Crazy Job Postings Part II

[pandoraharper]

Most of you already know the drill here, but if not........

Folks, feel free to share crazy job postings you see. I've been wanting to create a thread like this for a while, and think it would be fun of we can keep it updated periodically.

Warning: Do not copy paste a job description, do not include a link to the post, or client details. Keep it within forum post guidlines!

Not sure what those guidelines are? Go here: https://community.upwork.com/t5/Announcements/Upwork-Community-Guidelines/td-p/3/jump-to/first-unrea...

[mthornton-cpc]

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

[pandoraharper]

---

@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

---

I occasionly get graphic design or writing jobs in my feed (pretty sure beause the client picked the wrong category.) Since they are pretty rare, I often look at them. More times then not, it's those bottom feeding clients wanting cheap, low quality labor.  Makes me really glad I'm not in either profession.

[mtngigi]

---

@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

---

 lol ... haven't heard "suck an egg" in a long time. I think that might be a back east thing.

[renata101]

---

@Virginia F wrote:

---

@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

---

 lol ... haven't heard "suck an egg" in a long time. I think that might be a back east thing.

---

Yeah. I'm a transplated West Coaster.  I think the vegan population gets significantly smaller the farther east you travel.  

What's the text message version? GSE or SAE? 

[colettelewis]

And now a Developer progressive pornsite  wanted by a Bulgarian buyer. Well spotted Upwork. What will you do? Allow the client to go underground and only send out private invitations?

The job offer is quite explicit.

[pandoraharper]

---

@Nichola L wrote:

And now a Developer progressive pornsite  wanted by a Bulgarian buyer. Well spotted Upwork. What will you do? Allow the client to go underground and only send out private invitations?

The job offer is quite explicit.

---

Huh...I'm inclined to search for this one, just for the giggle factor.

Update: Found it. No serious verbage violations, but I would have thought this would get snagged. Somebody asleep at the wheel, or lack of training?

[colettelewis]

---

@Pandora H wrote:

---

@Nichola L wrote:

And now a Developer progressive pornsite  wanted by a Bulgarian buyer. Well spotted Upwork. What will you do? Allow the client to go underground and only send out private invitations?

The job offer is quite explicit.

---

Huh...I'm inclined to search for this one, just for the giggle factor.

Update: Found it. No serious verbage violations, but I would have thought this would get snagged. Somebody asleep at the wheel, or lack of training?

---

 But I think this one ties in with a freelancer who was worried about signing an NDA for a progressive website . . .

A little while ago Upwork onboarded extra mods for weekend duty - there is precious little evidence of them.

[jodypm]

---

@Melissa T wrote:

I haven't come across anything too crazy lately. Just the usual "I want 15 pieces of branded collateral, print and web, and a logo (so, a whole identity), and I want to pay $30, budget is firm, do not apply if you cannot accept the rate". Go suck eggs. 

---

Ouch. Sounds more like a fiverr gig to me.

[kathy1010]

Ha. I saw an ad for several 1000  word articles for $2 each. Geez. It would take more than $2 for me to type my name! Then there was the 8000 word romance for $5. Danielle Steele has not been heared from.

[colettelewis]

OK I have taken some time to paraphrase this job offer so it is not zapped.

Basics: You need to be a fluent Spanish speaker with a good command of English with a valid US travel visa (essential qualification). The job is for an internship in a startup language course (copywriting and proofreading are mentioned).

Your relocation travel expenses to Kingston TN, USA (population a little over 48,000) and from (unspecified) will be paid + housing and meals, in addition you will receive $750 per month. You will also be “allowed” to continue on Upwork as a freelancer in your “spare time”.  BTW the actual subject line of this post does not include “language course” but “packaging and order fulfillment”.

It is not specified that any of these “payments” will be effected via Upwork.

I just hope Upwork’s  BS antennae are working overtime and are as sensitive as mine.

[pandoraharper]

---

@Nichola L wrote:
<snip>

It is not specified that any of these “payments” will be effected via Upwork.

I just hope Upwork’s  BS antennae are working overtime and are as sensitive as mine.

---

Re: rest of your post - Wow.

BS Antennae - I would not hold your breath if I were you.

[martina_plaschka]

I hope no takers! People may not realize what trouble they might get into if they work on a tourist visa. Many years ago, an Austrian catering company flew some students or such to the US to work for a catering gig, those poor suckers are never allowed to travel to the US again in their whole lives .... 

[suzi-elton]

I wonder if the sheets are free!

Suzi

[suzi-elton]

THANK YOU for the laughs!

Suzi

[g_pira]

They could be people deranged by the pandemic.

[numbsain]

That's generous of you. They can derive sustenance from eggs. 

I figured out why we have to pay for connects. it's so we don't tell off eight out of every ten clients.

[g_pira]

There are no perfect job providers as there are no perfect work finders in our community. Let's exercise some tolerance to imperfect members of both sides.   

[crart]

How imperfect one needs to be to post job like "looking for high-end professional, paying $5"?

[colettelewis]

---

Gerry P wrote:

There are no perfect job providers as there are no perfect work finders in our community. Let's exercise some tolerance to imperfect members of both sides.   

---

___________________________________

Gerry, ease up a bit!  This is meant to be a lighthearted thread. Would you  be happy flying in a plane that has been monitored by an entry-level freelancer (and client)?

[renata101]

I keep finding ones I can't post because what makes them crazy also makes them identifiable. Lately that's been postings with really long titles. There's a beautiful one I just found where they ask for someone who's not only a copywriter and designer but has skills in about eight other areas. And there are about 14 things listed under "other skills." Some of these are things like Ghostwriting, Print Design, Scientific Research and Proofreading.

I like the question list they give (5 questions) 

1. Do you have any questions about the job description?

Yes, are you trying to hire one person or 10? 

2. Do you have any suggestions to make this project run successfully?
Yes, you should really hire 10 people to do this job.

3. Have you taken any UpWork tests and done well on them that you think are relevant to this job?
Do you mean the ghostwriting part or the print design part or the scientific research part or the proofreading?

4. What challenging part of this job are you most experienced in?
Knowing enough not to apply for jobs like this.

5. What part of this project most appeals to you?
Not applying for it. 

[pandoraharper]

Re: long job requirments in job posts.

I see those sometimes in my feed. I ignore them.

Sometimes, these clients have a clue and say "We are building up our teams. Several positions availablable". Which is better then nothing.

On the other hand, if they can't get someone to write up a few seperate job posts, they have other problems that need to be addressesed, and probably aren't ready to build a team.

When I was a new PM here on Upwork, I interviewed with a couple of these clients. They were so unorganized it was scary.  I can't belive people this clueluess can make money.

[renata101]

---

@Pandora H wrote:

Re: long job requirments in job posts.

I see those sometimes in my feed. I ignore them.

Sometimes, these clients have a clue and say "We are building up our teams. Several positions availablable". Which is better then nothing.

On the other hand, if they can't get someone to write up a few seperate job posts, they have other problems that need to be addressesed, and probably aren't ready to build a team.

---

 That's fair enough but sometimes I think clients are being given too much latitude for being incapable. How long does it really take to cut an paste the basic information and make as many postings as you're hiring for?


Re: When I was a new PM here on Upwork, I interviewed with a couple of these clients. They were so unorganized it was scary.  I can't belive people this clueluess can make money.

The secret to that is that they're at least smart enough to know when they need search for competent people to do things for them.

I think in way, the client cluelessness about how to post is actually effective in some way. It can send a red flag to freelancers who might be able to "read in" to what's really in store for them (i.e., weird expectations about what you're supposed to be able to accomplish, people who can't or don't want to perform or learn to perform simple technical tasks, clients who might not be available to provide detailed and specific job instructions, etc.).

Usually, what I do with this kind of post is then read the other information about the client (number of hires, freelancer feedback, presence of specific and detailed positive freelancer feedback, etc) to see if there's more than meets the eye about the client. 

[allysonk_h]

I find it especially annoying when they ask questions that can easily be answered by reading my profile...

[crart]

You made my day 🙂

Just so you know, sarcasm and proper brain usage are a no-no in these days world 😉 so we gotta be careful.

[michael_skaggs]

Let's see... Came across one a few weeks ago wanting to have some audio voiced to the tune of 4,000 to 5,000 words per recording, and one or two of those per week.

They said the freelancer must be US based and have no accent whatsoever, the freelancer must do all the editing and production required to deliver ready-to-publish files, and stressed that they would be getting a lot of offers, so it would help your chances if you were willing to work for less than the advertised budget.

What was that budget? $5 per 1,000 words. And they were hoping to find someone to deliver professional, polished, American-sounding voiceovers with full studio quality and ready-to-use for less than that.

I've also seen several video production postings with things like "do not bid if your hourly rate is more than $2/hour", yet they want AAA-level After Effects work done.

[lysis10]

LMAOOOOOOO

oh please please I have nowhere to post this. Crazy forum threads

OOPS wrong account LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

https://community.upwork.com/t5/Freelancers/Can-a-client-change-his-feedback/m-p/394897/highlight/fa...

[renata101]

---

@Jennifer M wrote:

LMAOOOOOOO

oh please please I have nowhere to post this. Crazy forum threads

OOPS wrong account LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

https://community.upwork.com/t5/Freelancers/Can-a-client-change-his-feedback/m-p/394897/highlight/fa...

---

I just read that. What the heck (can I say that? ) is going on? Are people just randomly landing in different threads or something?  That guy just looked like he dropped in there from somewhere else. Are there problems with the transporter again?  

[7bb3a47b]

LMAO 😄

[colettelewis]

Someone today is looking for a live translator ... well he might find a few under the heap of dead ones! 

[renata101]

---

Michael S wrote:

They said the freelancer must be US based and have no accent whatsoever, the freelancer must do all the editing and production required to deliver ready-to-publish files, and stressed that they would be getting a lot of offers, so it would help your chances if you were willing to work for less than the advertised budget.

---

Cllients like this pretty consistently stress that it will improve your chances if you bid less than the advertised budget.  


I've also seen several video production postings with things like "do not bid if your hourly rate is more than $2/hour", yet they want AAA-level After Effects work done.

I think people actually aren't allowed to advertise anything lower than $3 an hour. So if you see something like that again, it's good to flag it for removal. 

[michael_skaggs]

---

@Renata S wrote:

I think people actually aren't allowed to advertise anything lower than $3 an hour. So if you see something like that again, it's good to flag it for removal. 

---

It's been a good while since I've seen one of those, but it definitely stood out in my mind.

Then there's the ones where the entire post is "Need <artist/coder/editor/admin>." and that's it. No budget listed other than the rough experience level (always a single $), no project details, no scope of use, nothing whatsoever to give anyone even the slightest idea what to bid, yet they always seem to have 50+ proposals in a matter of hours.

I've seen a few "Bigfoots" as well. These clients usually have a rush job to begin on a certain date, be done with in a certain timeframe, verified payment methods, a thorough description of the job, and a budget that's definitely adequate for the work requested. They get tons of proposals, and then they seem to vanish. The start date comes and goes, and nobody's been hired or even interviewed. They just disappear and you're left wondering if you really saw them in the first place.

[renata101]

---

@Michael S wrote:

---

I've seen a few "Bigfoots" as well. These clients usually have a rush job to begin on a certain date, be done with in a certain timeframe, verified payment methods, a thorough description of the job, and a budget that's definitely adequate for the work requested. They get tons of proposals, and then they seem to vanish. The start date comes and goes, and nobody's been hired or even interviewed. They just disappear and you're left wondering if you really saw them in the first place.

---

I've applied for jobs like this in the past. I've had some interesting work as a result of being available to handle something last-minute (sometimes the timezone aspect of things is really a bonus, especially for Aussie ladies with last-minute welding work). And if they're legit, they're willing to pay decent rates (or at least don't have any time left to go shopping). If it's legit, they just need to get the job done. So it is possible to get work from postings like this.

I always have to remind myself that what I'm seeing doesn't tell me a whole lot about context. That's what's hard. I think this mainly means that the clients are either handling a lot of projects themselves or possibly they're disorganized or possibly they're also exploring last-minute options in the "real world" as well (or my standard fallback assumption with "rush-job" clients is that I could be dealing with someone who hasn't had significant contact with the "real world" as I understand it for some time). They might have hired someone previously that they're waiting to contact.  I think it's less frustrating on the days when you've got more work coming in. But then, those are the times when you're not going to be applying for last-minute stuff in the first place.  

[suzi-elton]

What's worst is that these jobs hang on and on getting others to actually apply. They're probably hoping to get some freelancers they can talk into working off the site, but using the site to find them.

[renata101]

---

@Michael S wrote:

They said the freelancer must be US based and have no accent whatsoever

---

Is it even possible to have "no accent whatsoever"? Aren't there all kinds of US accents depending on what part of the country you're from? 

[suzi-elton]

Makes you wish that Upwork had a "get real" button you could use to send these clients a message. Or maybe it should say "try F***r)!

Suzi

[isamybaxy]

This is why we should "never" sell ourselves short.

You protect yourself and your reputation.

[pandoraharper]

Something in from a well paying Digital Agency in California.

They have been around a while, and have good reviews. What struck me first was the 5th word in the job description, which implies that the Digital Agency is awake. Oook. Probably they meant "growing" or  "busy" or somesuch.

In addition to this oddity, they need someone well versed in email list administration, with experience managing pretty big email lists using different tools. NOWHERE in the title of the job post is this represented clearly.

Looks like another "junior" HR sort of job post.

[weinreich]

Just saw a post from someone who needs "rubber biscuits" in Wordpress. I'm so tempted to use some connects to send them this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX_DA2z1Yf8

BTW, does this have an actual meaning?

[renata101]

Someone's looking for a business writer for a book about guaranteed strategies to make a million dollars online. It seems like they want about one strategy per page for a 50- to 60-page book.. 

Fixed Budget = $75.

That comes to about $1 a strategy when you take off the freelancer fee.

I believe clients should be more heartily encouraged to think things through before posting. Even if I only had one strategy for making a million online, would I be here looking for $75 jobs? (Okay, there's the obvious payoff of being able to laugh myself silly over ads like this... but still...)