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resultsassoc
Community Member

Journaling the end

Two weeks ago I had a serious seizure, was hospitalized for three days and diagnosed with adult-onset hydrocephalus. This explained my inability to maintain balance, the short seizures I'd been getting, and a bunch of other things. It is incurable, surgery can make it better but isn't much good at repairing existing damage, and can only slow down the inexorable progress toward dementia.

 

I cannot stay awake long enough to do any real work, nor do any writing. I can access and use existing information, I can acquire new information and use it, but creativity has simply stopped workiing. I have several novels underway, and I can't figure out what to do with the characters next. One couple is getting married soon so the baby can be born before the wedding, another couple is dealing with an assassination attempt on one of them, I've got a busload of musicians on tour in 1970; they're stuck in Mobile, Alabama, because I don't have any idea what comes next.

 

I can keep two executive coaching clients, and that's it. One project I've already turned over to the client's outsourced accountant plus my own VA; the other I will offer up to a friend, former top-tier global management consultant. The number of domains in which expertise is required is long.

 

I intend to keep journaling until I can no longer write. Ask my anything you wish.

137 REPLIES 137

The only thing I regret about being adopted is that I didn't inherit my adoptive parents' genes.

 

My mother's aunt went back to substitute teaching at 101. An uncle died at 96 when his tractor turned over. A cousin in his late nineties retired as chief of surgery to go on a safari in Africa. My father's father was a teenager during the U.S. Civil War. His father fought in the Revolutionary War in his twenties and thirties.


@Bill H wrote:

The only thing I regret about being adopted is that I didn't inherit my adoptive parents' genes.

 

My mother's aunt went back to substitute teaching at 101. An uncle died at 96 when his tractor turned over. A cousin in his late nineties retired as chief of surgery to go on a safari in Africa. My father's father was a teenager during the U.S. Civil War. His father fought in the Revolutionary War in his twenties and thirties.


 Wait, wouldn't that mean your great grandfather had your grandfather when he was around 90? Smiley Surprised

My great grandfather was born in 1755. My grandfather was born in 1850 when his father was 95. My grandfather was relatively young, 68, when my father, the baby of the family, was born in 1918.


@Bill H wrote:

My great grandfather was born in 1755. My grandfather was born in 1850 when his father was 95. My grandfather was relatively young, 68, when my father, the baby of the family, was born in 1918.


 Sorry that I short-changed him by 5-years. That has to be some story. Wow.

I have a similar family situation.  My grandparents were born during the Civil War (!) - my great grandfather was at Appamatox.  His  grandfather fought in the Revolutionary War. (My family tends to have at least one baby late in life)

Got the spinal tap, but the radiologist withdrew less CSF than the neurologist requested. Balance has improved slightly, waiting to see what happens.

Fingers crossed!

 

Balance is better, and the last mico-seizure only lasted a couple of seconds. Looks like it's helping. See the neurologist on December 28. Surgery probable in Jan or Feb.

 

I'm negotiating with the hospital to bring my ashtray and coffee maker with me. I also want my computer and Terabye download speed available. In addition, I want a full-sized refrigerator for beer. And my own nurse. And

 

Wait a minute, my wife is looking over my shoulder. No! Stop! It's cheaper to replace you than the computer. Just kidding.

I had lunch with my oldest daughter today. I had not seen her since the spinal tap. We have a healthy adult relationship, and she's always honest with me. Brutally so if necessary.

 

She believes I am walking, thinking acting far better than I have in two years. She termed the change "remarkable," and she's a better observer of me than I am. I'm pretty confident about the surgery. Just not the beer refrigerator and ash tray.

Bill, regarding the beer---maybe if you provided it for all? Smiley Wink

Bill, I think that if you changed the beer to hard liquor and somehow got René involved, you'd have a shot (so to speak?) at finagling the accommodations you seek...


@Janean L wrote:

Bill, I think that if you changed the beer to hard liquor and somehow got René involved, you'd have a shot (so to speak?) at finagling the accommodations you seek...


I'd drink the booze and run once there is no more left. I'm pretty much useless.

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"Where darkness shines like dazzling light"   —William Ashbless

Perhaps Rene would stay if Bill added chocolate to the mix.

Rene's powers of persuasion are legendary. I might try three-times-a-day delivery of vodka.

Chocolate + vodka = doctors seem to ignore the beneficial effects of this combination. 

 


@Bill H wrote:

Rene's powers of persuasion are legendary. I might try three-times-a-day delivery of vodka.


 Bill, ditch the vodka and substitute Rum in it's place. Rum goes with everything. And with that, how could you go wrong. 

 

And if you want something unique to sip on, try Triibe. (yes it's spelt right) Irish cream liqueur with hints of chocolate, vanilla and  caramel., blended with charcoal filtered Irish malt whiskey, softened with honey.

jmlaidlaw
Community Member

Quote: "Irish cream liqueur with hints of chocolate, vanilla and  caramel., blended with charcoal filtered Irish malt whiskey, softened with honey."

 

When poured over gravel, this drink nicely approximates the memorable voice of the late Johnny Cash.

Things go on. My sister's husband died suddenly last week as my wife and I left for a cruise. The benefits of the spinal tap are gone, and my walking has become so unsteady I don't go many places. Speech is slurring, but the spinal tap provided significant relief, usually indicating a favorable outcome from a shunt in the brain.

 

The cruise was interesting. The production show singers were hired for their dancing ability. Two of the female soloists seemed to be Johnny Cash imitators; the lead male soloist figured that pitch wasn't all that important in rock music. One of the security officers told me I could not go ashore at St Thomas because I would never return in time before the ship sailed. It seems my watch wasn't set to ship's time. He was serious. The ship is registered in Panama, and I told him there is nothing in Panamanian law that permits authorities to detain someone because of an incorrect watch setting. There is nothing in the binding cruise line contract of carriage that requires me to reset my watch or be detained. And, since St Thomas is US territory, I'll return to my cabin, call the local police and tell them I'm being held against my will by an overly officious ship's officer on the basis that my watch isn't set to the time he thinks it should show. I promised to visit him in jail on my next cruise.

Very sorry to hear this news about your brother-in-law, especially at this time of year. Sincere condolences to your sister and family. Kind of puts cruise issues into perspective.

Condolence to your sister and family Bill.

~ Jo-An

Untitled

Saw the neurologist yesterday and he referred me for surgery to install a shunt. Should happen January or February. I'm an incompetent surgeon and a danger to my patients with a scalpel in hand, one reason I gave up practicing medicine. I understand the principles involved, and shunt surgery is about as complicated as a tonsilectomy.

 

Symptoms had improved for a week after the lumbar puncture, but have continued worsening ever since.

I actually know someone who had a shunt placed in utero.  You are wise to go ahead with it and I agree that it appears to be a fairly simple procedure.  Keep us up to date!

I see the neurosurgeon January 21. New symptoms have arisen, specifically disorientation from certain kinds of visual input. I tried reading in a moving car, and became carsick for the first time in my life. Walking on a sidewalk with alternating stripes made me unable to stand upright. For the first time in my life, I woke up and experienced the entire room spinning around me.

 

I've refocused on writing two non-fiction works I've been putting off. So, You Want to Start a Business is a no-nonsense non-formulaic set of practical advice for people who want to be their own boss. The other is a practical guide to navigating online freelancing sites for clients and providers. Not a Join Upwork and Become a Millionaire clone. That would be fiction.

Focus on writing those, please. I'm sure lots of people who know you from the forum would be interested in buying them. However, I wish you would also start on Join Upwork and Become a Millionaire, this is the book we're all waiting for.

Luce, if you can convince Bill to write that - we'll give him the award for Best Fantasy Fiction of the Decade.

 

It even comes with a red sash and a male appropriate version of a tiara. 😉


@Wendy C wrote:

Luce, if you can convince Bill to write that - we'll give him the award for Best Fantasy Fiction of the Decade.

 

It even comes with a red sash and a male appropriate version of a tiara. 😉


How do you know all those details? Have you been awarded the Best Fantasy Fiction of the Decade before?

Symptoms are worsening quickly. Words have disappeared from my vocabulary, I cannot walk and carry something simultaneously, and I'm experience audio hallucinations. Those are not voices in my head, they are conversations between two people who aren't there. I'm still able to differentiate hallucinations from reality. See the neurosurgeon in two days.


Bill H wrote:

Symptoms are worsening quickly. Words have disappeared from my vocabulary, I cannot walk and carry something simultaneously, and I'm experience audio hallucinations. Those are not voices in my head, they are conversations between two people who aren't there. I'm still able to differentiate hallucinations from reality. See the neurosurgeon in two days.


 __________________

 

Oh Bill,

There are no words, but you are very brave. We're all thinking of you. 

Bill, after your see the neurosurgeon if you are not able to message us an update, please ask your wife or daughter to message me via Skype. I will share your status update here.

 

We all know things are going to work and that the surgery will help you.  Right now, as best as I understand, a date for the surgery is unknown. Should the neurosurgeon decide ASAP is best, we want to know so we can double - triple - quadruple down on healing vibes, good karma, positive thoughts, prayers - whatever each of us believe in.

 

 

 

 

We have never met you, and I don't think we have ever talked personally to you, You are a virtual person with a picture but you are a part of all of us. We share your pain and we wish you the very best. My heart goes out to you. I personally wish a big improvement and some GOOD news after you see your doctor.  

jmlaidlaw
Community Member

The very, very best to you, Bill.

 

Thank you for letting us know your status -- as bad as it is.

 

We care.

Thanks for all the well wishes. I saw the surgeon today. I lost my balance completely on Friday and did a face-plant into a cement slab. The surgeon wants a CT scan of my head (appointment tomorrow) and will schedule surgery in about two weeks.

 

I trust the surgeon, if only because he answered one question, "I don't know." The physician you want to treat you knows her or his limitations and when to call for help.


Bill H wrote:

Thanks for all the well wishes. I saw the surgeon today. I lost my balance completely on Friday and did a face-plant into a cement slab. The surgeon wants a CT scan of my head (appointment tomorrow) and will schedule surgery in about two weeks.

 

I trust the surgeon, if only because he answered one question, "I don't know." The physician you want to treat you knows her or his limitations and when to call for help.


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Bill, I'm so sorry to hear about this happening to you. If you're losing your balance and are so dizzy, might I suggest that you purchase a walker? IMO I think that would be a great help for you. Don't let stubbornness and pride get in the way of pain and suffering. You don't need a doctors prescription to buy one. They are readily available in any medical supply store and maybe even in Walgreens or CVS drug stores. 

Bill, thoughts and best wishes are with you!

 

I agree with Kathy but can't kudo her post due to a current situation. 

 

As an "FYI" several years ago my Mother-In-Law really needed a cane and/or a walker but very stubbornly decided she didn't.  One day she went shopping with one of her daughters and fell.  She ended up in the ER then was admitted.  She died within a few days as a result of her fall. 

Bill, another vote here for a walker.  Your doctor can arrange to have Medicare and/or your insurance cover the costs as you will need it during recovery post surgery.

 

You won't need  it for long but it will save you and your wife considerable worry.  When you are back up to speed just put it in the back of a storage closet or loan it to a friend in need.

I have and use a walker and cane. Neither helps when I'm having a partial complex seizure and don't know where I am or why. CT scan was good, no fractures, no bleeding, just pain. Surgery is tentatifvely scheduled for Feb 12.

 

For those of you who want to pray for me, please just pray that God's will be done.

Great news about the CT scan.  Will be praying for an easy resolution of your problems, whatever that resolution may turn out to be.


Bill H wrote:

I have and use a walker and cane. Neither helps when I'm having a partial complex seizure and don't know where I am or why. CT scan was good, no fractures, no bleeding, just pain. Surgery is tentatifvely scheduled for Feb 12.

 

For those of you who want to pray for me, please just pray that God's will be done.

________________________________________________________________________


Bill, excellent news re. your scan!!!  Fully understand regarding your prayer request; consider it done, Sir.

Bill, your surgery date is on my calendar.  Prayers.

Echoing Mary's words ...

You have a plethora of pals sending positive thoughts, prayers, and good karma for a successful surgery and fast healing.

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