I am not going to critique your proposal. We are your competitors. I don't know about anyone else, but I would not tell you how to write your proposal, or edit your proposal, Doing that will hurt my chances. It's enough that some of us critique profiles, All I can tell you is to read the information contained in this link.https://support.upwork.com/hc/en-us/articles/211062998-Submit-a-Proposal
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