Feb 28, 2018 09:16:06 AM by Colleen E
This was posted on another editors' board that I follow. If it doesn't make you laugh, you may want to reconsider your career path. (I can't imagine why a word was "bleeped." I don't think it was offensive, but I'm sure you all will know the missing word.)
Author Unknown:
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
A mallapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to **bleep** it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Feb 28, 2018 09:31:46 AM by John K
Colleen, thanks for sharing. The **bleep** word was once a common epithet for anyone of Japanese descent. That's the only guess I have for why it was censored. I'm sorry to say I don't get the very last one about irony.
Feb 28, 2018 09:40:27 AM by Colleen E
John, I never thought of that as the reason for the bleep. The only thing I could think of is that it's a shortened version of a part of female anatomy. But neither your suggested word nor mine is a verb, so that can't be it. I think there's a sneaky little search engine just searching for words with ambivalent meanings and bleeping them.
If it makes you feel any better, I didn't understand the last one about irony either.
Feb 28, 2018 09:32:25 AM Edited Feb 28, 2018 09:53:29 AM by John K
removed my *duplicate post* -- no idea how that happened.
Incidentally, I think this thread is at least medium brow
Mar 1, 2018 03:19:36 AM by John K
@Rebecca S wrote:The last one is hilarious.
I had to google "non-hyphenated irony" to get it.
Feb 28, 2018 03:52:18 PM by Phyllis G
Stealing this and hauling it over to my Facebook page. I know some folks will be happy to see me post something that's not about gun control.
Thanks, Colleen!
Mar 1, 2018 02:33:54 AM by Rene K
@Phyllis G wrote:I know some folks will be happy to see me post something that's not about gun control.
Grammar control?