Sep 10, 2019 10:39:01 AM by Renata S
I once moved to a city during a particularly low-occupancy period. After a while, I started being able to "read into" the language people were using to promote particularly questionable apartments.
Cozy = too small for someone with furniture or personal effects
Quaint = strange, non-standard layout
Charming = close to quaint but with additional weird features thrown in.
I find these types of euphemisms when I look at invites and job postings. I know the ones in my field. I'm just curious what the code words are for other people.
Sep 10, 2019 10:44:59 AM by Renata S
Christine A wrote:"Simple job" = "I only want to pay $3/hour"
I think that's a near relative of "this should take a professional absolutely no time to complete."
Sep 10, 2019 10:47:54 AM by Robert I
That's all jobs in my field yet the post for USA workers. It's disgusting that Upwork can't do more to get at least US minimum wage out of these low balling clients.
Sep 10, 2019 10:46:47 AM by Robert I
If I see "rock star" skills I run because I know the client is a jerk.
Sep 10, 2019 10:49:37 AM by Preston H
re: "If I see 'rock star' skills I run because I know the client is a jerk."
As are most rock stars.
But that's an unrelated topic.
Sep 10, 2019 11:20:07 AM by Mary W
"I am representing myself in court and I just need a paralegal to fill out the paperwork". No, you want cheap legal advice.
Sep 24, 2019 02:35:42 PM by Tiffany S
Preston H wrote:re: "If I see 'rock star' skills I run because I know the client is a jerk."
As are most rock stars.
But that's an unrelated topic.
Preston, do you know many rock stars?
Sep 25, 2019 08:33:42 PM by Scott B
Tiffany S wrote:
Preston H wrote:re: "If I see 'rock star' skills I run because I know the client is a jerk."
As are most rock stars.
But that's an unrelated topic.
Preston, do you know many rock stars?
Completely and entirely off topic but do rock stars even exist anymore (at least any under 60)? In fact at this point I think musical genres are a relic of past. At any rate, back to your regularly scheduled program.
Sep 25, 2019 09:24:12 PM by Abinadab A
Rock stars continue to exist, IMO.
I'm talking here about rock stars who don't play rock.
Sep 26, 2019 06:57:03 AM Edited Sep 26, 2019 06:58:45 AM by Preston H
re: “Preston, do you know many rock stars?“
Not many.
What one sees on TV and reads in the newspapers paints a mixed picture of people, some of whom are lovely, some of whom are monstrous, and many who are a blend of good and bad.
I am a computer programmer and I know much more about people in this profession.
About computer programmers, I like to say they are like sewage pipes:
You need us, but you certainly don’t want to work directly with us if you don’t have to.
*******
By the way, one of the worst forms of human is the “rock star computer programmer.”
Clients should not actually ask for such.
Sep 10, 2019 10:48:37 AM by Phyllis G
"really straightforward" = I have no clue what will be involved but am utterly convinced it can't possibly take very long or cost very much.
Sep 10, 2019 12:06:09 PM Edited Sep 11, 2019 06:27:37 AM by Renata S
I don't see this one as much anymore. Two years ago it used to be a staple of almost every editing post.
"This project has already been through a couple of rounds of self-editing" = so there's almost nothing left for you to do that you can charge me for.
Is it just me, or is self-editing something people just used to naturally do out of courtesy before asking anyone else to read their initial draft? I can't figure out when it became "a thing" you needed to announce to people like it was a sign you were on a higher plane of writerly consciousness.
Sep 10, 2019 12:27:55 PM by Nichola L
Estate agents here (usually English - not always) will advertise a pile of stones vaguely resembling a building and call it an "umissable country project" - usually wildly overpriced and quite literally in the middle of nowhere - no electricity, water etc.
Sep 10, 2019 12:49:07 PM by Mark F
Exciting opportunity, here is your chance to get in on the ground floor, we are doing something really special...
Almost immediately followed with...we can't pay you but you will earn equity. On Upwork it is nice that I can report it as Wanting Free Work.
Sep 10, 2019 01:29:56 PM by John K
Sep 10, 2019 02:02:46 PM by Valerio S
"It shouldn't take more than X hours" (where X is usually a random number between 1 and 2 ) = I'm going to bother you for the next few weeks
Sep 17, 2019 12:20:15 PM by Mark F
John K wrote:
I’m going OT a bit but any clients reading this, would you hire a developer who has rockstar in his title? I just came across one who does.
I saw a job for a rockstar today, we should match it up with this developer!
Sep 17, 2019 03:10:01 PM by Kathy T
Rockstar has to be the winner. Especially if it's all in cap's Although that's not my skillset, I am SOOO tempted to submit a proposal for those and sign it. -----PINK.
Sep 29, 2019 10:04:04 AM by Jennifer M
Mark F wrote:
John K wrote:
I’m going OT a bit but any clients reading this, would you hire a developer who has rockstar in his title? I just came across one who does.I saw a job for a rockstar today, we should match it up with this developer!
lol I got invited to a rockstar job today. I replied but left out the annoying word that I was supposed to include. I wonderrrrrr if I will get rejected? teeeheee
Sep 10, 2019 02:13:17 PM by Phyllis G
Nichola L wrote:Estate agents here (usually English - not always) will advertise a pile of stones vaguely resembling a building and call it an "umissable country project" - usually wildly overpriced and quite literally in the middle of nowhere - no electricity, water etc.
including "project" in the description of anything listed for sale = I should really pay you to take this off my hands.
Sep 10, 2019 02:47:36 PM by Mark F
Luce N wrote:Ideal for a newbie = I'm looking for a sucker
Classic...I think I am going to go troll job listings.
Sep 10, 2019 02:58:06 PM by Luce N
Mark F wrote:
Luce N wrote:Ideal for a newbie = I'm looking for a sucker
Classic...I think I am going to go troll job listings.
Well, how about:
We are on a tight budget = We know you make so much money as a freelancer that we expect you to donate to our company
Sep 24, 2019 02:38:50 PM by Tiffany S
Renata S wrote:I don't see this one as much anymore. Two years ago it used to be a staple of almost every editing post.
"This project has already been through a couple of rounds of self-editing" = so there's almost nothing left for you to do that you can charge me for.
Is it just me, or is self-editing something people just used to naturally do out of courtesy before asking anyone else to read their initial draft? I can't figure out when it became "a thing" you needed to announce to people like it was a sign you were on a higher plane of writerly consciousness.
This was discussed a couple of years ago when I was fairly new here, and someone pointed out that the language was lifted from an advice book on self-publishing.
Sep 10, 2019 04:11:14 PM by Ayman M
"If..., then there will be long-term collaboration" = $ 0.01 per word
Sep 10, 2019 08:27:53 PM by Abinadab A
Also include,
- all emoji-ridden job posts.
-anything that has the word badass {insert freelancer job title}
- "This is not your regular job". Whenever you hear that, know that it will indeed be worse than your regular job.
A client doesn't need to announce that his is not the typical job.
We will know after reading the whole posting if it's typical or not.
Sep 17, 2019 09:55:39 AM Edited Sep 18, 2019 06:30:54 AM by Renata S
I'm adding one that was inpired by something Valerio posted on another thread:
"absolute creative freedom" = make me something I'll really love even though I won't know what that is until you've made it and I realize that I don't like what you've done
Sep 17, 2019 11:03:27 AM by Jonathan H
fantastic opportunity for someone that wants regular ongoing work = we can pay upto $3 per hour or $3.50 if you are really fast
Sep 18, 2019 09:47:38 AM by Amanda L
"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
Sep 18, 2019 10:05:29 AM by Phyllis G
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
My limited experience suggests it also means, "We don't have a budget for what we want to do because we don't have any money yet."
Sep 18, 2019 10:13:03 AM by Amanda L
Phyllis G wrote:
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
My limited experience suggests it also means, "We don't have a budget for what we want to do because we don't have any money yet."
By "budget" do you mean budget for paying a grant writer or program/organization budget? This is where communication gets hairy on the forums because UpWork lingo conflicts with grant writing lingo. 🙂
No, they don't have money to pay for a grant writer, but for some reason they think a consultant will just work for free or on the promise that they one day will pay.
Sep 18, 2019 10:50:51 AM by Phyllis G
Amanda L wrote:
Phyllis G wrote:
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
My limited experience suggests it also means, "We don't have a budget for what we want to do because we don't have any money yet."
By "budget" do you mean budget for paying a grant writer or program/organization budget? This is where communication gets hairy on the forums because UpWork lingo conflicts with grant writing lingo. 🙂
No, they don't have money to pay for a grant writer, but for some reason they think a consultant will just work for free or on the promise that they one day will pay.
Well, both. But I was referring to program/org budget. I spent some time a few years ago trying to help new, small non-profits find and obtain grant support. It was right after the IRS introduced the streamlined 501(c)(3) process, so people could obtain the certification without doing the dreary work of putting together a mission statement, program budget, financials, board of directors who didn't all have the same mailing address, etc. I had numerous conversations in which I tried to help someone with a good heart and a big idea and not a single clue, understand what we needed to assemble in order to make a compelling case to a grantor. "I'll need a copy of your program budget." "Oh, we don't have any money yet. That's why we need your help."
Sep 18, 2019 12:26:21 PM by Amanda L
Phyllis G wrote:
Amanda L wrote:
Phyllis G wrote:
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
My limited experience suggests it also means, "We don't have a budget for what we want to do because we don't have any money yet."
By "budget" do you mean budget for paying a grant writer or program/organization budget? This is where communication gets hairy on the forums because UpWork lingo conflicts with grant writing lingo. 🙂
No, they don't have money to pay for a grant writer, but for some reason they think a consultant will just work for free or on the promise that they one day will pay.
Well, both. But I was referring to program/org budget. I spent some time a few years ago trying to help new, small non-profits find and obtain grant support. It was right after the IRS introduced the streamlined 501(c)(3) process, so people could obtain the certification without doing the dreary work of putting together a mission statement, program budget, financials, board of directors who didn't all have the same mailing address, etc. I had numerous conversations in which I tried to help someone with a good heart and a big idea and not a single clue, understand what we needed to assemble in order to make a compelling case to a grantor. "I'll need a copy of your program budget." "Oh, we don't have any money yet. That's why we need your help."
YUP!
Sep 18, 2019 11:22:05 AM Edited Sep 18, 2019 05:49:13 PM by Renata S
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
Thanks, Amanda. I just realized there's a similar project code word in my realm:
"Startup" = up-and-coming nonprofit. We're expected the funding to roll in simply by virtue of referring to ourselves as a startup. Since we've never really done any of the things we're contracting out, we're fully convinced that they don't require any time or money to realize.
Sep 18, 2019 12:28:00 PM by Amanda L
Renata S wrote:
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
Thanks, Amanda. I just realized there's a similar project code word in my realm:
"Startup" = up-and-coming nonprofit. We're expected the funding to roll in simply virtue of referring to ourselves as a startup. Since we've never really done any of the things we're contracting out, we're fully convinced that they don't require any time or money to realize.
Or "startup" = we want you to work for free until we can get some magical investor and then we'll only pay you peanuts because we're greedy.
Sep 18, 2019 06:02:53 PM Edited Sep 18, 2019 06:07:18 PM by Renata S
Amanda L wrote:
Renata S wrote:
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
Thanks, Amanda. I just realized there's a similar project code word in my realm:
"Startup" = up-and-coming nonprofit. We're expected the funding to roll in simply virtue of referring to ourselves as a startup. Since we've never really done any of the things we're contracting out, we're fully convinced that they don't require any time or money to realize.Or "startup" = we want you to work for free until we can get some magical investor and then we'll only pay you peanuts because we're greedy.
This has me thinking about how you start those old beater cars that don't seem to run on anything but faith and that book called The $100 Startup.
If you cross those two concepts, you get Push Startups, Roll Startups and Bump Startups.
Sep 18, 2019 08:00:01 PM by Amanda L
Renata S wrote:
Amanda L wrote:
Renata S wrote:
Amanda L wrote:"Up and coming nonprofit" = we just got our 501c3 determination. We've never raised any money. We've never actually completed any programming. We have no infrastructure and no experience. But we think we're competitive for grant funding. And by the way, we want you to work on commission...ie, for free.
Thanks, Amanda. I just realized there's a similar project code word in my realm:
"Startup" = up-and-coming nonprofit. We're expected the funding to roll in simply virtue of referring to ourselves as a startup. Since we've never really done any of the things we're contracting out, we're fully convinced that they don't require any time or money to realize.Or "startup" = we want you to work for free until we can get some magical investor and then we'll only pay you peanuts because we're greedy.
This has me thinking about how you start those old beater cars that don't seem to run on anything but faith and that book called The $100 Startup.
If you cross those two concepts, you get Push Startups, Roll Startups and Bump Startups.
Can I also add "I have an idea..." as code for "I have no idea what I'm doing, no expertise in this field, very little money, and I want you to make me a millionaire by carrying out an idea I had that probably already exists..."
I'm joking around with these. In my field, predominantly the clients are fairly solid. I refrain from bidding often just because it's below my rate, and I work with a certain subset of nonprofits. But there are a splattering of these types of jobs. I also love the "I'm a minority business owner and there must be millions out there in grants for me." Um...no...not typically...the SBA gives low cost loans and credit lines to minority own businesses, but free money, nah...dream on...or keep investing in the scams you see on late night TV. I'm just an expert. LOL.
Sep 22, 2019 10:17:36 PM by Scott B
So many good ones here already taken. This relates to an earlier one but when I see "partner" I immediately know it means the freelancer will assume all risk with no payment for the chance at some percentage of a great later fortune. We should accept all of this because the client is a genius and we get access to their life changing idea in exchange for doing all of the actual work.