Please view my proposal for "recruiting" jobs and provide feedback on how I can improve. Thank you!!

[muriel9402]

Hello, I hope that you are doing great today. I am reading out regarding your amazing project! I think that I am exactly what you are looking for. I have over eleven years of progressive-diversified recruiting experience. I have recruited for various industries from; Sales, (inside sales & outside sales) B2B sales, Customer Service Reps, Account Managers, Technical Support Reps, Retail positions, etc. My interview skills are Top-Notch and I have been conducting phone screens, and F2F interviews over the last eleven years.

Sourcing comes 2nd nature to me as well. I have strong experience sourcing aggressively for passive and active, hard-to-fill niche positions. Cold calling, Resume Mining, Marketing, aggressive Research is something that I have been doing heavily for the last five years as a contract recruiter and sourcing specialist. I have support Fortune 500 clients and have had the luxury of working for some of the most successful staffing companies in the United States.

Additionally, my background also includes Recruiting Coordination as well. I have experience scheduling phone interviews between recruiters or clients and candidates. I have scheduled group interviews, F2F interviews, conference calls, and video interviews as well.

Are you tired of interviewing hundreds of recruiters who are either too (“entry-level”) or too (“experienced”) for the position? Don’t have time to train someone new and fresh? Looking for someone to hit-the-ground-running? Want a technical savvy recruiter that has extensive knowledge when it comes to utilizing CRMs and ATSs? Looking for a bright Sourcer that has a passion for research and enjoys thinking about the box, to gain a powerful candidate pool? If you can agree and attest to any of the above, feel free to contact me.

Thank you so very much and I hope to hear from you soon.

[robin_hyman · Accepted solution]

Muriel,

It's way too long.  I got tired after the second paragraph.  My suggestion is to have 2 short paragraphs about your background.  By the third you need to address the client's specific needs.  That's all.  Just give a little tease to get them to want to learn more.  

BTW, I always end with "looking forward to connect".  

[muriel9402]

Thank you!! I will definitely shorten it! Many are saying that it’s too long.

Thank you 🙏

[a_lipsey]

Also check your grammar and naming conventions. Random capitalized words and then others not capitalized. It's off putting and shows lack of detail.