๐Ÿˆ Community
ยป Forums ยป Coffee Break ยป Crazy Job Postings
Page options
pandoraharper
Community Member

Crazy Job Postings

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

Here's something I saw tonight:

 

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

 

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

 

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

 

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

 

One word: Sheesh!

 

 

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
andregutierrez22
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

2,171 REPLIES 2,171

The client is looking for an experienced editor and proofreader to review blog and product review content across a number of niches including

-sex toys

-trampolines

-sports 

Sex toys AND trampolines? 

If that weren't enough, the client also mentions "There will be a great deal of work opportunities and a long term relationship if things go well."

I'll bet!

roberty1y
Community Member

A Client wants 50 articles on the best pizza restaurants in all 50 states, each article to be 650 words long. They're very clear about the pay: $75, not for one, but for all 50. As with a lot of these ads, the client warns that the articles had better pass Grammarly and plagiarism tests. 

 

The good news is there could be a bonus of another $75 if the articles are good. Let's hope the freelancer isn't too worn out to collect it. 

scioncopywriting
Community Member

Try to beat that:

 

  • 30-page ebook
  • 3 different ebooks on personal finance, health, and real estate
  • One writer for all
  • Since this project is big, they will be paying $50 per ebook
  • If the writer hasn't written at least 30 ebooks in the past, they shouldn't apply
  • Looking for an "Expert"
  • a budget of $10,000

 

No matter the cost of living or how fast someone can write to even feel like there's some sort of compensation for this nonsense, there's no way that someone would apply.

 

OK, I just checked. More than 5 people have already done so. Well, this is confusing. Unless you're starving to death, this makes no sense. And if you were starving to death, you wouldn't even have an internet connection.

 

Oh, the disappointment this guy is going to feel when the delivered work is not on an "expert" level. Can't say I feel bad though. Smiley Very Happy

 

I often apply to jobs with absurd budgets. I simply ask for what I want and remind them that their budget will attract amateurs and is what they want to sound like to their customers? Who knows they could win the lottery with a great entry level freelancer but they won't be around for the next job and they might even get sued for plagiarism. Or something to that effect. It shames them into saying something like "oh that was just a placeholder." which is a lie probably but then you just start treating them like they are nice. Give them the benefit of the doubt and guide them on how to treat you. Many times they are just clueless as to how the business works so they've gotten into this antagonistic cycle where the freelancer is their enemy whom they are trying to get one over on. If you give them a way out of that cycle they will often go for it. If they say something offensive or try to devalue you, ignore it and just politely tell them how you expect to be treated without showing them any feelings about it at all. when they learn from your lessons and do it right, reward them with a compliment. but never condescend. Now you are the first freelancer who they have a good rapport with! They start feeling better about themselves and you have a client for life. Some bad clients just need to learn that freelancers are more like business partners for hire than employee grunts for them to get as much as they can from and pay as little as possible. Usually, bad clients love it when you are patient and teach them how to be good clients. Don't respond to their little triggers and tricks to try to put you in your place because you already know your place they're the ones who need to learn their place. After all you are the expert at what they need.


Konstantinos K wrote:

Try to beat that:

 

  • 30-page ebook
  • 3 different ebooks on personal finance, health, and real estate
  • One writer for all
  • Since this project is big, they will be paying $50 per ebook
  • If the writer hasn't written at least 30 ebooks in the past, they shouldn't apply
  • Looking for an "Expert"
  • a budget of $10,000

 

No matter the cost of living or how fast someone can write to even feel like there's some sort of compensation for this nonsense, there's no way that someone would apply.

 

OK, I just checked. More than 5 people have already done so. Well, this is confusing. Unless you're starving to death, this makes no sense. And if you were starving to death, you wouldn't even have an internet connection.

 

Oh, the disappointment this guy is going to feel when the delivered work is not on an "expert" level. Can't say I feel bad though. Smiley Very Happy

 


Seriously, these guys must be in some kind of time warp, when $50 would buy you a coach and four and a down payment on a country mansion. 

roberty1y
Community Member

Sober dating article writing.

2000-2500 words - $15

Theme: Top 9 sober dating site 2021 (sic).

 

 

 

 

Oh come on! If someone can think of 10 ways of asking these simple questions then I'd be surprised.

You need to write 240 phrases (2-20 words in each). Imagine that your are asking a person in an online chat:

- 50 phrases asking for age, like "how old are you?", "tell me your age"
- 50 phrases asking a name, like "what is your name?", tell me "what your name is?"
- 50 phrases for a place of living, like "where do you live?" or "where are you from?" etc
- 90 phrases asking for a place, like "send me your photo" or "show me your pic"

Text should be in English.

There should not be duplicate sentences/phrases. You can use synonyms, hints, explanatory phrases. You can use slang, jargon, common/urban/online language.
You can use mistypes or incorrect grammar only in case if it is used frequently in online communication.

Video editor wanted. Client 'looking to start a religion.'


Ramon B wrote:

Oh come on! If someone can think of 10 ways of asking these simple questions then I'd be surprised.

You need to write 240 phrases (2-20 words in each). Imagine that your are asking a person in an online chat:

- 50 phrases asking for age, like "how old are you?", "tell me your age"
- 50 phrases asking a name, like "what is your name?", tell me "what your name is?"
- 50 phrases for a place of living, like "where do you live?" or "where are you from?" etc
- 90 phrases asking for a place, like "send me your photo" or "show me your pic"

Text should be in English.

There should not be duplicate sentences/phrases. You can use synonyms, hints, explanatory phrases. You can use slang, jargon, common/urban/online language.
You can use mistypes or incorrect grammar only in case if it is used frequently in online communication.


50 eh?

What's your age?
How old are you?
Date of birth?
How young are you?
And you are how old?
How old are you in dog years? Now convert that to human years.
How many candles should I put on your birthday cake?
How long have you been breathing?
What is your life expectancy and how far into it are you now?
How long has it been since you kicked placenta?
I'm fresh out.

roberty1y
Community Member

Research paper for sale, for thesis, etc. (this is in the job postings). 

"Research paper is consist of following things (sic):

...Relationship between Workplace Ostracism and Emotional Exhaustion" (among many other things).

 

$300

 

 Any bidders?

 

"Read the text and correct mistakes which we could admit because we are not native speakers."

Does this mean I can correct the mistakes you can't admit? So many questions...

I thought I read this job post wrong:

 

"I have increased the amount for this article to $10 because it is so detailed and all details must be included."

 

"We have a fixed budget of $5 per article. Please do not submit for the job unless you agree to this."

 

Ummmm.....! ๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต

"Clean up wedding vows."

 

Hey, if you're cussin' that early into the whole marriage production thing, you may want to think twice about investing a lot in a clean-up. 


Renata S wrote:

"Read the text and correct mistakes which we could admit because we are not native speakers."

Does this mean I can correct the mistakes you can't admit? So many questions...


I'd be real careful with that one. Sounds like they are writing a confession letter. 

roberty1y
Community Member

Write a 400K word romance novel in two months. You need "spotless English grammar". You have to write 10K words a day, five days a week, and submit them daily or weekly. Client doesn't say if they'll supply you with amphetamines. Remuneration for this tombstone-sized book is $270, or $1 for every 1500 words or thereabouts.

re: "Write a 400K page romance novel in two months."

 

Presumably just a typo... Either in the original jost post or in Robert's report of it.

 

400K words maybe.

Not 400K pages.

 

Even 400K WORDS is probably incorrect.

 

400K = 400,000

Average novel length = 50,000-70,000 words

So a 400K word novel is the length of 5 to 7 actual novels.

 

Can you send me the link? I know a lot about romance. I might be a good fit for this job, if I'm not overqualified.


Preston H wrote:

re: "Write a 400K page romance novel in two months."

 

Presumably just a typo... Either in the original jost post or in Robert's report of it.

 

400K words maybe.

Not 400K pages.

 

Even 400K WORDS is probably incorrect.

 

400K = 400,000

Average novel length = 50,000-70,000 words

So a 400K word novel is the length of 5 to 7 actual novels.

 

Can you send me the link? I know a lot about romance. I might be a good fit for this job, if I'm not overqualified.


Thanks, it was my typo - I've corrected it. But 400K words is definitely correct, as they go on to say 10K words a day. And if you spend any time reading the writing job postings, you'll know that people with book ideas often think bigger is better. 

 

Sorry, I can't give you the link. If you start writing a 400K-word romance novel, you won't have time to post advice here. 

400k page romance novel?

Lady Blabberly's Lover?

How many times can you gaze deeply into someone's azure pools and whisper sweet nothings into her willing ear?


Ray C wrote:

400k page romance novel?

Lady Blabberly's Lover?

How many times can you gaze deeply into someone's azure pools and whisper sweet nothings into her willing ear?


Judging by the volume, around 400K times. Could become tedious, though. Coincidentally, I yesterday looked up how many words "War and Peace" has, because there was a job posting asking for a translation of 1 mio words. Which sounds like a lot of words. Which is true, because War and Peace has about 567K words. 

400K word romance novel:

 

boy meets girl

boy loses girl

boy finds girl again

boy explains U.S. tax code to girl


Ray C wrote:

400k page romance novel?

Lady Blabberly's Lover?

How many times can you gaze deeply into someone's azure pools and whisper sweet nothings into her willing ear?


That depends on so many things... the quality of your sweet nothings, her boredom threshold, what's on Netflix this month.

 

What is "romance" exactly? I heard that in the days before smart phones people had time to "fall in love" and have these things called "relationships" And they actually spent time together. But when? On their bathroom breaks? How do you write 400k words about what a couple of libidinous slackers do on their bathroom breaks? Maybe it takes place in some future world where the inhabitants of a machine planet escape from the robotic overlords and have nothing better to do than play a romance VR game while they live out their lives in a transpod drifting through space. I know, it sounds too good to be true but who has time to read that even if they could suspend disbelief in such a utopian epic. Uh oh, I just spent 1 minute 47 seconds writing this! I'm gonna miss 4 of my 7 deadlines!

hglewis
Community Member

Here's one I recently read.

 

"I'm a freelancer on Upwork, and I need to hire a freelance writer to rewrite my profile!" ๐Ÿค”

 

This freelancer inserted their profile link, and I had to look!

 

OMG!!!!

 

It turns out this freelancer is a FREELANCE WRITER! ๐Ÿ‘€


Woodrow Q wrote:

Here's one I recently read.

 

"I'm a freelancer on Upwork, and I need to hire a freelance writer to rewrite my profile!" ๐Ÿค”

 

This freelancer inserted their profile link, and I had to look!

 

OMG!!!!

 

It turns out this freelancer is a FREELANCE WRITER! ๐Ÿ‘€


A bit like if you walked in to your doctor's office and he said to you, "Say, would you take a look at this lump on my neck?"


Robert Y wrote:

Woodrow Q wrote:

Here's one I recently read.

 

"I'm a freelancer on Upwork, and I need to hire a freelance writer to rewrite my profile!" ๐Ÿค”

 

This freelancer inserted their profile link, and I had to look!

 

OMG!!!!

 

It turns out this freelancer is a FREELANCE WRITER! ๐Ÿ‘€


A bit like if you walked in to your doctor's office and he said to you, "Say, would you take a look at this lump on my neck?"


I wish in the "Flag as Inappropriate" there was a selection for "SERIOUSLY!" 


Ray C wrote:

What is "romance" exactly? I heard that in the days before smart phones people had time to "fall in love" and have these things called "relationships" And they actually spent time together. But when? On their bathroom breaks? How do you write 400k words about what a couple of libidinous slackers do on their bathroom breaks? Maybe it takes place in some future world where the inhabitants of a machine planet escape from the robotic overlords and have nothing better to do than play a romance VR game while they live out their lives in a transpod drifting through space. I know, it sounds too good to be true but who has time to read that even if they could suspend disbelief in such a utopian epic. Uh oh, I just spent 1 minute 47 seconds writing this! I'm gonna miss 4 of my 7 deadlines!


I don't want to be whatever, but I met my boyfriend because he watched me walk my dogs past his house everyday of the pandemic, and he finally got the nerve to ask me out. He even plans dates to include my dogs. Romance still exists. 

 

Also, there is an Upworker who married a client(!), or so he says that's how he met his wife. I wonder if that means Upwork gets 20% of his first born child?

Amanda said:

 

Also, there is an Upworker who married a client(!), or so he says that's how he met his wife.

 

Some people will go the extra mile when it comes to feedback manipulation. ๐Ÿ˜

 


Amanda L wrote:

Ray C wrote:

What is "romance" exactly? I heard that in the days before smart phones people had time to "fall in love" and have these things called "relationships" And they actually spent time together. But when? On their bathroom breaks? How do you write 400k words about what a couple of libidinous slackers do on their bathroom breaks? Maybe it takes place in some future world where the inhabitants of a machine planet escape from the robotic overlords and have nothing better to do than play a romance VR game while they live out their lives in a transpod drifting through space. I know, it sounds too good to be true but who has time to read that even if they could suspend disbelief in such a utopian epic. Uh oh, I just spent 1 minute 47 seconds writing this! I'm gonna miss 4 of my 7 deadlines!


I don't want to be whatever, but I met my boyfriend because he watched me walk my dogs past his house everyday of the pandemic, and he finally got the nerve to ask me out. He even plans dates to include my dogs. Romance still exists. 

 

Also, there is an Upworker who married a client(!), or so he says that's how he met his wife. I wonder if that means Upwork gets 20% of his first born child?


Only if the child is born in under two years after they met. Man, that circumvention fee will be a bummer. Probably calculated on total cost of raising the little upworker, including college cost. 

roberty1y
Community Member

A job headed "Project Underarms" under the tags "Writing, Tutoring". Client wants a female to show her underarms in a videocall session or image. No background info. Budget $15. Here's the weird part - one interview is already under way, even though the job has been up for less than 10 minutes.

 

ETA: Five minutes later, two people being "interviewed".

'Project Underarms'
That's refreshingly strange. I like the 'top secret' project name ๐Ÿ˜†


Liz S wrote:
'Project Underarms'
That's refreshingly strange. I like the 'top secret' project name ๐Ÿ˜†

I hear people are up in arms about it. ๐Ÿ™Œ

I'm not surprised, it really is the pits.

Thank you for your two scents.
2e395a62
Community Member

Love this one:

 

Need a freelancer to write a professional cover letter

 

I will attach the resume for your guidance. Write a professional cover letter and mention all the relative details about my experience.

 

Level: Expert 

Fixed price: $7

 

Why so much? 

"we are not planning to pay more than $10/hour"

Requirements:

- Be available 24/7

 

I guess it does not mean $1680/weekly just for being available? But maybe it is worth asking...


Jennifer R wrote:

"we are not planning to pay more than $10/hour"

Requirements:

- Be available 24/7

 

I guess it does not mean $1680/weekly just for being available? But maybe it is worth asking...


Sounds like a marriage proposal ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰

roberty1y
Community Member

"Creative story writing about plant based meat and processed meat/artificial meat for kids"

 

Nothing fires kids' imaginations like artificial meat stories. Budget is $5 and client's work history confirms this is not a placeholder.

Remember when we were kids and all we had to think about was artificial meat? If only life were still so simple!


Liz S wrote:
Remember when we were kids and all we had to think about was artificial meat? If only life were still so simple!

Now I know why my childhood was so empty. Not enough tales about artificial meat. 


Martina P wrote:

Liz S wrote:
Remember when we were kids and all we had to think about was artificial meat? If only life were still so simple!

Now I know why my childhood was so empty. Not enough tales about artificial meat. 


I know what it's like growing up on Austria - I've seen The Sound of Music. How much better it would be if it were: "The hills are alive with the sound of artificial meat stories..."

Latest Articles
Upcoming Events
Apr 25
Upwork Virtual Community Hour
Community Hour English
Learning Paths