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Lots of Laugh

Community Guru
Manish A Member Since: Nov 4, 2014
51 of 74

I thought OP had intended to provide some relaxation from mental stress we all have during work, rather making such complex calculations here.

 

Anyhow, just kidding.Smiley Happy

 

 

COMPUTER DIAGNOSIS

 

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

 

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

 

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

 

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
52 of 74

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
53 of 74

                             English Class

 

Teacher: “One day our country will be corruption free”. Which tense is it?

 

Student: Future Impossible Tense

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
54 of 74

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
55 of 74

My boss emailed me, “Send me one of your funny jokes.”

 

I replied, “I’m working at the moment, I will send you one later.”

 

He replied, “That was fantastic, send me another one.”

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
56 of 74

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
57 of 74

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
58 of 74

                                           A Taxi Driver

 

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

 

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

 

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

 

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

 

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
59 of 74

The difference between school and life?

 

In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test.

 

In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.

Community Leader
Manoj Kumar P Member Since: Nov 12, 2014
60 of 74

Answers of a brilliant student who obtained 0%

 

Q: In which battle did Napoleon died?

A: His last battle

 

Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

A: At the bottom of the page

 

Q: River Ravi flows in which state?

A: Liquid

 

Q: What’s the main reason for divorce?

A: Marriage

 

Q: What’s the main reason for failure?

A: Exams

 

Did that student answer anything wrong?

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