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pandoraharper
Member

Crazy Job Postings

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

Here's something I saw tonight:

 

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

 

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

 

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

 

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

 

One word: Sheesh!

 

 

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
andregutierrez22
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

2,171 REPLIES 2,171

Hi John,

 

Thanks for reporting. We will make sure the posting is taken down and the user is notified.

~ Valeria
Upwork

Wow ??!!! And weird. Very.

michael-remus
Member

Linux admin

 

"A German firm seeks for an Ubuntu (but not only) Administrator (home worker) or two, who would help at low costs. That is why we seek in Ukraine. So we need an intermediate or near to expert Administrator, but we want to pay 8000 UAH for full day load month. (av. 173 hours in month ร  4,34 weeks ร  40 hour each)"

 

For me this sounds like: Come on guys, you have a civil war, chaos  and a dead economy in your country, you need the money. (8,000 hrywna = approx. 360 USD)

johang2012
Member

This will probably only be funny if you know a bit about WordPress/Programming, but any way.

The job description went something like this:

"I need you (the developer) to add a text to our frontpage. The text should be in the center and be able to edit it from the dashboard."

And then at the bottom it said:

"You will not have access to our back-end. You will have to write the code and send it to us, so we can add it in the "add custom CSS"-field"


I was like... -.-

Johan, you *might* be able to do this with :before or :after pseudo element to add the text, but then it wouldn't be convenient for the user to "edit it from the dashboard", although editing a css file in Appearance > Editor is technically editing from the dashboard. Anyway, you wouldn't want the client to make it *too* easy for you.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

Johan, that client may simply be trying to hire a pure css designer. There is nothing unusual about that, although maybe he used wording you are not accustomed to.

 

A good css designer can get a job done without access to the system backend. He can do his design and submit it along with stylesheets and the core dev team can take it from there. 

 

That is how I set my projects up.

johang2012
Member

Guys, lol ๐Ÿ˜›

What he wanted was a Page Tamplate (in WordPress) that means I would have had to make a child-theme of the theme he currently had, and made a new page-template. No way that would have been possible to solve with CSS ๐Ÿ˜›

I actully applied to that job post and told him I could do it if he sent me the theme-files. But he is still thining how to give me back-end access or not ๐Ÿ˜›

Johan, I was just coming up with a possible work around using CSS only. I wasn't recommending it as a good approach.

 

If the client can zip the wp-content directory and send it to you, along with the mysql database, you could duplicate his site in localhost, if you have something like xampp or mamp or ampps installed, or put it on an actual server if  you don't, then create the child theme, then zip the child theme, then have the client install & activate the child theme. That's a lot more work, obviously, but I can't think of another alternative. Of course, the client might not want you to have his mysql database either. Cat Frustrated

 

Have you tried asking him to create an administrator account for you, which he can then delete as soon as you finish the job?

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

Thats was pretty much what I wrote him in my cover letter ๐Ÿ™‚ But he is still thinking about how he wants to do it (with back-end access or not ) ๐Ÿ˜› No matter what he decides I will not take the job since he clearly dont know what he is asking for  ๐Ÿ™‚

Found another one with a $5 budget.

 

Wordpress Template Custimization (that's how it's spelled)

 

We are looking for an expert to bring out the best in our Wordpress template.

 

After that, there are 7 Responsibilities, and 8 Requirements, which can be summarized as don't apply unless you're God's gift to Upwork clients.

 

There are 7 applicants. This is one time I wish I had an Upwork Plus membership so I can see what the maximum bid for this project is.

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce

Someone wants a 700-word translation done for a little under $0.01 per word. He will give "nice" feedback if he is happy. His average hourly rate is $1.19. I thought this was against the Upwork rules?

I agree that the following posting is not against/violating the ToS, but still I laughed hard: *** edited for community guidelines***

Just spotted this one that I think counts as crazy...

 

Used Car salesman sold me a car thats clutch fell into the floor as i was driving home.

I want to have someone write a bunch of horrible reviews and drop his SEO.

Nichola, I actually took that exact job, because I was desperate. At least I have nice feedback to help drown out all my auto-cancelled contracts this month.

 

The guy offered me more work at a 30% raise. Woo-hoo!

 

I essentially said, "That's still very low, but I'm willing to do a few more in order to gain experience." I haven't heard back from him. I guess I was too demanding. LOL

bwegscheider
Member

Update: Beth #1 (me) got a response, so I'm at least in for a 3-hour paid test period. Huzzah!

michael-remus
Member

Some "clients" don't have any inhibitions.

 

Translation job

 

  • 350 word unpaid test
  • payment $0.01 - $0.02
  • and finally: Payment via upwork or P ay Paal. No bank transfers please.

Flagged

Michael,

If somebody is posting a job like that, which specifies an unpaid test and payment off platform (both of which violate Upwork ToS rules for clients), then of course the job should be flagged.

 

I am charitably assuming that this client wrote this job description for use on multiple freelance platforms and was perhaps insufficiently familiar with Upwork, and did not know that those thing would get his job posting flagged and almost certainly removed.

 

This strikes me as a posting by somebody which has a clear and profitable business model, however unsavory it may seem to us. Not so much "crazy" as simply inappropriate for Upwork.

I am pretty sure, he knew exactly what he did, because I don't think that "P ay Paal" was a mistake.

Michael,

I stand corrected....

 

What you said makes sense... He knew full well that Upwork doesn't want clients offering to pay contractors off-platform, and he misspelled "PayPal" incorrectly not because he has poor English language or proofreading, but because he was avoiding Upwork's automated filters.

 

Hmmm... Somebody willing to do that, AND ask for an unpaid test doesn't seem merely like an unpleasant client, but like somebody who is an outright scammer.

 

Anyway, whether or not he actually intends to pay (the paltry sum offered) to translators, or scam them is largely irrelevant because his violation of important Upwork policies merits summary removal.

 

Offering to pay contractors via PayPal is not a "gray area" or something subjective. That is clearly a serious violation of Upwork policy.

Preston,

 

I don't know how it is in database or web development, but in the field of translation several "clients" are regulary posting job offers, where it's clear they are not intended to hire any freelancer on Upwork.

 

This one for example:

 

knowledgeworks.png

 

Of course, it is possible the right freelancer wasn't found, but I don't think so. This is an Indian translation agency, which offers jobs on many channels, for all possible language pairs, and after 20 job postings on Upwork 0 hires (but many interviews) and payment method still not verified. The job postings contains sufficient information for a Google research about the agency, to find out it is one of the worst translation and voice over companies, with  a more loe salary, if they pay (45 days payment deadline, what explains the not-verified payment method).

 

I understand, why these companies are posting jobs on Upwork and other platforms, it's a never ending source. What I don't understand, or don't want to understand is, why is Upwork not monitoring the job post to filter such companies. Upwork don't lose any fee when they suspend such "clients", because they don't hire. They only cost time and money for support and frustrated freelancers, which could use their connects for app proposals to real clients, get real jobs and pay their fee, and it is also a loss of reputation.

Earn up to $400 a day! No experience is needed! (the company's url is included)...sign up and start working immediately..... Someone is desperate for freelancers to join another freelancing site. Scam? Methinks so. Anyhow, third time I flagged such a post in less than a week from the same company. No idea whether it is the same job post or the same 'job' being advertised via multiple accounts. 

 

(Job description edited)


@Irene B wrote:

Earn up to $400 a day! No experience is needed! (the company's url is included)...sign up and start working immediately..... Someone is desperate for freelancers to join another freelancing site. Scam? Methinks so. Anyhow, third time I flagged such a post in less than a week from the same company. No idea whether it is the same job post or the same 'job' being advertised via multiple accounts. 

 

(Job description edited)


I've reported this one and the other ones that this person posts and it stays up, so ยฏ\_(ใƒ„)_/ยฏ 

Jennifer M. 

Et tu? Sheeesh!...One would think their azzes would be kicked soundly by now? It's a question of saying: " Hey there, we are Upwork competition! But we want their guys working for us! Here are all our details, so come on over!"


@Preston H wrote:

Michael,

[โ€ฆ] and he misspelled "PayPal" incorrectly not because he has poor English language or proofreading, but because he was avoiding Upwork's automated filters."


 Their automated filters aren't working, Preston. Last week I found a job posted 2 months ago that said "***NOTE*** THERE WILL BE NO CONTRACT WITH UPWORK/ODESK, we will be using our own tracking software and paying via Paypal." The job was still open when I reported it last week. I was said that the client account has been suspended.

laherz
Member

I just found this one:

"I need someone to create me a wordpress plugin, I do not have an idea as yet but I will tell you when i get one"

 


Also known as:

I want you to create me a pie, but I do not know what kind of pie just yet. Except, pie is more specific. Since there's only a handful of pie flavors. 

 

I will once again defend vague job postings.

 

Quite possibly the client's wording gave an inaccurate impression about their state of mind. The client may well know what it is that he wants to do, but simply lacks the words to describe it.

 

What if an experienced Wordpress plug-in designer took this job, and was careful to make sure it was an HOURLY CONTRACT.

 

Then, while billing for every minute spent communicating with the client, the contractor asked about the client's needs and interests, and discussed various approaches they could take to developing the plug-in.

 

This could be a job posting that could lead to a mutually beneficial contract for both client and contractor. The contractor could be billed for ALL the time she spends on the project, and the client would get the plug-in that he needs, but lacks the ability to vertablize.


@Preston H wrote:

I will once again defend vague job postings.

 

Quite possibly the client's wording gave an inaccurate impression about their state of mind. The client may well know what it is that he wants to do, but simply lacks the words to describe it.

 

What if an experienced Wordpress plug-in designer took this job, and was careful to make sure it was an HOURLY CONTRACT.

 

Then, while billing for every minute spent communicating with the client, the contractor asked about the client's needs and interests, and discussed various approaches they could take to developing the plug-in.

 

This could be a job posting that could lead to a mutually beneficial contract for both client and contractor. The contractor could be billed for ALL the time she spends on the project, and the client would get the plug-in that he needs, but lacks the ability to vertablize.


Preston, what's your next move if your buyer doesn't agree with that? For instance, one of my clients told me that billing conversations doesn't feel natural, and I tried to explain all the aspects and all the reasons you included. I don't state that ALL the clients are like this, but sometimes a vagues posting + hourly doesn't mean more billed time. Anyway, the finale was tragic for him ๐Ÿ™‚ I got 5 stars and he received a big star.

oquintela
Member

Once, I received an invitation to apply to this job on Elance:

 

"I'd like to know the price of a bed from about 100 A.D to 1900. You'll have to look at history books or historical texts online to get a sense for how the price of a bed has changed, relative to people's incomes. I'd like price estimates, in today's dollars, about every 200 years, from 100 A.D to the year 1960. "

 

What can I say? ๐Ÿ™‚

To edit/proofread a document (book) presently in word format. Has to be a female between 20 and 40. Needs to be formatted for an eBook (with a list of conditions) ... (and I am quoting) "the layout of the ebook needs to be very easy to read, which means keeping up the attention span of those who are reading it"

 

All this needs to be done within 3 hours.

 

Firstly: why specifically female?

Secondly: why specifically between 20 and 40 (or is it implied that the attention span of females in that age group 

                    is shorter than in that of others?)

Thirdly: editing/proofreading AND formatting for publication as an eBook in 3 hours...with all the added conditions attached??

 

Nah, pass it over.

 

Oh...did I mention that it had to all be done for SEO purposes as well?

A short fiction story (approx. 3 500 words) for $5. Guy is on a tight budget but promises lots of work. Oh...and you HAVE to be from USA.

 

(Good luck to you)

Client needs some 200 for his blog (no idea 200 what exactly nor what that 200 something-or-other is about).

 

Questions you need to answer:

 

What part of this job do you find the most appealing? (I dunno....no idea what you want)

 

Do you have any questions about it? (Ahm...no. Because I have no idea what you actually want. Care to share?)

What got me into ghostwriting fiction (which lately, I only do when something really grabs me) was the first job I did on oDesk (anything to get that first rating, right?) was a review I did for an author on Amazon. The book was really...let us say, badly written, and I realised my writing in that specific genre was 100% better. Anyway, not proud of it. 

 

But here is another one:

 

Book review for $5 on Amazon. Wants real quality feedback (aka I know it's cr*p, but I want you to tell people how amazingly good it is).

 

Now, the cheapest you can buy on Amazon (unless it is for free) is 99c and you would HAVE to purchase it in order to leave feedback. Calculate how much you are going to earn on this job minus Upwork's percentage and the cost of the book.

re: "Preston, what's your next move if your buyer doesn't agree with that? For instance, one of my clients told me that billing conversations doesn't feel natural"

 

Well, first of all, I was providing advice for a VERY SPECIFIC situation, in which the job description was vague and almost completely unhelpful in determining what would need to be done. In that case, part of the job IS talking to the client and figuring out what needs to be done.

 

As I said, in a situation like that, a fixed-rate contract is NOT AN OPTION. So you do the project as an hourly project and you bill for the conversations because that's part of the job.

 

The client can see exactly what you are billing for. He sees your comments in your work diary, whether you use manual time or the time tracking software.

 

You're up front about the fact that you are billing for the time spent talking to him about the project.

 

It is up to the client to decide whether or not to continue working with you or not.

 

I don't know what he means by "it doesn't feel natural."

 

It doesn't feel natural for me to spend my time working for you, helping to figure out what we need to do on this project, without you paying me.

 

You're not my cousin or college buddy. We're not talking about last night's football game. We're working on your project for your business. I'm happy to help you out with this, but if you just want to talk to me a lot for free, I could be spending my time actually making money working for somebody else.

 

DON'T SAY THAT TO THE CLIENT. But that is how it "feels" to me.

anima9
Member

There's this writing job that offers 5 cents per word. For 1000 words, you'll be compensated $50.00 and I figured it's a pretty decent figure specially as I don't take so long to write 1000 words.

 

It took only 10 minutes for the guy to ping me and ask me about my credentials. We discussed the work for about 5 or so minutes since we were both online. When we're about to agree, he then drops the bomb:

 

"Can you do 2 cents per word?"

 

I then replied: "I'm sure there are plenty of writers that would go for that condition. Thank you for considering me. Wish you all the best! :)"

 

What I wanted to say was I'm now flagging you for deception ๐Ÿ˜„

LOL!

 

@ Robert James R

 

Actually 2c a word is still a good rate, considering some who advertise for 0.0075......US cents...per word. I mean seriously? 3.4 of a cent? Doesn't exist.

I also remember these types of postings, where the buyer was preaching a good rate and a nice collaboration and when discussing through PM, it was either a much lower rate or totally different job. My girlfriend was asked to do proofreading in the job posting, and in the actual offer it was about transcribing, totally different things.


@Cristian-Adrian F wrote:

I also remember these types of postings, where the buyer was preaching a good rate and a nice collaboration and when discussing through PM, it was either a much lower rate or totally different job. My girlfriend was asked to do proofreading in the job posting, and in the actual offer it was about transcribing, totally different things.


Thats called Bait and Switch, and often these are scams in themselves. Beware, if it's an Upwork Agency that does this. Not only do they sometimes practice Bait and Switch routinly, but have other "iffy" methods that piss of good clients and freelancers to no end.

 

In other news, wow this thread is doing awesosome. Thanks for all the great posts, folks!


@Pandora H wrote:

@Cristian-Adrian F wrote:

I also remember these types of postings, where the buyer was preaching a good rate and a nice collaboration and when discussing through PM, it was either a much lower rate or totally different job. My girlfriend was asked to do proofreading in the job posting, and in the actual offer it was about transcribing, totally different things.


Thats called Bait and Switch, and often these are scams in themselves. Beware, if it's an Upwork Agency that does this. Not only do they sometimes practice Bait and Switch routinly, but have other "iffy" methods that piss of good clients and freelancers to no end.

 

In other news, wow this thread is doing awesosome. Thanks for all the great posts, folks!


Exactly, that's the term, thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

mclabuson
Member

Maybe not 'crazy', but funny nonetheless.

 

**edited for Community Guidelines**

 

Someone's calling editors out.

 

laugh.gif


@Martin L wrote:

Maybe not 'crazy', but funny nonetheless.

 

**edited for Community Guidelines**


 LOL Thanks for posting that Martin. Please do keep in mind though that direct screenshots of any job details are pretty much a no-no.   And btw, GIF of that Misha Collins?

 

 

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