Crazy Job Postings

[pandoraharper]

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

Here's something I saw tonight:

US client, average pay under $6 per hour, no hourly hires so far, decent feedback, looking for 1 person to do:

Article Copywriting, Editing and Proofreading

Customer Service (Phone and Email)

Business Growth & Development

Blog Posting

Stand Operating Procedures Creation and Documentation

Online Research

Social Media Management

Event planning and scheduling

And finally: "Knowlege of WordPress Development, Facebook Ads, InfusionSoft, Bookkeeping, etc. a PLUS "

No mention in this posting if some of these items would be handled by other members of the team.

One word: Sheesh!

[pandoraharper]

I really wanted to bid on this job...until I read the fine print.

Established Digital Agency with lots of good feedback and $30k spent since late 2015.

- Digital Agency needs a US, English speaking PM.  - Great, been two days since I saw one of these, and these are the jobs I bid on.

- $10 an hour for 20 hours per week - Intermediate level. Bah!  Intermediate in this niche is usually $20-25 an hour.

- 20 hours per week will NOT cover the massive list of items, which includes a Customer Service role and Infusionsoft familiarity. - That's actually 3 seperate roles, and Infusionsoft contractors typically bill over $30 an hour if they are experienced.

- Text in the description implies that a stay-at-home mom can be professional on the phone while her kids are screaming in the background. - Huh?

- Oh and the lucky contractor wil have to accept cell phone texts, and submit to a criminal AND credit background check. - Ooook

A real shame that a client so experienced on Upwork has to go this route.

[macollinsone]

seeing people wanting software cracked is always crazy

[versailles]

he he he he...

Translation job.

The budget is $0.0075 per words, so $375 for 50,000 words. This can be a long term partnership for the right freelancer.

I don't complain or get mad when I see very cheap jobs, I usually LOL 🙂 In this specific case, I would sooooo much love to read the final result. Curiosity is killing me.

[mtngigi]

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@Rene K wrote:

he he he he...

Translation job.

The budget is $0.0075 per words, so $375 for 50,000 words. This can be a long term partnership for the right freelancer.

I don't complain or get mad when I see very cheap jobs, I usually LOL 🙂 In this specific case, I would sooooo much love to read the final result. Curiosity is killing me.

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Sometimes I keep an eye on who they hire and the subsequent feedback ... it can be enlightening.

[mtngigi]

Just got this invite:

Fixed Price Project - Est. Budget $5.00
I am looking for an experienced render designer that can provide us front product images of dog clothes.

I told them I didn't design or render dog clothes, but if I did I'd do it for an actual living wage.

[pandoraharper]

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@Virginia F wrote:

Just got this invite:

Fixed Price Project - Est. Budget $5.00
I am looking for an experienced render designer that can provide us front product images of dog clothes.

I told them I didn't design or render dog clothes, but if I did I'd do it for an actual living wage.

---

 What about cat hats and clothes? Or is that stretching things a little too far?

[mtngigi]

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@Pandora H wrote:

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@Virginia F wrote:

Just got this invite:

Fixed Price Project - Est. Budget $5.00
I am looking for an experienced render designer that can provide us front product images of dog clothes.

I told them I didn't design or render dog clothes, but if I did I'd do it for an actual living wage.

---

 What about cat hats and clothes? Or is that stretching things a little too far?

---

It might be worth $5 if I could actually get my cat to wear a hat, that would be phat, my cat in a hat.

with apologies to Dr. Seuss

[yitwail]

[kathrynbaughman]

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@Virginia F wrote:

Just got this invite:

Fixed Price Project - Est. Budget $5.00
I am looking for an experienced render designer that can provide us front product images of dog clothes.

I told them I didn't design or render dog clothes, but if I did I'd do it for an actual living wage.

---

 They couldn't get me to open up Daz Studio for that price, let alone actually create product renders, which can take up to 5 hours per simple image.  And by simple I mean the dog, the coat, no background since most renders need to be a high resolution to be useful for product images and advertising purposes.

This is precisely, and absolutely, why I refuse to have anything to do with graphics on UW.

[sivavranagaro]

Aren't questions like "Are you honest?" and "Are you good?" pretty odd for job that asks for nothing more than file conversion? I don't know why I even applied to it. Ugh.

[prestonhunter]

Vesna, here are the answers to whose questions:

"Are you honest?"

ANSWER: When I'm telling the truth I am ALWAY honest.

"Are you good?"

ANSWER: "I am good at MANY things. Some of which I would be arrested for if I showed you."

[yitwail]

My answers:

• As honest as the day is long
• As good as it gets

[versailles]

"Are you honest?"

I wouldn't know what to do with any answer to this question. It's the same as asking somebody: "Do you lie?"

[prestonhunter]

"re: Are you honest?"

If somebody isn't honest... wouldn't they lie and say "Yes" to that question?

[mwiggenhorn]

Along the same lines as "When did you stop beating your wife?"

[ravi_iitian]

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@Mary W wrote:

Along the same lines as "When did you stop beating your wife?"

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 Come on, Mary, it works the other way too!

[versailles]

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@Ravindra B wrote:

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@Mary W wrote:

Along the same lines as "When did you stop beating your wife?"

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 Come on, Mary, it works the other way too!

---

 Is there somethig that you want to share with us, Ravindra?

[ravi_iitian]

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@Rene K wrote:

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@Ravindra B wrote:

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@Mary W wrote:

Along the same lines as "When did you stop beating your wife?"

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 Come on, Mary, it works the other way too!

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 Is there somethig that you want to share with us, Ravindra?

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 Women do bully men too, so "wife beating" is overrated and sexist.

[mwiggenhorn]

Okay, along the lines of "when did you stop beating your wife/ husband/ significant other/ domestic partner?"

[numbsain]

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@Ravindra B wrote:

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@Mary W wrote:

Along the same lines as "When did you stop beating your wife?"

---

 Come on, Mary, it works the other way too!

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 Wife your beating stop you did when?

[ravi_iitian]

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@Ray C wrote:

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@Ravindra B wrote:

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@Mary W wrote:

Along the same lines as "When did you stop beating your wife?"

---

 Come on, Mary, it works the other way too!

---

 Wife your beating stop you did when?

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 You can answer that best. 

[numbsain]

 "When did you stop beating your wife?"

---

 when the police showed up.

[numbsain]

I'm so honest i could be the president of the united states.

[prantu]

Just saw a job post seeking for a Web developer.
A Pakistani Client is seeking a developer who needs to have PHP, HTML, CSS and Wordpress Core expertise.

And the hourly rate is fixed, by the way, $3 per hour.

And there are 20-50 proposals so far in 1 hour.

[yitwail]

Tamal, whoever gets that job will probably mess up, and then the client will have to hire someone like you or me to fix it. 

[prantu]

John, you are right that they will mess up. But I don't think that the client will ever come to a freelancer like you or me. Simply because they (cheap clients) mostly act like resellers of another job with a big budget and all they need is get it done anyhow by a cheap freelancer who is new at UW.

[yitwail]

You're probably right, Tamal. I don't like Upwork farmers. 

[prestonhunter]

How many of your favorite websites were created by clients paying $3.00/hr. for WordPress experts?

(probably not many)

[ailish_d]

I've just come across a job where they are paying a whopping $1 per 800-word article. I'm tempted...

[numbsain]

Can it be the indefinite article?

a a a a a a a a a a a a X 800

Still not worth it after upwork takes their 20¢...Wait, WHAT????

80¢ won't even pay for the wear and tear on my 'a' key!!!!!

That is a crazy job posting!!!!!

[ailish_d]

I know. I think that is the lowest paid job posting I have seen. 

[zoomconcepts]

Just found this champ.

He has an existing logo, wants to have 40 logo variations created, each variation in 5 colourways, each colourway in 9 file formats (1800 logo files in total) PLUS business card & leaflet created, for the whooping price of $75. 

He follows the description with a charming "if you cannot work weekends, do not apply for this job", and all of this backed up by a 1-star rating with an awful comment by the only freelancer who braved working with him. The invite is sent to 113 freelancers. 

I urge you all to apply now while it's available - I'm sure someone will snag it soon. 

[prantu]

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@Bojana D wrote:

Just found this champ.

He has an existing logo, wants to have 40 logo variations created, each variation in 5 colourways, each colourway in 9 file formats (1800 logo files in total) PLUS business card & leaflet created, for the whooping price of $75. 

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 So that's 0.042$ per logo, seems very reasonable. I wish I could hire the client for that job.

[numbsain]

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@Bojana D wrote:

Just found this champ.

He has an existing logo, wants to have 40 logo variations created, each variation in 5 colourways, each colourway in 9 file formats (1800 logo files in total) PLUS business card & leaflet created, for the whooping price of $75. 

Oh Gawd! Do the words 10 foot pole mean anything to you? 5 colourways indeed

Are there even 9 file formats??!!!  .jpg .png .psd. pdf .gif .macdraw .etchasketch .stonetablet?

[ravi_iitian]

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@Bojana D wrote:

Just found this champ.

He has an existing logo, wants to have 40 logo variations created, each variation in 5 colourways, each colourway in 9 file formats (1800 logo files in total) PLUS business card & leaflet created, for the whooping price of $75. 

He follows the description with a charming "if you cannot work weekends, do not apply for this job", and all of this backed up by a 1-star rating with an awful comment by the only freelancer who braved working with him. The invite is sent to 113 freelancers. 

I urge you all to apply now while it's available - I'm sure someone will snag it soon. 

---

 

Where is this champ from?

[zoomconcepts]

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@Ravindra B wrote:

 

Where is this champ from?

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 Listed in Bali, Western-sounding name on the sign-off. 

[ailish_d]

Champ, or chump?

[versailles]

Sometimes I'm thinking about posting a job like that. Something like 5 articles for $5 or 42 logos for $10.

Of course, I would hire and pay someone, maybe more than one person actually. Just to see who applies on those jobs and what kind of result you get.

If I didn't already, it's just because I don't want to ruin my client account with this.

[prestonhunter]

As is the case with many freelancers here, low-ball clients like these are often future clients for freelancers such as myself who charge higher rates. There are simply severe limitations to what you can get for low-ball rates on Upwork. It doesn't take clients long to realize that. Only a small percentage of work clients want done on Upwork can be done at the lowest available rates. Anything other than those exception needs to be purchased at higher rates because there simply is nobody available to do the work at the quality needed for those rates.

[lysis10]

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@Rene K wrote:

Sometimes I'm thinking about posting a job like that. Something like 5 articles for $5 or 42 logos for $10.

Of course, I would hire and pay someone, maybe more than one person actually. Just to see who applies on those jobs and what kind of result you get.

If I didn't already, it's just because I don't want to ruin my client account with this.

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 I've already seen it but I wish I had a freelancer blog of some sort, because it would be an awesome experiment and I would do it. Hire people in different price ranges and see what you get. Do a job for an article < $10, then one for $20 and then $50 and then $100 and go up to something like $200 or $300 and then post results. Make a decent effort to hire the best one that you can find.

I'd love to do it for something technology based where I know it well and know that some schmoe that reads wikipedia or took a class once won't understand what they are writing but think that they do. I guarantee you at least 3/5 people will plagiarize the content. Guaranteed... because a lot of "writers" in this place think that switching around words is writing.

I have a blog to showcase tech writing and I've considered doing something like this but I think it would be out of place unless I pointed out technology mistakes. Even then it would be weird to have it in there with security and programming stuff.