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lewistaevon
Community Member

Advice on profile

Can anyone take a look at my profile and give me feedback? I haven't gotten a job yet, but I have had a few interviews, so it looks like I'm on the right track. It kind of feels like my profile lacks something and I can't seem to figure it out. 

 

Any help?

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jmlaidlaw
Community Member

@ TaeVon --

 

The first few lines of your profile are invaluable territory. That is all that a client typically glances at before deciding to either read further or discard. So don't waste the territory on "Hey," just speed right to your point. Also, because this is not an earnest college-admissions interview, you need to change gears and NOT talk about yourself, your desire for self-improvement, and your "passions."  Your profile does tell a client what you can do for him/her, but you need to push that section up to the top, and make it your strongest, clearest section. (Your client doesn't care about your self-improvement. Your girlfriend or partner does, of course. ~smile~)

 

Consider upping your hourly rate. $7/hour tells a client that you are unsure of your abilities and your own worth. You will attract bottom-feeders.

 

Consider mentioning only the chemistry degree, and ditching any mention of the women's/gender-studies degree. This is only my opinion and my observation, and others may disagree vehemently, but a degree in hard sciences is impressive, while those who major in subjects such as women's studies end up either teaching others women's studies or else doing something like telemarketing. Your goal here is to impress clients.

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jmlaidlaw
Community Member

@ TaeVon --

 

The first few lines of your profile are invaluable territory. That is all that a client typically glances at before deciding to either read further or discard. So don't waste the territory on "Hey," just speed right to your point. Also, because this is not an earnest college-admissions interview, you need to change gears and NOT talk about yourself, your desire for self-improvement, and your "passions."  Your profile does tell a client what you can do for him/her, but you need to push that section up to the top, and make it your strongest, clearest section. (Your client doesn't care about your self-improvement. Your girlfriend or partner does, of course. ~smile~)

 

Consider upping your hourly rate. $7/hour tells a client that you are unsure of your abilities and your own worth. You will attract bottom-feeders.

 

Consider mentioning only the chemistry degree, and ditching any mention of the women's/gender-studies degree. This is only my opinion and my observation, and others may disagree vehemently, but a degree in hard sciences is impressive, while those who major in subjects such as women's studies end up either teaching others women's studies or else doing something like telemarketing. Your goal here is to impress clients.

Thank you. I understand what you mean, I'll definitely make the changes you mentioned.

Can you take another look, please?

Hi Tae Von, you should have a portfolio

It is very recommended not to show the "below average" scores. You did pass the test but clients take this into consideration. Even the "above average" test score should be hidden. So my suggestions is: never show "below average" results on your Profile.

@TaeVon --

 

The overview is much improved now, but it still is written more or less about you and what your interests and goals are. It needs to hit the client over the head with what YOU WILL DO FOR THE CLIENT. As an example (simplistic): "Exceptional blogs of 400-700 words delivered within five minutes. Specializing in dermatology, space travel, and pig wrestling..." Take YOURSELF out of the overview, even though you are presenting your own skills.

 

Your portfolio needs improvement. I clicked on "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child." (1) I had to click again, and go off-site, in order to get to the portfolio piece. Clients will not be willing to do that. (2) When I did reach the piece, I found the site to be a bit disorganized and messy, and it was not clear to me whether it was all your work, or whether you had simply written some of the text. (3) The following prose immediately put me off, and would keep me from hiring you: "Basically, he’s young, did young things that were bad, and couldn’t see the truth anywhere." (Vague. Confusing. Uses filler words "basically" and "things.")

 

Create (choose) some crisp, compelling writing, and then post it directly to your portfolio -- no LINKS. A short piece is fine (indeed, short is best!), so no need to labor for hours. Offer your potential clients a choice of perhaps three really fine (exceptional) sample blog entries, so that no matter which one a potential client clicks on, he or she is wow-ed.

I changed my overview and portfolio. I have one problem though; my writing style is more oriented towards honesty and showing my personality. With that being said, that is where the fillers and confusing lines may come in due to those reading not knowing or understanding what I'm talking about. My writing style has changed since then, so it will be more professional, while still showing the honesty and quirks of my personality. 

 

Can you tell me what you think about that? Also, does having part of my review in the portfolio with the link still attached help? 

 

Thank you for all your help.