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pandoraharper
Community Member

Crazy Job Postings

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

Here's something I saw tonight:

 

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

 

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

 

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

 

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

 

One word: Sheesh!

 

 

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
AndreaG
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

2,171 REPLIES 2,171

Pandora, possibly some lower HR person decided to look hip and cool and post the job on UW.  

 

I think that happens.  In fact, I think that's why I got an invitation from a long-time UW client who needed a lawyer in the Phillipines.  Some underling didn't understand UW.

Edit a 150-page scientific document for $35.

 

Proposals: 20 to 50

Interviewing: 8

Invites Sent: 61

"Certa bonum certamen"


@Ravindra B wrote:

Edit a 150-page scientific document for $35.

 

Proposals: 20 to 50

Interviewing: 8

Invites Sent: 61


 That works out to 23 cents per page (or 19 cents after the freelancer fee).

I think the movable feast of crazy jobs has moved. Maybe this thread is threatening to collapse under its own weight. Smiley Happy

It looks like there is a second volume.

Yep, Part II is open.

 

Crazy Job Postings II - Please do contribute via this one. Click Me.

 

Because this first thread is HUGE and about to burst.

I don't know why people complain about on-site jobs.


They're a tiny, tiny minority of the jobs available on Upwork.

 

They violate no Upwork rules. If somebody lives locally and can do one of these jobs, more power to them.

mtngigi
Community Member

What comes after this is crazy. This is physically writing 130 words on postcards that they will send to you along with stamps. Then you have to take a photos of the cards and upload to Dropbox.

 

Someone has been hired.  Smiley Surprised

 

Screen shot 2017-09-18 at 5.57.08 PM.png

This is a perfect example of nonserious job posters, well this guy is obviously a fool but what about those who post for fun with convincing descriptions?

We are crying for years to put some checks and balances for job posters, after all submitting proposals are now costing us a lot Smiley Mad

 

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

"I need to double check the grammar error and change the writhing style if it is necessary."

 

Ouch.

 

Have to be one bad error to make me writhe.

Someone in UAE is looking for a ghostwriter to help them in their "quest to dominate the Animal Care and Pets niche/genre on the Amazon Kindle Store and other publishing platforms."

This book needs to be a minimum of 30,000 words in length. Having past experience and knowledge in Raising Goats means major brownie points for the right candidates (especially if you have written books on these topics before).


Renata S wrote:

"I need to double check the grammar error and change the writhing style if it is necessary."

 

Ouch.

 


Indeed, it might be necessary. It just might. 🤪

roberty1y
Community Member

I saw a post the other day advertising for someone to write Upwork proposals. I was tempted to have a go, but the budget was only $5. If things get really bad here, maybe we could all make a living writing proposals for each other. 


Robert Y wrote:

I saw a post the other day advertising for someone to write Upwork proposals. I was tempted to have a go, but the budget was only $5. If things get really bad here, maybe we could all make a living writing proposals for each other. 


I love this! 🥰

 

Let's take it to another level, Robert: Send me your socks, I will wash them for you! $5 only!

 

Then, I will send you mine for you to wash and you charge $5 in return (but be warned, this is the worst-case scenario since I do a lot of hiking and running in a tropical climate). Both of our businesses can score solid revenue on a regular basis! 🥳

 

Now, all we need to do is figure out how we make any profit out of this brilliant business plan... 🤔

 

Let me work on this a bit more... 🤪

Today I had the utmost pleasure of declining an invitation for a job with this info:

 

Expert

Experience Level

 

$15.00-$20.00

Hourly Range

 

30+ hrs /week

Hourly

 

More than 6 months

Project Length

 

I couldn't stop myself from rejecting it with:

- Reason: Proposed rate or budget too low

- Message: Your "expert" rates are missing a zero.

 


Mikko R wrote:

Robert Y wrote:

I saw a post the other day advertising for someone to write Upwork proposals. I was tempted to have a go, but the budget was only $5. If things get really bad here, maybe we could all make a living writing proposals for each other. 


I love this! 🥰

 

Let's take it to another level, Robert: Send me your socks, I will wash them for you! $5 only!

 

Then, I will send you mine for you to wash and you charge $5 in return (but be warned, this is the worst-case scenario since I do a lot of hiking and running in a tropical climate). Both of our businesses can score solid revenue on a regular basis! 🥳

 

Now, all we need to do is figure out how we make any profit out of this brilliant business plan... 🤔

 

Let me work on this a bit more... 🤪


This reminds me of a joke about two cowboys **Edited for Community Guidelines** for $100 Smiley LOL


Aleksandr S wrote: 

This reminds me of a joke about two cowboys eating each others poo for $100 Smiley LOL


Oh I've never heard this one. 🤪

 

I would probably not go as far as that... 🤔

 

But I could eat someone else's coconuts for free! 😋


Mikko R wrote:

Aleksandr S wrote: 

This reminds me of a joke about two cowboys eating each others poo for $100 Smiley LOL


Oh I've never heard this one. 🤪

 

I would probably not go as far as that... 🤔

 

But I could eat someone else's coconuts for free! 😋


Mikko, I'm very curious, do you talk about coconuts with your clients or during interviews? Just trying to learn more job winning techniques. Smiley LOL

 

This could be the start of a complicated relationship:
"Long term Editor Willing to be more than just an Editor".

 


Mikko R wrote:

Robert Y wrote:

I saw a post the other day advertising for someone to write Upwork proposals. I was tempted to have a go, but the budget was only $5. If things get really bad here, maybe we could all make a living writing proposals for each other. 


I love this! 🥰

 

Let's take it to another level, Robert: Send me your socks, I will wash them for you! $5 only!

 

Then, I will send you mine for you to wash and you charge $5 in return (but be warned, this is the worst-case scenario since I do a lot of hiking and running in a tropical climate). Both of our businesses can score solid revenue on a regular basis! 🥳

 

Now, all we need to do is figure out how we make any profit out of this brilliant business plan... 🤔

 

Let me work on this a bit more... 🤪



I'm in! It's OK about the hiking - I'll farm out your socks to another freelancer for $4, and they'll probably subcontract the job for $3 to someone else, and so on and on. The Great Upwork Sock-Washing Pyramid Scheme is about to get rolling. 


Robert Y wrote: 

I'm in! It's OK about the hiking - I'll farm out your socks to another freelancer for $4, and they'll probably subcontract the job for $3 to someone else, and so on and on. The Great Upwork Sock-Washing Pyramid Scheme is about to get rolling. 


DEAL! 🤑

roberty1y
Community Member

Here's a gem I just came across: The client wants to use your PC for 5 minutes. That's it. Budget for the job is $5. After the keylogger is in place, you've nothing to lose but the contents of your bank account, your credit rating, etc.

 

Update: Here's the depressing part: There are 5 to 10 proposals logged in the 3 hours the post has been up (I flagged it, of course).


Robert Y wrote:

Here's a gem I just came across: The client wants to use your PC for 5 minutes. That's it. Budget for the job is $5. After the keylogger is in place, you've nothing to lose but the contents of your bank account, your credit rating, etc.

 

Update: Here's the depressing part: There are 5 to 10 proposals logged in the 3 hours the post has been up (I flagged it, of course).


Wow, this is new! A true gem. 🤪

daveime
Community Member

Just a general rant.

 

I've been here on and off since the days of ELance, so around 10 and a half years now. On numerous occasions, a job completed here has led to clients taking me on full time sometimes for a few months, sometimes for years, so this is more a side-hussle than a regular necessity for me. Which is just as well.

 

When did this place become a copy of Fiverr? People wanting hundred page documents copied from one format to another, for $20? Reverse engineering an application for $100? The "we'll consider you for more work" or "give you a glowing review" if you sell your skills and decades of experience for peanuts this time? Even jobs literally posted for $5 fixed price?

 

So sick of everything being a race to the bottom. Okay, rant over.

kinector
Community Member

Dave M: "When did this place become a copy of Fiverr?"

Ever since they made this to work exactly like Fiverr. Or actually, a bit sooner than that. 😨

"No no, it's not Fiverr, it's Project Catalog. Completely different!" 🤪
nayab-s
Community Member

Oh this client... once I saw a client post that he wants somebody to transport Eiffel tower. The real one from Paris and plant it in his backyard. And with a budget of $10...

Na just letting it all out 😛 but all of the crazy ones I saw were just as loony...   

'Killer dietician' wanted. Not sure that's really what they mean... although for $4-5/hour that's what they might get.


Liz S wrote:

'Killer dietician' wanted. Not sure that's really what they mean... although for $4-5/hour that's what they might get.


 Haha. I hate it when the client succumbs to my rat poison diet before they can close the contract. 

I'm not sure if this is related to the killer dietian job:

"Please remove the crunching noise of the kids eating from the video."


Nayab S wrote:

Oh this client... once I saw a client post that he wants somebody to transport Eiffel tower. The real one from Paris and plant it in his backyard. And with a budget of $10...

Na just letting it all out 😛 but all of the crazy ones I saw were just as loony...   


I hope he has enough space back there, since he recently bought a bridge in Brooklyn. 

roberty1y
Community Member

A client says they want to donate a large portion of their revenue - nearly half - to a foundation, and they want to hire someone to write emails informing customers that this portion of the of the money they pay will go to the foundation.

 

The average rate paid by this generous client is $3 an hour.

I remember one of those highly enthusiastic but less realistic startup founders asking me to develop a somewhat complicated augmented reality application.

Of course, almost any development could be done, so asked about their background in the business domain the app was intended for. There wasn't any. Fortunately, by luck, I had, so I could give some tips there. 👍

I asked if there is some kind of feature list or a high-level design for the app. There wasn't. But of course I could devise it as part of the project. ✌

Lastly, I asked how their startup is funded. They said they are bootstrapping and looking for investors. Then, quickly, they continued and asked if I could find them some good angle investors! 😇

So, I should first find the money they would then use to pay me. 🤪

At this point, I started laughing so hard that I dropped my coconut and thought cleaning up that mess was a better investment of my time than keeping the call open. 🤣

OMG... True wantrepreneurs! Great experience. 😜


Mikko R wrote:
I remember one of those highly enthusiastic but less realistic startup founders asking me to develop a somewhat complicated augmented reality application.

Of course, almost any development could be done, so asked about their background in the business domain the app was intended for. There wasn't any. Fortunately, by luck, I had, so I could give some tips there. 👍

I asked if there is some kind of feature list or a high-level design for the app. There wasn't. But of course I could devise it as part of the project. ✌

Lastly, I asked how their startup is funded. They said they are bootstrapping and looking for investors. Then, quickly, they continued and asked if I could find them some good angle investors! 😇

So, I should first find the money they would then use to pay me. 🤪

At this point, I started laughing so hard that I dropped my coconut and thought cleaning up that mess was a better investment of my time than keeping the call open. 🤣

OMG... True wantrepreneurs! Great experience. 😜

I sometimes see similar jobs: looking for a profitable forex strategy and implementing it by a selected freelancer.

Why would I share a profitable forex strategy with anyone? I would keep it secret and earn with it as long as it works. I would understand profit sharing if a client can invest more money than I can, but they say nothing about it, they want working strategies for 50$.


Aleksandr S wrote: 

I sometimes see similar jobs: looking for a profitable forex strategy and implementing it by a selected freelancer.

Why would I share a profitable forex strategy with anyone? I would keep it secret and earn with it as long as it works. I would understand profit sharing if a client can invest more money than I can, but they say nothing about it, they want working strategies for 50$.


Yeah, hahah, Aleksandr. Another true wantrepreneur! 🤣



roberty1y
Community Member

A client wants someone to write a résumé for his 14-year-old. Budget is $5. He will only start the contract and pay the $5 if his son gets the job. 

Robert, these last ones are absolute gems, thank you for sharing! 🤭🤪🤣

My left brain couldn't believe them, so my right brain took over. 😁

"Self help book editing needed"

I thought the whole point was to do it yourself. 

Another client is looking for someone to copywrite and format a "cemetery and crem operation manual." The client states that they want someone to make the document "look and feel better." Perhaps you can't really blame it for being a bit sad under the circumstances. 


Renata S wrote:

"Self help book editing needed"

I thought the whole point was to do it yourself. 

Another client is looking for someone to copywrite and format a "cemetery and crem operation manual." The client states that they want someone to make the document "look and feel better." Perhaps you can't really blame it for being a bit sad under the circumstances. 


You could liven up the cremation manual with jokes about "how much you'll urn". 

 

Regarding self-help, etc., I saw an ad the other day for someone to do a piece about how to write blogs. Payment was $.02 a word. If you want to discover the secrets of successful blog writing, someone who works for 2 cents a word probably isn't the person to reveal it to you.

A client posted requesting ASAP obituary writing: "Re-write plus ad in strong words to drafted obituary."

I know this is really nothing to laugh about, but it does make me wonder what kind of "strong language" they're talking about.  




"On July 15th Dethro Ezekial Jedidiahson bought the farm and then roto-tilled himself into the topsoil. Those who knew him wished they hadn't. He was survived (barely) by his wife and two children to whom he left squat, willing all his worldly wealth to his backhoe. Let's face it, Dethro was a contemptible tosspot. May he rest in pieces scattered all over the back 40."


Renata S wrote:

A client posted requesting ASAP obituary writing: "Re-write plus ad in strong words to drafted obituary."

I know this is really nothing to laugh about, but it does make me wonder what kind of "strong language" they're talking about.





Was this from the same client who wanted a manaul on cremating and cemetery management? Must be great for him to have clients who aren't in a position to give feedback.

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