. It's scammy. Write your own, for goodness sakes.

Disclaimer: Not naming names. nope, no siree.

[#18]

Your qualifications:

- A complete Elance profile

- References or an established reputation on Elance preferred

Someone tell this client he's on oDesk, not Elance. 

[#19]

A cross between an academic and a magician???

The Acadmecian i can write for academicians and research articles.

[#20]

What about this job (attached screen grab)?

Translate a sentence: $1.50

They've been interviewing 3 people for over a day.

If it wasn't for connects I would just apply and translate it for them in 20 seconds for free! (Just kidding..., but come on!)

Seriously who is going to waste 2 connects on this?

APPARENTLY 35 PEOPLE SO FAR!

😮

[#21]

Here's my translation, free of charge,

Dios es una esfera inteligible, cuyo centro está en todas partes y su circunferencia en ninguna

[#22]

LOL John

Eso.... 😉

[#23]

need to make the program affordable wifi connection which will take place through the registration on my website : guest comes to my office connected to wifi, necessarily has to register on my website and only after that to enjoy free internet If you have questions[...]

Yes, what on Earth are you on about?

[#24]

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@Ramon B wrote:

need to make the program affordable wifi connection which will take place through the registration on my website : guest comes to my office connected to wifi, necessarily has to register on my website and only after that to enjoy free internet If you have questions[...]

Yes, what on Earth are you on about?

---

Sounds like all this guy is looking for is someone to create a password for others to access his public wifi. LOL

Bid $50.  

[#25]

Job post title:

OIL

Job description:

Contact me

End of job post

Sure..sure...

[#26]

A slippery character no doubt. ..