Crazy Job Postings

[#1]

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

Here's something I saw tonight:

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

One word: Sheesh!

[#2]

re: "I have perfomed mystery shppoing( public transport) and have god command of english"

Wow!
I wish I had "god command of English."

I wonder what that's like.

I wonder if he speaks like Thor... Or if it means he has the same level of English language ability that God has...but if that is the case, would that mean that God doesn't know how to use English capitalization, spelling and grammar properly?

[#3]

He also claims to work as a 'proofred' and in a Job Center. If the first one sounds unlikely, I can totally believe the second. (Unless his standard of literacy rendered him overqualified to work in a UK Job Center, of course.)

[#4]

he probably got red in the face from all that proofreding.....

[#5]

I would imagine English would be a second language for God.

[#6]

I reckon that's going to take more than a proofread!

Budget $10 Proofread a 1600 Word academic essay - I want it to reach distinction standard. You will have at least a masters degree(distinction). PhD or higher preferred.

[#7]

I just saw a posting that wanted to pay $10 to proofread 70,000 words. And they wanted you to count every typing mistake you found and let them know how many there were.

But apparently it's a "very enjoyable read" so I guess it's okay. The really sad thing is there are already seven applicants with an average bid of $7.50.

And to top it all off, this isn't even a job that's designated as a good fit. I guess if you take the budget into account it's not but I thought they didn't look at bugets.

[#8]

re: "I just saw a posting that wanted to pay $10 to proofread 70,000 words."

How big are the words?

[#9]

But apparently it's a "very enjoyable read" so I guess it's okay. The really sad thing is there are already seven applicants with an average bid of $7.50.

Somebody said "WUW! TAN dollors tu prufreed savunty thowzind werds!?# Thets a lart iv munny! I kan du batter thin that! Ayl taykk fayve dullards!!

[#10]

Looks like the client used Google Translate! Haha

[#11]

I just saw a job posting from a "client" looking for a graphic designer to join their "team". They need 5-25 logos done per week and they pay fantastic $1.5 per logo. Client's average hourly rate paid is $2.49. Already 10 proposals...

...as Darth Vader would say: "Impressive....most impressive..."

[#12]

It's unbelievable, isn't it. And of course someone will take the work.

I received an invite this morning to design a totally awesome large conferance sign with about 4-5 images of artwork and photos (all supplied by me of course).

The budget ... $15.

I like when it's an invite, because then I get to tell the client working for free doesn't pay the bills.

[#13]

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@Sanja D wrote:

I just saw a job posting from a "client" looking for a graphic designer to join their "team". They need 5-25 logos done per week and they pay fantastic $1.5 per logo. Client's average hourly rate paid is $2.49. Already 10 proposals...

...as Darth Vader would say: "Impressive....most impressive..."

---

@That's just sad. Having said this, @Sanja, feel free to head over to this thread for chuckles and grins:

Crazy Job Postings: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Coffee-Break/Crazy-Job-Postings/m-p/134063#M8429

[#14]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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@Sanja D wrote:

I just saw a job posting from a "client" looking for a graphic designer to join their "team". They need 5-25 logos done per week and they pay fantastic $1.5 per logo. Client's average hourly rate paid is $2.49. Already 10 proposals...

...as Darth Vader would say: "Impressive....most impressive..."

---

@That's just sad. Having said this, @Sanja, feel free to head over to this thread for chuckles and grins:

Crazy Job Postings: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Coffee-Break/Crazy-Job-Postings/m-p/134063#M8429

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Funny, Pandora ... I was thinking that's where it should go, too. Although that post has gotten rather lengthy. We can start a new one. Part II.

[#15]

lol I'd LOVE to see what they get. Reminds me of the chick in the designer section with a portfolio full of stick figures with the spraycan tool in Paint. lol

I get spam emails from SEO exparts who tell me that they have 1500 designers on staff. I figure this is where they get their 1500 and they post jobs like yours.

[#16]

Sure, I got my master's degree just to tackle $10 jobs, of course!!!!

Geeeeeeeeeeeeez

[#17]

I think I actually saw that post.

Even where I live, $7.50 can't buy you more than a pizza.

[#18]

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@Calvin B wrote:
I think I actually saw that post.

Even where I live, $7.50 can't buy you more than a pizza.

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But is it a really large pizza with lots of toppings?  

[#19]

Get my pizzas from a Zen Buddhist pizzeria just round the corner. They make me one with everything

[#20]

I have actually been hiring oDesk contractors from India to make pizza for me. Great pizzas. They only charge $3/hr so I save a ton on labor. Unfortunately the shipping charges have been way more than I thought they would be, so I'm thinking about looking for a local pizzeria again.

[#21]

Ha. Something like that would cost more than twice that much.

[#22]

Haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if someone already posted this completely unfathomable one:

"Electronic music
Audio Production

Posted 3 days ago
Hourly Job
Part Time
1 to 3 months
Entry Level
I am looking for freelancers with the lowest rates

Job Description

just be a FREE DJ"

That's it. No other information. Apart from an attachment of the most annoying music ever made, which I've uploaded for your edification:

https://soundcloud.com/john-tatlock/worlds-best-dj/s-XGdgl

[#23]

Didn't the CIA use something like that to extract confessions? 30 seconds and I've already got a headache.

[#24]

Here's one who doesn't appear to be shy about their lack of moral scruples...

Thesis academic writer

I need somebody who is qualified at doing thesis theoretical framework (10 pages as a sample).
please we need some one work regarding copy and paste and research methodology concepts

[#25]

The ones that kill me are:

"I have done this for many years I know what it takes, this should only take you 15 minutes, I would do it myself but I do not have time"

....

They spent 15 minutes posting the job wtf.

[#26]

LOL. There should be a law against such 'tormenting vocals' or something. Seriously.