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The International Strange Client Day

Community Leader
Loredana B Member Since: Feb 26, 2016
21 of 78

Nichola L wrote:


They still haven't given up on Esperanto. But a quick look at Wiki made me think I will probably not try to learn it:

How are you? = Kiel vi fartas

I am well. = mi fartas bone

Smiley Very Happy

 Haha well that sounds classy!


On another note - I actually wanted to learn Esperanto since I first learned it exists, but theze Interbewz iz confuzingz, as there still isn't a complex resource to learn it from. I wish it would actually become an international language.

Community Guru
Mary W Member Since: Nov 10, 2014
22 of 78

When I was in grade school in the Midwest US, in the far, dim and hazy past, we actually had a section on Esperanto every year.  Really.

Community Guru
Hanna N Member Since: Jun 17, 2015
23 of 78

I actually studied three courses of German in high school, the minimum required to try the matriculation exam on it (which I passed, to the surprise of myself, never mind my teacher). The only things I can say at this point are "One more beer please" and "I have a big snake in my leather pants."


The funniest thing is that out of those two sentences; the second one has proven more useful. Weird ice-breaker is surprisingly effective. 

Community Guru
Hanna N Member Since: Jun 17, 2015
24 of 78

My day is not good.


Client number one asked me to lower my bid from 17.78/h to 10.00/h. He also tried to offer me a job that pays approximately 0.02$ per word.


Client number two hired me to write an article I was really excited about, and then when I was done with my research and just had begun writing about 15 minutes ago, he sends me a message to ask me to write about something else because he made a mistake and already has an article like the one we agreed on. 


Client number three contacts me after over a week of no-show to ask me to translate the file we had previously discussed which she now has "ready". She also has another file and instructions on the translation, which are very strict. The file I quoted 15 USD for has grown into seven times the length of the original one, and the client offers me 30 dollars to translate these two files that total over 4500 words.



Community Guru
Jennifer M Member Since: May 17, 2015
25 of 78

Upwork needs to post this for april fool's



Community Guru
Hanna N Member Since: Jun 17, 2015
26 of 78

I'm sure they can substitute that image for one of their error-messages, heaven knows it would be an improvement.

Community Guru
Preston H Member Since: Nov 24, 2014
27 of 78

re: "The only things I can say at this point are 'One more beer please'"


In German, this phrase is the same as the German word for "please": bitte


Unless otherwise modified, it is assumed that whenever a person says please, he is asking for one more beer.

Community Guru
Hanna N Member Since: Jun 17, 2015
28 of 78

Preston, having just seen Inside out, I can now almost feel those little mind-workers sucking out the words "noch ein bier" from my long-term memory... "They are not needed, 'bitte' is enough!"

Community Guru
Alexandra H Member Since: Jul 30, 2015
29 of 78

And don't forget to bid r-e-a-l-l-y LOW next time. Here's why (message from a potential client):

**Edited for Community Guidelines**

Community Guru
Hanna N Member Since: Jun 17, 2015
30 of 78

The longer I freelance, the more inconceivable it is to me that clients think that because they are offering very little money, we want to work MORE with them. 


"Dear peanut-client,

Thank you for your offer. I was so esthatic reading it that I was inspired to put together this list.


Things I will rather do than work for the rate you proposed:


1. Writing a cringe-worthy sci-fi vampire romance novel

2. Cleaning the shower drain without gloves

3. Trying to understand why Eskimos have so many words for snow, and what the actual differences between the different types are

4. Sharpening all the 6723 pencils I have as a delightful 4-hour marathon

5. Try to edit the above-mentioned sci-fi romance novel

6. Call that aunt that always tells me hilarious stories about how I used to be fat when I was a kid

7. Trying to assemble an Ikea-furniture

8. Sniffing the laundry that my spouse has left all over the apartment to figure out if it is dirty (as opposed to just assuming it is)

9. Go through my Gmail spam folder and read each mail in there one. At. A. Time.

10. Trying to learn to write with my toes in case I get into a horrible accident and my arms are amputated.


All the best,