Am I on the right track?

[#1]

Yesterday, I received some valuable and constructive feedback that my profile, for lack of better words, sucked. 

After cracking open a bottle of wine, I began to reflect on the services I knew I was good at that could be offered to clients instead of making the profile about myself as a person.

I completely erased that old profile and started from scratch while taking into account all the advice I had been given.  I finally finished my profile and think that I'm finally on the right track and that's what has brought me to this post so that I can get some more feedback to see if I am indeed on the right track. 

If anyone has the time to take a look and let me know, it would be greatly appreciated.  Also, I understand that I need to add to my portfolio and that is my next project.  All of the content I've helped create in the past I'm not able to add to my portfolio due to contract agreements.  I'm starting from scratch with a blog to help with portfolio content but the portfolio is a topic for another time.  For now, I want to focus on one thing at a time

[#2]

Soooo much better! One paragraph you have twice in there.

It would be nice if you could back up every bullet point with portfolio pieces, but you said you are working on that. 

[#3]

Hi Martina,

Thanks for the feedback.  With the two paragraphs, I'm guessing you're referring to the copywriting and creative copywriting.  Do you think I should just sum it up into one skill?  I believe that's what you meant by there being two paragraphs being repeated.  I appreciate the response.

[#4]

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Benjamin P wrote:

Hi Martina,

Thanks for the feedback.  With the two paragraphs, I'm guessing you're referring to the copywriting and creative copywriting.  Do you think I should just sum it up into one skill?  I believe that's what you meant by there being two paragraphs being repeated.  I appreciate the response.

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Oh I thought you overlooked that it's repeated. I would definitely change that because it looks like an error.

Otherwise I like how you adress the different areas of expertise, I would keep it that way. 

[#5]

Martina,

In your opinion, do you think I should just combine both the creative copywriting with the copywriting and just make it into two paragraphs?  If not, which paragraph do you think I should get rid of?

[#6]

I would re-write the first paragraph and simply state which types of writing you do. Saying that you don't limit yourself and giving an example of what you write is a bit too vague to be useful to clients. Each client comes to your profile looking for something specific, and most of them probably don't care that you do a whole range of things—they want to know whether you can do precisely what they want.

If you simply list all the types of writing you do like you've done with the rest of the profile, you wouldn't really even need that first paragraph.

[#7]

Hi Heaven,

Thanks for the input.  If I'm reading your reply correctly, my profile would be better by just eliminating the first paragraph altogether and having it just be the list of services/skills?

[#8]

Benjamin,

I looked. You get a three out of five from me on your profile.It's all spelled correctly, the grammar is proper, so maybe that's a 3.5 out of five for Upwork.

When I hire online I'm looking for some things that others might not consider. One is use of jargon; I figured out that SERPS aren't residents of the Balkans, but I still don't know what they are. Another is what writers call "dead words," repeated words, including different forms of the same word, too close together. I would expect a writer to be aware of that, and the repeated paragraph was jarring. Or worse.

I look for an understanding of business. You're better than most, and hint at results. Actual results would be better.

You write well. I'll probably hire you as a beta reader for the next book in line, if you're willing. It's actually about navigating online freelancing for clients and providers (I'm both). Your profile will stand up to a review from someone looking for a writer, which is the important part. Your responses will trigger that if they're as well-written.

Good luck

[#9]

Bill,

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and my profile. Your insight, as well as your suggestions, will be taken and implemented. 

I certainly got a laugh out of your "SERPs aren't residents of Balkans" comment.  I did grasp the point to that comment.  SERP stands for search engine results page. Site owners and web designers will use SEO methods so that their site(s) appear at the top of a SERP.  I know understanding the acronym is not in your field and if I have a client who doesn't understand the meaning, then they probably don't need the service.

The last paragraph has been completely removed.  Martina had mentioned the same thing in this discussion and my lunch was ready before I had time to remove it. 

With the exception of having evidence in a portfolio to support my skills, do you have any other suggestions on how I could move past your rating of three?

In relation to your next book that you have in line, I would be very interested in being a beta reader. From what I see, you're a man that has a lot of experience. I admire your sophistication and savoir-faire. I know you're someone I could learn a great deal from and welcome any future communication.

Thanks,

Ben

[#10]

Hi Melanie,

Completely understand why you would have those thoughts.  While I don't have an extensive amount of experience with getting people to rank in search engines, I do have some experience.

Due to the wording in the contract, I'm not allowed to take credit for the work I've done in the past.  I'm trying to see if there's any way to fix that since the work was done for my father and his business partner's company.  A learning experience at the very least.

 When I wrote my first profile, I didn't take the proper measure to ensure that it was of proper quality and, to be honest, I wrote it around 2 a.m. after having a very long day.  I appreciate you looking out for me and please know that I wouldn't be overextending myself, with areas that I wasn't competent in, just to get job offers.

[#11]

Benjamin,

You know? I'm not here to give you any advice, just to wish you luck and say it's a pleasure when someone comes to the forum asking for advice and appreciates what others say to you.
It's so weird!
I wish you the best of luck!

[#12]

Maria,

Thank you for your insight.  From my brief experience on here, it seems that there are a lot of people that genuinely care and take the time to offer their advice.  Not everyone takes advice and constructive criticism the way it's intended.  I look at all of this as a big learning experience and I find the feedback on here to be very valuable.

[#13]

Benjamin,

Well done. This is much, much better. When you send a proposal remember that a client will only see the first three lines of it (unless they want to see more), so you need to persuade them in those lines that you are the writer they wish to hire. So don't waste space with Dear client or Dear X,Y,Z etc. or saying how well you write.  You should go straight into what you can do for the client's particular project and particular subject. If the project is not clear, then say so and ask the client to specify. 

As you do not yet have a portfolio, you could suggest to the client that you will do a short ,paid test for them to assess your skills. However, if a client accepts this, make sure it is a contract like any other. Don't do free work. 

[#14]

Nichola,

Thanks for the feedback.  I really liked the suggestion about telling the client I would take a short, paid test for them.  Since I'm about to relax for the rest of the day, I'll wait until tomorrow and then I was planning on taking several tests on Upwork that match with the skills in my profile.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the proposals on here are different from other proposals/cover letters that I'd submit with jobs outside of Upwork.  From what I gather in part of your response, I shouldn't even bother formally addressing the potential client but instead, dive right into what it is that I can do for them?

I appreciate you advising me not to do free work.  With a lot of the research I've done, a common theme is to never do anything for free.  Another thing I've learned is to know you're worth, be willing to negotiate but never stoop so low that it feels like you're doing free work.

Thanks again Nichola.  I look forward to crossing paths with you in the future.

Ben

[#15]

So, so, so, so, SO much improved!

Lively; attention-catching and attention-keeping; original; and client-oriented.

(And, as others have said: Well-done on keeping your cool under a certain amount of fire; taking the free advice that was offered, no matter how it was packaged; implementing the advice; and responding with good grace.)

Welcome and GOOD LUCK!

[#16]

Janean,

Thanks for taking the time reading both of my profiles and thank you for the kind words.  I really don't care how advice or criticism is packaged, as long as it's delivered with the proper intent.

It's not always easy but being mindful to have an objective view has served me well. Other people, that maintain the subjective approach, are the type that seems to be easily offended and completely miss out on the point. In a way, it reminds me of a saying, "be careful what you ask for because you just might get it."

Your experience and input are very valuable. I hope to have our paths cross in the future 🙂

Take care,

Ben