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Please review my profile

Ace Contributor
Muhammad S Member Since: Jun 20, 2019
1 of 6

I have been working quite hard. I am getting the results slowly, but I want someone to tell me if there's something on my profile that can be improved. I have almost done everything that Upwork advises, still can somebody please check it.

Community Guru
Janean L Member Since: Apr 6, 2016
2 of 6

@ Muhammad S. --

 

You have asked for a review of your profile, so I will oblige.

 

I hardly know where to begin, though.

 

The entire profile is just... weird.

 

Let's start with the fact that you waste time and profile real estate describing your childhood. No client really cares about your childhood or your passion for writing. They care even less about your philosophy of children in general, and what causes children to be bored or whatever. (And, um, your use of the words "ennui" and "despair" to describe sensations experienced by children is just... seriously out of place and BIZARRE.)

 

Then let's go on to your writing, which is filled with polysyllabic words that likely come from a thesaurus. These words may sound impressive when selected by you as stand-alone vocabulary words (or, as in the case of "faux pas," as a phrase), but you simply do not use most of them correctly. Some are used just a shade incorrectly, in a way that gives the lie to your claim of "Native/Bilingual" English skills. Other words are used in a way that makes a native speaker of English actually cringe.

 

Some of the wince-worthy word and phrase mis-uses include, but are not limited to:

 

finagle means

a glib 

a faux pas

gregarious

idiosyncratic talents

realizing moment

idyllic

infinitesimal

ostentatious

dilemma

adage (mis-used, although not deeply cringe-worthy)

the angst 

a boondoggle

charismatic

elan

 

Each of the above words has been used within your profile in a way that is absolutely WRONG.

 

A final, flowery phrase within your profile is not, technically, incorrect, but it is almost perfumed in its excess: "make my content an epitome of fluency and originality." It is thesaurus-speak, not articulate writing.

 

Your English is quite competent, generally. Your profile suffers from a few grammar errors and some small problems with sentence structure. However, the overall problem is that it is heavy, overwritten, and clearly composed by someone who does not understand the words he is shoe-horning into his sentences.

Ace Contributor
Muhammad S Member Since: Jun 20, 2019
3 of 6
Thank you so much. I will change it as soon as I can.
Community Guru
Virginia F Member Since: Feb 15, 2016
4 of 6

Janean's advice is spot on. I'll just add this: when I see a wall of text like yours, I want to run away screaming.

 

Edit, edit, edit. And change that Native/Bilingual to something more accurate.

Ace Contributor
Muhammad S Member Since: Jun 20, 2019
5 of 6
I already. thank you so much for the advice.
Community Guru
Janean L Member Since: Apr 6, 2016
6 of 6

@ Muhammad --

 

VAST improvement!!!

 

Near-perfect grammar, but do watch out for passive voice. (That's a matter of style, rather than grammar, of course.)

 

Good luck!

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