Yassine,
No mercy? Really? OK, your soccer team stinks. Bunch of lousy halfwits.
Actually, they played extremely well. They got some help from the reffs today, but they still played brilliantly. The U.S. didn't stand a chance. Very well done.
About your profile, take out the opening entirely. Delete "Are you looking for a seasoned finance professional who can provide expert model building and data analytics services with a focus on Discounted Cash Flows for venture investments? Look no further."
All that is unnecessary. There is no important inforation in any of that, so it's a waste of time. Clients already know they are looking for financial assistance. You don't have to ask them if they are.
Next, there are not enough specifics for me to trust you when you say you have "a track record of working with over 200 companies."
If that is true, how come you have no specific details that makes that sound true. It would be better if you said, "I have worked with retail, wholesale, manuifacturing, non-for-profit and government agencies to sort through financial confusion and align concerns with the strict needs of regulators."
In other words, "I have worked with 200 companies" just is not very convincing. The way to be convincing is to tell us a little about those experiences -- enough so that we actually understand you know what you are talking about.
The same can be said for "I employ a range of valuation techniques." Why don't you be more specific. It would be much more believable if you said what those techniques are. They aren't secrets, after all. Why don't you name a few of these techniques. Fit them into your narrative in a way that suggests you actually know what you are doing.
"By leveraging my services, you can ensure that your financial models are accurate, comprehensive, and tailored to meet the specific needs of your venture investments," should be "I can ensure that your financial models are accurate, comprehensive and tailored to meet ..."
Then you say, "Don't compromise on the quality of your financial analysis and investor presentations." You should also change that. It sounds like you are lecturing your clients. These are people you haven't even met yet. So, it's not exactly polite to lecture them on what they should do or not do.
Fix all these concerns. Be more specific and convincing about your previous experiences. Be proactive and don't make it sound like the client needs to do something, when it's you that has to do the work, not them. And don't lecture your clients at this stage. When you get to know them, when you have a contract, you can politely tell them what to do. But the profile is not a good time to start doing that. It just sounds like you are putting the onus on them.
Good luck. Again -- Morocco got help from the refs today, but they certainly deserved the win. You have an elegant soccer team.
