Wife: You delivered an excellent speech.
Husband: Thanks, dear, but the audience was full of fools and idiots.
Wife: Hmm… so, that explains why you addressed them as brothers and sisters.
DEFINITIONS OF DESIGNATIONS
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
10) HR is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months.
ENCYCLOPEDIA OF LADIES
Types of Ladies
Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:
1. HARD DISK lady: Remembers everything forever.
2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.
3. SCREENSAVER lady: Just for looking.
4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access.
5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed
6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but you can only look.
7. VIRUS lady: This type of lady is normally called 'WIFE', once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted.
dISCLAIMER: sORRY FOR HURTING
Hi Aseem and others,
I'm all for having some fun here but please note that we've moved several posts from this thread as they can appear disrespectful to others here, including oDesk staff.
I hope that ladies do not start reporting the joke right above your post .
Till then ... An Anonymous person from an undisclosed region, belonging to an unknown ethnicity , not related to any profession or working for any particular organization(specially odesk) walks into a bar ....
Well I just wrote a template . Will add the jokes later on
PS: No I did not made a racist/gender joke. I just wrote a few programmer jokes and replaced developer by oDesk developer
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."