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resultsassoc
Community Member

Journaling the end

Two weeks ago I had a serious seizure, was hospitalized for three days and diagnosed with adult-onset hydrocephalus. This explained my inability to maintain balance, the short seizures I'd been getting, and a bunch of other things. It is incurable, surgery can make it better but isn't much good at repairing existing damage, and can only slow down the inexorable progress toward dementia.

 

I cannot stay awake long enough to do any real work, nor do any writing. I can access and use existing information, I can acquire new information and use it, but creativity has simply stopped workiing. I have several novels underway, and I can't figure out what to do with the characters next. One couple is getting married soon so the baby can be born before the wedding, another couple is dealing with an assassination attempt on one of them, I've got a busload of musicians on tour in 1970; they're stuck in Mobile, Alabama, because I don't have any idea what comes next.

 

I can keep two executive coaching clients, and that's it. One project I've already turned over to the client's outsourced accountant plus my own VA; the other I will offer up to a friend, former top-tier global management consultant. The number of domains in which expertise is required is long.

 

I intend to keep journaling until I can no longer write. Ask my anything you wish.

137 REPLIES 137

As far as I know, Bill's surgery is scheduled for today.  Prayers.


Mary W wrote:

As far as I know, Bill's surgery is scheduled for today.  Prayers.


_____________________________

 

Ditto. 

 

And 3rd ditto ...

I guess nobody's heard from Bill? Hope all is well.

Bill and I Skyped the day prior to his surgery.  He was upbeat - but isn't he always?  I did ask that his wife or daughter update me when possible but I'm guessing his wife either isn't comfortable using Skype and/or has her hands full with a grumpy cantankerous patient.  😉

 

When I do hear I will let everyone know.

Bill just Skyped.   "All done. No complications. Can walk unaided."   

 

Expect him back once he has had time to sort thru emails, etc.

Bill will continue journaling to our end - not to his. This is great news! We are looking forward to his next post. 

Thanks to all. I did an hour of executive coaching today and an hour as a technical expert for a novelist. By the middle of next week I expect to be working five to six hours a day.

Bill, it's wonderful to hear from you and that you are doing so well.  What a blessing.  Don't push yourself, though.  Recovery is a process...

Happy to have you back and glad to hear that you are doing much better. Don't rush into things, take it easy. 

Nice to know you're doing well, Bill! Hope you can continue engaging in the Community. 🙂 


~ Avery
Upwork

Thanks, Avery. I'm doing quite well. I've slid back into most client work easily.

Bill, congratulations!!!  

Update: five weeks after surgery, most symptoms are much improved. Seizures have increased in frequency, now occur when sitting as well as standing, and I've given up driving until this can be sorted out. Apathy is one symptom, and it has not improved at all. I've only taken on one new job since surgery, a quick phone call as a subject matter expert in international finance. I'll probably retire from freelancing this year, keeping only two long-time executive coaching clients.

Bill, could some of the causes for your apathy be the stress your body and mind have been under?  Plus the strain of becoming used to the medication(s)?  If either or both could be contributing to it - why not defer decisions until there has been a longer adjustment period?

 

Or ... if you still enjoy writing your books, focus on them full time and at your leisure?  Intuition tells me you set 'meet-able' deadlines for yourself ...

 

 

Bill, 

 

The sort of surgery you have had is going to take quite a while to get over. I think you have done amazingly well in just five weeks. Don't push yourself too hard. Or, as Wendy says, set deadlines ...

Hey, Bill!
Give yourself a little more time!
I think you're a bit "accelerated" 🙂
5 weeks is nothing.

Bill, congratulations regarding the improvements!  That's super! 

 

Regarding the challenges I agree with Wendy, Nichola, and Maria.  Gosh, Bill, in the spectrum of things; especially life, what's a few weeks?

" Gosh, Bill, in the spectrum of things; especially life, what's a few weeks?"

 

At the age of seventy, a far bigger chunk of my remaining life than at 21.

 

I have one client that I have no choice but to make myself do the work. I've coached him for the past year-plus on a sales approach that he's implementing successfully. He's a solopreneur, and each sale earns him between $500K and $3M EBIT. He can handle one sale a month, he is 58 and the approach yielded 60 high-probability targets. Do the math. Another client is selling his business, and the choices again are few.


Bill H wrote:

" Gosh, Bill, in the spectrum of things; especially life, what's a few weeks?"

 

At the age of seventy, a far bigger chunk of my remaining life than at 21.

 

I have one client that I have no choice but to make myself do the work. I've coached him for the past year-plus on a sales approach that he's implementing successfully. He's a solopreneur, and each sale earns him between $500K and $3M EBIT. He can handle one sale a month, he is 58 and the approach yielded 60 high-probability targets. Do the math. Another client is selling his business, and the choices again are few.

________________________________________________________________________

Bill, of course it is.  In an attempt to be supportive I walked right into that one, didn't I?

 

Hopefully you at least somewhat enjoy the coaching work you're doing and will be able to continue doing that as well as all; if not most that you vs. illness decides.


 

emonuzzamanmd
Community Member

BIll H.GIFMost of the time I see your photo lower right corner of my screen named Bill H just below of your photo whenever I come to the community page. And I smile looking at your photo, don’t know why.
Today reading your post, really my heart breaks. Don’t know what to say you. I am so much younger than you, maybe younger than your child. I know, you know how to live up life. Just enjoy your life. Do whatever your mind says. I want to see your photo just the lower right corner of my screen every time, your posts.
Love you man. Lots of love.

Muhammad,

 

Peace be upon you.

 

When seeing my image, most people don't smile, they laugh out loud. How refreshing!

 

You have an attitude that will make you a good freelancer, which might make you a successful freelancer as well. The two are quite different. When I was commissioned in the military, a wise man told me that at some point I will need to decide whether to be a good officer or a successful officer. It took a decade for me to learn why.

 

A freelancer who serves the client's interest before his own bank balance's interest is a good one. One who serves his own financial interest first, and does what the client asks even though it's worthless, can be viewed as successful. I'd rather be good than successful, although several people have pointed out I'm unlikely ever to be either one.

"I'd rather be good than successful, although several people have pointed out I'm unlikely ever to be either one."

 

I agree with the first part ... and happy to contest the last bit.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I need to revisit the surgeon; the symptoms, which were fixed by the shunt, came back with a roar last weekend, including a new one, short-term memory loss. Getting an appointment with the neurosurgeon was first on my to-do list every day. Friday was the first day I remembered to look at the to-do list.

Bill,

 

My word.  I just read this thread in one sitting. 

 

I'm very sorry to hear about your dilemma.  Posting so genuinely is brave. Also helpful to others, I think. We are all in the same boat, in the end.  But we don't all face our situation so directly.

 

As a novelist you should appreciate that this thread reads like a great epistolary novelette. 

 

Best wishes!

 

Bruce

Thanks, Bruce. Things have gone to hell in a handbasket lately. Symptoms are back, the neurosurgeon needs to adjust the shunt flow, but I've just developed diverticulitis and a hernia so painful I cannot walk or move my torso. I have notified my clients that I will retire not later than December 31 of this year.If I- don't, I may fail them.

 

Each needs a broadly-talented strategist who knows at least a little bit about everything and has top-tier management consulting capabilities, but chooses to work with smaller businesses. I think there are four other such people in the USA, so I reached out to one of them and offered to introduce my clients to her. We're starting early on the transition so that my clients' needs and Joan's needs can be met.

 

I feel good about this, and know that with Joan they're left in excellent hands. The only thing I do better than her is urinate standing up.

You may not even want to hear this, but I think it's possible that this is a bad patch and things could get better. 

 

I sure hope so. You're a very cool person. 

 

 

Bill,

 

You are certainly crossing t's and dotting i's.   This is highly to your credit.

 

Did you say you were a published novelist?  If so, would you mind sharing some titles?

 

Thanks,

 

Bruce

Each day has a small victory. Today I was able to put on socks and shoes by myself. Yesterday, I was able to stand long enough to shave. The day before that I was able to sleep two straight hours.

 

Put simply, my life has crashed. I’ve been in excruciating pain most of the time for two weeks. Walking is a major chore, and after fifteen meters the muscles in my abdomen are screaming, I can’t maintain my balance, and I’m out of breath. I'm nine levels down inside a rabbit hole that started with "How to deal with the apathy?" In the past two weeks I've been in and out of hospitals every couple of days, unable to walk unassisted, rarely able to get out of a chair. Surgeon can't address the loss of balance and increasingly inadequate short-term memory until I solve a couple of issues further up the chain in the rabbit hole.

 

I've pre-emptively termiated all current consultig work, unable to trust myself to turn out adequate work. Same with executive coaching; I turned down a Board membership because I would be a liability. I'm focused on finishing two business books and three novels underway. I am thankful for the wonderful people of the Upwork community whose support has meant a great deal. I will probably keep my membership in UW for a while, but I'm no longer regularly competing for work.

 

I

If it gives you any comfort to update us on this thread every now and then, we'll be happy to connect with you here. 

My dad who has dementia has resorted to gardening, and music mostly. My mom who has parkinson's resorted to cooking, and chores. I hope you find something that will keep your mind off your illness, and on to discovering what other things may interest you. 

 

Hang in there, Bill!


~ Avery
Upwork

Bill, saying I wish we had a magic wand to make everything better seems foolish in the extreme.  But it is true.  You have given so very much to the eL and U community(ies) and even more to many of us. 

 

I know I speak for every member of a group you were a key part of as you worked so hard to direct us on a path the success. Thank you for so generously sharing your knowledge, support, and good spirits. Thank you.  Forever.

 

Keep fighting to heal. You are stronger than you think.

 

Sending love, positive thoughts, and much Aloha.

 

 

Please stay in the community and let us know how you are doing.  Although we've never met you, I venture to say that you have become an important and influential part of this group.  Many prayers coming your way.

jmlaidlaw
Community Member

Wishing you and your family all the very best, also, Avery!

Thanks for all the well-wishes. I've recovered to about 40% of where I was a month ago; my decision to retire is a good one. I can't work long enough to make a diference to most clients.

I smiled again Man Happy. I had a dream to be in the military but I failed. Whenever I see a military person I envy. I feel the same now. You are lucky. A very few get the chance to serve the country. Your words inspire me.

You decided to learn the "why". But I know "why" from you. So I must try to be a good freelancer. 

sivavranagaro
Community Member

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Last days I think a lot about the path we are all taking, and I suppose true comfort that I can find is in the moments of kindness and love we exchange in between with people who surround us. It's only what matters, even if we get the chance only to be for a short moment of our lives in this reality.

____________
Don't correct my grammar!

I've crashed. In and out of Emergency Departments and hospital admissions, digestive system is shot with permanent severe pain. No energy. Crisis last night with pain, collapsed unable to breathe. Don't need oxygen normally, but had to go on 2L/hr to drive out the cytotoxins. My body is nearing the end of ,its design life.

 

Thanks for the well-wishes and support. There's no prognosis. i've fulfilled my obligations to my clients and have given one UW freelancer a two-hours pay bonus and glowing five-star recommendation. The other one will stay on for now

Praying for peace for you and for your family.  God bless you and all those who love you and admire you - many of whom you've never met.

Bill -

 

As Yogi said, "It ain't over until it's over". 

 

When it's time for any of us, all we can hope is that we leave having left an overall positive imprint on others and society as a whole. Mission accomplished, Bill. 

Thank you, Scott. I'm going to hang around for a bit and I just asked my VA what he wanted to do; he'll hang with me for a while. I can no longer trust myself to help clients with life-or-death issues. I sleep about 14 hours/day, and when awake cannot do much of anything. I'm reading a kindle book a day, and today wrote the first words in a manuscript in two months. I have six books I want to finish before I am done; it will be close. I reached the bottom of the rabbit hole and turned around. I've got an appt with the neurosurgeon to increase the outflow rate for the brain shunt, which will let me begin titrating down a medication that is exacerbating GI problems and cognitive decline. Then I can switch anti-depressants and sort out one that works.

 

The Golden Years are mostly base metal.

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