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Colleen's avatar
Colleen E Community Member

This Board is Getting Too High-Brow! Here's a Giggle for Everyone

This was posted on another editors' board that I follow. If it doesn't make you laugh, you may want to reconsider your career path. (I can't imagine why a word was "bleeped." I don't think it was offensive, but I'm sure you all will know the missing word.)

 

Author Unknown:

  A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

  A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

  An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

  Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

  A mallapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

  Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

  A question mark walks into a bar?

  A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

  Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

  A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to **bleep** it in the bud.

  A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

  Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

  A synonym strolls into a tavern.

  At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

  A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

  Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

  A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

  An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its  Achilles heel.

  The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

  A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

  The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

  A dyslexic walks into a bra.

  A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

  An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

  A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

  A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

  A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

8 REPLIES 8
John's avatar
John K Community Member

Colleen, thanks for sharing. The **bleep** word was once a common epithet for anyone of Japanese descent. That's the only guess I have for why it was censored. I'm sorry to say I don't get the very last one about irony. Cat Frustrated

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"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce
Colleen's avatar
Colleen E Community Member

John, I never thought of that as the reason for the bleep. The only thing I could think of is that it's a shortened version of a part of female anatomy. But neither your suggested word nor mine is a verb, so that can't be it. I think there's a sneaky little search engine just searching for words with ambivalent meanings and bleeping them.

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't understand the last one about irony either.

Mary's avatar
Mary W Community Member

 LOVE this.  Thanks for posting!

John's avatar
John K Community Member

removed my *duplicate post* -- no idea how that happened. Cat Frustrated

Incidentally, I think this thread is at least medium brow Cat Very Happy

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"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce
Rebecca's avatar
Rebecca S Community Member

The last one is hilarious.

John's avatar
John K Community Member


@Rebecca S wrote:

The last one is hilarious.


 I had to google "non-hyphenated irony" to get it. Cat Embarassed

__________________________________________________
"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Boothe Luce
Phyllis's avatar
Phyllis G Community Member

Stealing this and hauling it over to my Facebook page. I know some folks will be happy to see me post something that's not about gun control.

Thanks, Colleen!

Rene's avatar
Rene K Community Member


@Phyllis G wrote:

I know some folks will be happy to see me post something that's not about gun control.


 Grammar control?

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"Where darkness shines like dazzling light"   —William Ashbless