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pandoraharper
Community Member

Crazy Job Postings

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

Here's something I saw tonight:

 

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

 

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

 

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

 

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

 

One word: Sheesh!

 

 

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
andregutierrez22
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

2,171 REPLIES 2,171

Does Robert also want to update "The Lonely Goatherd?"

 

Screen Shot 2021-10-04 at 10.35.01 AM.png


Preston H wrote:

Does Robert also want to update "The Lonely Goatherd?"

 


'The Lonely Artificial Meatherd.'

 

Doesn't scan so well but it has a certain something...


Robert Y wrote:

Martina P wrote:

Liz S wrote:
Remember when we were kids and all we had to think about was artificial meat? If only life were still so simple!

Now I know why my childhood was so empty. Not enough tales about artificial meat. 


I know what it's like growing up on Austria - I've seen The Sound of Music. How much better it would be if it were: "The hills are alive with the sound of artificial meat stories..."


Oh, yes, The Sound of Music. Funnily enough, even though it's a Hollywood musical, my childhood was EXACTLY like that. Singing nannies and everything. 

scioncopywriting
Community Member

It sure takes some time to come across such a gem:

 

- $5 per 1000 words

- 1 to 2 articles per day

- Freelancer must already have premium Copyscape & Grammarly accounts

- Freelancer must work under pressure (sounds serious)

- Freelancer must be available online most of the time (oh, yeah; and breaks during the day will be predetermined)

- Client says that this job is for any freelancer who's looking for a 5-star rating (he has either not given any feedback in the past or he has given the minimum of one star, leaving aggressive criticism)

- Freelancers must be ready to face the consequences if they "don't work properly"; the client warns that he has the right to take actions against the freelancer if they don't (what will he do? file a $100 lawsuit?)

- Looking for an expert (but of course)

 

This is basically the craziest posting I have come across. This guy can't be for real. But you have to give some kudos to him if he can actually be a worse client than the worst boss in the world.

 

Working with him seems like the perfect way to destroy your profile or keeping you from future success.

 

Question: is there any country in the whole world that this pricing structure and demands would make sense?


Konstantinos K wrote:

It sure takes some time to come across such a gem:

 

- $5 per 1000 words

- 1 to 2 articles per day

- Freelancer must already have premium Copyscape & Grammarly accounts

- Freelancer must work under pressure (sounds serious)

- Freelancer must be available online most of the time (oh, yeah; and breaks during the day will be predetermined)

- Client says that this job is for any freelancer who's looking for a 5-star rating (he has either not given any feedback in the past or he has given the minimum of one star, leaving aggressive criticism)

- Freelancers must be ready to face the consequences if they "don't work properly"; the client warns that he has the right to take actions against the freelancer if they don't (what will he do? file a $100 lawsuit?)

- Looking for an expert (but of course)

 

This is basically the craziest posting I have come across. This guy can't be for real. But you have to give some kudos to him if he can actually be a worse client than the worst boss in the world.

 

Working with him seems like the perfect way to destroy your profile or keeping you from future success.

 

Question: is there any country in the whole world that this pricing structure and demands would make sense?


These tight-fisted clients always amaze me. Do they end up hiring anyone with these insane rates and conditions? Saying the job is for anyone looking for a five-star rating could be classed as feedback manipulation, so maybe you should flag it.


Konstantinos K wrote:

 

- Freelancers must be ready to face the consequences if they "don't work properly"; the client warns that he has the right to take actions against the freelancer if they don't (what will he do? file a $100 lawsuit?)

I can feel the smell of napalm in the morning...the Blackwater team forcing the poor freelancer's house doors with a pump gun and a few kicks, dragging him out to the street and executing in cold blood, broadcasting it live on UpWork TV for others to see...yeah, I guess that's what he meant... ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hello Konstantinos!

 


Konstantinos K wrote:

 

Question: is there any country in the whole world that this pricing structure and demands would make sense?


Yes! But it sank out in the Atlantic Ocean many years ago.

 

It went under...๐Ÿ˜œ

 

roberty1y
Community Member

Looks like a new record:

 

Write 10 3000-word articles in Portuguese for $20 - not each, but for all 10.

 

And don't be getting any ideas about bargaining up:

 

"...please apply with 'I accept the given rate' so I can be sure that you read the project description"

 

And: "Non-native Portugese [sic] freelancers are also welcome!"

 

I'll bet. 

 

 

roberty1y
Community Member

 Ad for someone to write text for flirt website.

 

"The purpose of these flirt messages is to trigger our male members to start a chat."

Community Guidelines violation there.

Now there's a text chat application that no one would ever have imagined. 


Renata S wrote:

Now there's a text chat application that no one would ever have imagined. 


You mean the new design? It will seem to me that I am chatting on WhatsApp ๐Ÿ™‚
Luckily, this time I got rid of having the Beta version.

I already had it for the jobs page. For now it has disappeared and I hope they do not implement it.

Maria, for some reason I have the same feeling about almost every new thing over here these days. ๐Ÿ™„ One step forward, two steps back. Eventually, nothing left. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

kochubei_valeria
Community Member

Hi All,


A few recent posts and replies to them have been removed from this thread. Please, be mindful of the Community Guidelines and respectful toward others when posting on these boards.

 

I'd also like to note that posting in the Community forums is not the course of action to report violations. We encourage users to use flagging tools available on the site to report any inappropriate content or suspicious activity directly to our Trust & Safety team privately instead. 

 

Thank you.

~ Valeria
Upwork


Valeria K wrote:

Hi All,


A few recent posts and replies to them have been removed from this thread. Please, be mindful of the Community Guidelines and respectful toward others when posting on these boards.

 

I'd also like to note that posting in the Community forums is not the course of action to report violations. We encourage users to use flagging tools available on the site to report any inappropriate content or suspicious activity directly to our Trust & Safety team privately instead. 

 

Thank you.


Yeah I saw some strange things earlier, good to remove that stuff. Doesn't help anyone. ๐Ÿ‘

 

Speaking of which, I'd like to ask (just for the safety of everyone else over here) what is the exact amount of coconut mentions that might count as a violation?

 

Asking for a friend. ๐Ÿ˜‰:desert_island:๏ธ๐Ÿ˜œ


Mikko R wrote:


Yeah I saw some strange things earlier, good to remove that stuff. Doesn't help anyone. ๐Ÿ‘

 

Speaking of which, I'd like to ask (just for the safety of everyone else over here) what is the exact amount of coconut mentions that might count as a violation?

 

Asking for a friend. ๐Ÿ˜‰:desert_island:๏ธ๐Ÿ˜œ


Well, based on recent experience, there is no limit in place. You can try it out for yourself. Stand in front of a mirror and say "coconut" three times. If you do it right, at midnight, on a moonless night, a green upwork logo should appear. Please report back the results. 


Martina P wrote:

Mikko R wrote:


Yeah I saw some strange things earlier, good to remove that stuff. Doesn't help anyone. ๐Ÿ‘

 

Speaking of which, I'd like to ask (just for the safety of everyone else over here) what is the exact amount of coconut mentions that might count as a violation?

 

Asking for a friend. ๐Ÿ˜‰:desert_island:๏ธ๐Ÿ˜œ


Well, based on recent experience, there is no limit in place. You can try it out for yourself. Stand in front of a mirror and say "coconut" three times. If you do it right, at midnight, on a moonless night, a green upwork logo should appear. Please report back the results. 


Be careful, messing with stuff you don't understand. From that day on, you'll be condemned to wander the earth crying, "My account was suspended for no reason...".


Robert Y wrote:


Be careful, messing with stuff you don't understand. From that day on, you'll be condemned to wander the earth crying, "My account was suspended for no reason...".


Wise words of caution, Robert, much appreciated. ๐Ÿ™

 

But I have to mention that the implications don't seem too intimidating.

 

It would be a completely different case if one day I got a message "My coconut was suspended for no reason..." THAT would seriously disturb my world. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ


Martina P wrote: 

Well, based on recent experience, there is no limit in place. You can try it out for yourself. Stand in front of a mirror and say "coconut" three times. If you do it right, at midnight, on a moonless night, a green upwork logo should appear. Please report back the results. 


Martina, you just described my post-morning-coconut routine. ๐Ÿ˜‰:desert_island:๏ธ๐Ÿ˜œ

 

The logo appeared every single time... it's something like 2,200 days in a row now. ๐Ÿฅณ

 

The time of the day or the shape of the moon has had no role in this... so far. Will repeat tomorrow again and report back my findings for sure.

nhansen
Community Member

I saw one today. I didn't open the full job description but it had something to do with making chicken nuggets in the shape of Elon Musk and Donald Trump.

kinector
Community Member

Nicole, that might have been me. ๐Ÿ™„

Oh dear, are we going to be renamed "chicken nuggets" next... Mikko, you need to be real careful with the exorbitant amount of power you yield here. With great power comes great responsibility, ya know. Stick to coconuts, is all I'm saying. Please. You are starting to scare the children. 


Martina P wrote:

Oh dear, are we going to be renamed "chicken nuggets" next... Mikko, you need to be real careful with the exorbitant amount of power you yield here. With great power comes great responsibility, ya know. 


With the Great Brown Coconut (the Protector of All Freelancers and the Savior of Independent Professionals) comes great power.

 

That's how these things work.

 

Simply. ๐Ÿ˜‰:desert_island:๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‡


Martina P wrote:

Stick to coconuts, is all I'm saying. Please. You are starting to scare the children. 


Minors are not allowed on this platform. This was my plan all along! ๐Ÿฅฅ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿฅฅ

colettelewis
Community Member

A wonderful job was posted in my feed today - a real genuine request to fraudulently change a degree certificate.  The poster is already interviewing two people.  

 

Oh dear. That's bad. 


Nichola L wrote:

A wonderful job was posted in my feed today - a real genuine request to fraudulently change a degree certificate.  The poster is already interviewing two people.  

 


It doesn't matter what kind of job people post, they'll always get proposals. Once I saw a job where a guy wanted to Skype people and look at their armpits, and he was already interviewing a few people shortly after the job appeared. I'm sure if you a posted an ad for a hitman you'd get proposals. 


Robert Y wrote:

It doesn't matter what kind of job people post, they'll always get proposals. Once I saw a job where a guy wanted to Skype people and look at their armpits, and he was already interviewing a few people shortly after the job appeared. I'm sure if you a posted an ad for a hitman you'd get proposals. 


Robert, please send me the link! That job sounds so absurd that I should probably send a proposal to it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

I'd love to show them... pits. But not arm, necessarily. Might start with a 'c'... ๐Ÿ˜‰:desert_island:๏ธ๐Ÿคช

Sorry Mikko, this was a few months ago, I'm sure the job was removed shortly after I flagged it. The guy claimed to be doing a survey of some kind. He's probably had his account deleted, but I'm sure he's found a site that specializes in that type of thing.

It does matter. This is not a whacko job - it is fraud. 


Nichola L wrote:

It does matter. This is not a whacko job - it is fraud. 


I know, all I can do is flag these jobs as I see them. I just wish freelancers were savvy enough to make it a waste of time for people to post fraudulent jobs. 

colettelewis
Community Member

A wonderful job offer in my feed today. A translation agency that takes 15% to 35% of your earnings. Add that to Upwork's 20% basic fee and your government's tax requirements,  makes for a real incentive to go for this job  ... 

Wow. Get out your credit card if you're applying, because you'll end up paying for the privilege of working for them, after all expenses are factored in.

Wow! an opportunity to give someone else money?
And why do they give a range? you know it's the higher number. "Oh well
this one is 35% but the next one might be 15%." You never hear from them
again.
ravi_iitian
Community Member

ravi_iitian_0-1640796226877.png

 

"Certa bonum certamen"
mwiggenhorn
Community Member

Is this the client that has spent $700k on the platform?  SMH.

Yes, indeed! $780k.

 

"Certa bonum certamen"

re: "Yes, indeed! $780k."

 

Then that's a real client. A serious client.

 

Revindra:
Were you simply posting here because you thought it interesting that this client has sent so many invites?

Yes, Preston.

 

"Certa bonum certamen"

There's a thread on Reddit about this very job post.

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