Thanks again for sharing your thoughts Hugo,
Glad to know that I'm not completely off the mark. I remain convinced that it's best to consider how best to approach each and every client.
But it's equally clear that I need to drastically reduce the length. My thanks to everyone taking the time to post useful advice.
Much too long, as others have stated.
Plus you are not doing yourself a favor recounting the negative experience of other clients, you want your client to get a warm and fuzzy feeling, not being scared of the perils of upwork.
Recently I applied to a proofreading job, and the text was so bad that I told the client the text is painful to read and I offered my lowest possible rate just so that he does not spring this text on unsuspecting German customers, who don't like to be assaulted with catastrophically bad German. I knew of course I would not get that job, because I basically told the guy he made a bad decision by hiring the translator he hired, or really does not know how to use google translate, but I needed to tell him how bad the text was. Was still worth it.
Good points. Many people agree that brevity is important (especially in initial proposals)
Your point in not drawing attention to other clients' negative experiences also has a lot of merit. Duly noted.
Also, I applaud your honesty with your problem client even though it practically ensured that you would not be considered for the job.
Your candor would have helped them realize what they were doing wrong, at your own expense. This attitude elevates the experience of everyone using this platform and I wish we had 100 more like you