Client: "Can you do this for free ? It'll be great exposure!"
Freelancer: "Oh, sure. I love paying my rent with 'exposure."
Client: "I need a ‘ test ’ to see if we're a good fit, common it won't take up much of your time."
Freelancer: "I'm happy to test it: you can test your ability to pay me, and I'll test my ability to work for you... with cash."
Client: "Can you just send me a quick ‘ free sample ’ so I can see what your work is like?"
Freelancer: "Sure, my free sample includes a free invoice with zero dollars on it."
Client: "Can you give me a discount? I'll tell my friends about your services!"
Freelancer: "Oh, I'd love to, but unfortunately, I only accept 'word of mouth' as payment … in addition to the regular rate."
MEME: Text reads: When the client asks will you do it for free?
Photo: Person with distressed look on his face while holding both hands up by the side of his head.
Jeff Bezos is getting divorced
Please stop trying to unionize
I just heard Google employees are unionizing
MEME - Illustration: Penguin pictured wearing a sandwich board that reads:
Test Reads: "Billions in profits while your workers can't afford housing or groceries isn't success, that's called exploitation.
How did the freelancer respond when asked if they had a boss? “Yes, and their name is ‘Deadline’!”
Why did the freelancer become a magician? Because they knew how to disappear when clients asked for free work!
Why did the freelancer start a bakery? Because they kneaded a change from their usual projects!
Being a freelancer is like riding a roller coaster – lots of ups and downs, and occasionally you'll want to throw up.
Freelancers always have job security – they can fire themselves at any time!
MEME - Photo: Morphis from the Matrix
Test reads: What if I told you I won't work for free?
Slave Driver
His good friend Bobby who owned the nearby manor house also paid for slave workers, but had trouble getting them to follow his orders. "I've shouted at them, starved them, even whipped them but they're still only half as productive as the last batch of slaves I paid for. What do you do when your workers start slacking Joe?"
"Slacking? Mine don't slack. I hand out leather tokens based on how well they work for the day, and they buy their food and drink off me in exchange for them. That keeps their ears to the grindstone, and I don't have the worry of them saving up to escape."
"You make them buy their food and drink from you, and that really works? But how?"
"The intent is to provide them with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking their basic human rights."
What's a freelancer’s least favorite kind of exercise?
Running out of budget.
What do freelancing bees do?
Buzz-iness plans.
What's a freelancer’s most feared mythological creature?
Interesting read from U.S. based FreelancersUnion.org
"We believe that freelancers deserve access to the same level of legal protection as traditional employees."
https://blog.freelancersunion.org/2024/05/14/introducing-the-freelancers-union-contract-creator/
Looking into EU developments over the past last 4 years there interesting developments, particularly in relation to freelancers in the entertainment industry, as well as data protection and AI technologies transparency and regulation.
There have also been similar developments recently in the U.S. particularly in Hollywood with the Actors (freelance contractors) Guild (union) taking on studios because of use of AI.
Just to be clear in response to some comments, this is not about an Upwork union, it's about workers rights, freelance or not.
If you anyone has been under the impression that as freelancers or employee workers, that we don't have rights or can't be in a union,.... of course we do, of course we can.
We are people
before we are consumers,
before we workers,
before we are freelancers.
News update - RSS gone 14 weeks
Interesting thing about the idea some people had
that removing RSS would help clean up spam and dud posts:
SPAM in forums and Dud Job posts are worse then ever.
Still no equivalent feature for real-time job notifications to email.
STOP THE SPAM AND DUD POSTS PLEASE UPWORK
Why did the programmer go broke?
He used up all his cache!
What's the biggest reward for a remote worker?
Living life on their own terms and conditions!
Why was the SEO pun non-existent in social gatherings?
Because you have to search for it!
REMOTE WORK
Work is really interfering with my enjoyment of working from home.
Day 1: This will be fantastic. I get to stay inside and eat toast on a paper towel.
Day 8: Engages in conversation with a lamp.
When my boss asked me why I showed up late for our Zoom meeting, I told him that he wouldn't believe the network traffic.
MEME: Text reads: Me when the meeting invite email was longer than the meeting should've been an email
Photo: A frustrated lady biting a laptop.
COFFEE BREAK Jokes
INSPIRATION
My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65....
Reddit is an inspiration on how to be eco friendly
Teachers can be inspirational...
...
Then he kicked me out of Band.
"Doctor, Every time I drink coffee I get pain in my eye."
What's the difference between a freelancer and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
How many freelancers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it'll require three meetings, a contract, and an hourly rate.
Why did the freelancer bring a ladder to the meeting?
Because the client said they had “high expectations.”
What's the difference between a freelancer and a client's promise?
Ones guaranteed to show up late, and the others just plain empty.
What do you call a freelancer who gets paid on time?
A myth.
How do you know a client is lying?
Their email begins with, “This will be quick and easy!”
Why do freelancers avoid road maps?
Because every time they do, the client says, “Can we just take a little detour?”
How can you tell a freelancer has a project due soon?
They've suddenly cleaned their entire apartment and binge-watched three series.
What's a freelancer’s least favorite F word?
Free revisions.
(Thanks to Alpher for these)
What's a freelancer’s definition of “weekend”?
The two days they wish they weren't working.
Why did the freelancer write a memoir?
To document the time a client actually paid on time.
How do you stop a freelancer from working?
Offer them “exposure” instead of money.
What's a freelancer’s favorite type of client?
The one who knows what they want before the project is finished.
Why did the freelancer go to therapy?
Their client said, “I've got one more tiny change ...” for the hundredth time.
What's a freelancer’s favorite horror movie?
The one titled “Client Feedback.”
How many clients does it take to change a freelancer’s mind?
Just one, if they say “This could lead to future work!”
Why did the freelancer open a bank account in the cloud?
Because that's where all their payments seem to be.
How do freelancers tell the time?
By counting how many times the client emails “Are we there yet?”
What's a freelancer’s worst nightmare?
The phrase, “Can we just have a quick Zoom?”
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Meme.
Alt text: Frodo Bagins from the Lord Of The Rings pictured in a hobbit hole looking concerned while holding a large piece of scroll paper.
Text reads: "So you're telling me I need to get experience before I get experience."
Two bots walk into a bar.
They both say ouch.
The bar keep says
"I told you to be careful lowering the bar."
Meme. illustration: of Formula 1 race chart places: 1st HAM, 2nd BOT, 3rd VER.
Photo: Actor in a black tie suit holding up a glass of clear alcohol in a wine glass in a "cheers" style while smiling
Text reads: "Guess Who's Back."
"Sláinte linn go léir agus go n-éirí an bóthar libh. " - "Good health with us all and may the road rise to meet yee."
