Chris,
Well, that's a very strange profile you've got there. It breaks every marketing rule I know. But then you have a couple of very fine reviews ... so there's always an exception to everthing, I guess.
For one, your rate $18.25 per hour soundls oddly amateurish. Why not $20 per hour? Draw a line in the sand. Stand up to the plate. Be a pro.
Or not. If it works, it works.
Secondly, what kind of headline is that? Old people can learn, too! The general rule of thumb for freelancing is that you be an expert, not a novice. People don't want to spend their hard-earned money on someone who is just learning their trade. And you go right into advertising you have more to learn. Bless that. It's not close to kosher, but what can I say?
Then you tell the world you've had two strokes? What??? As a old timer myself (several mini strokes, heart attacks, et al, on my record) I have nothing untoward to say about that, but as a marketing ploy, you don't sound like you're asking for pity, but how else do you think people will take that? Yes, you phrase it as "I had an issue an this is me solving that issue," but it's still a very odd marketing idea.
Think of it this way: You've been around the block. How many marketing campaigns does the average American run into every day, let alone every week, month, year or lifetime? And how many of these have you ever seen that starts out with "I've had two strokes ... so I can't do my normal vocation anymore ...." Huh?
If you want to turn all this around, there are a couple of helpful formulas. First paragraph: I am an expert ______________ with ____________ years of experience who has worked in a variety of high faluttin', very impressive settings or with these credentials/honors/successes under my belt.
Second paragraph: You will benefit from hiring me because I can solve these problems for you ________________, ________________, ______________, and __________________.
It's pretty simple.
Here's a trick that might help and you don't have to write a thing. Cut and paste a couple of your great reviews and put them at the top of your write up. Make these the first things people see. It's nothing new, but letting people know that someone else took the risk of hiring you and it paid off is a time-honored marketing gimmick and, nice to know in your case it happens to be true.
