Changed my photo and still not getting invitations for jobs :( - sample proposal attached

[muriel9402]

Hello Upwork Community,

I reached out a couple of days ago, asking for feedback pertaining to my Upwork profile picture. I have changed it and submitted over 11 proposals in the last five days and still haven't heard from any clients. I'm really not the best at writing proposals but have included a copy of a recruiting proposal, that I usually send out for recruiting jobs. Can you all take a look at the proposal and please provide some helpful feedback for me.

Thank you so much!!

Hello,

I hope that you are doing great today. I am reading out regarding your amazing career opportunity! I think that I am exactly what you are looking for. I have over eleven years of progressive-diversified recruiting experience. I have recruited for various of industries from; Sales, (inside sales & outside sales) B2B sales, Customer Service Reps, Account Managers, Technical Support Reps, Retail positions, etc.  My interview skills are Top-Notch and I have been conducting phone screens, and F2F interviews over the last eleven years.

Sourcing comes 2nd nature to me as well. I have strong experience sourcing aggressively for passive and active, hard-to-fill niche positions. Cold calling, Resume Mining, Marketing, aggressive Research is something that I have been doing heavily for the last five years as a contract recruiter and sourcing specialist. I have support Fortune 500 clients and have had the luxury of working for some of the most successful staffing companies in the United States.

Additionally, my background also includes Recruiting Coordination as well.  I have experience scheduling phone interviews between recruiters or clients and candidates. I have scheduled group interviews, F2F interviews, conference calls, and video interviews as well.

Are you tired of interviewing hundreds of recruiters who are either too (“entry-level”) or too (“experienced”) for the position?  Don’t have time to train someone new and fresh? Looking for someone to hit-the-ground-running? Want a technical savvy recruiter that has extensive knowledge when it comes to utilizing CRMs and ATSs? Looking for a bright Sourcer that has a passion for research and enjoys thinking about the box, to gain a powerful candidate pool?

If you can agree and attest to any of the above, feel free to contact me.

Thank you so very much and I hope to hear from you soon.

-Muriel

[feed_my_eyes]

I don't think that your photo was ever a problem, so you're wise to turn your attention to refining your proposals. IMO, this is way too long. Imagine that you're the client - would you want to read through 50 of these? I believe that some clients might just take a look at the length of your proposal and decide not to read it at all.

Also, it sounds like you're writing a cover letter for a permanent job, especially when you call something an "amazing career opportunity". The majority of Upwork clients aren't offering career opportunities, they mainly have specific, short-term projects and they just want to know what you can do to help and why you're a better fit than the other freelancers who apply. I think that your last paragraph comes closest to the type of thing that would work as a proposal; the rest of it belongs in your overview text, not in your proposals.

Sorry that I can't offer more specific advice due to being in a completely different line of work than you are, so hopefully somebody else will weigh in. But keep trying various things until you find something that works. 

[grimesr · Accepted solution]

I am not one who is concerned about the length of profiles, mine is long. However I think there are some minor uses of English that could be cleaned up. For me, I would change 2nd to second and "I am reading out" to something else as examples. You repeat your interview skills at beginning and 3rd paragraph, IMHO.

I would suggest trying to emphasize how you have made a difference, how many actions you have taken. When someone states they helped increase sales 200%, that sounds better than I helped increase client's sales. I try to state more of what I accomplished and why rather than a marketing sales piece of platitudes.

I am sure others may not agree and may not care for my profile or cover letters, but I get work. I know I AM REALLY GREAT, but honestly I think the words the client read are important.

Always ask yourself, when there are possiblly 10-100 people with my skills, how can I stand out.

That my $.03 (inflation).

[mwiggenhorn]

Initially, the client only sees the first two or three lines of your proposal.  Cut out your first sentences and begin with how your experience will  be valuable in filling their needs.

[mwiggenhorn]

Also, I agree that it's way too long.  Address the job, address your skills and availability and be done.

[muriel9402]

This is very helpful advice 🙏 I will surely make some changes.

[muriel9402]

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your response. I honestly don’t know how I have truly helped these companies in the past. I have been a contract recruiter for the last eleven years, going form contract to contract and company to company. I’ve always worked on a team with other recruiters. I guess, I don’t know if I have even contributed enough in my past positions but thank you so much, I’ll think about this more and try to clear up the grammatical errors. I’m not the best when it comes to business writing but again thank you for your honesty. It means a lot 🙂

[kbadeau]

I agree with what's already been said. I like the new photo too!

I try to be personal with every proposal, so if it's for a cookbook I might mention a love of cooking or how much I enjoy designing cookbooks; for a textbook I might highlight my many years of experience; for business books I might talk about consistent charts and infographics. Anything to let the client know I'm responding directly TO them, about *this particular project only.*

They won't know how you've helped these companies either, so just talk about why you are good at it or ways that you might have helped. 🙂