Feedback for a nOOb

[Damian A]

Hi there!

How's it going?
My name is Damian and I´m new at Upwork. I´m really happy with the site and the clients.

My question is: I would like to know your feedback about my profile and if you could improve something, could you?Is it ok?

Every feedback to be better is alwayswelcome.

Thank you!  

[Kathy T]

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@Damian A wrote:

Hi there!

How's it going?
My name is Damian and I´m new at Upwork. I´m really happy with the site and the clients.

My question is: I would like to know your feedback about my profile and if you could improve something, could you?Is it ok?

Every feedback to be better is alwayswelcome.

Thank you!  

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 I'll start off with - clients want to know what you can do for them, not how many kids you have or that you're a beloved husband. They don't care if you like sports etc. They want to know what skills you have. What programs you have/use/work with. You need to take that out and expand your profile with your skills, qualifications and experience.

[Virginia F]

The first three lines of your profile are already at the top of your profile, no need to say hi or repeat your name, what you do, and where you're from. It's a missed/wasted opportunity to talk more about what you can offer your clients. Lose the personal history - clients aren't interested - that's not why they're looking at our profiles.

Check your spelling … you have "wob" instead of job in your employment history.

[Martina P]

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@Damian A wrote:

Hi there!

How's it going?
My name is Damian and I´m new at Upwork. I´m really happy with the site and the clients.

My question is: I would like to know your feedback about my profile and if you could improve something, could you?Is it ok?

Every feedback to be better is alwayswelcome.

Thank you!  

---

 Your profile is all about your personal life, which is of no interest to a client. I assume you want to create a connection, which is fine, but this is not the way to do it. 

I stumbled over the "beloved husband" phrase. 1. That can never come from you, that should come from your wife. 2. This specific phrase is found on gravestones and in obituaries, but not in normal everyday language. Get rid of it real quick. 

Make the whole thing less about you, tell the client what you can do for him, in your most professional tone. Research other freelancers offering the same services, and learn from their profiles. 

English is not your first language, so some mistakes are forgivable and could in rare cases even be charming, but typos such as wob instead of job are not. 

[Mary W]

Keep in mind that your profile is meant to focus on your areas of expertise and your experience, on and off of Upwork.

[Martina P]

better, but you're still wasting precious space. 

The first line of your profile is what your client will see. Don't waste in on a greeting or your name. Your client knows your name already, and is not looking for a greeting.

Make that first line count. 

[Virginia F]

Damian,

If you come here asking for advice, and you get good advice (which you have), then why not make those changes suggested by everyone? Again, lose the "hi my name is". It's a pointless waste of words. Your name is in large black text next to your photo.

You also need to remove your web address because it contains a way to contact you and that is against Upwork's TOS.

[Lila G]

Hola Damian,

From the feedback you got, your profile looks much better. Agreed with the previous comments of removing "hi! and your name" 

Additional comments: 

You wrote "So, if you need my services as an illustrator or as a designer, don't hesitate to contact me.

I´m ready to make possible your next project.PEACE"

I wouldnt suggest " I would be happy to further discuss how my services as an illustrator/designer can help you on your next project."

Not sure about the PEACE but I dont think it personally hurts anything. 

Hope that helps

[Damian A]

Thanks to all for your feedback.

I`m gonna edit it really soon