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The first line of your proposal

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Active Member
Bhaswar G Member Since: Jun 5, 2020
1 of 12

Would you consider this an effective starting line for a proposal or does it come off as bragging. The detail is true.

 

"I am excited to submit my bid for this project. By way of background, I have extensive Online Teaching Experience both at the University Level and at the Massive Open Online Course Platform Level. I have developed scripts for, recorded and produced over 500 Instructional Videos."

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Ace Contributor
Gurjeet S Member Since: May 18, 2020
2 of 12

Hello Bhaswar,

Indeed it is a great intro line, I am sure you would be adding portfolio as well, I recommend you must send pdf of your portfolio, adding any awards or recognitions if any. so that client can see it there without going to your profile and take a decision.

As the client receives, 5-10 proposals minimum for the single job post, normally they do not see each profile in details, but if they have most of your best things on single click, that really makes difference to fetch the project.

Thanks

Have a Happy Journey Upwork

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Active Member
Bhaswar G Member Since: Jun 5, 2020
3 of 12

Thanks for the feedback.

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Community Guru
Martina P Member Since: Jul 11, 2018
4 of 12

Bhaswar G wrote:

Would you consider this an effective starting line for a proposal or does it come off as bragging. The detail is true.

 

"I am excited to submit my bid for this project. By way of background, I have extensive Online Teaching Experience both at the University Level and at the Massive Open Online Course Platform Level. I have developed scripts for, recorded and produced over 500 Instructional Videos."


Scrap it, it's completely ineffective. You don't need to describe your emotional state when submitting a proposal, waste of space. 

The client wants to know how you solve his problem, but you only talk about yourself. 

Regarding your profile: I always thought it weird to talk about yourself in the third person. You want to make a connection to a potential client, this just creates distance. The different names also make it a bit confusing. 

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Active Member
Bhaswar G Member Since: Jun 5, 2020
5 of 12

Thanks for the feedback. I like your suggestion. Here is how I would rewrite it:

"I have written scripts for, recorded, produced and published over 500 Instructional Videos and have the skills necessary to complete your project."

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Community Guru
Amanda L Member Since: Jan 23, 2018
6 of 12

Bhaswar G wrote:

Would you consider this an effective starting line for a proposal or does it come off as bragging. The detail is true.

 

"I am excited to submit my bid for this project. By way of background, I have extensive Online Teaching Experience both at the University Level and at the Massive Open Online Course Platform Level. I have developed scripts for, recorded and produced over 500 Instructional Videos."


It's okay. It's a little generic. 

 

Maybe try something like: I am pleased to submit my bid for your projec to (describe project here in better terms than they client did - telling the client you understand what they are looking for is a good tactic).  I have extensive prior experience with online teaching, which I have done at XYZ university and XYZ online. I have also developed scripts for, recorded, and produced over 500 instructional videos, including for XYZ client, which you can view here(link). Then say how that experience relates to their project. 

 

I'm just trying to get you more specific and unique. If anyone could say it then it sucks. If only you can say, then you stand out. 

 

 

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Bhaswar G Member Since: Jun 5, 2020
7 of 12

Thanks for the feedback. Not many people have the experience so it is unique. I like your suggestion for specificity. Something like this.

"I have written scripts for, recorded, and produced over 500 Instructional Videos. I will apply my experience and complete your project in three stages. Write the script, record the audio and video and then produce it." and then say "My goal is to make you look good." This can sound cheesy, it should be obvious but in the Freelancing context might be effective.

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Community Guru
Amanda L Member Since: Jan 23, 2018
8 of 12

Bhaswar G wrote:

Would you consider this an effective starting line for a proposal or does it come off as bragging. The detail is true.

 

"I am excited to submit my bid for this project. By way of background, I have extensive Online Teaching Experience both at the University Level and at the Massive Open Online Course Platform Level. I have developed scripts for, recorded and produced over 500 Instructional Videos."


Also, small world, my best friend lives in Amherst. Smiley Happy  

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Community Guru
Mary W Member Since: Nov 10, 2014
9 of 12

I would drop the first sentence completely.  When looking at your proposal, the client only sees the first two lines before deciding whether to scroll down.  Use that to your advance to indicate that you read the proposal and have the skills to do the job.

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Active Member
Bhaswar G Member Since: Jun 5, 2020
10 of 12

Thanks for your feedback. I will apply it in my next proposal. I am currently a rising talent.

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