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pandoraharper
Member

Crazy Job Postings

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

 

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

 

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

 

Here's something I saw tonight:

 

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

 

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

 

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

 

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

 

One word: Sheesh!

 

 

 

ACCEPTED SOLUTION
andregutierrez22
Moderator
Moderator

Hi all,

 

We are closing this thread due to its size. Feel free to visit this new thread if you'd like to continue sharing your experience with odd and curious jobs.

 

We encourage you to have fun and discuss your experience. That said, please be mindful of our Community Guidelines and refrain from posting links to job postings, names of persons or companies, or any other identifying information. Additionally, if you come across a job that violates Upwork TOS, please flag it as inappropriate following the steps outlined here.

 

~Andrea
Upwork

View solution in original post

2,171 REPLIES 2,171

lowest rates he can get of course...

Well then you have to charge a hat changing fee. Hey it messes up your hair when you have to put a different hat on! plus you have to amortize the hat cost. Video editing hats are cheap, sure. but video production manager hats are expensive these day. Once i left my graphic design hat at home and had to design in my writing hat. The whole design had to be done in HTML!

Not actually a job post, but...

 

QQ Photo20150930135324.jpg

Woooooow! you must not eat.

holy........moly.....

pandoraharper
Member

@Ramon B

 

That is one sad sight. I can't think of that paying for anything, anywhere. Shame!


@Pandora H wrote:

@Ramon B

 

That is one sad sight. I can't think of that paying for anything, anywhere. Shame!


If that is all there is to it it is beyond sad. Having said that I have seen contracts that looked like that and were actually quite different, because the client paid a weekly salary for example, with the hourly rate being that low but mainly being there for tracking purposes. Or paid performance based bonuses of many times the sum of the hours worked times the hourly rate.

 

there was one on a high priced freelancer who was working at a seemingly minute hourly rate but when you divided the money earned by the number of hours worked you ended up at a perfectly normal rate for his skills.

 

i had one contract at a (comparatively) lower rate but with all the weekly bonuses for meeting productivity and quality targets  the real hourly rate was much higher.

 

Having said that: yes, there were clients who abused freelancers in this way, and bringing in an hourly minimum rate was designed to weed out both the clients who would do this, and the freelancers who could not generate a higher rate.

They didn't even give the freelancer concerned 5 stars! I just think a lot of the jobs that aren't outright scams are posted by saddos who pay a few dollars to bully and abuse people.

Want to write 100 full blog posts with full SEO and picture in two languages (German and English) for $ 25.00 ?

 

Not per each,but for all 100?

 

no?

 

Me neither.....

Ugh...

vorion
Member

Hello, My Fellow Freelancers,

 

During my job search (today), I stumbled upon a job post from North America and I thought it deserves some limelight in our notorious Coffee break section.

 

I have narrated the post in third-person's perspective so Valeria doesn't need to spend her precious time editing it Smiley Tongue

_____________________________________________________________________________

They are a new company, looking for someone who can help them in their daily tasks (administration and marketing tasks) and concentrate on their tasks. They offer a monthly rate of $50 (up to 20 hours/week).

 

They say, "please no time wasters". And they warn the freelancers not to apply who take up other jobs at the same time. They are looking for low rates and the freelancer who cannot work at this rate was told to continue with his/her job searches. If the freelancer is not reliable or trustworthy, he/she should not apply.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

They need the following skills.... "HTML, Wordpress, Email handling, Content writing, Research, Facebook marketing, email marketing, SEO, SMM, Twitter marketing, Admin support, Web design, website development"

_______________________

 

Funny? Not Really... Crazy? Definitely.. Arrogancy? Absolutely..

 

 

 

 

I can understand the moderators not being able to screen every job but once identified this type of client should be sent a very condescending and brusk form letter describing the basic rules of ethics and morals which every adult should know and told they are in violation of that code of ethics  And then sent packing with maybe a 3 years suspension from using Upwork for anything. That's the length of a restraining order in the states and apparently they've determined that's how long it takes for a criminal to change his ways so this client should be treated the same way. They are bullies and sociopaths IMHO. they are making a mockery of the entire organization, thumbing their nose at the honest hardworking people that use Upwork for their livelyhood. They undermind the fundamentals of democracy (even worse than the united states government has, (haha! seriously) and they don't desrve the privelege of doing business here. They are the same types that would run sweat shops and exploit children for slave labor. these are people that have the means to make the world a better place but knowingly choose to make it worse. No excuse for this.

I'm going to make my fortune....

 

We pay one dollar....for rewriting two 300 word articles....ongoing work for successful applicant.....must have perfect grammar and spelling.....

 

Do you have proofreading experience? Yes

 

Why did you apply for this job? I didn't

 

Suggestions to make the project run smoothly? Pay me a decent rate and I'll tell you

 

Why do you think you are a good fit? I'm not. You can't afford me, obviously

 

 

re: "We pay one dollar....for rewriting two 300 word articles....ongoing work for successful applicant"

 

Because the only thing better than being paid next to nothing for doing something that will require a lot of my time is to be treated that way on an ongoing basis.

 

Your definition of "successful" is apparently different from mine.

I saw this job post few days back.

 

JD: Need exact copy of facebook/twitter

Fixed Rate: 500$ 

 

I was like WTH.

 

Are you watching this Mr. zuckerberg!!


@Raja B wrote:

I saw this job post few days back.

 

JD: Need exact copy of facebook/twitter

Fixed Rate: 500$ 

 

I was like WTH.

 

Are you watching this Mr. zuckerberg!!


I've seen a few of those, though not specific to Facbook/Twitter. I've seen requests for copy sites based on:

  • Amazon" (oy vey)
  • Pinterest
  • Youtube

 

Two words: As if.

awashington
Member

> Need exact copy of facebook/twitter

> Fixed Rate: 500$ 

 

 as long as you believe in yourself, anything is possible.

 

don't let your dreams be dreams.


@Arron W wrote:

> Need exact copy of facebook/twitter

> Fixed Rate: 500$ 

 

 as long as you believe in yourself, anything is possible.

 

don't let your dreams be dreams.


Yeah Arron,

 

 

I believe in myself,. 

I do Ctrl+S.

I create facebook then,

I earn 500$

I fulfil my dream... 

 

$ for Thought ... 

The chance to earn 35p a day? I can almost buy a tin of beans! (After I've given away 3 free samples of course)

 

I'm currently finding some re-writers who are looking long-term work. If you agree with those: + The price 0.2$/100 is fixed, deal? No need to apply if you're finding something more. + Frequency: 3 articles each day (I think, maybe more). + I need to consult some samples (your portfolio or send me 2-3 samples). + Native English preferred. Job details: + Using my keyword (maybe website links) to find proper articles then rewrite them. + Content is readable, good grammar though (spinner pls get away). + Articles must be unique and pass CopyScape. + 500-600 words per articles. + Writers who know about SEO are considered (I'll need your knowledge later) When applying, please start your application by "Geddit" to show that you have read all the information or I will ignore your application.

Hmmm...I don't geddit.....

This guy appears time and time agian. I think he opens a fresh account every time he gets bad feedback

Ramon,

 

I saw this one a couple of days ago. I thought of posting here. But I am fed up with these people. I learned to ignore them when I have real works.

 

The saddest part: It received many applications within half an hour, even from experienced freelancers.

I applied for his job once, with an insanely high bid and the most inappropriate answers I could think of, and he still tried to interview me!

Ohh tell us what your inappropriate answers were!

I think I implied that I'd just escaped from a psychiatric hospital and have a writing speed of about 100 words a day. I've given up on prank applications to the most loathsome clients now though. They haven't the wit or self-awareness even to know they're being laughed at. Man Sad

Pathetic.png

This is the worst pay anybody could ever pay if they chose to pay.

 

After Upwork brought 3$ as base hourly rate, these cheapos started posting fixed jobs like " 5$ fixed project. 1$/hour. 5 hours work. Anyone bidding higher than 5$ will be rejected and marked/reported as spam"

Ramon,

 

If you have had spare connects, you could have. I wish I could do like what you did. But I heard these clients could mark our proposals as spam and report it to Upwork. So, it may backfire when we want to apply for real jobs.

 

Correct me if I am wrong.

 

By the way, a connect is a dollar worth now ๐Ÿ˜›

Unfortunately we can't gift our connects, otherwise I, and the others who are lucky enough not to need them, could simply donate them each month.

I reckon there's a dentist somewhere in America who needs the extra income right about now! Look out Simba! 

 

 

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

Oh.. Man!!!

 

Edit the post before Valeria finds.. ๐Ÿ˜„

Vladimir found your post and left his signature --"**Edited for Community Guidelines**"--

 

:smileyvery-happy:

numbsain
Member

I've been getting invited to a lot of jobs lately most of which want a logo design for twenty dollars. The industry standard minimum is around $300 and if you are not familiar you should see what i go through to produce a logo for a client. $300 is very low for that much work. So I composed a little form letter that I am going to include in each decline and maybe in about a thousand years people will start realizing logos cost $300.Not $20.


But by then they will cost $3000.

bUt i'm trying anyway 

Ray,

 

By 3015, you should charge 2000 Trillion (quadrillion) USD per logo for the 300 USD logo, not 3000$.

(Just at 3% inflation compounded for 1000 years). You will become a Quadrillionaire by designing a single logo of 150px X 150px.

 

Then I should be approximately charging 100 Trillion for my service. ๐Ÿ˜„ ! Wonderful!!

 

Assuming there would be no war, natural disaster, apocalypse, and USD remains as a (standard) currency.

 

By the time, Upwork(?) will have 1,000,000 changes to their site(s). JS bar may get replaced by client's mood bar (or even client's family's) which would directly impact our profiles.

 

Who knows??

But I know one thing for sure, that's "Clients will be Clients"

Don't get mad if clients ask you logos for $20 even after 1000 years ๐Ÿ˜„

 

 

 

 

 

Just when you thought the ebook people couldn't get any more loathsome...

 

Your proposal must start with the sentence I love myself.  If not the proposal will not be considered.

I love myself? seriously? Oh my hat! Worse than  the purple cow I once saw.

A lot of these 'please put ... in your application' are just an affront to personal dignity and a big ego trip for lowballing scumbags, I'd like to see all these ended. It's not like people can't only look at the last sentence to see what to copy anyway.

Haah, I got away with scumbags, maybe I'll get away with ***** too!

 

Which I did, though I thought it would delete it for me. Cat Embarassed

Dick Van Dyke van Dick Van Dyke Van Dyke

Cat Sad I liked the overexuberant swearchecker 

numbsain
Member

I won't consider your application unless you write the words "I'm a flunky who will do anything for a nickel." And all such nonsense is a not so subtle way of demeaning and belittling freelancers so they can be abused a disrespected more easily. I rarely apply when i see that and other such tactics.

It's like they are saying "since you are a freelancer you are going to try to chince me and you can't read so you will try to do the least work possible like not even read the project brief before applying for it. It's all an unctious, slimey psychological game people play where they think because they are the hiring party and we are the ones being hired its like they have all the power so they are better than us or they are the boss. No that's the whole point, you dufus. You're not my boss. You need my services. we are on equal footing now, so if you treat me like a tweetwhistle I'll dump your measely assets in escrow like a hot potato and you can find some other highschool dropout to fudge up you're picayun little Captain Kangaroo Crabola cause I'm outta here you pinch-hay monkey thumper! and don't ever dampen my doorstopper again you fresh baked batard!!! Unsatisfying vegetable side dish!!!! Issue of a mangy canine, away with ye loathsome cur!! False alligator! Immodest raincoat wearer. ingester of controlled substances!!!

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