Cover Letter Feedback Request: Creative writing niche

[#1]

I have a problem. I have had someone look at my cover letters and he feels that there are kinks in it. He is not a professional on Upwork and his account on Upwork is dormant for years now. He does not like my honesty with jobs where I have over 80% knowledge about the project but where I have no experience of the rest 20%, I mention truthfully that I do not know that aspect of the job, but can learn and also mention how I have tried to address my weaknesses where noticed. I mean how do beginners do it who have no past experience to share? Right? (Though I am lucky to have outside experience in the gaming industry and book writing which have ensured I never leave a blank cover letter without any proof of my previous writing).

I feel my cover letters are exceedingly strong and whenever they have been read I have recieved responses. They are a little on the long-side (compared to templates), but I use the length to express my interest in the job, my knowledge of the field, my prior experience and what I can do for the client that others may not be able to (in short my unique selling proposition). In the end I empathize with the client and try to see the task from his/her perspective and see what I can give him, rather than only talk about myself.

I also provide previous creative writing/game writing I have done before in links and my portfoilo.

Of course, I alter each cover letter to each task.

So down below is the task the client offered and a cover letter I sent. I need professional advice. Please analyze it from each and every critical angle. If you don't like something, say it to me without feeling rude. I am here to listen to advice.

To those who want to copy: Please make your own cover letters. Its useless copying anyway because I write according to each task and each task is different-so cover letter A cannot work with proposal B. It is made specifically for each job.

Given Task:

Experienced 3D Game Tester Needed

Posted 2 weeks ago

Worldwide

We are looking for an experienced 3D Game Tester to join our team. As a 3D Game Tester, you will be responsible for ensuring the quality of our game by thoroughly testing its functionality, performance, and user experience. You will need to have a strong attention to detail and excellent problem-solving skills.

  Responsibilities:
  - Playtest and evaluate the game to identify bugs, glitches, and other issues
  - Write detailed bug reports and communicate with developers to ensure timely resolution
  - Conduct regression testing to verify bug fixes
  - Provide feedback on gameplay mechanics, controls, and overall user experience
  - Collaborate with the development team to improve game quality

  Skills:
  - Strong knowledge of gaming platforms and technologies
  - Proficiency in using bug tracking and test management tools
  - Excellent written and verbal communication skills
  - Attention to detail and ability to follow test plans
  - Ability to work independently and meet deadlines

  If you are passionate about gaming and have a keen eye for detail, we would love to hear from you!

My Reply

Hey there,

I am thoroughly excited to apply for the role of a 3D Game Tester for your job placement and have the profound desire to make your game a success, as being in the process of designing my own game, I know how much hard work goes behind a modern game.

I feel I am a perfect fit for this job, because I have already worked as a game tester and quality assurance expert in a local gaming company that produces games for Android. I specialize in fashioning gaming lore, storylines, character development, world-building, NPC composition, but also fixing games that have problems in these arenas. I also looked for bugs and helped fix them.

Additionally, I have been in the gaming industry for six years now and initially operated as a game reviewer. I have reviewed games like the Resident Evil 4 Remake, Batman Arkham Knight and Far Cry 5 on my site. Through my review and game analysis site, I know the hallmarks of a great game and also the indications that a certain title needs more work in the oven. Therefore, I can suggest novel ideas that make a game unique and give it personality, that can salvage even a badly designed game (It has been done before with the No Man’s Sky game and Cyberpunk 2077 being prominent examples).

I strongly believe that gamers, as well as game developers must collaborate for the ultimate benefit of the industry. Believing that, working on your project helps me work on my own indie title, so it’s a win-win for both of us and I am committed to help you make an amazing game.

If you know me properly, gaming is a passion about which I can be lost talking for hours, so be sure to contact me at the time of your convenience so we can discuss your game’s testing.

In fact, as mentioned, this project helps me finance my own indie title dream, like the 2020 Hades, and the 2023 Dredge were for their respective developers, indie titles that have proven that my game and your game can be done successfully. Below I have attached two reviews I have written that mark my experience in the gaming industry. Hope to hear from you soon!

[#2]

The fact is, your proposal needs work. There are errors in your writing that will make it extremely difficult for you to find legitimate writing jobs.

You need to use the link to the Academy and learn. First, no professional starts a proposal with, "Hey there." You are not talking to a buddy, you are supposed to be a professional. As soon as a client sees your greeting, to the bottom of the pile you go. If you are dealing with a scammer, you have just been marked.

The first two lines are all clients see of your proposal, before deciding what to do with it. The client doesn't care if you are excited, you have to tell the client what you can do for them with your skills.

 There are words that don't really fit, awkward sounding phrases that do not sound like original writing. No matter how you wrote it, it needs work.

as being in the process of designing my own game,

Clients don't care. If you want to use this, it should be further down in the profile.

but also fixing games that have problems in these arenas. I also looked for bugs and helped fix them.

The problem is, this is what the client wanted you to do.

Additionally, I have been in the gaming industry for six years now and initially operated as a game reviewer. I have reviewed games like the Resident Evil 4 Remake, Batman Arkham Knight and Far Cry 5 on my site. Through my review and game analysis site, I know the hallmarks of a great game and also the indications that a certain title needs more work in the oven.

The client is not interested in having you review games. This is a waste, and makes the client think you don't have the hard skills listed in the job.

I strongly believe that gamers, as well as game developers must collaborate for the ultimate benefit of the industry. Believing that, working on your project helps me work on my own indie title, so it’s a win-win for both of us and I am committed to help you make an amazing game.

The client is not here to help you with your gaming. They want a job done correctly.

If you know me properly, gaming is a passion about which I can be lost talking for hours, so be sure to contact me at the time of your convenience so we can discuss your game’s testing.

The client doesn't know you, that's where the proposal and profile come in. The client doesn't want someone who can rattle on for hours; the client wants to know if you can do the job.

n fact, as mentioned, this project helps me finance my own indie title dream, like the 2020 Hades, and the 2023 Dredge were for their respective developers, indie titles that have proven that my game and your game can be done successfully. Below I have attached two reviews I have written that mark my experience in the gaming industry. Hope to hear from you soon!

 This statement is just another comment about your game and needing money. The client doesn't give a fig about your game and your needing money. These kinds of statements will send legitimate clients screaming and will get you lots of invites by scammers.

As a writer, you cannot make errors in the profile or the proposals, and you have many in both.

Again, you give the client something they do not want. They do not want your reviews of the game. You also have errors in your portfolio.

And finally, you don't close with another unprofessional message.

He does not like my honesty with jobs where I have over 80% knowledge about the project but where I have no experience of the rest 20%, I mention truthfully that I do not know that aspect of the job, but can learn and also mention how I have tried to address my weaknesses where noticed.

The person gave you good advice. Why would anyone hire someone who can't do the job? There are many thousands of excellent writers here, and many thousands of web people here. You are apparently still learning and are missing at least 20+% of the knowledge and skills you must have. Upwork is not the place to learn skills. You need to bring your skills and keep them up-to-date. Without excellent skills, you will not find decent jobs, but you will find lots of scams.

I mean how do beginners do it who have no past experience to share? Right?

You learn. Before you write, you learn the rules. No one can write well if they don't know the rules of the language. Then you learn more, practice at every possible opportunity, keep learning and practicing until you get it right. Then, and only then, do you try to market your skills. If you don't put in the work, you are just wasting time. There is more to being native or bilingual than simply knowing some rules of the language. You write very well for someone using English as a second language, but it is not native or bilingual level.

whenever they have been read I have recieved responses.

Responses, but no jobs. The jobs are not there, because the client can see you don't have the qualifications you claim in writing.

You need to honestly assess your skills. With writing, you have so much competition, from native and bilingual, you will find it hard to get any jobs. You cannot make any errors. The mistakes you make emphasis you do not have the level of language you claim. Don't use programs for spelling, grammar, etc. because that will trip you up as well.

I suggest you take a break from looking for jobs to honestly consider all of your skills, and decide if you have hard, marketable skills that will bring you income from the platform. From your statements, you do not have 100% skills in any category. Until you do, you won't have success in freelancing. I'm giving you the honest assessment you requested. If I didn't want you to be safe and successful, I wouldn't waste my time.

[#3]

Hi Jeanne, I thank you for your blunt criticism, which is exactly what I needed to take a more fresh look at my abilities and work.

I fear there is no one fit for all strategy here, is there? 🤔

Dear sister, I have been given a rising talent badge so I felt I was doing everything right if not much right. And I don't just send a cover letter, I research, contemplate, think of how I can best link my work with the clients and then write a cover letter fit for that particular job. 

The problem is I don't know where to go for advice.

Starting from "Hi there" has been a common theme for each of my cover letters and will look into changing that in the future. But the place I got that idea was directly from the Upwork site. Heres the link

This is why this has added confusion.

Dear sister. Early on I decided to do a mix of both writing proposals that fit with my style and using certain aspects that were pre-designed or universally accepted Upwork cover letter practices.‍Thats why I use Hi there, as I can usually not find the name of the person who posted the job.

The way I write my cover letters are

1) Meant to show the game tester/game developer/creative writer I know about the topic and if I don't mention my past review and game testing experience, how can I proceed? I mean I can't reasonably have experience in all those myriad tasks clients have daily on Upwork. And game reviews are done by people who already test games. Both are heavily interlinked. I did not feel once I was straying from the topic in the cover letters.

2) That there is something mutual about our work which would give me added incentive to work with that party. So I am saying I will give the project my full attention and work diligently, but with an indirect example.

3) Show that I have experience in a related field. Seriously it is impossible to find a job that is the perfect fit with my abilities easily, so I cast my net broader.

4) I mentioned my work on my own indie game, so that the client empathizes with me and says, look he is doing the same thing so I can empathize.

5) Expressing my knowledge of the type of book or game the client wants. For example for some dinosaur task outside my main niche I talked about Stegasaurus and Triceratops, just to let the client know that I knew about those topics.

In the middle of all this is me trying to understand the clients psyche and what he thinks and wants and I am already doing this. I have understood what the client wants is important, not what I want-thats one of the first things I learned but can focus more on in my cover letters as you pointed out.

As for your advice to learn. I have already spent time reading and watching youtube about Upwork. But every video I watched has a different list of success strategies that seem to clash with not only my ideas but with each other. For example there was a youtuber who suggested keeping the price high. His argument was that if you undersell yourself clients may think you have flaws. But another person said lowering your rates was the best method to get clients on Upwork initially. Is it possible if one thing does not work for one it might work for another?

It seems that one man's gold seems to be another man's trash and vice-versa. And I am still in doubt because if my cover letters were this bad, how did I get that rising talent badge?

Just saying...

But I now know that if you did not like my cover letter, despite (I feel) its impeccable English and its background of my field/niche, others may also not like it too. It is something I will definately have to address and I will take a week off of Upwork and hone my skills even further, then return with perhaps a new perspective.

Would love to stay in contact with you and learn from you. I have seen your profile and your success inspires me.

Thanks again. I am waiting for this page to fill up. If you are reading this, do advise. Any suggestion is welcome, no matter how critical it is. Of course if you like the proposal and want to pat me on the back that would be nice too.

Thanks.

Ata.

[#4]

Jeanne took the time to write you a very detailed response with loads of good advice (I agree with every word that she said, BTW), and your response is to tell her point-by-point why she's wrong and you're right? Why ask for advice, then?

Sorry to burst your bubble, but the Rising Talent badge doesn't mean that somebody at Upwork actually reviewed your profile and thought that it was good - some algorithm automatically gives the badge to freelancers who put a lot of information into their profiles. I've seen a lot of bad profiles that have the badge.

I will say that you're correct in thinking that there's no fail-safe, one-size-fits-all approach to sending proposals, and there's a ton of bad advice on You Tube and in the articles on Upwork (a lot of them are just copy/pasted from Chat GPT and were written by freelancers who have never won a single job). The best advice for a new freelancer is to click on the Upwork "Academy" link at the top of this page and go through all of the materials. Once you've done that, come back if you have any questions. 

[#5]

The problem is I don't know where to go for advice.

Understandable. You will see Upwork advice, and then you will see people like you mention, writing up their own ideas, and Upwork does not correct anything, nor do they check the writer's credentials. We have caught more than a few, being completely deceptive about their experience, money earned, etc. Individuals who are posting their advice, do not necessarily know what they are doing, and more importantly, you don't know their motivation. Upwork, too, often gives poor advice. The proposal must fit the job, and if that means it is not 75 words or whatever, then it simply does.

So, what's a freelancer to do? First, learn the Upwork Terms of Service and the Red Flags on Scams from Wes. After the rules, you are free to do as you wish. Read, learn, and research. Don't do it on the platform, do some real research about freelancing, and proposals.

Starting from "Hi there" has been a common theme for each of my cover letters and will look into changing that in the future. But the place I got that idea was directly from the Upwork site. Heres the link

The problem is that Upwork does not check the people who do the writing, nor their work. They let anyone post. And yes, you will hear all kinds of terrible advice, given from "gurus" and people claiming to have made millions, but have not. That post is from some random person. And they are wrong. Also, Upwork is not in the business of teaching people how to freelance. Upwork is in the freelance business to make money. Consider their intent, and it is not to help you become a freelancer.

Your proposal is your introduction to the client. I can assure you, that no professional proposals begin with any greeting, much less "Hi there." I know Upwork and users use different terms. When I say proposal, I mean the direct reply to the client. Here's why you never, ever, do it on Upwork. The client only sees the first two lines when you submit, before deciding what to do with it. This is a fact. The first line is the place to tell the client what you can do with your skills and experience, to increase the ROI on advertising, increase their clicks, or whatever the job. So, not only are you being unprofessional, you are completely wasting the only thing the client sees.

1. Meant to show the game tester/game developer/creative writer I know about the topic and if I don't mention my past review and game testing experience, how can I proceed? I mean I can't reasonably have experience in all those myriad tasks clients have daily on Upwork. And game reviews are done by people who already test games. Both are heavily interlinked. I did not feel once I was straying from the topic in the cover letters.

Mentioning is one thing, but most of your profile is about reviewing games. If that's what you want to focus on, that's fine. But your profile doesn't read that way.

Leave YouTube alone. As Christine said, they are not reliable, and most are done by unskilled people who have not been successful, and are trying to be a YouTube "star" instead of working. You learn by studying and through education. Take some legitimate classes in freelancing, Learn how to be a professional not from YouTube, not from posts, not from Upwork, but from legitimate schools, education platforms, colleges, online and in person, trade schools, apprenticeships... literally dozens of ways.

As Christine said, the rising talent badge is from an algorithm. No one has looked at your profile or proposals - Upwork doesn't care. You ask for advice, and you argue for all of your mistakes. I wonder why I bother to answer.

But I now know that if you did not like my cover letter, despite (I feel) its impeccable English

You can feel any way you wish, but that doesn't mean you are not completely wrong. I'm not going to embarrass you by posting all of your errors, but impeccable English is not being honest, and the clients will see it. This is not bashing your English. I can write in languages, but I'm not native or bilingual, so I would never consider using it for income. You can argue with me all you want, but it doesn't change the truth; you do not have native/bilingual skills in English, and you will not be able to find jobs when you are competing with many thousands of highly-skilled, native or bilingual speakers.

It is something I will definately have to address and I will take a week off of Upwork and hone my skills even further, then return with perhaps a new perspective.

You can't "hone" your skills in two weeks. You need to take time off to think about your real, marketable skills, and how you can make money from them.

Would love to stay in contact with you and learn from you.

I have given you a great deal of quality advice. I expect people to take the advice, use it, and become independent. You need to learn the basics, and then develop your own business. Not only do I not have the time to personally train the thousands of people, it is not good for the person. It's the old, give a fish or teach to fish, but I give you some fish and tell you where to find more.

I have seen your profile and your success inspires me.

While I appreciate your words, be aware that profiles can be very misleading. There are people who say they are freelancers, but in reality are "farmers" (people who use other freelancers and pay them little, while they can't build a profile) and scammers with OK profiles.

 I am waiting for this page to fill up. If you are reading this, do advise. Any suggestion is welcome, no matter how critical it is. Of course if you like the proposal and want to pat me on the back that would be nice too.

So, after all of that, and saying you want to learn from me, you are waiting for...ten, twenty, thirty... people to respond, and you are still looking for kudos on your profile?

If you want to successfully freelance, you will stop looking for a magic formula that will get you work. Instead, focus on the basics, and your foundation. You have serious errors and issues with your profile that will prevent you from being successful. Yet, instead of fixing blatant errors, you want to focus on everything, but.

It's your choice how you run your business. Since you do not want to take any of my advice, I fail to understand why you post to me. Consider motivation. What is my motivation to help you, and what is the YouTuber's motivation?

[#6]

Ata, you should know that Jeanne and Christine are among the most respected contributors to this forum. They both dedicated time to you, writing detailed replies: it would be nice, then, if you read their suggestions and comments again with a bit of humbleness and self-criticism, instead of keeping on trying to prove your point.

You don't need this page to be filled up with comments from other people, and I don't think you will be getting any pats on the back for your proposal. You have already been provided with precious suggestions highlighting your weaknesses - make good use of them. 

[#7]

I appreciate everyones responses, including you Christine.I have a habit of explaining myself because I have gone through much. Its just an old habit and I am not trying to negate what you say. I am keen to listen and know that after this I will have to work on my cover letters. In short I like learning and debates.

But I am just adding context because I can't see whats wrong with all this hard work I put in and certain points like starting with "hi there" (It was literally in an Upwork article on how to write cover letters) seem harsh. On the site it said if you do not know the name of the client then this is how you setup your starting sentence.

Only 5% of freelancers get the badge and I did get it, did I not? It can't be that my profile and cover letters were this bad and I got a badge? I will definately go through the "academy." But I feel what's in the proposal has some jargon and strategies I haven't explained well, rather than the cover letter being utterly useless.

For example review clearly means you have playtested games before. You play games that you play-test before reviewing them? Right? Perhaps because we are in different fields some party may be having difficulty in understanding parts of the proposal? I talked about indie games. An indie is a game by a small developer and I was trying to empathize with the client-most clients are indie developers and have small teams, big companies never hire through upwork. Perhaps I could have communicated all this better. Would it change the quality of the cover letter then?

I also need to know what aspects I will have to work on but concepts I have been advised about on Upwork clash with what certain people have said on this thread. For example Jeanne said never start with I am excited for this job. Guess where I picked that from. A proper article on Upwork. This makes things a lot more confusing and I beg to ask is there just a difference in the way in which we operate and both of our strategies can be successful? Or failures? Perhaps it is that one size definitely does not fit all. Is it possible?

Is there any game writer who can give advice here? He might understand the cover letter better. Perhaps a gamer can better understand the jargon, terminology and the games mentioned throughout the cover letter designed to tell the client I have experience playing games in the industry and have a know-how of this industry.

I guess it would be confusing for an engineer to judge the work of a graphic designer, perhaps?

You can tell me if you feel I am wrong! And I will take some learning from here.

[#8]

Our responses were not based on any confusion or lack of understanding. The proposal in your example was from a client who wanted an experienced game tester, not a self-described "Content, Creative and Game Writing" expert. Perhaps you do have the necessary skills, but it was easy to miss in the giant wall of text that mainly focussed on how good you are at writing reviews of games, instead of saying what kind of bug tracking and test management tools you've used.

As a new freelancer, if a job  is not something that you specialise in - not just something that "excites" you - then you'll have no way of proving to a client that you're a better match than the other applicants. Clients can have their pick of more experienced freelancers. 

It also sounds like you're leaning heavily on AI in your writing, because only Chat GPT says things like "hone my skills" and spits out 11 paragraphs to get across an idea that would take a good writer only a sentence or two.

[#9]

This is my last comment. Again, you do not understand and you aren't listening or learning. That article you are quoting is not an "official Upwork" anything. It is written by a person and put up. Period. People have claimed to have made money they have not, said they had badges they have not, and even when reported to Upwork, the deception continues.

You want to argue, and not learn. This has nothing to do with gaming. It is about understanding freelancing, understanding self-employment, and most of all, having the skills to freelance.

[#10]

Did the client have a history of hires? I'd be extra careful before proposing to jobs with "we're looking for [enter job] to join our team" at the top, as they sound so boring (copy-pasted/AI/scam).

[#11]

Thank you all for the feedback. I asked for a critical view, I got it.

I will work on my cover letters and try my best to learn from past mistakes and study each and every aspect of writing a professional and eye-catching cover letter.

Life is a learning experience and your blunt criticism has made me a better person and a more careful and self-judemental freelancer, who learns from his mistakes and tries his best to learn. The advice I have been given is from professionals, successful in the field and I have no reason to not at least consider it.

Its confusing, its hard to see kinks in your own work because its your baby, but I will learn and be a better person. Thank you so much Jeanne and Christine. I am a friendly person, so any time you feel burdened with too much work we can talk-and I can learn new things as I am technically a beginner at Upwork (though I have past gaming/creative writing experience).

PS. I have never used chatgpt. I am a writer and was raised in a place where English is one of the most commonly used languages.